Re: When Your Mind Wants to Judge

[Guest guest]

hi tom,

i don't post here often as i'm learning act and forming a new path and not fully

comfortable offering comments.

but i too have a very judgemental mind, my mind judges others and especially

myself quite a bit and often quite harsh to the degree that it creates pain

(depression, anxiety, guilt....) so i can identify with the experience you

describe.

maybe a little defusion may provide some space for the thoughts and feelings you

are experiencing, with repeated practice defusion may provide you some room for

your thoughts and feelings regarding the judging. i've started with the " I am

having the thought that " defusion technique and while at first when i used the

technique i would have thoughts like " this is foolish " " this doesn't work " " i

should feel better i just defused " and would " feel " no different my experience

with using defusion over time has for me created some space for the thoughts and

feeling created when my mind is in judgement mode, and the urge to argue with

the thoughts and correct the thoughts is not as great. sometimes this lessens

the pain, sometimes it does not, but either way the defusion usually provides

some space. it seems the judgements aren't going anywhere, they are always there

so if some room can be made for them to hang around and do what they do without

arguing with them we can go where we want to go.

warm regards,

brian

>

> hi just wanna post something and see if any one can offer some advice.

>

> sometimes in my line of work i know info about some people, that is not always

pleasant and probably best private. of course in work, it is expected that

others affairs are kept private.

>

> this particular one involves my own family, its about stuff that other family

members would best not know about.

>

> my mind then is in judgemental mode, i judge and make my own conclusions about

something, about that person. i understand this is not appropriate, we cannot

make judgements and jury simply on bits and 10 minute info about someone else

who have a life time of other experiences.

>

> but my mind seems to stick in this cycle.

>

> i think i know what the answer is... not to judge, escape the mind trap, i do

not know the whole story, the world simply does not operate in the way you want

it to, people approach you expecting confidentiality and a non-judgemental

manner, when i judge and jury someone then that destroys my impartiality, i have

nothing else except for this moment , other people's lives are their own lives,

how they lead it and what they choose to do is their choice, how they relate to

others is their own, i may have my own opinions, but they are simply my own,

nothing more and nothing less, and mostly do not judge, judging is to make a

judgement based on the 10 seconds of info you know about this person, there is

another life time of choices, decisions, affects and effects which preceded

this, and in the end, the world and the people in it dont always operate the way

you wish it to or the way you think it should. life is like that.

>

> tc

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you are on top of this one, Tom. One thing I would say is that your judgements are natural, automatic, and are, inherently, merely thoughts. You are right to pull yourself up on them, by reminding yourself that they are partial, biased etc etc. But just try stopping yourself making those judgements. It's impossible. Some level of (usually unspoken) judgement is a natural part of every human interaction. You can only decide what you do with that (eg nothing, and move on). x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Thursday, 7 June 2012, 20:38 Subject: When Your Mind Wants to Judge

hi just wanna post something and see if any one can offer some advice.

sometimes in my line of work i know info about some people, that is not always pleasant and probably best private. of course in work, it is expected that others affairs are kept private.

this particular one involves my own family, its about stuff that other family members would best not know about.

my mind then is in judgemental mode, i judge and make my own conclusions about something, about that person. i understand this is not appropriate, we cannot make judgements and jury simply on bits and 10 minute info about someone else who have a life time of other experiences.

but my mind seems to stick in this cycle.

i think i know what the answer is... not to judge, escape the mind trap, i do not know the whole story, the world simply does not operate in the way you want it to, people approach you expecting confidentiality and a non-judgemental manner, when i judge and jury someone then that destroys my impartiality, i have nothing else except for this moment , other people's lives are their own lives, how they lead it and what they choose to do is their choice, how they relate to others is their own, i may have my own opinions, but they are simply my own, nothing more and nothing less, and mostly do not judge, judging is to make a judgement based on the 10 seconds of info you know about this person, there is another life time of choices, decisions, affects and effects which preceded this, and in the end, the world and the people in it dont always operate the way you wish it to or the way you think it should. life is like that.

tc

[Guest guest]

Makes sense to me, . Just noticing that I am judging something seems enough to move me outside the storyline. And why not, since I am moving my attention from the object of judgement to the process of judgement?

I think I got that right....D 

 

My sequential mind overwhelmed me during my shower today. It started with the recent topic of judgement (again). I took a short journey as the thoughts moved on...

Practicing awareness of judgement seems to lend itself to using the skills of defusion. (Ie. To just do `x', without needing to make `x' anything more or less than it is). And...the ability to defuse from ones chatter leads to acceptance. (Ie. It is what it is).

Hmmm, I don't know...any thoughts?

> >

> > hi just wanna post something and see if any one can offer some advice.

> >

> > sometimes in my line of work i know info about some people, that is not always pleasant and probably best private. of course in work, it is expected that others affairs are kept private.

> >

> > this particular one involves my own family, its about stuff that other family members would best not know about.

> >

> > my mind then is in judgemental mode, i judge and make my own conclusions about something, about that person. i understand this is not appropriate, we cannot make judgements and jury simply on bits and 10 minute info about someone else who have a life time of other experiences.

> >

> > but my mind seems to stick in this cycle.

> >

> > i think i know what the answer is... not to judge, escape the mind trap, i do not know the whole story, the world simply does not operate in the way you want it to, people approach you expecting confidentiality and a non-judgemental manner, when i judge and jury someone then that destroys my impartiality, i have nothing else except for this moment , other people's lives are their own lives, how they lead it and what they choose to do is their choice, how they relate to others is their own, i may have my own opinions, but they are simply my own, nothing more and nothing less, and mostly do not judge, judging is to make a judgement based on the 10 seconds of info you know about this person, there is another life time of choices, decisions, affects and effects which preceded this, and in the end, the world and the people in it dont always operate the way you wish it to or the way you think it should. life is like that.

> >

> > tc

> >

>

-- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@...