Re: Avoidant and dependent personality disorder

[Guest guest]

Hi Haakon,I know very little about this kind of personality disorder, so I looked it up online. One thing that was suggested as helpful was group therapy. Perhaps you could find a therapist, even though not directly involved with ACT, who could hook you up with a group. Perhaps joining other kinds of groups might be helpful as well, such as a book club or hobby club - any group that allows you to practice your interpersonal skills so you can learn to express yourself as an independent person. I hope that suggestion is on track - I'm not sure how this kind of "disorder" manifests in your life.I'm not sure what you mean when you ask "Should I not identify with it?" I would venture to say that you can certainly identify with it to the extent that it may help to explain why you may have some personality issues, but you don't have to buy into it as descriptive of who you are as a person, a human being. The label merely describes some parts of your personality, but it does not make you, the person, sick or necessarily dysfunctional. So your personality is not perfect - whose it? You may need to work outside your comfort zone in order to become more independent and less avoidant. I don't mean to diminish what your challenges are; but I do mean to encourage you to think past the label, which is NOT YOU, and do whatever it takes to step toward your values. I would assume one of your values might be independence, and there are lots of things you can do to develop that.My thoughts are with you,HelenaFrom: "HÃ¥kon sen" <haakonerixgmail>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, July 5, 2012 5:39:52 AMSubject: Avoidant and dependent personality disorder

Does act work with this? I'm freaking out. Should I not identify with it? I am probably fused with my story right now. I feel like I am alone on the moon. I can't get an act therapist.

Haakon

[Guest guest]

Haakon,Sorry that whatever you're suffering from is causing you such distress. I've looked into the whole avoidant thing in some depth for a while now and while I'm pretty certain I don't have classic Avoidant Personality Disorder or the Avoidant/Dependent variant you mention, I'm also certain I have a garden-variety avoidant attachment style which can play hell in close relationships.

I've found all the standard ACT processes (

especially  defusion ) are pretty helpful in dealing with the obsessive thought patterns and flooded feelings that come with having that attachment style. Lately what's been working for me is a kind of fusion ACT/CBT approach. That is, I recognize the type of avoidant strategy I'm employing (The book Attached by Amir Levine and Heller is a good introduction to these) and when it becomes obvious that I'm employing one or the other I say, " Thanks avoidance. "

In some future post I'm going to explore what I see as the link between avoidance as ACT defines it and avoidant attachment as Attachment Theory defines it. I believe there's definite crossover there.

Best,Jim

 

Does act work with this? I'm freaking out. Should I not identify with it? I am probably fused with my story right now. I feel like I am alone on the moon. I can't get an act therapist.

Haakon