Who's the mom here?

[Guest guest]

Reading that statement in one of the recent posts reminded me of a

situation I had with my NADA before I realized she was a BP. During

my separation from my ex-Husband, there was pretty much nothing that

my NADA was happy with me about from what I was doing about my

marriage to my parenting to how I spent my free time. She called me

under the premise of wanting to speak with me about how some job

interviews had gone on during the week, however, after a few minutes

it became clear that she didn't give a rip about the job interviews.

When I asked her point blank what was wrong, she started with the

whole, " I'm just worried about your kids. " My response, " You don't

need to worry about the kids. " Nada replied, " But DD seems so

angry. " (Geez, could SOMEONE be projecting here!). " Mom really, you

don't need to worry about the kids. It's my issue to deal with. I'm

the mother. " Nada's reply, " AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM! " At this point,

I told her that on three prior occasions I had indicated that my

marriage and my parenting we topics which were off limits because she

could not refrain from being critical on those subjects. Since it

was clear she could not work within the boundaries that I had set,

the conversation was over and I said good bye without waiting for a

response. I followed up the conversation with an e-mail which stated

since my parents could not find a way to be supportive of me during a

time when I could really use it, they were no longer welcome to call

or visit and that I would let them know when I was ready to speak

with them again (I went from February to almost Mother's day without

contacting them). This was the very first time I went NC with Nada.

Although I remember feeling a little guilty about it at the time, I

was so glad I did it as the two of them had literally been sucking

the life out of me at a time when I didn't have much life to give.

My therapist at the time gave me a pat on the back for sticking to my

boundaries, etc...so it made it a little easier to deal with the

guilt. Interestingly enough, at that time, my other therapist (I

actually had two...because everyone was insisting I see a " Christian "

counselor...another whole story) recommended the book, " Toxic

Parents. " Although I picked up the book and read some of it at the

time, I wasn't ready to accept the other implications. I wish I

had...maybe I would have made more progress in the past 5 years. Ah

well...live and learn! I remember someone else posting about wanting

to be sarcastic with their BPD...you don't know how many times I

wanted to tell them that the " Christian Counselor " they insisted I

needed to see recommended " Toxic Parents. "

Anyhow...I am sure there are many stories out there about NADAs who

overstep their boundaries with attempting to parent their

grandchildren.

JJFAN

[Guest guest]

JJFAN,

I'm sorry I'm not the only one with the grandparent who thinks she's

a parent, but I'm glad I have someone in the same boat who

understands!

Thankfully my dad is a reasonable human being. He will now back me

with such statements as, " The parents will let me know how much ice

cream he can have, " instead of letting my mother shovel unending

piles of junk food at my children.

) Cheryl

>

> Reading that statement in one of the recent posts reminded me of a

> situation I had with my NADA before I realized she was a BP.

During

> my separation from my ex-Husband, there was pretty much nothing

that

> my NADA was happy with me about from what I was doing about my

> marriage to my parenting to how I spent my free time. She called

me

> under the premise of wanting to speak with me about how some job

> interviews had gone on during the week, however, after a few

minutes

> it became clear that she didn't give a rip about the job

interviews.

> When I asked her point blank what was wrong, she started with the

> whole, " I'm just worried about your kids. " My response, " You don't

> need to worry about the kids. " Nada replied, " But DD seems so

> angry. " (Geez, could SOMEONE be projecting here!). " Mom really,

you

> don't need to worry about the kids. It's my issue to deal with.

I'm

> the mother. " Nada's reply, " AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM! " At this

point,

> I told her that on three prior occasions I had indicated that my

> marriage and my parenting we topics which were off limits because

she

> could not refrain from being critical on those subjects. Since it

> was clear she could not work within the boundaries that I had set,

> the conversation was over and I said good bye without waiting for a

> response. I followed up the conversation with an e-mail which

stated

> since my parents could not find a way to be supportive of me during

a

> time when I could really use it, they were no longer welcome to

call

> or visit and that I would let them know when I was ready to speak

> with them again (I went from February to almost Mother's day

without

> contacting them). This was the very first time I went NC with

Nada.

> Although I remember feeling a little guilty about it at the time, I

> was so glad I did it as the two of them had literally been sucking

> the life out of me at a time when I didn't have much life to give.

> My therapist at the time gave me a pat on the back for sticking to

my

> boundaries, etc...so it made it a little easier to deal with the

> guilt. Interestingly enough, at that time, my other therapist (I

> actually had two...because everyone was insisting I see

a " Christian "

> counselor...another whole story) recommended the book, " Toxic

> Parents. " Although I picked up the book and read some of it at the

> time, I wasn't ready to accept the other implications. I wish I

> had...maybe I would have made more progress in the past 5 years.

Ah

> well...live and learn! I remember someone else posting about

wanting

> to be sarcastic with their BPD...you don't know how many times I

> wanted to tell them that the " Christian Counselor " they insisted I

> needed to see recommended " Toxic Parents. "

>

> Anyhow...I am sure there are many stories out there about NADAs who

> overstep their boundaries with attempting to parent their

> grandchildren.

>

> JJFAN

>