RE: I am so sad to say that my mother finally lost her battle on April 1st

[Guest guest]

Pamela,

I also send my condolences. Many times I get up at night to go change my

mother in law, turn her, give her medicine or drive away the boogey man.

Everytime I am aware that when she is gone I will have a big hole in my

nighttime - and I wonder what will I do? What did I do before I was caring

for her? I think the nights will be the hardest to get through initially.

One thing I do know a lot of is grieving. Grieving takes it's time and it's

never the same. Give yourself the time you need to grieve. It's like

having a double dose because you lost your mother and you lost a person who

you cared for night and day. It's especially hard on those who are

caregivers, whose days and nights are punctuated with routine. At some

point, if you are still a complete " mess " after two or three weeks, you

might consider looking for a grief support group or grief counselor. Often

churches have them and also hospice organizations, caregiver resource

organizations etc. will have or know of them. Even a senior center will

probably know of one or more. They can be a big help with grieving,

especially if one starts feeling stuck somehow. Finding ways to remember

helps too - writing especially can be helpful. Planting a

garden/flowers/tree/shrub can help. Ways to remember and memorialize are

ways to help grieving. And then be sure to give yourself a lot of tlc.

Maybe even a massage or trip to a favorite park or???

I'm so very sorry for the pain you feel but I am glad you were able to have

that experience. Give yourself time; it will get better a little at a

time.

Hugs

Dorothy

From: LBDcaregivers [mailto:LBDcaregivers ]

On Behalf Of kickbuttbooks@...

Sent: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 10:33 AM

To: LBDcaregivers

Subject: I am so sad to say that my mother finally lost her

battle on April 1st

Thank you all for your condolences, it has been very hard, harder than I

thought it would be....I really thought I would be prepared after all this

time and that it wouldn't hurt as bad but I am so lost.....I wake up in the

night out of habit to go into her room and turn her (she had pressure sores)

only to find the room empty. Yes, the nights are the worst. I hope the

hurt goes away soon, I am a mess. And my poor husband, he has traded one sad

situation for another but continues to be my rock. I try to remind myself

that I am lucky to have had such a wonderful mother, some people don't have

that sort of a relationship with their parent(s).

You all have been my " rock " , also. I honestly don't know what I would have

done without this group. Pat yourselves on the back, you deserve it.

I will stick around because I feel like if I left I would be leaving good

friends behind. And I, too, would be interested in a Life After LBD group if

there is one started.

Hugs, Pamela, daughter of " The Little Queen "