12 year old me, 12 year old you

[Guest guest]

Hey Guys,

I think it was who said something about getting stuck at age 12. I was

wondering if anyone else has memories of that age.

My mom made me terrified of seventh grade. I think I've posted this before,

but I remember sobbing in my bed the night before school started in my 4th

grade year because it meant I was one year closer to 7th grade. I think I

was afraid I would disappear - and in my mother's mind I did.

She took a job - her first real job, actually - teaching 7th grade English

the year I hit seventh grade. She constantly told me that she " hated seventh

graders " and raged to that effect.

If I were in touch with her now I would call her and ask her why she had

such a mental problem with 7th grade.

I also, recently put together, that my brother also had a terrible year in

7th grade. My mother had an unintended pregnancy and the child died due to

prematurity. She conceived the same month he would have started 7th grade.

It only occured to me recently that as an adult woman, I do not believe a 36

year old mother of 2 could get pregnant after 10 years of successful birth

control without intending to do so. I've begun to believe that she did this,

at least subconciously, to avoid a sense of abandonment from her kids

getting older.

Seems like a lot lot lot of work to me to engineer getting your first job -

teaching 7th graders - and getting knocked up - in coordination with your

children entering 7th grade.

Thank you in advance for your thoughts?

girlscout