Re: Great experience with tracking my thoughts in time

[Guest guest]

I woke up today in good spirits. I felt the urge to struggle, but I could cope

with it. I still feel anxiety about going back to school, and my thoughts around

that are unclear. I still worry about the future and imagine situations where I

will be socially anxious and not have a retreat possibility.

Part of my story is that I don't take much initiative, and I feel that I just go

along with other people's wishes. I fuse with this story when I think about

school. A thought that comes up a lot is that I shouldn't try anything, because

it will not work. When I think about what I want to do, nothing much comes up.

This is old stuff.

When I try something, I kind of have to work " against my story " , to disprove it.

It becomes a do or die-situation, which is very stressful.

Can anyone relate to this? I'll have to go to work now, but I'll maybe write

some more later.

Håkon

>

>

> Don't know if this will cheer anyone up, but I did the " tracking-exercise "

from " Get Out of Your Mind.. " today and it really worked. I have been struggling

really bad lately, my mind screaming and worrying and going back and forth in

time, telling me to avoid everything. I woke up feeling very very confused and

not knowing what to do, I decided to go for a jog (panic style). My thinking was

like " if I can't make these thoughts go away now, I'll end up in a mental

hospital again, sitting on a bed and crying my heart and brain out for five

months " .

>

> I called up a kind of crisis phone number, and talked to a woman psychologist

for a while. I just said the usual stuff ( " there's no way of making this go

away " , " I can't stand this anymore " etc), and she told me to focus my attention

on something else. All respect to her, but I knew that wouldn't work. I have had

these thoughts before, and I have never been able to do anything about them

before. I thanked her for the talk and hung up. I wanted to start jogging, but I

couldn't, because I didn't see the point. There was no way I was jogging myself

out of this pain. I was angry, confused, and very very sad.

>

> Then I remembered the tracking-exercise from the book, and I started doing

that, with one finger on the leg of my shorts, just walking. I didn't think it

would work. I followed my thoughts, and they were jumping forwards to events in

the future I was worrying about, and back in time to show me what an idiot I am,

and how everything is going to stay the same forever. I kept doing it, moving my

attention back to my surroundings whenever I floated back and forth in time. I

couldn't believe it when it actually started working, and I don't know if I have

really tried it long enough before. It is a great feeling, being in the present.

>

> I am still kind of flabbergasted by the effect it had. I thought this was the

last step on the ladder into depression-hell for me. Damn.

>

> I guess all of you have tried this exercise. If you haven't, I can recommend

it, a least. Maybe different things work for different people, though. It sounds

too simple to be true, but today was a breakthrough for me. I have never been

able to do anything about my depressive thoughts at this level before. I am very

happy about it.

>

> Much love to you all.

>

> Håkon.

>

[Guest guest]

Is that a quote from a book, ? The All or Nothing Mind?

And:

Thank you for your answer. Work today has been awful. I disappeared into my

mind, and couldn't defuse. Now I feel the usual desperation and the " why go

on? " . Worry and loneliness, like everyone is leaving. My mind has been feeding

me thoughts like " you are awful at your job " , blabla, and I didn't know how to

handle it. Couldn't find time to defuse. And I become totally silent, feels like

being a machine. Not present, showing no feelings, feeling far away. It makes me

angry. Now I just want someone to comfort me. Soon I will be 32. Beating myself

up now. I am so strict. I don't know what to with that feeling, though. Being

alone with that feeling. I want to call my mother. But she can't help. I'm sorry

for the massive whine-binge. How can I be willing to have that feeling? It makes

me become no one.

Again, I'm sorry for posting this, but I had to tell someone. I hope you all

have a good weekend.

> >

> >

> > Don't know if this will cheer anyone up, but I did the " tracking-exercise "

from " Get Out of Your Mind.. " today and it really worked. I have been struggling

really bad lately, my mind screaming and worrying and going back and forth in

time, telling me to avoid everything. I woke up feeling very very confused and

not knowing what to do, I decided to go for a jog (panic style). My thinking was

like " if I can't make these thoughts go away now, I'll end up in a mental

hospital again, sitting on a bed and crying my heart and brain out for five

months " .

> >

> > I called up a kind of crisis phone number, and talked to a woman

psychologist for a while. I just said the usual stuff ( " there's no way of making

this go away " , " I can't stand this anymore " etc), and she told me to focus my

attention on something else. All respect to her, but I knew that wouldn't work.

I have had these thoughts before, and I have never been able to do anything

about them before. I thanked her for the talk and hung up. I wanted to start

jogging, but I couldn't, because I didn't see the point. There was no way I was

jogging myself out of this pain. I was angry, confused, and very very sad.

> >

> > Then I remembered the tracking-exercise from the book, and I started doing

that, with one finger on the leg of my shorts, just walking. I didn't think it

would work. I followed my thoughts, and they were jumping forwards to events in

the future I was worrying about, and back in time to show me what an idiot I am,

and how everything is going to stay the same forever. I kept doing it, moving my

attention back to my surroundings whenever I floated back and forth in time. I

couldn't believe it when it actually started working, and I don't know if I have

really tried it long enough before. It is a great feeling, being in the present.

> >

> > I am still kind of flabbergasted by the effect it had. I thought this was

the last step on the ladder into depression-hell for me. Damn.

> >

> > I guess all of you have tried this exercise. If you haven't, I can recommend

it, a least. Maybe different things work for different people, though. It sounds

too simple to be true, but today was a breakthrough for me. I have never been

able to do anything about my depressive thoughts at this level before. I am very

happy about it.

> >

> > Much love to you all.

> >

> > HÃ¥kon.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

To Bruce,

I read your messages today and I felt sad. I felt sad because I could relate.

Spending many a trouble time lost in the thought " Nothing Works " . It is clear

you are really trying to move forward but it is also clear how hard you are

finding your journey at times.

Bruce you said " I feel like I'm doing everything right. Therapy, socializing,

meds, ACT, exercise, nutrition and nothing makes a difference in living a better

life " . I had these exact thoughts so many times over my life and still do.

Such a powerful thought to buy into, " I've tried, and nothing works. "

It is an incredibly hard journey in life if you are fused with this thought

" Nothing Works " , particularly in developing motivation and to stay motivated,

and it can make every decision, choice and action a painful experience for you

and make you feel change is impossible.

Remember " Nothing Works " is just a thought and we already know we are not our

thoughts, in fact we a more than our thoughts, so much more.

When I find myself being bombarded by the thought " Nothing Works " I actually see

this as the best information my mind could give me, and thank it very much for

letting me know. I do not choose now to buy into what my mind is saying to me,

but instead, see it as an indication that something is challenging me in my life

and it is something important and of value to me and realise it's time to get

still and observe given time in mindfulness you come to discover what it is.

Sometimes a change is needed, other times to an indication you heading in the

wrong direction, sometimes it means not to give up, and a lot of the times I

have found it shows me I am resisting a process, situation, life, decisions etc.

Bruce I felt just as you did, I had tried so many things, done everything

possible, I was that person saying " why is nothing working when I am doing all

the right things " with the help of my psychologist, ACT, Mediation and this

group, writing to them and reading there replies I came to realise how much

resistance plays such a big part in preventing you from moving forward, yet I

really wanted to move forward, but so long as I bought into the fact " Nothing

Works " I could do everything right, everything possible and it still would not

make a difference. I had to stop resisting, which meant I had to let go of the

belief " Nothing Works " .

Bruce I struggle with physical pain, depression, anxiety and stress, every day,

every moment. I've spent the last week not being able to use my hands as the

pain was so bad. No medication or operation will fix this for me. It truly is

a nothing will work situation and yet despite all this, I still knit, sew, do my

photography, photo imaging, computer graphic art, oil painting, Iyenga yoga,

weight train and do craft projects with my nephew. My compromise is I cannot do

them for long periods, I want to but can't, sometimes I have to wait till the

pain lessens. Does it get the better of me sometimes, absolutely, but I value

all of my hobbies, they are an expression of me and despite all my physical

pain, I won't give up something that's of value to me, even if that means I

cannot use my hands for several days after working on a painting. I was only

able to get to this point by letting go of the belief and the thought " Nothing

Works " .

Bruce you are motivated, look at all the things you are doing for yourself that

takes a huge amount of motivation and drive. I am sure you have tried many

hobbies too that you probably did enjoy short term but the reason you keep

coming back to feeling the way you do is because you haven't been able to as

yet find a way of letting go of your belief that " nothing works " .

So long as you believe that this is truth you will resist every step forward you

make and your mind will continue to sabotage any progress you make by providing

evidence, analysis, evaluation to back up the belief " Nothing Works "

You don't need to disprove it, accept your minds resistance and focus on living

your life through your values they will disprove it for you.

Bruce you are heading in a good direction, don't be too hard on yourself because

you feel the way you do, give it time.

With loving kindness

Jo

> > >

> > >

> > > Don't know if this will cheer anyone up, but I did the " tracking-

> > exercise " from " Get Out of Your Mind.. " today and it really worked.

> > I have been struggling really bad lately, my mind screaming and

> > worrying and going back and forth in time, telling me to avoid

> > everything. I woke up feeling very very confused and not knowing

> > what to do, I decided to go for a jog (panic style). My thinking was

> > like " if I can't make these thoughts go away now, I'll end up in a

> > mental hospital again, sitting on a bed and crying my heart and

> > brain out for five months " .

> > >

> > > I called up a kind of crisis phone number, and talked to a woman

> > psychologist for a while. I just said the usual stuff ( " there's no

> > way of making this go away " , " I can't stand this anymore " etc), and

> > she told me to focus my attention on something else. All respect to

> > her, but I knew that wouldn't work. I have had these thoughts

> > before, and I have never been able to do anything about them before.

> > I thanked her for the talk and hung up. I wanted to start jogging,

> > but I couldn't, because I didn't see the point. There was no way I

> > was jogging myself out of this pain. I was angry, confused, and very

> > very sad.

> > >

> > > Then I remembered the tracking-exercise from the book, and I

> > started doing that, with one finger on the leg of my shorts, just

> > walking. I didn't think it would work. I followed my thoughts, and

> > they were jumping forwards to events in the future I was worrying

> > about, and back in time to show me what an idiot I am, and how

> > everything is going to stay the same forever. I kept doing it,

> > moving my attention back to my surroundings whenever I floated back

> > and forth in time. I couldn't believe it when it actually started

> > working, and I don't know if I have really tried it long enough

> > before. It is a great feeling, being in the present.

> > >

> > > I am still kind of flabbergasted by the effect it had. I thought

> > this was the last step on the ladder into depression-hell for me.

> > Damn.

> > >

> > > I guess all of you have tried this exercise. If you haven't, I can

> > recommend it, a least. Maybe different things work for different

> > people, though. It sounds too simple to be true, but today was a

> > breakthrough for me. I have never been able to do anything about my

> > depressive thoughts at this level before. I am very happy about it.

> > >

> > > Much love to you all.

> > >

> > > Håkon.

> > >

> >

> >

>