A small victory

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I haven't been here in about ten days--my husband had surgery.

Between taking care of him (all better!) and my two year old daughter

deciding that it's fine to be independent unless Mommy is doing

something else (like taking care of Daddy) and all my normal

responsibilities (work), I haven't had a moment to myself. Because

I've been having this busy time, I haven't called Nada. She knows

how busy I have been, but she calls and says that I don't spend

enough time with her. I told her I spend " plenty " of time with her;

we see each other 2-3 times a month. I try to stick to once a month

but she tends to just show up places. She insists that our time

together is not enough, and how would I feel if I only saw my husband

or my daughter 2-3 times a month? What?!? I explained that PARTNERS

and TODDLERS are not in the same categories as mothers of adults.

She says it's exactly the same--I'm still her daughter no matter what

else is going on in my life. I told her that I have to have a balance

in my life--that I love her but I love other people, too and that I

was sure she could understand that. She said she could not

understand that; she hopes that I will find a way my stress over to

God.

In the past, I would have yelled at her. My whole life she has used

my faith to protect her from taking responsibility for the stunts

that she pulls. (I should pray to God to not be so sensitive--that's

one of her favorites). It makes me so angry when she does that and

previously I have played right into her hands by yelling at her.

(Being able to make me yell is proof that she has some control over

me). Well, this time, I calmly and firmly told nada that it wasn't

God causing my stress; it was her and she had to stop. I simply

would not put up with it.

I have finally had some peace on two levels--she has only called once

this week (rather than 3 times a day) and I feel like I was kind and

politely firm with a boundary. I had to share this because reading

the posts and responses on this board has helped me tremendously. I

know there's a long way to go, but this victory (looking out for

myself without disintegrating) felt really good.

Bunny

[Guest guest]

congrats bunny! yay!

love,

christine.

>

> Hi,

>

> I haven't been here in about ten days--my husband had surgery.

> Between taking care of him (all better!) and my two year old daughter

> deciding that it's fine to be independent unless Mommy is doing

> something else (like taking care of Daddy) and all my normal

> responsibilities (work), I haven't had a moment to myself. Because

> I've been having this busy time, I haven't called Nada. She knows

> how busy I have been, but she calls and says that I don't spend

> enough time with her. I told her I spend " plenty " of time with her;

> we see each other 2-3 times a month. I try to stick to once a month

> but she tends to just show up places. She insists that our time

> together is not enough, and how would I feel if I only saw my husband

> or my daughter 2-3 times a month? What?!? I explained that PARTNERS

> and TODDLERS are not in the same categories as mothers of adults.

> She says it's exactly the same--I'm still her daughter no matter what

> else is going on in my life. I told her that I have to have a balance

> in my life--that I love her but I love other people, too and that I

> was sure she could understand that. She said she could not

> understand that; she hopes that I will find a way my stress over to

> God.

>

> In the past, I would have yelled at her. My whole life she has used

> my faith to protect her from taking responsibility for the stunts

> that she pulls. (I should pray to God to not be so sensitive--that's

> one of her favorites). It makes me so angry when she does that and

> previously I have played right into her hands by yelling at her.

> (Being able to make me yell is proof that she has some control over

> me). Well, this time, I calmly and firmly told nada that it wasn't

> God causing my stress; it was her and she had to stop. I simply

> would not put up with it.

>

> I have finally had some peace on two levels--she has only called once

> this week (rather than 3 times a day) and I feel like I was kind and

> politely firm with a boundary. I had to share this because reading

> the posts and responses on this board has helped me tremendously. I

> know there's a long way to go, but this victory (looking out for

> myself without disintegrating) felt really good.

>

> Bunny

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Bunny,

I am so glad your husband is better. I too have a nada that thinks

I never give her enough time. If you gave my nada 3x a week she would

want 4x a week. I have learned it is what I am comfortable with,

because no matter what I give to her, it is never quite right or

enough.

Congratulations on your victory....for me no victoy with my nada

is small. I feel like any time we set a boundary and or protect our

family and or ourselves from a BP...it is something huge. Keep those

boundaries coming...that was the only thing that really worked with

my nada...and keep being firm with those wonderful boundaries.

A step at time .....YOU go girl...another victory awaits you.

Blessings,

Malinda

>

> Hi,

>

> I haven't been here in about ten days--my husband had surgery.

> Between taking care of him (all better!) and my two year old

daughter

> deciding that it's fine to be independent unless Mommy is doing

> something else (like taking care of Daddy) and all my normal

> responsibilities (work), I haven't had a moment to myself. Because

> I've been having this busy time, I haven't called Nada. She knows

> how busy I have been, but she calls and says that I don't spend

> enough time with her. I told her I spend " plenty " of time with

her;

> we see each other 2-3 times a month. I try to stick to once a

month

> but she tends to just show up places. She insists that our time

> together is not enough, and how would I feel if I only saw my

husband

> or my daughter 2-3 times a month? What?!? I explained that

PARTNERS

> and TODDLERS are not in the same categories as mothers of adults.

> She says it's exactly the same--I'm still her daughter no matter

what

> else is going on in my life. I told her that I have to have a

balance

> in my life--that I love her but I love other people, too and that I

> was sure she could understand that. She said she could not

> understand that; she hopes that I will find a way my stress over to

> God.

>

> In the past, I would have yelled at her. My whole life she has

used

> my faith to protect her from taking responsibility for the stunts

> that she pulls. (I should pray to God to not be so sensitive--

that's

> one of her favorites). It makes me so angry when she does that and

> previously I have played right into her hands by yelling at her.

> (Being able to make me yell is proof that she has some control over

> me). Well, this time, I calmly and firmly told nada that it wasn't

> God causing my stress; it was her and she had to stop. I simply

> would not put up with it.

>

> I have finally had some peace on two levels--she has only called

once

> this week (rather than 3 times a day) and I feel like I was kind

and

> politely firm with a boundary. I had to share this because reading

> the posts and responses on this board has helped me tremendously.

I

> know there's a long way to go, but this victory (looking out for

> myself without disintegrating) felt really good.

>

> Bunny

>

[Guest guest]

Good job Bunny! I can see why that would make you mad. Way to go! I

think/hope it gets easier with practice. It must!

Kisses and nibbles, Girlscout

>

> Hi Bunny,

>

> I am so glad your husband is better. I too have a nada that thinks

> I never give her enough time. If you gave my nada 3x a week she would

> want 4x a week. I have learned it is what I am comfortable with,

> because no matter what I give to her, it is never quite right or

> enough.

>

> Congratulations on your victory....for me no victoy with my nada

> is small. I feel like any time we set a boundary and or protect our

> family and or ourselves from a BP...it is something huge. Keep those

> boundaries coming...that was the only thing that really worked with

> my nada...and keep being firm with those wonderful boundaries.

>

> A step at time .....YOU go girl...another victory awaits you.

>

> Blessings,

> Malinda

>

>

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > I haven't been here in about ten days--my husband had surgery.

> > Between taking care of him (all better!) and my two year old

> daughter

> > deciding that it's fine to be independent unless Mommy is doing

> > something else (like taking care of Daddy) and all my normal

> > responsibilities (work), I haven't had a moment to myself. Because

> > I've been having this busy time, I haven't called Nada. She knows

> > how busy I have been, but she calls and says that I don't spend

> > enough time with her. I told her I spend " plenty " of time with

> her;

> > we see each other 2-3 times a month. I try to stick to once a

> month

> > but she tends to just show up places. She insists that our time

> > together is not enough, and how would I feel if I only saw my

> husband

> > or my daughter 2-3 times a month? What?!? I explained that

> PARTNERS

> > and TODDLERS are not in the same categories as mothers of adults.

> > She says it's exactly the same--I'm still her daughter no matter

> what

> > else is going on in my life. I told her that I have to have a

> balance

> > in my life--that I love her but I love other people, too and that I

> > was sure she could understand that. She said she could not

> > understand that; she hopes that I will find a way my stress over to

> > God.

> >

> > In the past, I would have yelled at her. My whole life she has

> used

> > my faith to protect her from taking responsibility for the stunts

> > that she pulls. (I should pray to God to not be so sensitive--

> that's

> > one of her favorites). It makes me so angry when she does that and

> > previously I have played right into her hands by yelling at her.

> > (Being able to make me yell is proof that she has some control over

> > me). Well, this time, I calmly and firmly told nada that it wasn't

> > God causing my stress; it was her and she had to stop. I simply

> > would not put up with it.

> >

> > I have finally had some peace on two levels--she has only called

> once

> > this week (rather than 3 times a day) and I feel like I was kind

> and

> > politely firm with a boundary. I had to share this because reading

> > the posts and responses on this board has helped me tremendously.

> I

> > know there's a long way to go, but this victory (looking out for

> > myself without disintegrating) felt really good.

> >

> > Bunny

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well done, bunny! Keep at it! Thanks for sharing -- it serves as

inspiration to the rest of us.

{hugs}

Kyla

>

> Hi,

>

> I haven't been here in about ten days--my husband had surgery.

> Between taking care of him (all better!) and my two year old

daughter

> deciding that it's fine to be independent unless Mommy is doing

> something else (like taking care of Daddy) and all my normal

> responsibilities (work), I haven't had a moment to myself.

Because

> I've been having this busy time, I haven't called Nada. She knows

> how busy I have been, but she calls and says that I don't spend

> enough time with her. I told her I spend " plenty " of time with

her;

> we see each other 2-3 times a month. I try to stick to once a

month

> but she tends to just show up places. She insists that our time

> together is not enough, and how would I feel if I only saw my

husband

> or my daughter 2-3 times a month? What?!? I explained that

PARTNERS

> and TODDLERS are not in the same categories as mothers of adults.

> She says it's exactly the same--I'm still her daughter no matter

what

> else is going on in my life. I told her that I have to have a

balance

> in my life--that I love her but I love other people, too and that

I

> was sure she could understand that. She said she could not

> understand that; she hopes that I will find a way my stress over

to

> God.

>

> In the past, I would have yelled at her. My whole life she has

used

> my faith to protect her from taking responsibility for the stunts

> that she pulls. (I should pray to God to not be so sensitive--

that's

> one of her favorites). It makes me so angry when she does that

and

> previously I have played right into her hands by yelling at her.

> (Being able to make me yell is proof that she has some control

over

> me). Well, this time, I calmly and firmly told nada that it

wasn't

> God causing my stress; it was her and she had to stop. I simply

> would not put up with it.

>

> I have finally had some peace on two levels--she has only called

once

> this week (rather than 3 times a day) and I feel like I was kind

and

> politely firm with a boundary. I had to share this because

reading

> the posts and responses on this board has helped me tremendously.

I

> know there's a long way to go, but this victory (looking out for

> myself without disintegrating) felt really good.

>

> Bunny

>

[Guest guest]

High Five Chick. Good for you.

A small victory

Hi,

I haven't been here in about ten days--my husband had surgery.

Between taking care of him (all better!) and my two year old daughter

deciding that it's fine to be independent unless Mommy is doing

something else (like taking care of Daddy) and all my normal

responsibilities (work), I haven't had a moment to myself. Because

I've been having this busy time, I haven't called Nada. She knows

how busy I have been, but she calls and says that I don't spend

enough time with her. I told her I spend " plenty " of time with her;

we see each other 2-3 times a month. I try to stick to once a month

but she tends to just show up places. She insists that our time

together is not enough, and how would I feel if I only saw my husband

or my daughter 2-3 times a month? What?!? I explained that PARTNERS

and TODDLERS are not in the same categories as mothers of adults.

She says it's exactly the same--I'm still her daughter no matter what

else is going on in my life.. I told her that I have to have a balance

in my life--that I love her but I love other people, too and that I

was sure she could understand that. She said she could not

understand that; she hopes that I will find a way my stress over to

God.

In the past, I would have yelled at her.. My whole life she has used

my faith to protect her from taking responsibility for the stunts

that she pulls. (I should pray to God to not be so sensitive--that' s

one of her favorites). It makes me so angry when she does that and

previously I have played right into her hands by yelling at her.

(Being able to make me yell is proof that she has some control over

me). Well, this time, I calmly and firmly told nada that it wasn't

God causing my stress; it was her and she had to stop. I simply

would not put up with it.

I have finally had some peace on two levels--she has only called once

this week (rather than 3 times a day) and I feel like I was kind and

politely firm with a boundary. I had to share this because reading

the posts and responses on this board has helped me tremendously. I

know there's a long way to go, but this victory (looking out for

myself without disintegrating) felt really good.

Bunny

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