will it truly ever be ok?

[Guest guest]

I wonder if and when that inner child of mine, will ever truly be

ok.

It happened again. My father went to have his prostrate checked today.

My mother told me several times. My dad has experienced prostrate

problems in the past, but this was just his yearly check-up. It is

always the way she is when she or my father have a doctor's appt. She

remimded me last night of the appointment. She was expecting a phone

call to check in with her about my father. I honeatly was so busy at

work, I forgot. It was just one of those days.

By 5:30...I had my first phone call reminding me that she hadn't

heard from me yet, but my father was fine. I didn't pick up my cell

phone...I didn't even know it was her. Then she called the

house..again to remind me to call her.

There in that moment my inner child emerged. Never quite good

enough, never quite right, never able to please my mother. I felt I

was always as good as my last screw up, and she was always there to

remind me and she still is. I know I am a grown woman and adult, but

nada 's words and looks can reduce me to that frighten and worthless

child I once was.

To make matter's worse my mother will call my house, and I am

afraid to answer the phone, not so much my mother, but the bill

collectors. My narc or (maybe bp) husband refuses to pay some of his

bills. We have separate banking accounts. I pay my bills, but he

hasn't paid some bills since December. I tell hime all the time...and

he just shuts me down. He gets annoyed with me telling him about them.

He refuses to answer the phone and I am tired of listening to bill

collectors.

My husband quite his 6 figure job, I know he didn't got along

with anyone at this old job. So now he repair cars. Nothing wrong

with either job, and he is making good money, but I am barely making

my bills. I just can't bail him out.

I never ramble like this....I don't know if my inner child has

reached her limit, or if this adult woman has.

I don't know why I put up with so much s--t!

Will it ever be truly ok? I guess I need to determine that.

Thanks for letting me ramble..

Malinda

[Guest guest]

I get so angry sometimes when I read about how bpd parents treat their

children. It just makes me relish that line in Mommie Dearest where

Christian Crawford screams " I am NOT one of your FANSSSSSSS!!! "

What I really want to scream at them is " What Do You WANT From Us?? "

I guess that is what your post brought up for me...that we are not

allowed to be kids, we have to parent them, and then, later on when we

are trudging through life trying to do the best we can, with all of

the fallout from their sick behavior still screwing up our lives,

causing us to draw in the same kind of people that hurt us so badly in

childhood, they have the gall to continue to foist their unmet needs

on us and have the audacity to continue to be needy. Excuse my

internetese but WTF???? You don't owe them anything. Bless your heart

for having to have to deal with a npd/bpd in the present and having

the ones from the past still trying to crawl up your behind too. I

think that would turn me into a screaming harpy b*tch, honestly. It

would make me want to tell nada, " you know, I worked hard to raise you

right and you are a very big girl now so DEAL WITH IT! "

I am sorry that they are behaving this way and I can understand you

feeling at your wit's end about it. One bpd/npd is enough, I think

that is probably part of the reason I've had no romance in my life in

the past five years cause I tend to draw those types in as well and

with my dad around that would push me over the edge. I wish there was

something comforting I could say; I do know what it is like to feel

reduced to that hurt little kid. (((((((((((Hugs))))))))

[Guest guest]

every once in a while, when mom was misbehaving at a family event, i

would turn to another adult family member and sigh, " you know, you do

the best you can to raise them right... "

hehehe

bink

>

> I get so angry sometimes when I read about how bpd parents treat

their

> children. It just makes me relish that line in Mommie Dearest where

> Christian Crawford screams " I am NOT one of your FANSSSSSSS!!! "

>

> What I really want to scream at them is " What Do You WANT From Us?? "

>

> I guess that is what your post brought up for me...that we are not

> allowed to be kids, we have to parent them, and then, later on when

we

> are trudging through life trying to do the best we can, with all of

> the fallout from their sick behavior still screwing up our lives,

> causing us to draw in the same kind of people that hurt us so badly

in

> childhood, they have the gall to continue to foist their unmet

needs

> on us and have the audacity to continue to be needy. Excuse my

> internetese but WTF???? You don't owe them anything. Bless your

heart

> for having to have to deal with a npd/bpd in the present and having

> the ones from the past still trying to crawl up your behind too. I

> think that would turn me into a screaming harpy b*tch, honestly. It

> would make me want to tell nada, " you know, I worked hard to raise

you

> right and you are a very big girl now so DEAL WITH IT! "

>

> I am sorry that they are behaving this way and I can understand you

> feeling at your wit's end about it. One bpd/npd is enough, I think

> that is probably part of the reason I've had no romance in my life

in

> the past five years cause I tend to draw those types in as well and

> with my dad around that would push me over the edge. I wish there

was

> something comforting I could say; I do know what it is like to feel

> reduced to that hurt little kid. (((((((((((Hugs))))))))

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Mayalisa.... the validation and support are so appreciated.

I really mean that. It is one of those nights, when things are

bothering me more then normal. I have raised nada the best that I can.

I did talk to nada tonight...and her first words were not hello, but

" Where the hell were you? " I was numb..I don't know why I knew the

blaming and shaming would be there. I am just tired of it. Part of

me, wanted to say just what you wrote...WTF. I have tried standing up

for myself, and yet somehow I am then the disresptful one.

So I just ignored her comment and change the subject.

I too attract the men that are not healthy for me.

I often wonder what does healthy look and feel like...I don't know if

I would even rcognize it?

Thanks again,

Malinda

>

> I get so angry sometimes when I read about how bpd parents treat

their

> children. It just makes me relish that line in Mommie Dearest where

> Christian Crawford screams " I am NOT one of your FANSSSSSSS!!! "

>

> What I really want to scream at them is " What Do You WANT From Us?? "

>

> I guess that is what your post brought up for me...that we are not

> allowed to be kids, we have to parent them, and then, later on when

we

> are trudging through life trying to do the best we can, with all of

> the fallout from their sick behavior still screwing up our lives,

> causing us to draw in the same kind of people that hurt us so badly

in

> childhood, they have the gall to continue to foist their unmet

needs

> on us and have the audacity to continue to be needy. Excuse my

> internetese but WTF???? You don't owe them anything. Bless your

heart

> for having to have to deal with a npd/bpd in the present and having

> the ones from the past still trying to crawl up your behind too. I

> think that would turn me into a screaming harpy b*tch, honestly. It

> would make me want to tell nada, " you know, I worked hard to raise

you

> right and you are a very big girl now so DEAL WITH IT! "

>

> I am sorry that they are behaving this way and I can understand you

> feeling at your wit's end about it. One bpd/npd is enough, I think

> that is probably part of the reason I've had no romance in my life

in

> the past five years cause I tend to draw those types in as well and

> with my dad around that would push me over the edge. I wish there

was

> something comforting I could say; I do know what it is like to feel

> reduced to that hurt little kid. (((((((((((Hugs))))))))

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I wonder if and when that inner child of mine, will ever truly be

> ok.

>

> Don't give up! You can teach your inner child to not feel so

terrible, and you can set boundaries with your nada and not so DH.

Best of luck-

Jan

[Guest guest]

If I was in the situation you just described my inner child would have been on

the floor kicking and screaming. Then she'd get up and apologize for losing

control.

Be strong

will it truly ever be ok?

I wonder if and when that inner child of mine, will ever truly be

ok.

It happened again. My father went to have his prostrate checked today.

My mother told me several times. My dad has experienced prostrate

problems in the past, but this was just his yearly check-up. It is

always the way she is when she or my father have a doctor's appt. She

remimded me last night of the appointment. She was expecting a phone

call to check in with her about my father. I honeatly was so busy at

work, I forgot. It was just one of those days.

By 5:30...I had my first phone call reminding me that she hadn't

heard from me yet, but my father was fine. I didn't pick up my cell

phone...I didn't even know it was her. Then she called the

house..again to remind me to call her.

There in that moment my inner child emerged. Never quite good

enough, never quite right, never able to please my mother. I felt I

was always as good as my last screw up, and she was always there to

remind me and she still is. I know I am a grown woman and adult, but

nada 's words and looks can reduce me to that frighten and worthless

child I once was.

To make matter's worse my mother will call my house, and I am

afraid to answer the phone, not so much my mother, but the bill

collectors. My narc or (maybe bp) husband refuses to pay some of his

bills.. We have separate banking accounts. I pay my bills, but he

hasn't paid some bills since December. I tell hime all the time...and

he just shuts me down. He gets annoyed with me telling him about them.

He refuses to answer the phone and I am tired of listening to bill

collectors.

My husband quite his 6 figure job, I know he didn't got along

with anyone at this old job. So now he repair cars. Nothing wrong

with either job, and he is making good money, but I am barely making

my bills. I just can't bail him out.

I never ramble like this....I don't know if my inner child has

reached her limit, or if this adult woman has.

I don't know why I put up with so much s--t!

Will it ever be truly ok? I guess I need to determine that.

Thanks for letting me ramble..

Malinda

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

The next time she does that to you try responding " Well HELLO to you too. I

guess we are in a bad mood aren't we? " and move on from there.

Be strong

Re: will it truly ever be ok?

Thank you Mayalisa.... the validation and support are so appreciated.

I really mean that. It is one of those nights, when things are

bothering me more then normal. I have raised nada the best that I can..

I did talk to nada tonight...and her first words were not hello, but

" Where the hell were you? " I was numb..I don't know why I knew the

blaming and shaming would be there. I am just tired of it. Part of

me, wanted to say just what you wrote...WTF. I have tried standing up

for myself, and yet somehow I am then the disresptful one.

So I just ignored her comment and change the subject.

I too attract the men that are not healthy for me.

I often wonder what does healthy look and feel like...I don't know if

I would even rcognize it?

Thanks again,

Malinda

>

> I get so angry sometimes when I read about how bpd parents treat

their

> children. It just makes me relish that line in Mommie Dearest where

> Christian Crawford screams " I am NOT one of your FANSSSSSSS!! ! "

>

> What I really want to scream at them is " What Do You WANT From Us?? "

>

> I guess that is what your post brought up for me...that we are not

> allowed to be kids, we have to parent them, and then, later on when

we

> are trudging through life trying to do the best we can, with all of

> the fallout from their sick behavior still screwing up our lives,

> causing us to draw in the same kind of people that hurt us so badly

in

> childhood, they have the gall to continue to foist their unmet

needs

> on us and have the audacity to continue to be needy. Excuse my

> internetese but WTF???? You don't owe them anything. Bless your

heart

> for having to have to deal with a npd/bpd in the present and having

> the ones from the past still trying to crawl up your behind too. I

> think that would turn me into a screaming harpy b*tch, honestly. It

> would make me want to tell nada, " you know, I worked hard to raise

you

> right and you are a very big girl now so DEAL WITH IT! "

>

> I am sorry that they are behaving this way and I can understand you

> feeling at your wit's end about it. One bpd/npd is enough, I think

> that is probably part of the reason I've had no romance in my life

in

> the past five years cause I tend to draw those types in as well and

> with my dad around that would push me over the edge. I wish there

was

> something comforting I could say; I do know what it is like to feel

> reduced to that hurt little kid. (((((((((((Hugs) )))))))

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

,

Tonight in therapy we talked about nada and my narc husband. This

balancing of boundaries with my nada is so hard. I have tried the

hard-a_ss approach and left nada know I had enough. It always seems

to back-fire on me, and I am the disrespectful and selfish daughter.

Somedays I just want to escape from them both and be left alone.

I thank you for your supportive words. I will remain strong...

Malinda

> >

> > I get so angry sometimes when I read about how bpd parents treat

> their

> > children. It just makes me relish that line in Mommie Dearest

where

> > Christian Crawford screams " I am NOT one of your FANSSSSSSS!! ! "

> >

> > What I really want to scream at them is " What Do You WANT From

Us?? "

> >

> > I guess that is what your post brought up for me...that we are

not

> > allowed to be kids, we have to parent them, and then, later on

when

> we

> > are trudging through life trying to do the best we can, with all

of

> > the fallout from their sick behavior still screwing up our lives,

> > causing us to draw in the same kind of people that hurt us so

badly

> in

> > childhood, they have the gall to continue to foist their unmet

> needs

> > on us and have the audacity to continue to be needy. Excuse my

> > internetese but WTF???? You don't owe them anything. Bless your

> heart

> > for having to have to deal with a npd/bpd in the present and

having

> > the ones from the past still trying to crawl up your behind too.

I

> > think that would turn me into a screaming harpy b*tch, honestly.

It

> > would make me want to tell nada, " you know, I worked hard to

raise

> you

> > right and you are a very big girl now so DEAL WITH IT! "

> >

> > I am sorry that they are behaving this way and I can understand

you

> > feeling at your wit's end about it. One bpd/npd is enough, I

think

> > that is probably part of the reason I've had no romance in my

life

> in

> > the past five years cause I tend to draw those types in as well

and

> > with my dad around that would push me over the edge. I wish there

> was

> > something comforting I could say; I do know what it is like to

feel

> > reduced to that hurt little kid. (((((((((((Hugs) )))))))

> >

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

I so know what you are talking about as I FREQUENTLY get caught out being the

" crazy " or disrespectful one. As a result I am such a smart ass that it becomes

my defense.

Just when I think I am making progress I get blindsided. Case in point: This

past weekend I was looking through some cookbooks in order to fix a Mother's Day

dinner for my Mother and I turned to her and asked her if her diet would

accomodate a particular recipe. She got this look like she was smelling

something particularly awful and said " We're not having Mother's Day this year.

I'm not celebrating. " It STUNNED me. So I am going to take her at her word and

DO NOTHING for her. I won't visit, no cards, no nothing. She told me quite

clearly that she wanted nothing done on that day, so I am going to spend it with

my son and we are going to do something special for the both of us on that day.

I am sick of this shit. You are so not alone. If she asks I will tell her that

she told me to do nothing for her and that I am taking her at her word, she can

spend it alone. I will feel guilty about it because I really wanted to do

something special for her to show my

respect for the good things she has done. But now, nope, not going there.

Be strong

Re: will it truly ever be ok?

,

Tonight in therapy we talked about nada and my narc husband. This

balancing of boundaries with my nada is so hard. I have tried the

hard-a_ss approach and left nada know I had enough. It always seems

to back-fire on me, and I am the disrespectful and selfish daughter.

Somedays I just want to escape from them both and be left alone.

I thank you for your supportive words. I will remain strong....

Malinda

> >

> > I get so angry sometimes when I read about how bpd parents treat

> their

> > children. It just makes me relish that line in Mommie Dearest

where

> > Christian Crawford screams " I am NOT one of your FANSSSSSSS!! ! "

> >

> > What I really want to scream at them is " What Do You WANT From

Us?? "

> >

> > I guess that is what your post brought up for me...that we are

not

> > allowed to be kids, we have to parent them, and then, later on

when

> we

> > are trudging through life trying to do the best we can, with all

of

> > the fallout from their sick behavior still screwing up our lives,

> > causing us to draw in the same kind of people that hurt us so

badly

> in

> > childhood, they have the gall to continue to foist their unmet

> needs

> > on us and have the audacity to continue to be needy. Excuse my

> > internetese but WTF???? You don't owe them anything. Bless your

> heart

> > for having to have to deal with a npd/bpd in the present and

having

> > the ones from the past still trying to crawl up your behind too.

I

> > think that would turn me into a screaming harpy b*tch, honestly.

It

> > would make me want to tell nada, " you know, I worked hard to

raise

> you

> > right and you are a very big girl now so DEAL WITH IT! "

> >

> > I am sorry that they are behaving this way and I can understand

you

> > feeling at your wit's end about it. One bpd/npd is enough, I

think

> > that is probably part of the reason I've had no romance in my

life

> in

> > the past five years cause I tend to draw those types in as well

and

> > with my dad around that would push me over the edge. I wish there

> was

> > something comforting I could say; I do know what it is like to

feel

> > reduced to that hurt little kid. (((((((((((Hugs) )))))))

> >

>

>

>

>

> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

>