Re: Does it pay to tell them

March 18, 2008

oh my god, and there's another adult there while this is

happening...enabling...telling the kid to give his mom $50.

value= "

name= " wmode " value= " transparent " ></param><embed

src= "

type= " application/x-

shockwave-flash " wmode= " transparent " width= " 425 "

height= " 355 " ></embed></object>

> yeah...it reminds me that on youtube somewhere there is a video a

kid

> took of his mother screaming at him for ten minutes solid, just

> hurling every profanity imaginable. He was sitting near the video

> camera and turned it on while it was going on. She is on full-

> hysteria...at one point she screams at him that he needs to go get

a

> gun and shoot himself. This is a sixteen year old kid. He stays

calm

> the whole time. Then he put it on youtube. With technology the way

it

> is today these borderline parents can really be brought up short

and

> exposed, lol.

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @...

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-

SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding

the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the

WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

March 19, 2008

After reading most of SWOE, it sounds to me like these posts include

disassociation and projection on the part of your BP's. Did anyone

else get PO'd while reading SWOE? I feel like the suggested actions

to take to continue a relationship with BP are the same as what I've

done in the past. Which,in my opinion, is still walking on shells

and sacrificing oneself. Kinda like... you can approach the BP, but

only at the right time and under the right circumstances...then when

you approach be gentle and sensitive, but keep en emotional

disconnect so you don't get hurt. If they get mad just walk out, but

say something nice so they won't feel abandoned. Now, just to make

it very clear, these are NOT quotes from the book. But WTH!? Is

that supposed to be better than before!? I'm sick of trying to be

the good person. I no longer can act like someone I'm not just to

make it okay, on any level, for my BP. ARG!!

Okay that somehow turned into a vent! Whew...Thanks!

D

> > My Nada admits nothing to this day. Not to bore you with tales

from my

> > twilight zone upbringing, but she would pull a knife on my sisters

> > often. They would yell at her to put it down and then she would

rage

> > at them for yelling at her. They said " But you have a knife " and

she

> > would say " No I don't you liars " . This all within 10 seconds of

> > dropping the knife to the floor. I don't know if its psychosis or

an

> > EXTREMELY selective memory...either way she admits to nothing and

> > plays the ultimate victim when confronted.

> >

>

> Send instant messages to your online friends

http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

>

March 19, 2008

I got more pissed at therapists because they taught me a lot of the same tactics

mentioned in SWOE without telling me the problem, I think what I realized after

reading SWOE is that I had to go NC because keeping a relationship with nada was

toxic to me and reasssured me as to what to do, although I'm glad they mentioned

in the book how to handle her tendancy to use suicide tactics to bait a trap.

Like I commented in my previous post, something is up nada don't usually show up

where I work because we pissed her off. I think she's trying to get to me and I

can use that portion of the book to call the police to take her to the hospital

if she uses that threat again, I think she has gotten away with the " I can't

live withoiut you " routine in my house that she learned to use it for

manipulation, since she hates hopsitlas if I have to use it in a disaster at

work I will and I bet she will change or will get hauled off to the hospital

once and never bother me again.

MC

dawnek71 wrote: After reading

most of SWOE, it sounds to me like these posts include

disassociation and projection on the part of your BP's. Did anyone

else get PO'd while reading SWOE? I feel like the suggested actions

to take to continue a relationship with BP are the same as what I've

done in the past. Which,in my opinion, is still walking on shells

and sacrificing oneself. Kinda like... you can approach the BP, but

only at the right time and under the right circumstances...then when

you approach be gentle and sensitive, but keep en emotional

disconnect so you don't get hurt. If they get mad just walk out, but

say something nice so they won't feel abandoned. Now, just to make

it very clear, these are NOT quotes from the book. But WTH!? Is

that supposed to be better than before!? I'm sick of trying to be

the good person. I no longer can act like someone I'm not just to

make it okay, on any level, for my BP. ARG!!

Okay that somehow turned into a vent! Whew...Thanks!

D

> > My Nada admits nothing to this day. Not to bore you with tales

from my

> > twilight zone upbringing, but she would pull a knife on my sisters

> > often. They would yell at her to put it down and then she would

rage

> > at them for yelling at her. They said " But you have a knife " and

she

> > would say " No I don't you liars " . This all within 10 seconds of

> > dropping the knife to the floor. I don't know if its psychosis or

an

> > EXTREMELY selective memory...either way she admits to nothing and

> > plays the ultimate victim when confronted.

> >

>

> Send instant messages to your online friends

http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

>

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

March 19, 2008

Yes I got a bit POd reading it. " Tried that, didn't work " ...

I think the book is built on the premise that you know nothing, and

(possibly therefore) want to continue a relationship with BP...

I'd really had enough and gone NC when I read it... so it was like being

flogged with a wet newspaper.

> After reading most of SWOE, it sounds to me like these posts include

> disassociation and projection on the part of your BP's. Did anyone

> else get PO'd while reading SWOE? I feel like the suggested actions

> to take to continue a relationship with BP are the same as what I've

> done in the past. Which,in my opinion, is still walking on shells

> and sacrificing oneself. Kinda like... you can approach the BP, but

> only at the right time and under the right circumstances...then when

> you approach be gentle and sensitive, but keep en emotional

> disconnect so you don't get hurt. If they get mad just walk out, but

> say something nice so they won't feel abandoned. Now, just to make

> it very clear, these are NOT quotes from the book. But WTH!? Is

> that supposed to be better than before!? I'm sick of trying to be

> the good person. I no longer can act like someone I'm not just to

> make it okay, on any level, for my BP. ARG!!

> Okay that somehow turned into a vent! Whew...Thanks!

>

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

March 19, 2008

Me, too. I couldn't identify with a lot of the suggestions. I'm

glad to see I'm not the only one. I thought it was just me.

My therapist had better advice for me: " Respect yourself. Spend

your time with people who show genuine interest and mutual respect

for you and your life. "

> > After reading most of SWOE, it sounds to me like these posts

include

> > disassociation and projection on the part of your BP's. Did

anyone

> > else get PO'd while reading SWOE? I feel like the suggested

actions

> > to take to continue a relationship with BP are the same as what

I've

> > done in the past. Which,in my opinion, is still walking on

shells

> > and sacrificing oneself. Kinda like... you can approach the BP,

but

> > only at the right time and under the right circumstances...then

when

> > you approach be gentle and sensitive, but keep en emotional

> > disconnect so you don't get hurt. If they get mad just walk out,

but

> > say something nice so they won't feel abandoned. Now, just to

make

> > it very clear, these are NOT quotes from the book. But WTH!? Is

> > that supposed to be better than before!? I'm sick of trying to

be

> > the good person. I no longer can act like someone I'm not just

to

> > make it okay, on any level, for my BP. ARG!!

> > Okay that somehow turned into a vent! Whew...Thanks!

> >

>

> Send instant messages to your online friends

http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

>

March 19, 2008

Exactly. The book is sort of jumping the gun. I wouldn't be reading

it or in this group if things were good enough to even have contact.

Too little too late. My BP has the last year of our relationship so

twisted and out of reality that even a conversation is impossible.

Ay yiy...

D

> > After reading most of SWOE, it sounds to me like these posts

include

> > disassociation and projection on the part of your BP's. Did

anyone

> > else get PO'd while reading SWOE? I feel like the suggested

actions

> > to take to continue a relationship with BP are the same as what

I've

> > done in the past. Which,in my opinion, is still walking on shells

> > and sacrificing oneself. Kinda like... you can approach the BP,

but

> > only at the right time and under the right circumstances...then

when

> > you approach be gentle and sensitive, but keep en emotional

> > disconnect so you don't get hurt. If they get mad just walk out,

but

> > say something nice so they won't feel abandoned. Now, just to

make

> > it very clear, these are NOT quotes from the book. But WTH!? Is

> > that supposed to be better than before!? I'm sick of trying to be

> > the good person. I no longer can act like someone I'm not just to

> > make it okay, on any level, for my BP. ARG!!

> > Okay that somehow turned into a vent! Whew...Thanks!

> >

>

> Send instant messages to your online friends

http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

>

March 19, 2008

I hear ya. Only my mom has only threatened with other people. She

knows if she said something to me that I would immediatly call the

authorities. I've called them once on her for refusing to let my

kids go home and her own mother has called on her for harassment.

'round and 'round we go...

D

> > > My Nada admits nothing to this day. Not to bore you with tales

> from my

> > > twilight zone upbringing, but she would pull a knife on my

sisters

> > > often. They would yell at her to put it down and then she

would

> rage

> > > at them for yelling at her. They said " But you have a knife "

and

> she

> > > would say " No I don't you liars " . This all within 10 seconds of

> > > dropping the knife to the floor. I don't know if its psychosis

or

> an

> > > EXTREMELY selective memory...either way she admits to nothing

and

> > > plays the ultimate victim when confronted.

> > >

> >

> > Send instant messages to your online friends

> http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

> >

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

March 19, 2008

I know what you mean. When I read SWOE for the first time, I was just

trying to pull away from my nada/fada & it made sense. Two years

later, I took another look, & promptly slammed the book shut. SWOE is

helpful if you are truly in love with a borderline & are committed to

being with them no matter what. It's not helpful for those of us who

want to breakaway from a controlling parent. Our energy should not be

wasted accommodating a crazy person. SWOE is business as usual. I

don't think we owe these vampires anything more. It's time for us to

take back our energy and power & figure out what our life purpose

really is supposed to be.

> > After reading most of SWOE, it sounds to me like these posts include

> > disassociation and projection on the part of your BP's. Did anyone

> > else get PO'd while reading SWOE? I feel like the suggested actions

> > to take to continue a relationship with BP are the same as what I've

> > done in the past. Which,in my opinion, is still walking on shells

> > and sacrificing oneself. Kinda like... you can approach the BP, but

> > only at the right time and under the right circumstances...then when

> > you approach be gentle and sensitive, but keep en emotional

> > disconnect so you don't get hurt. If they get mad just walk out, but

> > say something nice so they won't feel abandoned. Now, just to make

> > it very clear, these are NOT quotes from the book. But WTH!? Is

> > that supposed to be better than before!? I'm sick of trying to be

> > the good person. I no longer can act like someone I'm not just to

> > make it okay, on any level, for my BP. ARG!!

> > Okay that somehow turned into a vent! Whew...Thanks!

> >

>

> Send instant messages to your online friends

http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

>

March 19, 2008

I watched this and am completely appalled by this woman's behavior. She is out

of control. That is a rage if I ever heard one.

Re: Does it pay to tell them

oh my god, and there's another adult there while this is

happening... enabling. ..telling the kid to give his mom $50.

value= " http://www.youtube. com/v/MavlrKO1n- c & hl=en " ></param><param

name= " wmode " value= " transparent " ></param> <embed

src= " http://www.youtube. com/v/MavlrKO1n- c & hl=en " type= " application/ x-

shockwave-flash " wmode= " transparent " width= " 425 "

height= " 355 " ></embed> </object>

> yeah...it reminds me that on youtube somewhere there is a video a

kid

> took of his mother screaming at him for ten minutes solid, just

> hurling every profanity imaginable. He was sitting near the video

> camera and turned it on while it was going on. She is on full-

> hysteria...at one point she screams at him that he needs to go get

a

> gun and shoot himself. This is a sixteen year old kid. He stays

calm

> the whole time. Then he put it on youtube. With technology the way

it

> is today these borderline parents can really be brought up short

and

> exposed, lol.

>

> ------------ --------- --------- ------

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @...

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-

SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding

the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the

WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

March 19, 2008

I think the book is coming from a position that something can be done to repair

the relationship. That is not always the case. It is correct in asserting that

the only one changing their behavior is the person trying to survive the BPD.

However in an extreme case, there is no amount of contact that is suitable. I

read the book and it helped me understand what was going on, I never could

practice its coping strategies because it just didn't work for me at the time. I

still had too much anger to distance myself emotionally. Personally, the only

quote that seems to fit is from Dr. Phil, " You train people how to treat you. "

You have to balance pushing back with walking away. My problem lay in

accomodating bad behavior. I can't change THEIR behavior, but I don't have to

put up with it either.

Take care.

Re: Does it pay to tell them

After reading most of SWOE, it sounds to me like these posts include

disassociation and projection on the part of your BP's. Did anyone

else get PO'd while reading SWOE? I feel like the suggested actions

to take to continue a relationship with BP are the same as what I've

done in the past. Which,in my opinion, is still walking on shells

and sacrificing oneself. Kinda like... you can approach the BP, but

only at the right time and under the right circumstances. ..then when

you approach be gentle and sensitive, but keep en emotional

disconnect so you don't get hurt. If they get mad just walk out, but

say something nice so they won't feel abandoned. Now, just to make

it very clear, these are NOT quotes from the book. But WTH!? Is

that supposed to be better than before!? I'm sick of trying to be

the good person. I no longer can act like someone I'm not just to

make it okay, on any level, for my BP. ARG!!

Okay that somehow turned into a vent! Whew...Thanks!

D

> > My Nada admits nothing to this day. Not to bore you with tales

from my

> > twilight zone upbringing, but she would pull a knife on my sisters

> > often.. They would yell at her to put it down and then she would

rage

> > at them for yelling at her. They said " But you have a knife " and

she

> > would say " No I don't you liars " . This all within 10 seconds of

> > dropping the knife to the floor. I don't know if its psychosis or

an

> > EXTREMELY selective memory...either way she admits to nothing and

> > plays the ultimate victim when confronted.

> >

>

> Send instant messages to your online friends

http://au.messenger .yahoo.com

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

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know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

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March 19, 2008

My nada considers herself completely blameless and I'm the liar.

According to her none what I say ever happened and she was the model

of motherhood.

Mercy

> weird it's like they were cloned from the sme crazy gene pool or

should I say car pool? Did she ever mention this again because my mom

swears that it never happened. My brother backs me on this one but

won't talk about it. It must have really sucked for him he was 1 year

older then me. I think I prefer my experience at least I could walk

in peace albeit watching vigilantly for cars. I would have been

terrified if she had kept coming around screaming like that. Thanks

for sharing it helps to know Others have experienced these insane

situations.

> SueBee (overtheborder1st now)

March 19, 2008

I haven't yet read it but everytime I hear the description I think of

the directions about getting away from a rabid dog...'look down, don't

maintain eye contact, back away slowly...'

I intend to read it because right now I am surrounded by them, and

will be for a while. I also for whatever reason seem to always end up

working with them, and tend to be targeted by them in the work-place

which is something I've never been able to understand. I kind of think

it's because my face reveals my emotions and I can see what they are

about sometimes and it seems to be true that the worst thing that you

can do to a bpd is see them for the writhing mass of neurosis and

insecurity that they really are. I never want to play their game and

that seems to be enough to make enemies of them. Bpd/npds are no fun

to have as enemies. I hope to quit drawing them into my life but

sometimes on the job you are stuck with them. I am glad I know now

what they are about though, it's better than not know; at least I know

what to look for.

March 19, 2008

My dad used to love to play 'mumbly peg' with me, just out of the blue

he'd take a pocket knife and throw it at my feet. The last time he did

this to me I was twenty-three. I remember that time because it was at

my grandmothers and my brother saw him and he gasped before the knife

hit the ground right between my shoes. I will never forget that gasp,

it was the first time I felt that anyone witnessed the abuse, even

though he never said anything to me. I remember at the time I was so

determined not to show fear that I looked him in the eye and didn't

blink. It was important not to blink. He would never admit he did that

now, even though he did it all the time. I'd be called a liar for even

bringing it up. Sigh...

March 19, 2008

Yeah, it made me mad too. I thought it was just me. I was mad at

myself that I just couldn't make any of the suggestions and scripts

work. I just couldn't manage any kind of relationship with nada. I

figured it was my 'defectiveness' again and that after I backed off

from her for awhile I'd be able to implement some of the info I read

in that book.

Kindest regards,

Mercy

> > > After reading most of SWOE, it sounds to me like these posts

> include

> > > disassociation and projection on the part of your BP's. Did

> anyone

> > > else get PO'd while reading SWOE? I feel like the suggested

> actions

> > > to take to continue a relationship with BP are the same as what

> I've

> > > done in the past. Which,in my opinion, is still walking on

> shells

> > > and sacrificing oneself. Kinda like... you can approach the BP,

> but

> > > only at the right time and under the right circumstances...then

> when

> > > you approach be gentle and sensitive, but keep en emotional

> > > disconnect so you don't get hurt. If they get mad just walk

out,

> but

> > > say something nice so they won't feel abandoned. Now, just to

> make

> > > it very clear, these are NOT quotes from the book. But WTH!? Is

> > > that supposed to be better than before!? I'm sick of trying to

> be

> > > the good person. I no longer can act like someone I'm not just

> to

> > > make it okay, on any level, for my BP. ARG!!

> > > Okay that somehow turned into a vent! Whew...Thanks!

> > >

> >

> > Send instant messages to your online friends

> http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

> >

>

March 19, 2008

Interesting you would use the term vampire. Made me think of this

article I came across. Thought I'd share. TWYWALTR!

http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/06/05/31/how_to_beware_of_emotional

_vampires_intent_on_draining_you_of_all_your_precious_emotional_streng

th.htm

Mercy

>

> Our energy should not be

> wasted accommodating a crazy person. SWOE is business as usual. I

> don't think we owe these vampires anything more. It's time for us to

> take back our energy and power & figure out what our life purpose

> really is supposed to be.

>

March 19, 2008

OK, for some reason the whole link didn't work. Click there and when

it comes up 'Page Not Found' do a seach on SixWise for 'emotional

vampires' and it's the first article listed. Sorry!

Mercy

> >

> > Our energy should not be

> > wasted accommodating a crazy person. SWOE is business as usual. I

> > don't think we owe these vampires anything more. It's time for us

to

> > take back our energy and power & figure out what our life purpose

> > really is supposed to be.

> >

>

March 19, 2008

yep, it's pretty horrifying. There is another video on there

somewhere, a follow up done a year or so later, where he says he moved

out right after that, but that he and his mom have patched things up

and have a much better relationship now. I can't blame the kid for

doing that...telling your child to shoot themselves is beyond sick.

March 20, 2008

oops I meant to say that *his* brother saw him do this, not my

brother. That is why I remember it so clearly, his brother gasping in

shock that someone would do something like that to their child (or to

anyone).

March 20, 2008

Exact same thing here. I am constantly called a liar and when we are out in

public my nada always has to work this into the conversation...

" If there's one thing I can't stand - it's a liar. " Then she looks at me.

Tag