WARNING SEXUAL CONTENT Re: Re: Nadas and sexual development

[Guest guest]

Man that's weird. Mine would praise and kiss ass to any man. I swear she treated

the Sears repairman like he carried the holy grail. On reflection, she seemed to

always be playing the " good sweet girl " in front of all the men. Her actions

would all but say " I'm the good obedient girl Daddy, don't you see " ? She

always puts other women down in front of the men too. Crazy.

friendsofcam wrote: Very much an attitude of

cowtow to any man. She had an alcoholic

abuse father and I believe that she was sexually abused as a child.

This behavior is how they got along and survived, I think.

But, here's an example. Some man was coming over to fix the

window. We'd never seen this handyman before. I had been out

excercising...in work out clothes. When I walked in my mother was

horrified. " How can you look like that, there's a man in here! "

I said, " who cares. I don't know him. I'm not planning on seeing

him again. Are you? " And then, I was supposed to praise him to high

heaven for existing...make him like me. He was really an arrogant

jerk. Despite, the fact that he was married with children. It made

no sense. " Why are we trying to impress him? " I asked.

And he was responding to me in what I felt an offensive manner. I

guess he picked up some idea that we-I was after him. Gee, go

figure.

I wasn't praising him enough and going along with it. I guess.

Because, he decided that he didn't like me. But, was only there for

my mother. Ya, ok. Whatever that means?

> >

> > Mercy, Your mom definitely did send mixed messages about sex.

And

> > that was weird to tell you to get a condom. She should have been

> > more supportive. However, I don't think that it's her fault that

> > you were raped, or that your first experience was rape.

> >

> > That was the fault of the man who did it. Still, I do believe

> that

> > being in abusive homes makes us more vulnerable to being

> > victimized. Because, it is confusing, lowers our self esteem and

> > makes us more fragile. I remember hearing a rapist on the news

say

> > that he can spot a girl like that out of a hundred girls,

walking

> in

> > the mall, and he can do it in a minute.

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mayalisa...

My mother is the same way. Her son can do no wrong,

and I...her daughter...can do no right. Sure,

sometimes she will be polite to my face and in the

past it has lulled me into trusting her. She'll make

a point, sometimes, to tell random people " Oh, this is

my daughter, she was a missionary! " and when they ask

what I do now she'll answer for me with " She's a

FANTASTIC nanny! The best! " But you know...she never

once has told ME that just when it's the two of us.

She would if someone told her she needed to...but she

would do it because she is " supposed " to. A couple of

Christmasses ago I was over there for dinner...she had

invited a couple of her older single friends as well.

My grandmother was visiting, and I had told her I

would bring over a 15 minute DVD that is about the

orphanage I missioned at in Central America. I went

to go put it in, and my mother got all pissy. Her

friends were like " you did that? (mom) you never told

me your daughter did mission work. " My mother was

like " Oh, it wasn't for very long " which made them

think I went for like a week...so I corrected them and

told them I was gone for almost 2 years. I wouldn't

have brought the DVD if my grandmother hadn't asked to

see it, you know? So the whole time the DVD played,

my mother totally ignored it...trying to carry on

conversations, cleaning of the table, etc. If it had

been my brother? She would have thrown a huge party to

show off that DVD!!

It's why I'm nc with her now. The day after Christmas

this year, I went to go visit her (in the hospital

from a broken back and pneumonia) and she knew I was

coming. I had spent time EVERY DAY for the previous 6

weeks at the hospital with her and thought we were

getting along fine. Whenever I was around she would

tell people how great I was. But behind my back?

Total smear campaign. I stood in that hallway

listening to her stretch reality and lie and make me

sound like a horrible person. And I just gave up.

It's over. I went in, told her to have a nice day,

and left.

Nothing I ever do will convince her

that...overall...I'm a good person. And it doesn't

matter how much my brother drinks himself nearly to

death (by age 30 his liver and pancreas are SHOT,

nearly killed him), gets arrested for drug possession,

or gets fired from one bar job after another...he will

always be flawless in her eyes. So why bother trying

with her, you know?

ninera

--- mayalisa728 wrote:

> My mother's sons literally hung the moon, they can

> do no wrong. Her

> daughters can do no right. Go figure.

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Mayalisa,

I had never considered that maybe nada had been sexually abused. Why

hadn't I ever entertained that notion?? Wow. I don't know. I've

just been so angry with her for constructing the whole situation that

I never until just now considered why she would do something so

negligent. I do think she was fooling around with my perp behind my

back,...I had never put that together until remembering all the

details to type into my post yesterday. It's the only piece of the

puzzle that didn't fit. I didn't understand why the jerk left when

nothing had changed other than her sleeping with the guy who came to

tune the piano. Duh,...he was jealous and mad. He got dumped and

lost two pieces of a@# in the process. Forgive me. I truly have put

alot of this whole ordeal behind me but there are times that I just

cannot comprehend the callousness of her actions. I think, for me,

having my kids around unearths memories when they say or do

something,...dunno, sometimes it triggers stuff from my past that I

had completely forgotten. My kids right now are at the ends of the

spectrum of the ages that were absolute hell for me. Seeing the

difference in their fairly normal upbringing and mine exposes so much

to me. I'm rambling though,....am I making any sense? : )

I'm so sorry for your meltdown,...I think you're right. Your teacher

should have been more careful of asking people to verbalize their

pasts. There is so much pain in some of us that her question was a

bit unfair. I agree.

Kindest regards,

Mercy

> [...]

> Your mother did not protect you. That is dereliction of duty as a

> parent. She probably has sexual abuse issues and it wouldn't

> surprise me if the she was attracted to the boy BECAUSE of a

> predatory vibe he might have had. This is why I get so angry about

> the 'don't ask, don't tell' dynamic in my family, when it comes to

> sexual abuse. It doesn't work, it just perpetuates the cycle.

People

> who don't talk about abuse keep drawing in abusers in an attempt to

> work through it. And they refuse to see very real threats to the

> safety of their children because they are protecting THEMSELVES.

> They sacrifice their children's physical safety for their own

> psychological blank spot. I am so sorry your mom did not protect

you

> and that she betrayed you when you told her what was wrong. It is

> heartbreaking.

>