Grateful for Easter--it's the last *family* holiday for a while

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I am grateful for Easter for religous reasons but I find myself also

being grateful that there will be no more *required* FOO parties

until November. This past Thanksgiving, my husband and I told

everyone that we were spending the holiday at home just the three of

us (we have a 2 year old daughter). I had never done that before;we

made it clear to everyone (including my nada) that it would be just

the three of us. Then, at noon on Thanksgiving, she showed up at my

door with a casserrole, presents for my toddler, and tears. I let

her in; she played games and made me feel terrible.

At Christmas, we made plans for Christmas Eve with Nada, but made

it clear that we would be at home ALONE on Christmas. Nada whined,

cried, and complained to anyone who would listen. She was so evil on

Christmas Eve that I didn't even feel guilty on Christmas for not

seeing her (and not answering my phone)--literally the best Christmas

of my life.

So, on Easter, we were invited to my aunt's home. My nada had to go

to a funeral that she couldn't reasonably miss. Well, she decided

not to go to the funeral and *surprised* us. I had a headache all

day while she talked about what a good mother/grandmother she is. We

will not leave her unsupervised with my daughter for even a moment,

but even so, she interjects with *helpful* comments. For instance, I

had just picked up all my daughter's toys because we were going

home. My hungry tired toddler who didn't want to go home emptied the

bag of toys all over the floor. I calmly and quietly explained to

her that it wasn't a very nice thing to do and that now she would

have to pick up the toys herself and put them back in the bag. She

did, but she took her time (which I ignored; she was doing what I

asked and she is only two). When she was finished, my nada loudly

told her to *thank* me for not leaving her there because she took so

much time gettng her toys together.

All I could think was: WHAT? Why would you tell a two year old that

her mommy and daddy might leave her? What is wrong with you?

Typical of me, I said nothing to my nada. I am always surprised by

what she comes up with. Thankfully, November is a long way away--

maybe even long enough to plan a trip out of town--for the three of

us.

Thanks for being a place to vent.

Bunny Montgomery

[Guest guest]

It takes practice and time. Have you thought about scheduling holiday activities

so that you are out of the house? If she shows up, nobody is home. Just a

thought.

Re: Grateful for Easter--it's the last *family*

holiday for a while

It's a lot for me to tell my nada not to come over for the holidays--

this year is the first time I have ever done that. Well, it's the

first time I have needed to--for years she had no interst in me,

preferring her husband or my siblings to me. But this year, my

brothers have taken a break from her non-sense and my stepdad left

her, leaving me with all of her attention. Anyway, I don't know that

I have the resolve to not let her in when she comes by my house and

knows we are there. My husband certainly does, but to me, it just

feels mean. I know it's not mean (after all, I did tell her not to

come over and she did it anyway just to push my boundaries) but it

feels mean, like I am going too far to leave my mother on the porch

on a holiday. I don't know why I feel bad about that--she's the one

overstepping boundaries, not me. If my brothers left her on the

porch at their house, I would say, " Good for you! You told her not

to come over, and she has no right to ask anything of you after the

abuse she put you through. You did a great job protecting

yourself. " I don't know why I don't apply the same though process to

my situation.

> > >

> > > Thanks, P. Bear. Until this year it never occured to me that

> > peaceful

> > > holidays were an option. I am still figuring out how to make

> clear

> > > that my nada is not to come over--I mean, I did tell her not to

> come

> > > over, but I don't know what else to do. I do know that

whatever

> it

> > is,

> > > my little girl isn't going to grow up dealing with my nada's

> holiday

> > > hell.

> > >

> > > Bunny

> > >

> >

>

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