Guest guest Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 Hello everyone, I just wanted to share this here because I know that I owe this bit of progress to everyone here and maybe sometimes people do not realize how much they are helping others by posting here, even when they feel like they are just unloading or *especially* when they feel like they are just unloading. The other day I was working in an office and there was a rubik's cube on a desk and I picked it up and solved a side of it with very little difficulty. I know for some people that is nothing but for me it is like a miracle because my spatial skills are very poor, and it was so strange how my brain just kind of took over and said, 'do this', 'now do this', etc. Then the other day I was formatting a term paper for a group project in one of my classes, and I usually have to fight with Word because the formatting never does what I want it do do, and suddenly the formatting started making sense to me. Everything clicked into place and there was this moment when I realized that one of the functions I always struggle with makes complete sense and there is a method to it. These may seem like small things but to me they are huge and even now I am tearing up thinking about it. Apparently coming here and reading these posts and finally absorbing that it isn't possible to make sense of bpd behavior because it doesn't make logical sense, has somehow freed my brain up to be able to have more success with things that *do* make sense, and to detect small patterns where before I was completely stuck and always felt I couldn't make sense of things no matter how hard I tried. I once had a therapist tell me that I was incredibly " stuck " at a point in childhood, the point where things stopped making sense, and just those two little successes have given me so much hope, because I am in school, that I can maybe go further than I'd previously thought possible. I am still a bit euphoric about it so I wanted to share it and say thanks to everyone, you guys have profoundly changed my life even though I've only been reading and posting here a short while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 I love miracles! JaneSoul my brain is changing Hello everyone, I just wanted to share this here because I know that I owe this bit of progress to everyone here and maybe sometimes people do not realize how much they are helping others by posting here, even when they feel like they are just unloading or *especially* when they feel like they are just unloading. The other day I was working in an office and there was a rubik's cube on a desk and I picked it up and solved a side of it with very little difficulty. I know for some people that is nothing but for me it is like a miracle because my spatial skills are very poor, and it was so strange how my brain just kind of took over and said, 'do this', 'now do this', etc. Then the other day I was formatting a term paper for a group project in one of my classes, and I usually have to fight with Word because the formatting never does what I want it do do, and suddenly the formatting started making sense to me. Everything clicked into place and there was this moment when I realized that one of the functions I always struggle with makes complete sense and there is a method to it. These may seem like small things but to me they are huge and even now I am tearing up thinking about it. Apparently coming here and reading these posts and finally absorbing that it isn't possible to make sense of bpd behavior because it doesn't make logical sense, has somehow freed my brain up to be able to have more success with things that *do* make sense, and to detect small patterns where before I was completely stuck and always felt I couldn't make sense of things no matter how hard I tried. I once had a therapist tell me that I was incredibly " stuck " at a point in childhood, the point where things stopped making sense, and just those two little successes have given me so much hope, because I am in school, that I can maybe go further than I'd previously thought possible. I am still a bit euphoric about it so I wanted to share it and say thanks to everyone, you guys have profoundly changed my life even though I've only been reading and posting here a short while. ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text5.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 it feels like someone unlocked something in my brain. here are the lyrics to a song I just posted a link to in suebee's thread, I'm in a happy mood today " Mystical " Miracle or magic Glorious or tragic What of this are we All of this we are Stories passed along in books Passed along to me With all the apples that we took When things are real but not real clear Naturally we're bound to feel some kind of fear For the mystical or habit Parted seas or top hats and rabbits What of this are we All of this we are I've been an angel and a crook Done some things to you That made me take a second look When things are real but not real clear Naturally we're bound to feel some type of fear... (repeat) http://www.myspace.com/birdiebusch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 Bless you are an inspiration to all. The is happening from within...and that is where your personal empowerment is. It is amazing how we help each found ouselves. The validation here is wonderful! Keep reading and posting. Great insights! Malinda > > Hello everyone, I just wanted to share this here because I know that > I owe this bit of progress to everyone here and maybe sometimes > people do not realize how much they are helping others by posting > here, even when they feel like they are just unloading or > *especially* when they feel like they are just unloading. > > The other day I was working in an office and there was a rubik's > cube on a desk and I picked it up and solved a side of it with very > little difficulty. I know for some people that is nothing but for me > it is like a miracle because my spatial skills are very poor, and it > was so strange how my brain just kind of took over and said, 'do > this', 'now do this', etc. Then the other day I was formatting a > term paper for a group project in one of my classes, and I usually > have to fight with Word because the formatting never does what I > want it do do, and suddenly the formatting started making sense to > me. Everything clicked into place and there was this moment when I > realized that one of the functions I always struggle with makes > complete sense and there is a method to it. These may seem like > small things but to me they are huge and even now I am tearing up > thinking about it. Apparently coming here and reading these posts > and finally absorbing that it isn't possible to make sense of bpd > behavior because it doesn't make logical sense, has somehow freed my > brain up to be able to have more success with things that *do* make > sense, and to detect small patterns where before I was completely > stuck and always felt I couldn't make sense of things no matter how > hard I tried. I once had a therapist tell me that I was > incredibly " stuck " at a point in childhood, the point where things > stopped making sense, and just those two little successes have given > me so much hope, because I am in school, that I can maybe go further > than I'd previously thought possible. I am still a bit euphoric > about it so I wanted to share it and say thanks to everyone, you > guys have profoundly changed my life even though I've only been > reading and posting here a short while. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 > > Hello everyone, I just wanted to share this here because I know that > I owe this bit of progress to everyone here and maybe sometimes > people do not realize how much they are helping others by posting > here, even when they feel like they are just unloading or > *especially* when they feel like they are just unloading. > > That is so wonderful!! I feel I'm having some similar experiences, although I'm not ready for the Rubik's Cube yet... I'm so happy for you! Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 Very happy to read that, and to almost sense your happy mood, Mayalisa! I think that if you experience progress in cognitive skills, then there is certainly a huge progress in emotionally dealing with it all. I also think that skills such as spatial orientation are very susceptible to what others say / think about you. Like when you've been hearing over and over again that what you say does not make sense, that you'll always get lost and never read the map right, -- then you're likely not to have so much confidence about spatial skills. And when you don't believe all that trash they've been telling you, then suddenly the performance improves. That's really great news! So yes it is a miracle of sorts, but one that you've been working very hard for! Congratulations, Katrina > > > > Hello everyone, I just wanted to share this here because I know that > > I owe this bit of progress to everyone here and maybe sometimes > > people do not realize how much they are helping others by posting > > here, even when they feel like they are just unloading or > > *especially* when they feel like they are just unloading. > > > > > That is so wonderful!! I feel I'm having some similar experiences, > although I'm not ready for the Rubik's Cube yet... > I'm so happy for you! > Jan > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 I am so very glad you are recognizing that you are making progress. It always brings with it a sense of accomplishment for me when I hit one of those AHa!! moments. You bring up a very interesting point. The " Stuck point.. " For as long as I can remember I have a stuck age in my head of 12. I don't act 12, I surely don't look 12 and I don't emote like a 12 year old, but my inner child (for lack of a better term) is stuck at 12. It was at this age that a huge emotional event occured and I have never really gotten over it. It took me a while to realize that even though I was " stuck " on this age, it was actually related to an event. Does anyone else go through this? Sometimes I wonder if we emotionally shut down at a particular age and never really get past it. Our inner child never really grows up. I can feel that part of me starting to let go of the trauma as I become better able to let go of what happened, but it is slow going and that baby's grip is tight. my brain is changing Hello everyone, I just wanted to share this here because I know that I owe this bit of progress to everyone here and maybe sometimes people do not realize how much they are helping others by posting here, even when they feel like they are just unloading or *especially* when they feel like they are just unloading. The other day I was working in an office and there was a rubik's cube on a desk and I picked it up and solved a side of it with very little difficulty. I know for some people that is nothing but for me it is like a miracle because my spatial skills are very poor, and it was so strange how my brain just kind of took over and said, 'do this', 'now do this', etc. Then the other day I was formatting a term paper for a group project in one of my classes, and I usually have to fight with Word because the formatting never does what I want it do do, and suddenly the formatting started making sense to me. Everything clicked into place and there was this moment when I realized that one of the functions I always struggle with makes complete sense and there is a method to it. These may seem like small things but to me they are huge and even now I am tearing up thinking about it. Apparently coming here and reading these posts and finally absorbing that it isn't possible to make sense of bpd behavior because it doesn't make logical sense, has somehow freed my brain up to be able to have more success with things that *do* make sense, and to detect small patterns where before I was completely stuck and always felt I couldn't make sense of things no matter how hard I tried. I once had a therapist tell me that I was incredibly " stuck " at a point in childhood, the point where things stopped making sense, and just those two little successes have given me so much hope, because I am in school, that I can maybe go further than I'd previously thought possible. I am still a bit euphoric about it so I wanted to share it and say thanks to everyone, you guys have profoundly changed my life even though I've only been reading and posting here a short while. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 my stuck point is 6, this is what the therapist told me and this is when the most profound emotional damage was done, everything after that just compounded it. It was because of some abuse, but the main damage came from the person breaking down and crying and telling me that I 'never did anything for them' and they had done so much for me (taking me to a toy store and telling me I could have whavever I want, etc)...it was physical abuse but the emotional manipulation of that episode, because I couldn't make sense of it, is what caused my mental switch to flip to 'pause'; every sense then I have a huge blank spot around culpability that has ruined my life in some ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 You deserve the credit for this! You are the one who did the work! gs > > my stuck point is 6, this is what the therapist told me and this is > when the most profound emotional damage was done, everything after > that just compounded it. It was because of some abuse, but the main > damage came from the person breaking down and crying and telling me > that I 'never did anything for them' and they had done so much for me > (taking me to a toy store and telling me I could have whavever I want, > etc)...it was physical abuse but the emotional manipulation of that > episode, because I couldn't make sense of it, is what caused my mental > switch to flip to 'pause'; every sense then I have a huge blank spot > around culpability that has ruined my life in some ways. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 Thank you so much for that post. You said it best " Stop trying to make sense out of BP behavior because it doesn't make any logical sense " . For some reason your words are very comforting to me. I'm going to keep your post with me. It gives me hope and sometimes that is something that I desperately need. Lilly Blue wrote: I am so very glad you are recognizing that you are making progress. It always brings with it a sense of accomplishment for me when I hit one of those AHa!! moments. You bring up a very interesting point. The " Stuck point.. " For as long as I can remember I have a stuck age in my head of 12. I don't act 12, I surely don't look 12 and I don't emote like a 12 year old, but my inner child (for lack of a better term) is stuck at 12. It was at this age that a huge emotional event occured and I have never really gotten over it. It took me a while to realize that even though I was " stuck " on this age, it was actually related to an event. Does anyone else go through this? Sometimes I wonder if we emotionally shut down at a particular age and never really get past it. Our inner child never really grows up. I can feel that part of me starting to let go of the trauma as I become better able to let go of what happened, but it is slow going and that baby's grip is tight. my brain is changing Hello everyone, I just wanted to share this here because I know that I owe this bit of progress to everyone here and maybe sometimes people do not realize how much they are helping others by posting here, even when they feel like they are just unloading or *especially* when they feel like they are just unloading. The other day I was working in an office and there was a rubik's cube on a desk and I picked it up and solved a side of it with very little difficulty. I know for some people that is nothing but for me it is like a miracle because my spatial skills are very poor, and it was so strange how my brain just kind of took over and said, 'do this', 'now do this', etc. Then the other day I was formatting a term paper for a group project in one of my classes, and I usually have to fight with Word because the formatting never does what I want it do do, and suddenly the formatting started making sense to me. Everything clicked into place and there was this moment when I realized that one of the functions I always struggle with makes complete sense and there is a method to it. These may seem like small things but to me they are huge and even now I am tearing up thinking about it. Apparently coming here and reading these posts and finally absorbing that it isn't possible to make sense of bpd behavior because it doesn't make logical sense, has somehow freed my brain up to be able to have more success with things that *do* make sense, and to detect small patterns where before I was completely stuck and always felt I couldn't make sense of things no matter how hard I tried. I once had a therapist tell me that I was incredibly " stuck " at a point in childhood, the point where things stopped making sense, and just those two little successes have given me so much hope, because I am in school, that I can maybe go further than I'd previously thought possible. I am still a bit euphoric about it so I wanted to share it and say thanks to everyone, you guys have profoundly changed my life even though I've only been reading and posting here a short while. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 Thank you so much for that post. You said it best " Stop trying to make sense out of BP behavior because it doesn't make any logical sense " . For some reason your words are very comforting to me. I'm going to keep your post with me. It gives me hope and sometimes that is something that I desperately need. Lilly Blue wrote: I am so very glad you are recognizing that you are making progress. It always brings with it a sense of accomplishment for me when I hit one of those AHa!! moments. You bring up a very interesting point. The " Stuck point.. " For as long as I can remember I have a stuck age in my head of 12. I don't act 12, I surely don't look 12 and I don't emote like a 12 year old, but my inner child (for lack of a better term) is stuck at 12. It was at this age that a huge emotional event occured and I have never really gotten over it. It took me a while to realize that even though I was " stuck " on this age, it was actually related to an event. Does anyone else go through this? Sometimes I wonder if we emotionally shut down at a particular age and never really get past it. Our inner child never really grows up. I can feel that part of me starting to let go of the trauma as I become better able to let go of what happened, but it is slow going and that baby's grip is tight. my brain is changing Hello everyone, I just wanted to share this here because I know that I owe this bit of progress to everyone here and maybe sometimes people do not realize how much they are helping others by posting here, even when they feel like they are just unloading or *especially* when they feel like they are just unloading. The other day I was working in an office and there was a rubik's cube on a desk and I picked it up and solved a side of it with very little difficulty. I know for some people that is nothing but for me it is like a miracle because my spatial skills are very poor, and it was so strange how my brain just kind of took over and said, 'do this', 'now do this', etc. Then the other day I was formatting a term paper for a group project in one of my classes, and I usually have to fight with Word because the formatting never does what I want it do do, and suddenly the formatting started making sense to me. Everything clicked into place and there was this moment when I realized that one of the functions I always struggle with makes complete sense and there is a method to it. These may seem like small things but to me they are huge and even now I am tearing up thinking about it. Apparently coming here and reading these posts and finally absorbing that it isn't possible to make sense of bpd behavior because it doesn't make logical sense, has somehow freed my brain up to be able to have more success with things that *do* make sense, and to detect small patterns where before I was completely stuck and always felt I couldn't make sense of things no matter how hard I tried. I once had a therapist tell me that I was incredibly " stuck " at a point in childhood, the point where things stopped making sense, and just those two little successes have given me so much hope, because I am in school, that I can maybe go further than I'd previously thought possible. I am still a bit euphoric about it so I wanted to share it and say thanks to everyone, you guys have profoundly changed my life even though I've only been reading and posting here a short while. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 You know, I kind of had a similar experience. Math was always my strong suit, but I struggled with english. I was drawn to math because there was always an objective right answer. Two plus two always equalled four, no matter if there were guests coming or if my hair was brushed or not. You couldn't argue with math. English, however, was open to interpretation, at least as far as literary analysis went. I remember being EXTREMELY cynical in my high school and college english classes because there were multiple interpretations of certain works, and I was so tired and bitter about trying to figure out what someone else meant. Only lately am I realizing that was probably a remnant of always trying to read between the lines of what nada was saying lest I cross some invisible boundary. > > Hello everyone, I just wanted to share this here because I know that > I owe this bit of progress to everyone here and maybe sometimes > people do not realize how much they are helping others by posting > here, even when they feel like they are just unloading or > *especially* when they feel like they are just unloading. > > The other day I was working in an office and there was a rubik's > cube on a desk and I picked it up and solved a side of it with very > little difficulty. I know for some people that is nothing but for me > it is like a miracle because my spatial skills are very poor, and it > was so strange how my brain just kind of took over and said, 'do > this', 'now do this', etc. Then the other day I was formatting a > term paper for a group project in one of my classes, and I usually > have to fight with Word because the formatting never does what I > want it do do, and suddenly the formatting started making sense to > me. Everything clicked into place and there was this moment when I > realized that one of the functions I always struggle with makes > complete sense and there is a method to it. These may seem like > small things but to me they are huge and even now I am tearing up > thinking about it. Apparently coming here and reading these posts > and finally absorbing that it isn't possible to make sense of bpd > behavior because it doesn't make logical sense, has somehow freed my > brain up to be able to have more success with things that *do* make > sense, and to detect small patterns where before I was completely > stuck and always felt I couldn't make sense of things no matter how > hard I tried. I once had a therapist tell me that I was > incredibly " stuck " at a point in childhood, the point where things > stopped making sense, and just those two little successes have given > me so much hope, because I am in school, that I can maybe go further > than I'd previously thought possible. I am still a bit euphoric > about it so I wanted to share it and say thanks to everyone, you > guys have profoundly changed my life even though I've only been > reading and posting here a short while. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 if there is one word that could describe my childhood it is " overwhelmed " ...I felt such an incredibly heavy weight on me trying to make sense of the hideous mind-games my parents were always playing, when I think about how callous they were back then and what a contrast it is with their 'gentle, christian' facade they have now it is pretty sickening. Thanks for the kind words. I guess I lumped everything in with that overwhelming feeling of futility that I was inept and could never make sense of anything, and now there is a small spark of hope that I can 'detach' the things that do have patterns, from the emotional hi-jinks I grew up in (I have always referred to may family as " the shock troops of psychological warfare " ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2008 Report Share Posted April 10, 2008 I love it thanks suebee > > it feels like someone unlocked something in my brain. > > here are the lyrics to a song I just posted a link to in suebee's > thread, I'm in a happy mood today > > " Mystical " > > Miracle or magic > Glorious or tragic > What of this are we > All of this we are > Stories passed along in books > Passed along to me > With all the apples that we took > When things are real but not real clear > Naturally we're bound to feel some kind of fear > For the mystical > or habit > Parted seas or top hats and rabbits > What of this are we > All of this we are > I've been an angel and a crook > Done some things to you > That made me take a second look > When things are real but not real clear > Naturally we're bound to feel some type of fear... > > (repeat) > > http://www.myspace.com/birdiebusch > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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