finally started therapy, but maybe weird emotional side effects?

[Guest guest]

whoah. that is wild.

>

> I know when I first started working out seriously, lunges and things

> like that that worked my quads and hamstrings and glutes would upset

> me. There were tons of memories stored in there I think. It was very

> painful emotionally working those muscles.

>

[Guest guest]

Is what you are saying that these are emotional/physical reactions?

I've had this thing where they say that my inner ear is weaker on one

side. And it's signal is being sent incorrectly to the other ear and

Central Nervous System. It's causing me to spin, and have a mild

tremor. So, I wonder what causes a side to be weaker...in the ear?

> > >

> > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he

agrees

> > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

after

> > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it' s like there was

bubble

> > > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could

feel

> > > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out

on who

> > > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream

for a

> > > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank

into a

> > > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon..

> > >

> > > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal..

does

> > > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm

generally NOT

> > > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take

anything

> > > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest

thing.

> > >

> > > bink

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

______________________________________________________________________

______________

> OMG, Sweet deal for Yahoo! users/friends:Get A Month of Blockbuster

Total Access, No Cost. W00t

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>

>

[Guest guest]

yes this happened to me when i learned about bpd and accepted the

anger i had held back for so long

>

> okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he

agrees

> that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

after

> the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was

bubble

> wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank

into a

> deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

>

> so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally

NOT

> angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take

anything

> personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

>

> bink

>

[Guest guest]

I think what your feeling is totally healthy & normal. The same

happened to me when I started accepting the realities of a mother with

BPD. It's a scary experience to finally feel so much pent up raw

emotion. What's important is to let it out in healthy ways. Don't beat

yourself up for being overwhelmed, you're starting a journey that will

take work and practice, but is well worth it. Speak with your

therapist about managing all these new feelings. They should be able

to give you some viable options. Personally, I've found exercise and

journaling to be very therapeutic. Punching bags are great too=P As

far as the sadness that followed, depression is anger turned inward;)

>

> okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

>

> so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

>

> bink

>

[Guest guest]

I wish I could be like you...cool under pressure, not taking anything

personally. How did you manage to develop that?

michellecando78 wrote: I think what your

feeling is totally healthy & normal. The same

happened to me when I started accepting the realities of a mother with

BPD. It's a scary experience to finally feel so much pent up raw

emotion. What's important is to let it out in healthy ways. Don't beat

yourself up for being overwhelmed, you're starting a journey that will

take work and practice, but is well worth it. Speak with your

therapist about managing all these new feelings. They should be able

to give you some viable options. Personally, I've found exercise and

journaling to be very therapeutic. Punching bags are great too=P As

far as the sadness that followed, depression is anger turned inward;)

>

> okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

>

> so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

>

> bink

>

---------------------------------

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total

Access, No Cost.

[Guest guest]

well, i don't know if it's a good thing or not. i think my emotions

were beat down so much that i really couldn't take anything personally

anymore or i would have been nonfunctional. i just turn them off.

also, i tend to filter things through logically because otherwise, i

would be a complete wreck. i think, " is what they said truthful? i

don't think so, so i'll just disregard that. their motive is probably

xyz and this is why they're saying that. "

also, i tend to understate my emotions, which is kind of bad. i had a

boyfriend who would humiliate me in front of other people. he

couldn't understand why this would upset me. plus, i wasn't much

help. i would say things like, " that really bothers me, " but i would

mean, " knock it off! you're breaking my heart! "

i mean, it's good and bad. i can detach from most anything. but when

i let myself get attached to anything, i'm hooked. it's dismaying.

bink

> >

> > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

> >

> > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> >

> > bink

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of

Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

>

>

[Guest guest]

bink, I'm in the same boat with you. I'm sure it's the result of years

of emotional abuse from a BPD mom. When she would scream at me and I

was reduced to tears, she would tell me stop crying. And when I didn't

cry at a funeral, she accused me of being cold and unfeeling. So I've

always figure that my detachment was a survival thing. When you're in

a relationship like that, you can't win, so what are your other options?

>

> well, i don't know if it's a good thing or not. i think my emotions

> were beat down so much that i really couldn't take anything personally

> anymore or i would have been nonfunctional. i just turn them off.

> also, i tend to filter things through logically because otherwise, i

> would be a complete wreck. i think, " is what they said truthful? i

> don't think so, so i'll just disregard that. their motive is probably

> xyz and this is why they're saying that. "

>

> also, i tend to understate my emotions, which is kind of bad. i had a

> boyfriend who would humiliate me in front of other people. he

> couldn't understand why this would upset me. plus, i wasn't much

> help. i would say things like, " that really bothers me, " but i would

> mean, " knock it off! you're breaking my heart! "

>

> i mean, it's good and bad. i can detach from most anything. but when

> i let myself get attached to anything, i'm hooked. it's dismaying.

>

> bink

[Guest guest]

It starnge how some adult children of BPs handle emotions differently. I had to

withdraw from others simply because I suspect that everyone is out to hurt me.

That has damaged my career, social life (don't actually have one), and my

functioning as a productive member of society. I can understand why it can feel

better to turn emotions off, I just haven't ever had that ability yet. I didn't

mean to say that it is a good thing entirely but I do think it is good to be

able to ignore the actions/words of others that are just trying to get under our

skin.

bink1227 wrote: well, i don't know if

it's a good thing or not. i think my emotions

were beat down so much that i really couldn't take anything personally

anymore or i would have been nonfunctional. i just turn them off.

also, i tend to filter things through logically because otherwise, i

would be a complete wreck. i think, " is what they said truthful? i

don't think so, so i'll just disregard that. their motive is probably

xyz and this is why they're saying that. "

also, i tend to understate my emotions, which is kind of bad. i had a

boyfriend who would humiliate me in front of other people. he

couldn't understand why this would upset me. plus, i wasn't much

help. i would say things like, " that really bothers me, " but i would

mean, " knock it off! you're breaking my heart! "

i mean, it's good and bad. i can detach from most anything. but when

i let myself get attached to anything, i'm hooked. it's dismaying.

bink

> >

> > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he agrees

> > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day after

> > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was bubble

> > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could feel

> > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out on who

> > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream for a

> > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank into a

> > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

> >

> > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal. does

> > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm generally NOT

> > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take anything

> > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest thing.

> >

> > bink

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of

Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

>

>

[Guest guest]

i know you weren't implying anything. it's definitely helpful in a

lot of situations. i guess what i do now is basically decide how

important a person is to me and then weigh their opinions

accordingly. most of the time, i feel like i've got a hard candy

coating with an oooey gooey center.

bink

> > >

> > > okay, i've officially started therapy. it's kind of weird. he

agrees

> > > that my mom probably is bpd, which is sort of good, but the day

after

> > > the appointment, i just had this surge of rage that i could not

> > > contain. that has NEVER happened before...it's like there was

bubble

> > > wrap full of adrenaline in my neck and every so often, i could

feel

> > > one of them popping and it was all i could do not to flip out

on who

> > > ever was around me. i had to go in a car at lunch and scream

for a

> > > while. whoah. and it lasted all day until i got home and sank

into a

> > > deeeeeeeeeeeeep sadness which lasted until the next afternoon.

> > >

> > > so, i thought this was kind of weird. but maybe it's normal.

does

> > > anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? i'm

generally NOT

> > > angry at all...laid back to a fault, self-trained not to take

anything

> > > personally, cool under pressure. this is just the weirdest

thing.

> > >

> > > bink

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of

> Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

That is really weird. I've had my mom tell me that I'm cold too. She would

always couch those things by saying " I'm worried. " So, the exact

transcription was, Biological mother speaking to Girlscout: " I'm worried

that you might be a cold b*tch. "

Nice, huh?

>

> bink, I'm in the same boat with you. I'm sure it's the result of years

> of emotional abuse from a BPD mom. When she would scream at me and I

> was reduced to tears, she would tell me stop crying. And when I didn't

> cry at a funeral, she accused me of being cold and unfeeling. So I've

> always figure that my detachment was a survival thing. When you're in

> a relationship like that, you can't win, so what are your other options?

>

>

> >

> > well, i don't know if it's a good thing or not. i think my emotions

> > were beat down so much that i really couldn't take anything personally

> > anymore or i would have been nonfunctional. i just turn them off.

> > also, i tend to filter things through logically because otherwise, i

> > would be a complete wreck. i think, " is what they said truthful? i

> > don't think so, so i'll just disregard that. their motive is probably

> > xyz and this is why they're saying that. "

> >

> > also, i tend to understate my emotions, which is kind of bad. i had a

> > boyfriend who would humiliate me in front of other people. he

> > couldn't understand why this would upset me. plus, i wasn't much

> > help. i would say things like, " that really bothers me, " but i would

> > mean, " knock it off! you're breaking my heart! "

> >

> > i mean, it's good and bad. i can detach from most anything. but when

> > i let myself get attached to anything, i'm hooked. it's dismaying.

> >

> > bink

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

P.S. Maybe something to think about - in my case I was not detached, she was

just reacting to my bold, proud decision to leave someone I didn't love and

who didn't love me. My guess is that they say this as a reflection of

something inside them. It has nothing to do with us.

>

> That is really weird. I've had my mom tell me that I'm cold too. She would

> always couch those things by saying " I'm worried. " So, the exact

> transcription was, Biological mother speaking to Girlscout: " I'm worried

> that you might be a cold b*tch. "

>

> Nice, huh?

>

>

>

> >

> > bink, I'm in the same boat with you. I'm sure it's the result of years

> > of emotional abuse from a BPD mom. When she would scream at me and I

> > was reduced to tears, she would tell me stop crying. And when I didn't

> > cry at a funeral, she accused me of being cold and unfeeling. So I've

> > always figure that my detachment was a survival thing. When you're in

> > a relationship like that, you can't win, so what are your other options?

> >

> >

> > >

> > > well, i don't know if it's a good thing or not. i think my emotions

> > > were beat down so much that i really couldn't take anything personally

> > > anymore or i would have been nonfunctional. i just turn them off.

> > > also, i tend to filter things through logically because otherwise, i

> > > would be a complete wreck. i think, " is what they said truthful? i

> > > don't think so, so i'll just disregard that. their motive is probably

> > > xyz and this is why they're saying that. "

> > >

> > > also, i tend to understate my emotions, which is kind of bad. i had a

> > > boyfriend who would humiliate me in front of other people. he

> > > couldn't understand why this would upset me. plus, i wasn't much

> > > help. i would say things like, " that really bothers me, " but i would

> > > mean, " knock it off! you're breaking my heart! "

> > >

> > > i mean, it's good and bad. i can detach from most anything. but when

> > > i let myself get attached to anything, i'm hooked. it's dismaying.

> > >

> > > bink

> >

> >

> >

>

>