Re: Addictions Re: Empathy??

[Guest guest]

> Most addicts do not want to admit they have a problem. I can relate to

> that. It's too scary to admit you can't control yourself, that your

> life is spinning out of control, so you pretend everything's fine.

I'd replace most with some. There are plenty of addicts who know full

well they are out of control but they have no idea WTH else to do.

The addiction fuels the addiction as it were.

Self injury is an interesting one - and I write as someone who self

injured for 12 years, frequently attending A & E with cuts and burns.

It's something you come to strongly identify with, and can't imagine

yourself without. People would ask me if i wanted to stop harming

myself and my reply was that I " want to want to stop " but I don't. I

suspect that self injury has some major psychological differences to

other kinds of addictions. There's no pretending everything is fine

when you're in A & E with another cut or having to attend a hospital

well out of your area, again, with another chemical burn.

I stopped self injury overnight because something came into my life

that was more important than anything else and completely changed my

course. I couldn't have gone looking for it - I'd have missed it. It

had to be something that virtually hit me over the head with it's

importance and direction. It had to look like chance. Anything

designed to help me I'd have given up on before i started.

Genyin

--

" I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!

The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. "

M. Schultz

[Guest guest]

Something? You've got me curious...

Jo

Re: Addictions Re: Empathy??

On 10/01/2008, abnormaldiversity <abnormaldiversity@ yahoo.com> wrote:

> Most addicts do not want to admit they have a problem. I can relate to

> that. It's too scary to admit you can't control yourself, that your

> life is spinning out of control, so you pretend everything's fine.

I'd replace most with some. There are plenty of addicts who know full

well they are out of control but they have no idea WTH else to do.

The addiction fuels the addiction as it were.

Self injury is an interesting one - and I write as someone who self

injured for 12 years, frequently attending A & E with cuts and burns.

It's something you come to strongly identify with, and can't imagine

yourself without. People would ask me if i wanted to stop harming

myself and my reply was that I " want to want to stop " but I don't. I

suspect that self injury has some major psychological differences to

other kinds of addictions. There's no pretending everything is fine

when you're in A & E with another cut or having to attend a hospital

well out of your area, again, with another chemical burn.

I stopped self injury overnight because something came into my life

that was more important than anything else and completely changed my

course. I couldn't have gone looking for it - I'd have missed it. It

had to be something that virtually hit me over the head with it's

importance and direction. It had to look like chance. Anything

designed to help me I'd have given up on before i started.

Genyin

--

" I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!

The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. "

M. Schultz

[Guest guest]

> Something? You've got me curious...

Oh, hum, it's too obvious for words. The something that came into my

life is Dharma, Buddhism. It turned my entire life around. I stopped

self injury, moved out of supported housing and began to value,

instead of hate, my human life. I could acknowledge that it is a

suffering life yet it would be of less value if there was no suffering

as then I'd have no reason to break the cycle of death and rebirth.

Genyin, Buddhist nun who met Dharma a little over three years ago

--

" I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!

The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. "

M. Schultz

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

>

> Genyin, Buddhist nun who met Dharma a little over three years ago

How did you meet Dharma?

D.

[Guest guest]

> How did you meet Dharma?

I\d been having a very bad time with a noisy neighbour in a complex of

flats with support onsite. The noise was driving me to fits of

screaming and banging my head on the wall, and the girl would then

switch her music off and call the police, who would come into my flat

and find me curled up on the floor and non-verbal. This would happen

several times a week. When the police left the music wuld go back on.

There was no other supported accomodation I could go to and I didn't

feel I could survive on my own. Also the placement was for a maximum

of two years and after that there was nowhere for me to go.

Things were pretty desparate and one night I set off into the Lake

District to kill myself. I was picked up by police - I had no idea

that I was by no means the first to wander off into the lakes to do

that - and taken to a psych ward and immediately discharged! They

thought I was attention seeking. My friend who came to collect me was

shocked that I was calm and happy about the idea of killing myself.

She ran the support group for parents of AC kids in the area, and she

was able to use some of the funding to get me a few days respite. She

and her partner looked for places for me to go to, quiet places, and

eventually they found Manjushri Buddhist Centre near Ulverston.

I went there rather scared, and while there I joined in with some

pujas, went to a teaching and talked with residents. I was astounded

at the calm and peace these people had. I'd never seen anything like

it. I wanted it! I asked if I could move in but was turned down.

However they reccomended I try to move to a smaller centre, and six

weeks later I did. Eighteen months later I ordained as a nun. By

then I was living near the Ulverston centre, and then I moved here, a

largish centre in Yorkshire.

Now this centre has closed and I have left the tradition, for various

reasons, but I remain ordained and Buddhist. My journey is at an

interesting point - there are lots of ways to go and I don't know if,

when or how I will make a choice. I'm drawn to Zen at present, which

is very different from the Tibetan tradition I started in. I go to

classes of a different Tibetan tradition quite often, and am going to

a monastery of yet another Tibetan tradition next weekend. And I'm

about to do an online meditation course of a different tradition

altogether, a Therevadan practice.

Sorry, that's a little more information than you asked for, but there

didn't seem a good place to stop midflow.

Genyin

--

" I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!

The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. "

M. Schultz

[Guest guest]

Thanks. That's very interesting. Sorry you had to go through so much

difficulty to get there.

D.

Re: Addictions Re: Empathy??

>

>

>> How did you meet Dharma?

>

>

> I\d been having a very bad time with a noisy neighbour in a complex of

> flats with support onsite. The noise was driving me to fits of

> screaming and banging my head on the wall, and the girl would then

> switch her music off and call the police, who would come into my flat

> and find me curled up on the floor and non-verbal. This would happen

> several times a week. When the police left the music wuld go back on.

>

[Guest guest]

> Thanks. That's very interesting. Sorry you had to go through so much

> difficulty to get there.

I guess if I hadn't it mightn't have meant as much to me. I could

just relate to it instantly.

Genyin

--

" I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!

The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. "

M. Schultz