WARNING SEXUAL CONTENT Re: Re: Nadas and sexual development

[Guest guest]

Hi Tag,

I'm sorry for your experiences. Know that you are not alone!! Here

are some of my stepnada's issues:

Told my sister at 10 that my mom is better in bed than her.

Would make us talk to her, face to face, while she was in the

bathroom changing a tampon, pooping, peeing, etc.

Berated us for being too modest - not walking around the house naked

like she did.

Forced me to cry with her over a baby commercial because she can't

have kids (I was 8) and I wasn't responding appropriately to her pain

(though she married a man who had had a Vasectomy).

Talked about sex with us all the time (as children), but threw a fit

when she saw my boyfriend at the time pat me on the butt at 17 - she

still talks about it to this day.

Used to literally drag my five year old sister off my father's lap

saying, " my turn on daddy's lap " , and she would proceed to straddle

him and make out with him in front of us.

Would grab his crotch in front of us because she thought we thought

that was funny.

Used to accuse us of needing to douche (though the smell was coming

from her).

Told us repeadedly how degrading and disgusting porn was (which we

believed until we saw a stack of it on the kitchen counter when we

came home early one day.) Ha - funny story - we called our dad when

we saw it just to say we were home. He was there not ten minutes

later, rushed in and then out of the kitchen with it as if we didn't

see it. We didn't tell him we did, but it was in a very obvious

place.

Also told us (like yours) that tampons were for sluts or women who

were married. Whatever.

I could go on, but won't!

You're not alone!!

AW

> Girlscout,

>

> I have been lurking on this board for the last few months

(struggling

> in grad school), but I HAD to write after reading your post.

> I also hid my period from my mother! I thought I was the only one!!

> I've never heard of anyone else who felt the need to do that. I got

my

> period on a Saturday morning, and knew right away what it was from

my

> friends and watching " that video in fourth grade. " I remember

thinking

> that " she won't help me " - meaning that she would not buy me pads or

> tampons, much less painkillers (I had severe cramps). I was also

> afraid she would tell my narcissistic older brother, or somehow

invade

> my privacy or embarrass me. I just knew I could not trust her or

tell her.

>

> This is sad, and I apologize in advance if this is TMI for anyone

> (please don't read if you think you might get grossed out)- but that

> weekend I used the one pad she had in our family bathroom, and after

> that just changed my soiled underwear about 15 times. :-( My plan

was

> to wait until I could get to middle school on Monday and walk home

> through town, where I could buy some " feminine products. " I hid all

> the stained underwear in my armoir. I was afraid she would find

them,

> and know what was happening. She found them though, and yelled and

> cried because I stained my clothes and was becoming a " dirty young

> lady. " She called my aunts on both sides of the FOO to tell them

what

> I did, adding it to my lists of faults. *I can still feel the shame

I

> felt when I overheard those conversations - she used the telephone

in

> the kitchen* She STILL didn't buy me any pads though - so I had to

> keep changing my underwear and followed through with the plan of

> walking home from school and buying my own. I bleached all the

> underwear I owned.

>

> In response to your question about repression, um YES that describes

> my nada to a T. She believed only " sluts " wore tampons, and tried to

> get my father to punish me when she discovered I had my first kiss.

> (He didn't do that though, he just asked me to tell him what kind of

> guy he was and reminded me to make careful choices). She also once

> found a note my friends and I were passing back and forth in the 7th

> grade where we were talking to each about what we thought sex might

be

> like. She was so furious with me for having a " gutter mind " she

> literally would not speak with me for days. I was beside myself

> sobbing for her to talk to me. Once again, she tried to have my

father

> punish me, and once again he just volunteered to answer my questions

> (which I wasn't really comfortable discussing with him at the time,

> but it was a response that seriously relieved me from believing I

was

> a whore).

>

> - April

>

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