Assisted Living vs. Nursing Home

[Guest guest]

After my mother died in November of 2009, my father moved in with us. He had

what I call three significant episodes of confusion/hallucinations etc during

the 9 months he lived with us and was eventually diagnosed with Lewy Body

Dementia. His last episode lasted 5 weeks and I moved him into a dementia unit

of a local nursing home. As in his other two episodes, he has now popped back

to his more " normal " self. Not normal as being able to live by himself because

of excessive sleeping, confusion upon waking and many, many falls one ending

with an injury that blinded him in one eye (fall occurring in the hospital while

he was being tested for change in mental condition). I feel nursing home is the

best place for him (given that I am not willing to care for him in my home after

that last long episode). I feel with his frequency of episodes and falls,

assisted living would not be appropriate. It would be OK when he was in his

" normal " stage but I feel he would be asked to leave when an " episode " occurred

or if he fell repeatedly. He has already been in three nursing homes (two

basically for rehab after events) and moved to my home in the last year. I feel

I've found a place where he can stay and be taken care of for the rest of his

life. The problem is he hates it there. He doesn't even remember any of his

episodes. After every visit, I fight with myself over the decision to move him

there. He is not a social person. He just wants to live alone in an apartment

close to stores that he can walk or " bike " to. Police started paperwork to take

away his license after an accident shortly after my mother passed away. Do I

have him in the right place? Did I do the right thing? Should I be letting him

make the decision on where to live? I really don't think so. How can someone

who can't remember these episodes make a good decision. He wants to get a

helmet that he can wear so that he doesn't injure his head when he falls down.

That is how he justified living alone when I ask what he will do if he falls.

He recently fell in the nursing home and had eight stitches under the eyebrow of

his good eye. I have such terrible guilt but when I rethink the decision as I

do about every other hour, I come up with the same solution. He has been in the

nursing home about 10 weeks. I feel responsible for the welfare of my father

but we did not have a loving relationship. I think he has exhibited symptoms

since sometime before 2008 based on conversations I remember with my mother.

Does anyone have insite or experiences that will help me know if I have made the

right decision?