Guest guest Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 I don't think that my BPD has the skills or empathy to understand something like that. > > I have not tried an intervention, nor do I think it would be a good > idea. I think confronting a BP would only confirm their worldview > that everyone is out to get them, especially if all the people > conducting the intervention were painted black. I think it would > make things worse. > > > > > > So I know I've asked this before, but never heard from anyone and > thought I throw it out there again. Has anyone tried or know of > another who has tried an intervention. This is the only thing I can > think of that had not been tried. I know I could gather about 13 > people all currently painted black. I wouldn't want to do this if > it would make things worse, but then...how could it get worse > besides suicide. And would that be worse?. I hope that's not > sickly awful, but my BPD has created so much emotional, social and > mental pain for herself and others that I truly wonder. Any > thoughts on this? > > Thanks. > > > > JaneSoul > > > > > > > __________________________________________________________ > _______________ > > You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of > Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. > > http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text5.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 You're probably right. There's a part of me that has held back in doing an intervention. I just don't want to overlook any possibilities. My SIL actually had the Dr. Phil show respond to her. They were ready to fly here and start filming. We (my SIL, brother and I) ultimately decided against it. We didn't want to exploit our BPD and didn't feel it would change anything except that she (bpd) would've painted Dr. Phil black afterward. lol. JaneSoul Re: Intervention I have not tried an intervention, nor do I think it would be a good idea. I think confronting a BP would only confirm their worldview that everyone is out to get them, especially if all the people conducting the intervention were painted black. I think it would make things worse. > > So I know I've asked this before, but never heard from anyone and thought I throw it out there again. Has anyone tried or know of another who has tried an intervention. This is the only thing I can think of that had not been tried. I know I could gather about 13 people all currently painted black. I wouldn't want to do this if it would make things worse, but then...how could it get worse besides suicide. And would that be worse?. I hope that's not sickly awful, but my BPD has created so much emotional, social and mental pain for herself and others that I truly wonder. Any thoughts on this? > Thanks. > > JaneSoul > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ ____________ ___ > You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. > http://tc.deals. yahoo.com/ tc/blockbuster/ text5.com > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 2, 2008 Report Share Posted April 2, 2008 Well, everyone makes sense in all the responses. Maybe I hang on to that shred of hope because there's nothing else in the " getting help " area. I guess I thought that explaining about how behavior and abuse is hurting Bp's life, instead of a DOC (drug of choice), and pushing the ones who love her away, might be effective if done with many people and out of love. BUT, nothing (even though from love) has worked yet. I love my mom and want her to be okay. I'm sure if I talked to her tonight I'd be saying a lot of different things in a much different way right now. I guess with only 4 months of NC I'm still grieving. It has been hard lately not to call her. I know she would just rage and be abusive, but I always have that " what if " , just when I thought I had lost all hope. And why??? Why do I have any hope when I happen to know that as of yesterday and today she is on a new rampage. She is doing everything in her power to break up a marriage of one of her ex-boyfriends. I've had so many ups and downs lately. It gets exhausting. Anyway, Thanks everyone for all the reminders and insight! JaneSoul Re: Intervention i've tried an intervention before with my dad on my side and my mom just turned into a crying pitiful mess. we succeeded in getting her to confront some parts of her (after she was done projecting all over us), but it resulted in a big depression that my mom has no way of dealing with. she just sinks into despair when she thinks about the way things have been. she can't cope. it looks insurmountable to her and she doesn't think anything will ever change. i don't think she likes being this way any more than i do. the only way it would work is if you already had a psychologist familiar with bpd lined up and ready to see your mom like, THAT DAY or the next day because by the time my mom gets over things, she's back to acting like nothing is wrong again. bink > > > > > > So I know I've asked this before, but never heard from anyone > and > > thought I throw it out there again. Has anyone tried or know of > > another who has tried an intervention. This is the only thing I > can > > think of that had not been tried. I know I could gather about 13 > > people all currently painted black. I wouldn't want to do this if > > it would make things worse, but then...how could it get worse > > besides suicide. And would that be worse?. I hope that's not > > sickly awful, but my BPD has created so much emotional, social and > > mental pain for herself and others that I truly wonder. Any > > thoughts on this? > > > Thanks. > > > > > > JaneSoul > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > > ____________ ___ > > > You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of > > Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.. > > > http://tc.deals. yahoo.com/ tc/blockbuster/ text5.com > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2008 Report Share Posted April 3, 2008 There is always room for hope, but we should be realistic. It sucks. The NC is for you to be able to gain perspective so that if you decide to talk with her again you can do it from a position of strength. Re: Intervention i've tried an intervention before with my dad on my side and my mom just turned into a crying pitiful mess. we succeeded in getting her to confront some parts of her (after she was done projecting all over us), but it resulted in a big depression that my mom has no way of dealing with. she just sinks into despair when she thinks about the way things have been. she can't cope. it looks insurmountable to her and she doesn't think anything will ever change. i don't think she likes being this way any more than i do. the only way it would work is if you already had a psychologist familiar with bpd lined up and ready to see your mom like, THAT DAY or the next day because by the time my mom gets over things, she's back to acting like nothing is wrong again. bink > > > > > > So I know I've asked this before, but never heard from anyone > and > > thought I throw it out there again. Has anyone tried or know of > > another who has tried an intervention. This is the only thing I > can > > think of that had not been tried. I know I could gather about 13 > > people all currently painted black. I wouldn't want to do this if > > it would make things worse, but then...how could it get worse > > besides suicide. And would that be worse?. I hope that's not > > sickly awful, but my BPD has created so much emotional, social and > > mental pain for herself and others that I truly wonder. Any > > thoughts on this? > > > Thanks. > > > > > > JaneSoul > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > > ____________ ___ > > > You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of > > Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.. > > > http://tc.deals. yahoo.com/ tc/blockbuster/ text5.com > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2008 Report Share Posted April 3, 2008 Hi janesoul, I know that it is very hard. All I can tell you (5 years NC with nada, 4 months with rest of FOO), is to focus all that energy you would have spent loving them loving yourself and the people who love you back. I am trying to learn to take all of that nurturing energy that I have from growing up a caretaker and putting it to myself and the people who give back. For example, I try to buy myself flowers every week and then give myself the gift of time arranging them. I also say " no " to dinners with friends when I would rather stay home and work on my artwork. For special people, I take all the loving, nurturing energy I have and make a big fuss for birthdays and special occaisions - instead of wasting that energy on sick people who can't appreciate it, like my FOO. My boyfriend and I celebrated Christmas for 6 weeks this year - we had special parties with all our best friends and I didn't see the FOO at all. For his birthday I gave him a small present every day for about 20 days. This is silly, but I also love to groom my dogs and I buy them sweaters and bandanas, even for the Rottweiler, another way of expressing all that nurturing energy that has no where else to go. I also allow myself to spend hours on my nails and makeup - which I grew up believing was very silly and pansy - because I simply enjoy it. I guess what I am saying it to try to redirect your thoughts, energy and love toward yourself and people who deserve it. When I feel sad, i run to the flower shop and spend 6 to 9 dollars on loose stems and then I arrange them for myself. It doesn't fix the problem, but it does distract me and makes me feel that I have value every time I see them. > > Well, everyone makes sense in all the responses. Maybe I hang on to that > shred of hope because there's nothing else in the " getting help " area. I > guess I thought that explaining about how behavior and abuse is hurting Bp's > life, instead of a DOC (drug of choice), and pushing the ones who love her > away, might be effective if done with many people and out of love. BUT, > nothing (even though from love) has worked yet. I love my mom and want her > to be okay. I'm sure if I talked to her tonight I'd be saying a lot of > different things in a much different way right now. I guess with only 4 > months of NC I'm still grieving. It has been hard lately not to call > her. I know she would just rage and be abusive, but I always have that > " what if " , just when I thought I had lost all hope. And why??? Why do I > have any hope when I happen to know that as of yesterday and today she is on > a new rampage. She is doing everything in her power to break up a marriage > of > one of her ex-boyfriends. I've had so many ups and downs lately. It gets > exhausting. Anyway, Thanks everyone for all the reminders and insight! > JaneSoul > > > > Re: Intervention > > i've tried an intervention before with my dad on my side and my mom > just turned into a crying pitiful mess. we succeeded in getting her > to confront some parts of her (after she was done projecting all over > us), but it resulted in a big depression that my mom has no way of > dealing with. she just sinks into despair when she thinks about the > way things have been. she can't cope. it looks insurmountable to her > and she doesn't think anything will ever change. i don't think she > likes being this way any more than i do. the only way it would work > is if you already had a psychologist familiar with bpd lined up and > ready to see your mom like, THAT DAY or the next day because by the > time my mom gets over things, she's back to acting like nothing is > wrong again. > > bink > > > > > > > > > > So I know I've asked this before, but never heard from anyone > > and > > > thought I throw it out there again. Has anyone tried or know of > > > another who has tried an intervention. This is the only thing I > > can > > > think of that had not been tried. I know I could gather about 13 > > > people all currently painted black. I wouldn't want to do this if > > > it would make things worse, but then...how could it get worse > > > besides suicide. And would that be worse?. I hope that's not > > > sickly awful, but my BPD has created so much emotional, social and > > > mental pain for herself and others that I truly wonder. Any > > > thoughts on this? > > > > Thanks. > > > > > > > > JaneSoul > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > > > ____________ ___ > > > > You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of > > > Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.. > > > > http://tc.deals. yahoo.com/ tc/blockbuster/ text5.com > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2008 Report Share Posted April 3, 2008 Well, maybe not an interevntion per say, but thewy could hae a get together where you all " renegotiate terms " . You can calmly state that this is the type of behavior that will not be tolerated. I suggest you have a professional there if possible. The BP needs someone to " behave " for otherwise they will just start screaming and won't listen anyway. bink1227 wrote: i don't see an intervention being something positive, especially if the bpd in your life is at all prone to paranoid delusions. this will just allow them to say, " SEE!??! you ARE talking about me behind my back!! you're trying to CONTROL ME! " after unmitigated rage, i do see the bpd turning to suicidal threats to get people to feel guilty. what could this lead to... hospitalization? maybe. suicide? maybe. more black paint? maybe. breakthrough? probably not. sorry to be such a cynic, but i just don't see it being a positive expenditure of your energy. bink --------------------------------- You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2008 Report Share Posted April 3, 2008 One of the strategies that worked for me was to concentrate on my feelings and how her actions had caused me damage. Not the action itself but the result. IF you can get her to realize that you are hurt by her behavior and that it doesn't matter whether or not she thinks you were justified, you might have a chance. It seems to me that the lack of validation is the biggie. When I laid into my mom for discounting my feelings about something she had done it seemed to turn on a switch in her. She still says things that really ring my bell but she also will acknowledge that she may be riding me too much, which is something she NEVER used to do. If you do a renegotiation of terms be clear that one of the objectives is NOT going to be a change in her behavior; however it is reasonable for you to expect her to acknowledge that you do have feelings and that they are important. If not then you know where the boundaries are and you can react accordingly. Re: Re: Intervention Well, maybe not an interevntion per say, but thewy could hae a get together where you all " renegotiate terms " . You can calmly state that this is the type of behavior that will not be tolerated. I suggest you have a professional there if possible. The BP needs someone to " behave " for otherwise they will just start screaming and won't listen anyway. bink1227 <i.miss.my.cupcake@ hotmail.com> wrote: i don't see an intervention being something positive, especially if the bpd in your life is at all prone to paranoid delusions. this will just allow them to say, " SEE!??! you ARE talking about me behind my back!! you're trying to CONTROL ME! " after unmitigated rage, i do see the bpd turning to suicidal threats to get people to feel guilty. what could this lead to... hospitalization? maybe. suicide? maybe. more black paint? maybe. breakthrough? probably not. sorry to be such a cynic, but i just don't see it being a positive expenditure of your energy. bink ------------ --------- --------- --- You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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