Guest guest Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 ----- Original Message ----- > > A few years ago a man I worked withs daughter was hit by a drunk > driver that fail to stop at a red light. 19 years old, graduated 2 > weeks before that, one of the top students in her class. She died two > weeks later from head injuries she got because some ass thought > getting drunk and driving would be a good idea. > > I felt a little bad for her parents, but mostly for her. A girl whos > life was just getting started was ended by a fool. Am I alone here > having empathy for this girl? I'd feel a lot more sorry for the parents. Losing a child is the cruelest fate. D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2008 Report Share Posted January 9, 2008 > I felt a little bad for her parents, but mostly for her. A girl whos > life was just getting started was ended by a fool. Am I alone here > having empathy for this girl? > For me, compassion all round. For the girl, the parents and the drunk driver. The person I'm sure would not have gone out of their way to kill the girl. They thought they could have their pleasure and get away with it. And then it went badly wrong. Everyone makes stupid choices. Mostly those choices don't lead to the death of someone else. Even most incidents of drunk/drugged driving don't lead to deaths. So people think they will get away with it. Sadly some don't. And then they have to live with that just as the parents of the girl have to live with it. Genyin -- " I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. " M. Schultz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2008 Report Share Posted January 9, 2008 > I don't have empathy for people who act like their problems are way > worse than they really are, like a parent who wanted an NT child > saying they'd rather have a child with cancer than autism. I feel far > more empathy for their child hearing that than for them. I think it's just a case of the saying that the grass is always greener elsewhere. I bet their are parents of kids with cancer who think they would prefer to have a kid who wasn't sick and likely to die young, but if same parent had gotten an AC kid might say they'd prefer a physical illness. When parents say these things they mean they can't come to terms with the child they have, not that they would really cope better with a terminally ill kid. They wouldn't cope with a terminally ill kid either. It's an unfortunate way tp phrase it, and more unfortunate yet to actually not want their kid, warts and all. It comes from NTs valuing social imteraction more than another person's happiness - and a certain mindblindness that prevents them seeing someone can be happy without so much of the standard social side of things. They wantd a kid who woiuld give them happiness by interacting with them on thier terms, is what they are saying. Genyin -- " I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. " M. Schultz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 > > Self mutilation is not normally something that is easy to stop, not > > normally a habit you pick up by choice. Have you tried to stop > > yourself? have you tried to get help from others? I am guessing you > > have, most addicts do not seek help, want help or even care. Is self mutilation about " choice " any more than drugs/drink? I mean, who " chooses " to cut themselves? It's more like an urge, it's not about thinking really. Aren't they both evidence of something gone wrong and that the person is in some kind of pain, is unhappy in their life, etc? I'm sorry to hear your mom was mean (I hope I'm not confusing you for another poster, if I am, sorry!), but that's not all people who turn to drugs/drink, but also, what made your mother become who she became? For the record, I smoke, and have tried quitting endless amounts of times. I'm going to try again in the next week. It's not something I'm proud of, but nor is it something I started while an adult. It's really hard, and I can't concentrate, even after months without it! I was a stupid kid needing something to help with the stress in my life, and no, I didn't do it to be " cool " , I was drawn to the effects of nicotine from one of the few people in my young life who was really good to me (who was a smoker and being near them I felt the relaxing effects of nicotine). It did help to smoke, especially socially where I've always sorely lacked, but now it's causing stress in other ways, i.e., I worry about what it does to my health. In some ways, a part of me doesn't WANT to get old and helpless, it scares me. But so does dying of lung cancer...I hope I win out, but I would also hope people would see that it's not something I actually WANTED, and didn't try to defeat (and here's hoping I will). > > Most addicts do not want to admit they have a problem. I can relate to > that. It's too scary to admit you can't control yourself, that your > life is spinning out of control, so you pretend everything's fine. > I have yet to meet anyone who wanted to become an addict. They wanted > to do drugs or drink, but never wanted it to go out of control. And I > chose to start hurting myself - I decided to pinch myself for > thinking 'bad thoughts' when I was 10. Then it progressed to punching > and biting myself in the wrist to try to make a bruise, and now it's > sometimes really scary (for example I hit myself on the head with a > glass bottle once). > Ettina I agree, people don't want to grow up to be addicts. We all make dumb mistakes when we're younger and for some of us, we pay for it later. People make mistakes, and for some the mistake comes in the form of addiction. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2008 Report Share Posted January 11, 2008 > Is self mutilation about " choice " any more than drugs/drink? I mean, > who " chooses " to cut themselves? It's more like an urge, it's not > about thinking really. Aren't they both evidence of something gone > wrong and that the person is in some kind of pain, is unhappy in their > life, etc? I think one can feel like one chooses, each time they self injure. Probably alcoholics and drug addicts feel like they choose at first. That's why addiction can be so insidious. You feel like you are choosing to feel better even though you know you are damaging yourself. Genyin -- " I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. " M. Schultz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2008 Report Share Posted January 11, 2008 > > > > Is self mutilation about " choice " any more than drugs/drink? I mean, > > who " chooses " to cut themselves? It's more like an urge, it's not > > about thinking really. Aren't they both evidence of something gone > > wrong and that the person is in some kind of pain, is unhappy in > their > > life, etc? > > I think one can feel like one chooses, each time they self injure. > Probably alcoholics and drug addicts feel like they choose at first. > That's why addiction can be so insidious. You feel like you are > choosing to feel better even though you know you are damaging > yourself. > > Genyin I agree it can feel like choice, and that technically it is choice. But often these 'choices' are made at vulnerable periods of one's life, such as during youth or when stress has become too much to bear. Bad decisions are more likely during these times. I mean, most smokers are told that cigarettes are bad from a young age, even before they have that first smoke. But when you're young, you are invincible, and for some this way of (not) thinking continues into the 20's. And when you're horribly stressed out or depressed, you might not care (or not care as much) if you die or hurt yourself in some way. And sometimes, people want to hurt or damage themselves in the hopes of feeling anything at all, even if it's painful. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2008 Report Share Posted January 11, 2008 > I agree it can feel like choice, and that technically it is choice. I would say that technically it isn't choice. It's only choice on the surface, and then not really because one thing you learn when you get into the self injury habit is that if you don't do something fairly soon when you need to you're likely to do something a lot worse in a day or two or a week. So you have the choice between a relatively minor injury in the immediate future or a much worse one in a few days. The flip side of that can be that a person may not feel so compelled to harm theirself again until the previous injury is healed, so a more serious injury like a burn might mean a longer gap between incidents than a minor cut. It doesn't always work like this, but it can. Genyin -- " I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. " M. Schultz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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