finally started therapy, but maybe weird emotional side effects?

[Guest guest]

okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

bink

[Guest guest]

Hi bink,

I think you have something to discuss at your next session! You've been stuffing

alot I'll

bet and I wonder, do you ever get massages and what does your therapist say

about your

shoulders and upper back if you do? Just professional curiosity.

Carla

>

> okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

>

> so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

>

> bink

>

[Guest guest]

very weird...my back is a wreck. i've got this spot under my left

shoulder blade... i have actually referred to it since high school as

my " mom spot. " and i've been having back spasms ALL WEEKEND!

i can't believe i've been not feeling this stuff. THAT'S SO WEIRD!!!

bink

> >

> > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

> >

> > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> >

> > bink

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I just read all these messages and found them soooo interesting.

So you started therapy and then had this intense rage??

Wow. I am scared to start therapy. I mean I really want to. I am even going to

school for psychology! Yet I am so scared that I am going to go and not like the

person, blah blah...fear.

Have you ever had migraines?

I have been suffering from headaches since fourth grade. They developed into

migraines about 8 years ago.

I know it's from everything that's as someone said, " stuffed inside, " because

these thoughts pop up through-out the day, EVERYDAY of my life.

bink1227 wrote:

very weird...my back is a wreck. i've got this spot under my left

shoulder blade... i have actually referred to it since high school as

my " mom spot. " and i've been having back spasms ALL WEEKEND!

i can't believe i've been not feeling this stuff. THAT'S SO WEIRD!!!

bink

> >

> > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

> >

> > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> >

> > bink

> >

>

Vernamonti

[Guest guest]

OMG. I have the same thing. Does your left arm go numb sometimes, or your

fingertips get tingly? It is an actual physical event, I'll get a muscle spasm

that turns into a knot that can be felt by someone else pressing in that area. I

have suffered from this since I was in college and sometimes it would trigger a

panic attack. Generally it is caused by poor posture or repetitive actions such

as being stuck at a computer for too long and having your left shoulder droop

lower than your right shoulder. Holding that position without realizing it does

a number on my shoulder. I suspect I also carry my anxiety there as well.

I do two things to get rid of it or at least control it. First I use a kickball

or soccar ball to loosen up my back. I start in the middle and go all the way up

to my neck and then down to my tail bone, twice. Then I get a small tennis ball

or one of those really hard rubber dog chew balls (depends on how bad the knot

is) and put it right next to what you are calling the " mom spot " an work it

around until the knot goes away. If I am really wound up, it will take two days

to undo it. I find if I do this routine first thing in the morning every day or

every other day, my shoulder won't seize up. I thought I was the only person who

went through this.

Re: finally started therapy, but maybe weird

emotional side effects?

very weird....my back is a wreck. i've got this spot under my left

shoulder blade... i have actually referred to it since high school as

my " mom spot. " and i've been having back spasms ALL WEEKEND!

i can't believe i've been not feeling this stuff. THAT'S SO WEIRD!!!

bink

> >

> > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it' s like there was bubble

> > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon..

> >

> > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal.. does

> > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> >

> > bink

> >

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

OMG, Sweet deal for Yahoo! users/friends:Get A Month of Blockbuster Total

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[Guest guest]

>

> okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> contain.

Totally normal-it's emotional toxins coming out! Not fun but terribly

important to get that sh*t out of you. I agree with the massage, or a

chiropractor is great too. Best wishes-

Jan

[Guest guest]

Hi again bink,

Very interesting. Upper back between the shoulders is a very common area to hold

tension

especially anger and fear. Do you have a tennis ball or even a raquet ball? If

so stick it in

the end or middle of a sock. Get it between you and the wall and then position

it over

where your upper back hurts. When you do your right side bring your your right

arm

across your body, you can support your right elbow with the other hand. (and

visa versa

for the left) Lean back against the ball and move around until you find the

spot. (if you do

not bring that arm across then you probably won't find it. Many times it is

hiding under

the shoulder blade) Try not to wail away on it too much, you can hurt yourself

and it is

GONNA be tender. I love working this area. People are always just like, " OMG,

how did you

know that was there? " UUUUh over fourteen years working on people you get to

know the

hot spots.

Enjoy, Carla

> > >

> > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> > > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

> > >

> > > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> > > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> > > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> > > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> > >

> > > bink

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,

is it the pinkie side of your hand/fingers that go numb? Also do you ever feel

like you hit

your funny bone (elbow) when you know darn good and well that you didn't. If

any of this

sounds familiar then you might have classic Trigger Point pain coming from this

tiny little

muscle called the serratus posterior superior.

I typically find that most of the problem is resolved by being very conscience

of doing a lot

of upper back strengthening. and obviously observing good body posture and desk

ergonomics.

Carla

> > >

> > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it' s like there was bubble

> > > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon..

> > >

> > > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal.. does

> > > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> > > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> > > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> > >

> > > bink

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> OMG, Sweet deal for Yahoo! users/friends:Get A Month of Blockbuster Total

Access, No

Cost. W00t

> http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text2.com

>

>

[Guest guest]

OMG - Yes, it started out with the headaches in 3rd grade, and then the

neck/shoulder thing started. It just kept going and now I have it all the

time, fibromyalgia. I control it mainly with exercise and stretching. I do

yoga every day and even though it's so hard to move when you feel like crap,

it's about the only thing that's effective. I've noticed that I do a lot

better when the sun is out.

I have the rage thing too. Actually, I just posted about that in response to

another thread. If I get angry enough, I lose all of my fear. I will take on

a full grown man, get in his face and assume every posture of physical

intimidation I have ever seen, luckily, so far the intimidation has always

worked and I haven't had to beat anyone up (ha ha).

Rage is top of mind for me right now because I found out recently that a

very close friend of mine lied to me and manipulated me. Believe me, I did

not hold back. He e-mailed me today and I didn't even read the whole thing,

but I did get the part where he called me a villain etc. - I just replied

and said " I've been fantisizing about kicking your a##, so if I were you I

wouldn't press my luck. "

My boyfriend was rolling on the floor laughing when he saw what I had said.

This guy knows me well enough to know that I would do it, too.

Honestly, I've always been " sparky " but the real, true, fearless rage came

after I went NC. I guess I decided that I had had enough of being abused.

Hopefully as I get older and more feeble, it will start to calm down.

>

> ,

>

> is it the pinkie side of your hand/fingers that go numb? Also do you ever

> feel like you hit

> your funny bone (elbow) when you know darn good and well that you didn't.

> If any of this

> sounds familiar then you might have classic Trigger Point pain coming from

> this tiny little

> muscle called the serratus posterior superior.

>

> I typically find that most of the problem is resolved by being very

> conscience of doing a lot

> of upper back strengthening. and obviously observing good body posture and

> desk

> ergonomics.

>

> Carla

>

>

> > > >

> > > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

> after

> > > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it' s like there was

> bubble

> > > > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > > > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > > > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > > > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > > > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon..

> > > >

> > > > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal.. does

> > > > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally

> NOT

> > > > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take

> anything

> > > > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> > > >

> > > > bink

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> __________________________________________________________

> > OMG, Sweet deal for Yahoo! users/friends:Get A Month of Blockbuster

> Total Access, No

> Cost. W00t

> > http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text2.com

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Dammit I have the same left armed problem too! Actaully my entier left side of

fmy body is much weaker than my right. That includes the eye, arm, and hand.

Didn't know so many of us had this trait.

Lilly Blue wrote: OMG. I have the same thing. Does your

left arm go numb sometimes, or your fingertips get tingly? It is an actual

physical event, I'll get a muscle spasm that turns into a knot that can be felt

by someone else pressing in that area. I have suffered from this since I was in

college and sometimes it would trigger a panic attack. Generally it is caused by

poor posture or repetitive actions such as being stuck at a computer for too

long and having your left shoulder droop lower than your right shoulder. Holding

that position without realizing it does a number on my shoulder. I suspect I

also carry my anxiety there as well.

I do two things to get rid of it or at least control it. First I use a kickball

or soccar ball to loosen up my back. I start in the middle and go all the way up

to my neck and then down to my tail bone, twice. Then I get a small tennis ball

or one of those really hard rubber dog chew balls (depends on how bad the knot

is) and put it right next to what you are calling the " mom spot " an work it

around until the knot goes away. If I am really wound up, it will take two days

to undo it. I find if I do this routine first thing in the morning every day or

every other day, my shoulder won't seize up. I thought I was the only person who

went through this.

Re: finally started therapy, but maybe weird

emotional side effects?

very weird....my back is a wreck. i've got this spot under my left

shoulder blade... i have actually referred to it since high school as

my " mom spot. " and i've been having back spasms ALL WEEKEND!

i can't believe i've been not feeling this stuff. THAT'S SO WEIRD!!!

bink

> >

> > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it' s like there was bubble

> > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon..

> >

> > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal.. does

> > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> >

> > bink

> >

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

OMG, Sweet deal for Yahoo! users/friends:Get A Month of Blockbuster Total

Access, No Cost. W00t

http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text2.com

[Guest guest]

Yes, it is totally normal and even a good sign that the therapy

is " working " --if it would leave you indifferent then it might have

been ineffective. It's overwhelming and we as children of BPD's

always have problems with overwhelming feelings because we feel

either we're " doing the same thing " (not being able to control

ourselves) or we're being reminded of all the scenes when our parent

was overwhelmed and raging... I go to my shrink every week on

Wednesday at 8.30; and after that straight to work--that sometimes

does not work at all and I have to leave the desk. I'll never done

the screaming in the car: maybe something to try out next time.

I've been in therapy for several years now but only recently I came

to the insight that my mother probably is a high-functioning bpd

(with some of the traits represented very strong in her, and others

mildly). My therapists agreed when I asked them if it could be that

indeed my mother is bpd--and this has been a huge shock to me as

well. I find myself alternating between anger and deep sadness since

10 days... and I feel at the beginning of a very different phase in

my healing. So I'll think of you, Bink, when I punch my pillow or

work off the anger scrubbing bathroom tiles

Katrina

> >

> > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he

agrees

> > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

after

> > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > contain.

>

> Totally normal-it's emotional toxins coming out! Not fun but

terribly

> important to get that sh*t out of you. I agree with the massage, or

a

> chiropractor is great too. Best wishes-

> Jan

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Bink,

Yea for you. you got your self there. Yes Yes Yes I have the same

experiences after therapy. In fact a few weeks ago it was such a hum

dinger that it lasted for 2 hours straight of screaming in the car

where no one would see me. Lots of images of self harming but held

that together at least. The next day I called my therapist and had an

emergency appointment. We figured out that I had been triggered by a

conversation between us that seemed innocuos but for me triggered the

your not listening and validating me button. I sometimes have these

episodes after sessions when we didn't have enough time to have

closure or to fully explore something which left me hanging

emotionally and basically unfinished. I remember feeling this way at

the very beginning of therapy when there was a lot of intake info that

would scratch off scabs and just expose them to the air. My therapist

is amazing and tells me to call him when this happens and we talk

through it a little more to see what might be going on for me. He has

spent up to an hour on the phone with me on these occassions. He then

does a guided imagery that helps me contain it all safely. It has

helped me every time I do also have Ativan prn really low dose that

helps me calm down when he is not available and sometimes I use this.

I would suspect that your first session was a lot of intake? Does

some of this feel true? I now trust him enough to let him know (when

I notice) that I feel agitated before I leave the office and we spend

a few minutes there containing things or he calls me later to check

in. Also I try to notice during sessions when this occurs and tell

him right then. I can't always notice though and it knocks me on my

butt. I bet it is pretty common for folks like us that have had to

hide so much to have this kind of reaction upon " telling " . Hope you

are feeling better now. I now plan my therapy at the end of my day

with some time after to do what ever I want go for a walk,exercise,

write or sometimes stopping at the chocolate store on the way home

this helps to self soothe me and gets me back on balance. I can't go

back to work any more after sessions.

Take Care and try to share your reaction with the therapists when you

see him next.

Blessings Suebee

>

> okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

>

> so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

>

> bink

>

[Guest guest]

Something similar happened to me after mom's bpd issues started

coming out. I was an emotional rollercoaster for weeks, but it's

gotten a lot better and is bringing out some clear-headed

perspective. That said, I'm still NC, partly because darn it, I just

don't like her, and partly because I don't trust myself not to scream

obscenities at her if I see her again.

>

> okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he

agrees

> that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

after

> the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was

bubble

> wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank

into a

> deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

>

> so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally

NOT

> angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take

anything

> personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

>

> bink

>

[Guest guest]

sometimes i get headaches, but i don't think they're migraines.

they're much more likely to be very dull, long lasting pain. any

really bad headache is usually due to sinuses (DAMN YOU, POLLEN!!

::shakes fist:. i do get sick a lot, but i actually haven't been

sick since january, which is like, the longest i've gone without

getting a cold in years.

my therapist was pretty alright. i told him about my experiences and

all the stuff i had learned about bpd and the first thing out of his

mouth was, " oh...so you were very invalidated. " i was like, OMG! HE

BELIEVES ME! then he said that therapy would probably be very

beneficial to me and asked if i was someone he could trust.

so don't be scared. treat the first session like a job interview!

does the therapist get the job or not? i mean, you are the one who is

paying...so it pretty much IS an interview...

bink

> > >

> > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

after

> > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> > > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

> > >

> > > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> > > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm

generally NOT

> > > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take

anything

> > > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> > >

> > > bink

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Vernamonti

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

okay i have another question. it seems like every time i get a back

massage, i end up getting pretty sick. is that coincidence, or could

there be a correlation?

bink

> > > >

> > > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird.

he agrees

> > > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the

day after

> > > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was

bubble

> > > > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could

feel

> > > > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out

on who

> > > > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream

for a

> > > > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and

sank into a

> > > > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

> > > >

> > > > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal.

does

> > > > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm

generally NOT

> > > > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take

anything

> > > > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> > > >

> > > > bink

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

i guess i've just never felt rage unadulterated with any other emotion

before. i kept having to stop myself and take deep breaths and force

myself to calm down, saying to whatever human i was dealing with,

" look. this isn't your fault, but i'm having a very, very bad day.

i'm tired. i have a headache. i'm very angry. so if you don't want

to stumble into a WORLD OF PAIN, you need to kindly back. off. "

it sounded cooler in real life, though.

bink

> > > > >

> > > > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird.

he agrees

> > > > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

> > after

> > > > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > > > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it' s like there was

> > bubble

> > > > > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i

could feel

> > > > > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip

out on who

> > > > > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream

for a

> > > > > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and

sank into a

> > > > > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon..

> > > > >

> > > > > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's

normal.. does

> > > > > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm

generally

> > NOT

> > > > > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take

> > anything

> > > > > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest

thing.

> > > > >

> > > > > bink

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > __________________________________________________________

> > > OMG, Sweet deal for Yahoo! users/friends:Get A Month of Blockbuster

> > Total Access, No

> > Cost. W00t

> > > http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text2.com

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

scrubbing tiles? that's so productive... i think i might have

cleaned... the shouting tuckers me out, though.

> > >

> > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he

> agrees

> > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

> after

> > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > contain.

> >

> > Totally normal-it's emotional toxins coming out! Not fun but

> terribly

> > important to get that sh*t out of you. I agree with the massage, or

> a

> > chiropractor is great too. Best wishes-

> > Jan

> >

>

[Guest guest]

wow, that's awesome that your therapist is so cool. i'm going to

definitely be talking about it next session.

> >

> > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

> >

> > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> >

> > bink

> >

>

[Guest guest]

To those of you just starting therapy or thinking about it let me tell

you what you are going through is completely normal. I am a therapist

myself (finishing my doctorate in clinical psychology) and I am a 2

1/2 client of twice per week individual psychotherapy (and still going).

Hopefully your therapist will explain to you that in the beginning

therapy is going to bring out A LOT of emotions and feelings (and it's

going to feel weird in your body). Part of the therapist's job is to

help you understand those feelings and contain them. Starting therapy

can be a very scary process. I'm not going to sugar coat things; it

is difficult to look at your behaviors and your past (especially when

bringing up all of the crazy BPD stuff). Change (unfortunately) does

not happen over night, and even when you feel as though you are

feeling good and your much better this is not the time to stop therapy

(stopping therapy is something to discuss with your therapist).

Hopefully you are in treatment with a therapist who understands (or

even works with) Borderlines. If you are looking for a therapist it

is something to ask them before starting.

I hope this helps..

-Alyssa

> > >

> > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he

agrees

> > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

after

> > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was

bubble

> > > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank

into a

> > > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

> > >

> > > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> > > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm

generally NOT

> > > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take

anything

> > > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> > >

> > > bink

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh wow! I can relate to so many of your thoughts (sadness, rage, and

consequental physical pain).

I'm beginning therapy this week, too...I'm scared outta my mind to

start up again. No one wants to admit that they need HELP AGAIN! I

mean, seriously, who wants to go through therapy and start all over?

I feel like I've made three steps forward and eight steps back!

URGH! Yet, I know there are new issues/wounds that have surfaced...

I remember the " nuclear fallout " feeling that follows going to the

therapist. It's like opening up a deep wound and letting the air get

to it. It's cathartic and painful and intoxicating (because you know

the wound is healing). It also frightening because the

littlest 'touch' can stimulate a great deal of pain! There's nothing

like exposing an injury and then having some passerby graze the

exposed part... They do it unintentionally! And I (often) lack the

wherewithal to emotionally comprehend what's happened. That's what

happens with me when I open up after such a long period in hiding...

Bink ~ I'm so happy you brought this to the light. I will anticipate

this feeling and do my best to manage it. I'll have to acknowledge my

sensitivity to close friends so that they can help me through this.

One way I managed a lot of the rages, sadness, pain was to journal my

way through such episodes. The journals helped me to process what

was taking place before I had a meltdown or how I reacted (positive

or negative). I used the journals to share in my next session.

Writing is very cathartic and intimate to me. I don't know if that's

something you might like to do.

I found that journaling/writing helped me work through the emotion

much more efficiently. There's nothing wrong with taking 5-10

minutes to write down some thoughts. There's a lot of negative

consequences that take place when someone takes an hour walk or two

hour meltdown in their car (during the work day). There's no WAY to

avoid the natural fallout of dealing with our bottled emotions. We

just have to find healthy ways to cope with them.

I hope you're doing well today! I'll be thinking about you!

Smyles & hugs,

Dolly

Re: anger

I, too, am traditionally cool, calm and collected but working through

my " bottled emotions " does result in a pressure cooker effect. I

have a tendency to be knocked off kilter, offended or angered by the

littlest things. It typically has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the

event at hand. 9x's out of 10 it has to do with something I'm trying

to avoid inside my head! That's just something to think about. Try

not to beat yourself up about this, Bink! Acknowledge where you are

and work through your feelings. This too shall pass (thank God)!

[Guest guest]

Yep. That's it. It gets worse the more tense I become. I liked your suggestion

for the exercise. I will add it to my routine. Thanks.

Re: finally started therapy, but maybe weird

emotional side effects?

,

is it the pinkie side of your hand/fingers that go numb? Also do you ever feel

like you hit

your funny bone (elbow) when you know darn good and well that you didn't. If any

of this

sounds familiar then you might have classic Trigger Point pain coming from this

tiny little

muscle called the serratus posterior superior.

I typically find that most of the problem is resolved by being very conscience

of doing a lot

of upper back strengthening. and obviously observing good body posture and desk

ergonomics.

Carla

> > >

> > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it' s like there was bubble

> > > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon..

> > >

> > > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal.. does

> > > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> > > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> > > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> > >

> > > bink

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

> OMG, Sweet deal for Yahoo! users/friends: Get A Month of Blockbuster Total

Access, No

Cost. W00t

> http://tc.deals. yahoo.com/ tc/blockbuster/ text2.com

>

>

[Guest guest]

i don't normally journal (never did...paranoid my mom would get a hold

of it...), but i have posted a lot on this board, which does seem to

help. i am now pretty much comfortable talking about everything i

remember happening.

bink

>

> Oh wow! I can relate to so many of your thoughts (sadness, rage, and

> consequental physical pain).

>

> I'm beginning therapy this week, too...I'm scared outta my mind to

> start up again. No one wants to admit that they need HELP AGAIN! I

> mean, seriously, who wants to go through therapy and start all over?

> I feel like I've made three steps forward and eight steps back!

> URGH! Yet, I know there are new issues/wounds that have surfaced...

>

> I remember the " nuclear fallout " feeling that follows going to the

> therapist. It's like opening up a deep wound and letting the air get

> to it. It's cathartic and painful and intoxicating (because you know

> the wound is healing). It also frightening because the

> littlest 'touch' can stimulate a great deal of pain! There's nothing

> like exposing an injury and then having some passerby graze the

> exposed part... They do it unintentionally! And I (often) lack the

> wherewithal to emotionally comprehend what's happened. That's what

> happens with me when I open up after such a long period in hiding...

>

> Bink ~ I'm so happy you brought this to the light. I will anticipate

> this feeling and do my best to manage it. I'll have to acknowledge my

> sensitivity to close friends so that they can help me through this.

>

> One way I managed a lot of the rages, sadness, pain was to journal my

> way through such episodes. The journals helped me to process what

> was taking place before I had a meltdown or how I reacted (positive

> or negative). I used the journals to share in my next session.

> Writing is very cathartic and intimate to me. I don't know if that's

> something you might like to do.

>

> I found that journaling/writing helped me work through the emotion

> much more efficiently. There's nothing wrong with taking 5-10

> minutes to write down some thoughts. There's a lot of negative

> consequences that take place when someone takes an hour walk or two

> hour meltdown in their car (during the work day). There's no WAY to

> avoid the natural fallout of dealing with our bottled emotions. We

> just have to find healthy ways to cope with them.

>

>

> I hope you're doing well today! I'll be thinking about you!

>

> Smyles & hugs,

> Dolly

>

>

> Re: anger

> I, too, am traditionally cool, calm and collected but working through

> my " bottled emotions " does result in a pressure cooker effect. I

> have a tendency to be knocked off kilter, offended or angered by the

> littlest things. It typically has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the

> event at hand. 9x's out of 10 it has to do with something I'm trying

> to avoid inside my head! That's just something to think about. Try

> not to beat yourself up about this, Bink! Acknowledge where you are

> and work through your feelings. This too shall pass (thank God)!

>

[Guest guest]

For me the anger...inside of me was huge....at times it is

overpowered me.

Now it is just sometimes the pain and disappointment. Other times I

am numb and just don't really care.

I think the anger is scary as it can be is just a way of all the pain

escaping.

Keep going to therapy....it will get easier.

Malinda

>

> okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he

agrees

> that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

after

> the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was

bubble

> wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank

into a

> deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

>

> so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally

NOT

> angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take

anything

> personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

>

> bink

>

[Guest guest]

I think posting on this board is much like journaling only the journal talks

back. The point is to get it OUT of you and put it somewhere where you can go

back to it to analyze it critically.

Re: finally started therapy, but maybe weird

emotional side effects?

i don't normally journal (never did...paranoid my mom would get a hold

of it...), but i have posted a lot on this board, which does seem to

help. i am now pretty much comfortable talking about everything i

remember happening.

bink

>

> Oh wow! I can relate to so many of your thoughts (sadness, rage, and

> consequental physical pain).

>

> I'm beginning therapy this week, too...I'm scared outta my mind to

> start up again. No one wants to admit that they need HELP AGAIN! I

> mean, seriously, who wants to go through therapy and start all over?

> I feel like I've made three steps forward and eight steps back!

> URGH! Yet, I know there are new issues/wounds that have surfaced...

>

> I remember the " nuclear fallout " feeling that follows going to the

> therapist. It's like opening up a deep wound and letting the air get

> to it. It's cathartic and painful and intoxicating (because you know

> the wound is healing). It also frightening because the

> littlest 'touch' can stimulate a great deal of pain! There's nothing

> like exposing an injury and then having some passerby graze the

> exposed part... They do it unintentionally! And I (often) lack the

> wherewithal to emotionally comprehend what's happened. That's what

> happens with me when I open up after such a long period in hiding...

>

> Bink ~ I'm so happy you brought this to the light. I will anticipate

> this feeling and do my best to manage it. I'll have to acknowledge my

> sensitivity to close friends so that they can help me through this.

>

> One way I managed a lot of the rages, sadness, pain was to journal my

> way through such episodes. The journals helped me to process what

> was taking place before I had a meltdown or how I reacted (positive

> or negative). I used the journals to share in my next session.

> Writing is very cathartic and intimate to me. I don't know if that's

> something you might like to do.

>

> I found that journaling/writing helped me work through the emotion

> much more efficiently. There's nothing wrong with taking 5-10

> minutes to write down some thoughts. There's a lot of negative

> consequences that take place when someone takes an hour walk or two

> hour meltdown in their car (during the work day). There's no WAY to

> avoid the natural fallout of dealing with our bottled emotions. We

> just have to find healthy ways to cope with them.

>

>

> I hope you're doing well today! I'll be thinking about you!

>

> Smyles & hugs,

> Dolly

>

>

> Re: anger

> I, too, am traditionally cool, calm and collected but working through

> my " bottled emotions " does result in a pressure cooker effect. I

> have a tendency to be knocked off kilter, offended or angered by the

> littlest things. It typically has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the

> event at hand. 9x's out of 10 it has to do with something I'm trying

> to avoid inside my head! That's just something to think about. Try

> not to beat yourself up about this, Bink! Acknowledge where you are

> and work through your feelings. This too shall pass (thank God)!

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Special deal for Yahoo! users & friends - No Cost. Get a month of Blockbuster

Total Access now

http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text3.com

[Guest guest]

I know when I first started working out seriously, lunges and things

like that that worked my quads and hamstrings and glutes would upset

me. There were tons of memories stored in there I think. It was very

painful emotionally working those muscles.