Re: Re: Great experience with tracking my thoughts in time

[Guest guest]

I can definitely relate to this. I know I want to do something but when the time comes to do it, I have no motivation. I'm glad you woke up in good spirits. I wake up every morning extremely anxious and this colors everything I do or don't do. There's a lot I could be doing but my stomach hurts so badly from anxiety and depression that it's tough to take that action. But it's also the case that the actions seem pointless. I try and do it anyway, even if there's no point that I can see. I truly wish I had some activity or hobby that I really enjoyed and was engaging for me.I hope you will feel some satisfaction in going back to school. I know what it means to think that nothing will work. I feel like I'm doing everything right. Therapy, socializing, meds, ACT, exercise, nutrition and nothing makes a difference in living a better life. The good thing is when I look back at the day, I've usually done some good things and minimized the bad. The problem is more what I've left undone and the life I've left unenjoyed. Also, the way I feel 90% of the day is so uncomfortable. That really hurts and I'd really like to make a change there.Best of luck to you. I hope you will find the courage to move forward.Bruce I woke up today in good spirits. I felt the urge to struggle, but I could cope with it. I still feel anxiety about going back to school, and my thoughts around that are unclear. I still worry about the future and imagine situations where I will be socially anxious and not have a retreat possibility. Part of my story is that I don't take much initiative, and I feel that I just go along with other people's wishes. I fuse with this story when I think about school. A thought that comes up a lot is that I shouldn't try anything, because it will not work. When I think about what I want to do, nothing much comes up. This is old stuff. When I try something, I kind of have to work "against my story", to disprove it. It becomes a do or die-situation, which is very stressful. Can anyone relate to this? I'll have to go to work now, but I'll maybe write some more later. Håkon > > > Don't know if this will cheer anyone up, but I did the "tracking-exercise" from "Get Out of Your Mind.." today and it really worked. I have been struggling really bad lately, my mind screaming and worrying and going back and forth in time, telling me to avoid everything. I woke up feeling very very confused and not knowing what to do, I decided to go for a jog (panic style). My thinking was like "if I can't make these thoughts go away now, I'll end up in a mental hospital again, sitting on a bed and crying my heart and brain out for five months". > > I called up a kind of crisis phone number, and talked to a woman psychologist for a while. I just said the usual stuff ("there's no way of making this go away", "I can't stand this anymore" etc), and she told me to focus my attention on something else. All respect to her, but I knew that wouldn't work. I have had these thoughts before, and I have never been able to do anything about them before. I thanked her for the talk and hung up. I wanted to start jogging, but I couldn't, because I didn't see the point. There was no way I was jogging myself out of this pain. I was angry, confused, and very very sad. > > Then I remembered the tracking-exercise from the book, and I started doing that, with one finger on the leg of my shorts, just walking. I didn't think it would work. I followed my thoughts, and they were jumping forwards to events in the future I was worrying about, and back in time to show me what an idiot I am, and how everything is going to stay the same forever. I kept doing it, moving my attention back to my surroundings whenever I floated back and forth in time. I couldn't believe it when it actually started working, and I don't know if I have really tried it long enough before. It is a great feeling, being in the present. > > I am still kind of flabbergasted by the effect it had. I thought this was the last step on the ladder into depression-hell for me. Damn. > > I guess all of you have tried this exercise. If you haven't, I can recommend it, a least. Maybe different things work for different people, though. It sounds too simple to be true, but today was a breakthrough for me. I have never been able to do anything about my depressive thoughts at this level before. I am very happy about it. > > Much love to you all. > > Håkon. >

[Guest guest]

Hi Jo:Thank you so much for your message. I'm especially sorry for your physical pain. That must be very difficult to deal with and feel very unfair. I also have some physical issues but they don't rise to the level of bothering me continually.I'm continually trying to let go of all kinds of beliefs and when I think I have, they pop back up again. I truly have changed many of my attitudes but the core attitudes keeping me miserable seem to be firmly intact. And then the feelings of "oh no, here comes the feeling again". The best I feel is OK, the worst I feel is pretty desperate. Yet all is going fine in my life. I have no particular problems today that are not universal to the human race. Many of my endeavors lately have been successful. I guess when it comes to resisting, I don't know what else to do. I don't feel like I'm resisting. I've spent many moments saying "accept, accept" to myself. I guess I've added that to the list of things that don't work. But I know if could if I truly believed it.I did just go for a bike ride so I haven't given up on valued activity. It wasn't a very enjoyable ride but at least I did it and at the end of the day I can chalk it up as a positive thing.Thank you again for your thoughts. I very much appreciate them.Bruce To Bruce, I read your messages today and I felt sad. I felt sad because I could relate. Spending many a trouble time lost in the thought "Nothing Works". It is clear you are really trying to move forward but it is also clear how hard you are finding your journey at times. Bruce you said "I feel like I'm doing everything right. Therapy, socializing, meds, ACT, exercise, nutrition and nothing makes a difference in living a better life". I had these exact thoughts so many times over my life and still do. Such a powerful thought to buy into, "I've tried, and nothing works." It is an incredibly hard journey in life if you are fused with this thought "Nothing Works", particularly in developing motivation and to stay motivated, and it can make every decision, choice and action a painful experience for you and make you feel change is impossible. Remember "Nothing Works" is just a thought and we already know we are not our thoughts, in fact we a more than our thoughts, so much more. When I find myself being bombarded by the thought "Nothing Works" I actually see this as the best information my mind could give me, and thank it very much for letting me know. I do not choose now to buy into what my mind is saying to me, but instead, see it as an indication that something is challenging me in my life and it is something important and of value to me and realise it's time to get still and observe given time in mindfulness you come to discover what it is. Sometimes a change is needed, other times to an indication you heading in the wrong direction, sometimes it means not to give up, and a lot of the times I have found it shows me I am resisting a process, situation, life, decisions etc. Bruce I felt just as you did, I had tried so many things, done everything possible, I was that person saying " why is nothing working when I am doing all the right things" with the help of my psychologist, ACT, Mediation and this group, writing to them and reading there replies I came to realise how much resistance plays such a big part in preventing you from moving forward, yet I really wanted to move forward, but so long as I bought into the fact "Nothing Works" I could do everything right, everything possible and it still would not make a difference. I had to stop resisting, which meant I had to let go of the belief "Nothing Works". Bruce I struggle with physical pain, depression, anxiety and stress, every day, every moment. I've spent the last week not being able to use my hands as the pain was so bad. No medication or operation will fix this for me. It truly is a nothing will work situation and yet despite all this, I still knit, sew, do my photography, photo imaging, computer graphic art, oil painting, Iyenga yoga, weight train and do craft projects with my nephew. My compromise is I cannot do them for long periods, I want to but can't, sometimes I have to wait till the pain lessens. Does it get the better of me sometimes, absolutely, but I value all of my hobbies, they are an expression of me and despite all my physical pain, I won't give up something that's of value to me, even if that means I cannot use my hands for several days after working on a painting. I was only able to get to this point by letting go of the belief and the thought "Nothing Works". Bruce you are motivated, look at all the things you are doing for yourself that takes a huge amount of motivation and drive. I am sure you have tried many hobbies too that you probably did enjoy short term but the reason you keep coming back to feeling the way you do is because you haven't been able to as yet find a way of letting go of your belief that "nothing works". So long as you believe that this is truth you will resist every step forward you make and your mind will continue to sabotage any progress you make by providing evidence, analysis, evaluation to back up the belief "Nothing Works" You don't need to disprove it, accept your minds resistance and focus on living your life through your values they will disprove it for you. Bruce you are heading in a good direction, don't be too hard on yourself because you feel the way you do, give it time. With loving kindness Jo > > > > > > > > > Don't know if this will cheer anyone up, but I did the "tracking- > > exercise" from "Get Out of Your Mind.." today and it really worked. > > I have been struggling really bad lately, my mind screaming and > > worrying and going back and forth in time, telling me to avoid > > everything. I woke up feeling very very confused and not knowing > > what to do, I decided to go for a jog (panic style). My thinking was > > like "if I can't make these thoughts go away now, I'll end up in a > > mental hospital again, sitting on a bed and crying my heart and > > brain out for five months". > > > > > > I called up a kind of crisis phone number, and talked to a woman > > psychologist for a while. I just said the usual stuff ("there's no > > way of making this go away", "I can't stand this anymore" etc), and > > she told me to focus my attention on something else. All respect to > > her, but I knew that wouldn't work. I have had these thoughts > > before, and I have never been able to do anything about them before. > > I thanked her for the talk and hung up. I wanted to start jogging, > > but I couldn't, because I didn't see the point. There was no way I > > was jogging myself out of this pain. I was angry, confused, and very > > very sad. > > > > > > Then I remembered the tracking-exercise from the book, and I > > started doing that, with one finger on the leg of my shorts, just > > walking. I didn't think it would work. I followed my thoughts, and > > they were jumping forwards to events in the future I was worrying > > about, and back in time to show me what an idiot I am, and how > > everything is going to stay the same forever. I kept doing it, > > moving my attention back to my surroundings whenever I floated back > > and forth in time. I couldn't believe it when it actually started > > working, and I don't know if I have really tried it long enough > > before. It is a great feeling, being in the present. > > > > > > I am still kind of flabbergasted by the effect it had. I thought > > this was the last step on the ladder into depression-hell for me. > > Damn. > > > > > > I guess all of you have tried this exercise. If you haven't, I can > > recommend it, a least. Maybe different things work for different > > people, though. It sounds too simple to be true, but today was a > > breakthrough for me. I have never been able to do anything about my > > depressive thoughts at this level before. I am very happy about it. > > > > > > Much love to you all. > > > > > > Håkon. > > > > > > > >