Re: nervous abt going to my fiance's for Christmas

[Guest guest]

Can you negotiate with your finance ahead of time to make sure you

have time to yourself and a quiet place to which you can retreat when

you need to? Knowing ahead of time that you have that place, and that

you can retreat to it as needed, could help you deal with the

inevitable strain, maybe.

Jane

> With all I have been thru, and having parents of past ex's not like

> me,

> I'm kinda skittish, I guess. Fearful abt what they'll say abt the

> way I

> act due to my conditions and all that. Scared I'll do or say something

> stupid. It's bad enuf his dad's side of the fam wants to meet me now,

> now that they know abt me. It's gonna be a NO WAY cuz it'll be enuf me

> meeting the immediate family. Anything morte would possibly cause me

> to

> " shutdown " . And I dont need issues/questions abt that.

[Guest guest]

not sure

possibly

they know I have hfa so that sorta helps

-- Re: nervous abt going to my fiance's for

Christmas

Can you negotiate with your finance ahead of time to make sure you

have time to yourself and a quiet place to which you can retreat when

you need to? Knowing ahead of time that you have that place, and that

you can retreat to it as needed, could help you deal with the

inevitable strain, maybe.

Jane

> With all I have been thru, and having parents of past ex's not like

> me,

> I'm kinda skittish, I guess. Fearful abt what they'll say abt the

> way I

> act due to my conditions and all that. Scared I'll do or say something

> stupid. It's bad enuf his dad's side of the fam wants to meet me now,

> now that they know abt me. It's gonna be a NO WAY cuz it'll be enuf me

> meeting the immediate family. Anything morte would possibly cause me

> to

> " shutdown " . And I dont need issues/questions abt that.

[Guest guest]

Is it possible to meet only the immediate family and to meet the others at a

later time?

This is a test - not for you, but for your fiance. How he supports you and helps

you.

This Christmas, these family invitations are indicators what life will be like

with him.

~Bonnie

- - - -- - - - - - - - - -

With all I have been thru, and having parents of past ex's not like me,

I'm kinda skittish, I guess. Fearful abt what they'll say abt the way I

act due to my conditions and all that. Scared I'll do or say something

stupid. It's bad enuf his dad's side of the fam wants to meet me now,

now that they know abt me. It's gonna be a NO WAY cuz it'll be enuf me

meeting the immediate family. Anything morte would possibly cause me to

" shutdown " . And I dont need issues/questions abt that.

[Guest guest]

I am hoping that that is what happens. His dad's side will just have to wait

I hate to put it that way, cuz I don't mean any sort of disrespect, but I

cant handle everything all at once. My fiance knows this, thankfully

-- Re: nervous abt going to my fiance's for

Christmas

Is it possible to meet only the immediate family and to meet the others at a

later time?

This is a test - not for you, but for your fiance. How he supports you and

helps you.

This Christmas, these family invitations are indicators what life will be

like with him.

~Bonnie

- - - -- - - - - - - - - -

With all I have been thru, and having parents of past ex's not like me,

I'm kinda skittish, I guess. Fearful abt what they'll say abt the way I

act due to my conditions and all that. Scared I'll do or say something

stupid. It's bad enuf his dad's side of the fam wants to meet me now,

now that they know abt me. It's gonna be a NO WAY cuz it'll be enuf me

meeting the immediate family. Anything morte would possibly cause me to

" shutdown " . And I dont need issues/questions abt that.

[Guest guest]

>

>

> > With all I have been thru, and having parents of past ex's not like

> > me, I'm kinda skittish ... Scared I'll do or say something

> > stupid. ... would possibly cause me to

> > " shutdown " . And I dont need issues/questions abt that.

> Can you negotiate with your finance ahead of time to make sure you

> have time to yourself and a quiet place ...

I'd take it further. You " need to " tell your fiancee that he needs

to protect you so that

1. you won't be in a situation where you would be uncomfortable.

Your fiancee probably knows when to give you the necessary " space "

and can make sure that his family doesn't inadvertantly become

overbearing;

2. if you do shut down, he will be there to " cover " for you, meaning

let his family know that you're doing okay and that you only need

sufficient quiet time. He needs to let them know you aren't being

rude;

3. questions and issues about that are " off limits " .

- s0

[Guest guest]

I would be worried about it too....most folks want only the best for their

children, including potential mates. And I have seen parents work on their

kids to drop fiancees for less than autism...including my own parents who

actually had picked out a guy and told him I was interested in him, even

though I had never even heard of the guy, let alone met or dated!! My

parents disowned me for years, because I had gotten engaged to and married

someone my Southern belle mom considered a 'damnYankee'-Wayne is from New

York, with Canadian grandparents....

Yeah, to the South, the War between the states is still very much alive.

Gail

-- Re: nervous abt going to my fiance's for

Christmas

>

>

> > With all I have been thru, and having parents of past ex's not like

> > me, I'm kinda skittish ... Scared I'll do or say something

> > stupid. ... would possibly cause me to

> > " shutdown " . And I dont need issues/questions abt that.

> Can you negotiate with your finance ahead of time to make sure you

> have time to yourself and a quiet place ...

I'd take it further. You " need to " tell your fiancee that he needs

to protect you so that

1. you won't be in a situation where you would be uncomfortable.

Your fiancee probably knows when to give you the necessary " space "

and can make sure that his family doesn't inadvertantly become

overbearing;

2. if you do shut down, he will be there to " cover " for you, meaning

let his family know that you're doing okay and that you only need

sufficient quiet time. He needs to let them know you aren't being

rude;

3. questions and issues about that are " off limits " .

- s0

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