motivation: how to

[Guest guest]

Uh-oh. I have totally LOST my motivation for doing just about

anything other than hanging out with my son.

I won't go into the whole financial thing AGAIN, but I just can't see

the point of working! This is NOT a good way to be, as I have bills

to pay. My mind tell me, " Yeah, but I already tried that and it

didn't work. "

I am hoping to find some reason that works for ME. The ones that make

the most logical sense, like " Because if you don't work, you will

lose the house permanently... because if you don't work, you won't be

able to buy clothes for your kid.....food for your kid.... " aren't

working. Not sure why. Nothing scares me anymore becuase I went way

overboard with being scared last summer and it did no good at all.

The reason I am posting this is because I am pretty sure that I read

that autistic people have a really hard time doing things they aren't

interested in. I have to find a way to talk myself into being

interested in working again. Maybe there is some way that works for

us, in particular (not that we are all alike at all, but maybe

something that is more autistic-friendly). I am hoping. " Get your

lazy butt to work " does not help as I have proven my lack of laziness

by staying up 25-32 hours in a row repeatedly. Maybe I am burned out

permanently. Dunno.

I just want to sit on the rocking chair on the front porch and

unfocus my eyes, actually. For about a year at least. But then I will

lose my skills.

My former boss said " Uh-oh. If you have lost interest, you had better

start looking for something else to do NOW, " because he saw me lose

interest in working for him and I just basically STOPPED and never

really worked again. It all happened in about a month. Luckily at

that time I had other things I could do, so moved from that job into

the one I do now.

My new job at the church is only 1/4-time pay so I can't support

myself on that. I like that job a lot, actually. I don't really have

the skills to try for a better-paying musician job, at this point,

and am glad they even hired me.

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

> I just want to sit on the rocking chair on the front porch

> and unfocus my eyes, actually. For about a year at least. But

> then I will lose my skills.

To gain which skills ?

Focus on the gains which you can make, talking your way out of laziness

isn't going to fix it because you did prove to yourself that you aren't

lazy, I agree that some of the thing you're going through are as boring as a

military drill but you're gonna gain something out of it right ?

OK, there's good chance I provoked a synectic[1] and you _may_ need to

rethink your life goals a little bit but don't make a 180 degree U-Turn just

yet, just give yourself a lot of time to think it through, write down the

questions coming up and ask them.

Alain

Synectic[1] == closest explanation I can give is going through a different

mental pathway, making a mental 180 degree U-Turn...

[Guest guest]

Rhonda wrote:

>Uh-oh. I have totally LOST my motivation for doing just about

>anything other than hanging out with my son....

>I am hoping to find some reason that works for ME. The ones that make

>the most logical sense, like " Because if you don't work, you will

>lose the house permanently... because if you don't work, you won't be

>able to buy clothes for your kid.....food for your kid.... " aren't

>working.

How about: " ...you will lose internet access " ?

Jane

[Guest guest]

Oooh...yeah, actually, that would work damn well for motivating me. You'd

lose access to the autistic community if you don't have a house or internet

and such.

Ari (who is motivating himself to finish his 12 page Research Paper on NCLB

and AYP Accountability Systems due tomorrow - he is currently on the 7th

page)

>

> Rhonda wrote:

> >Uh-oh. I have totally LOST my motivation for doing just about

> >anything other than hanging out with my son....

> >I am hoping to find some reason that works for ME. The ones that make

> >the most logical sense, like " Because if you don't work, you will

> >lose the house permanently... because if you don't work, you won't be

> >able to buy clothes for your kid.....food for your kid.... " aren't

> >working.

>

> How about: " ...you will lose internet access " ?

>

> Jane

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know exactly how Rhonda feels. I am going through the same thing

myself. I have lost almost all motivation to do just about anything

and am far from lazy. I am capable of working very hard. The reason

that you feel this way is more than just your personal situation. I

myself am experiencing financial hardship due in large part to the

fact that my wife left me with all the bills and moved to a

different state. This left me with financial responsibilities that

require two incomes to meet. She also took all the money in my

savings, leaving me with nothing. I also lost my job due to my

autistic tendencies of telling the truth as I see it and refusing to

back down. I now have a job that pays less further exacerbating the

financial situation. I can get second job as my skills are in high

demand. Despite this I am having difficulty motivating myself to do

so. The reason is, and this takes me back to what I said about your

situation is that in the world climate today there is very little

reason for hope. The reason you feel even more hopeless than your

situation would suggest is that you are in touch with the continuum.

The continuum is the knowledge shared by all living things, autistic

people are much more in touch with the continuum than neurotypicals.

The continuum knows what is really happening in the world. The

continuum knows that things are going to get very bad soon. We are

talking nuclear war, social upheaval, the end of our society as we

know it. Those in touch with the continuum know that we are

polishing the brass on the Titanic. Everything most of us have built

for ourselves will be for nothing. Your bank account, your home,

your false sense of security. All for nothing. I myself am preparing

for the worst. I am not sure that it will help but there is nothing

else that I can do. I am preparing to disappear if need be. To live

without money, off the grid. Soon all americans that do not meet the

governments criteria for desirability will be terrorists. You will

lose all rights as an american citizen. You will be an enemy

combatant. They will round these people up and imprison them

indefinitely without rights to legal representation. So you see

there is good reason for you to feel this way. You just did not know

why.

> > >Uh-oh. I have totally LOST my motivation for doing just about

> > >anything other than hanging out with my son....

> > >I am hoping to find some reason that works for ME. The ones

that make

> > >the most logical sense, like " Because if you don't work, you

will

> > >lose the house permanently... because if you don't work, you

won't be

> > >able to buy clothes for your kid.....food for your kid.... "

aren't

> > >working.

> >

> > How about: " ...you will lose internet access " ?

> >

> > Jane

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> > I just want to sit on the rocking chair on the front porch

> > and unfocus my eyes, actually. For about a year at least. But

> > then I will lose my skills.

>

> To gain which skills ?

Not sure! I think something will manifest itself. I am hoping not to

make a 180-degree turn but to incorporate some of what I already am

and what I can already do. Gee, I have reinvented the wheel numerous

times already! I even had an employer/friend who would say, " WHY must

you reinvent the WHEEL! " at least several times a year. In the past I

used to just quit one thing and take up another. Once I got to

the " journeyman level " I would get bored and try something new. Now I

don't want to do that.

uh-oh. What I SHOULD try is using my voice rec software b4 I damage my

wrist..

R.

[Guest guest]

> >

> > > I just want to sit on the rocking chair on the front porch

> > > and unfocus my eyes, actually. For about a year at least. But

> > > then I will lose my skills.

> >

> > To gain which skills ?

>

> Not sure! I think something will manifest itself. I am hoping not to

> make a 180-degree turn but to incorporate some of what I already am

> and what I can already do. Gee, I have reinvented the wheel numerous

> times already! I even had an employer/friend who would say, " WHY must

> you reinvent the WHEEL! " at least several times a year. In the past I

> used to just quit one thing and take up another. Once I got to

> the " journeyman level " I would get bored and try something new. Now I

> don't want to do that.

>

> uh-oh. What I SHOULD try is using my voice rec software b4 I damage my

> wrist..

>

> R.

I wish I had a rocking chair!

I understand about not wanting to lose skills and a strong desire to

unfocus eyes and just kind of " disappear " into the cosmic void for

awhile - it's so safe and warm there!

Which leads me to the question: does anyone here practice yoga or

meditation? Yeah, I know, for someone with a mind that moves at the

speed of light, the idea of calming one's mind long enough to achieve

a therapeutic level of meditation is laughable. At least I used to

think so. Yoga has helped me a lot but I have an active back problem

at the moment (herniated disc) which limits all of my mobility. I look

forward to getting back to yoga (and you do not need much coordination

for doing the basics of yoga - just breathe and envision flowing

time/movements....grasshopper ;-) !). It was the only place where I

felt totally accepted in a group and able to find some calm and happy

- if only fleeting, but on a regular basis, that fleeting becomes a

regular thing to look forward to and a stabilizing/grounding practice.

Self-affirming.

The one physical practice which has always given me solace and comfort

is swimming laps. It's something that I can do alone - well, there's

other people around but they are all doing the same thing too but

there is no forced interaction. Just everyone swimming laps. but when

I'm in the water, breathing in rhythm, singing a song in my head or

just counting my laps - well it's just a great escape for me, and good

for my body and my brain. And, well, your body needs it to regenerate

what you need to keep motivated!

Anyway, there's my two cents

You mention voice recognition software? I used to be a super techie

but got so burnt out by glass ceilings, intolerant co-workers, and

mind numbing daily tasks! Sorry, making sure the CEO has his email at

3am is not my idea of doing something good with my life, lol! and

yeah, I've reinvented myself at least eighteen billion times and I

think that comes directly from people finding us or our abilities

unacceptable. anyway, get your voice stuff going, if you need help,

email me and if not, let me know how it works! If I ever have extra

cash again I want to do VR too - back probs, carpal tunnel and all.

I totally relate to your sense of desperation regarding finances and

ability to function, create income. I too have a child to provide for,

a home to maintain. But I have been jobless since my back injury this

last June. My employer talked me out of filing worker's comp - I'm

permanently naive like that, always want to please everyone else and

never myself perhaps in an effort to prove I'm worthy because I've

been told all my life that I'm bad, defective, wrong, whatever. I'm

still waiting on an application to process for State medical benefits

and here is why I would like a diagnosis, officially. If the

government sees PDD as a disability and will give us money/benefits

for it - we better take it before it's gone like our social security!!

Use what's available to us now to help build a solution that works for

YOU!! Focus on what you love, which sounds like music (and cool for

you, music is awesome and good and makes people happy!!!). Maybe be a

private music teacher? Getting a teaching certificate and your local

community college perhaps. But believe your dream and find ways to

make it happen - don't focus on the problems, focus on the solutions.

Easy to say I know, harder to do for those of us who have struggled

and fought the system all our lives.

I think reinventing ourselves is very unproductive in the long run.

Perhaps a direct result of having to pretend we are NT at our jobs or

the grocery store or wherever. Seriously, think about it, if someone

is constantly in the process of reinvention (my personal best is

1.5yrs on the job), where and how will there ever be opportunity to

develop a strong sense of self, a confident voice with which to assert

your needs and desires in this world, successful emotional

interactions? I know that is at the crux of my inability to move

forward and why I always find myself in these situations. It's

humiliating to me and I don't think it should be this hard dammit!

It's not that I'm discovering that I'm on the PDD spectrum that feels

so devastating to me, but discovering all the bad things (unhealthy

coping mechanisms like frequent self reinvention) I did as a result of

never having this knowledge before.

Someone was talking about PDD folks being more perceptive and able to

connect to a " cosmic continuum. " I like your idea but I perceive it to

be more of a cosmic consciousness, something that is universal and

maybe beyond our universe, something everyone has or had the ability

to connect to but just lost along the way of man-driven evolution and

technology. I find connecting to that level of understanding - things

that are true for all humans, like emotions to come very easily for

me. I like to think sometimes that everyone in the world used to be

more like us, more emotionally honest and direct and our progress as a

species is slowly breeding out these traits.

It's rough being a minority!

Anyone interested in the idea of a PDD Co-op long term living

facility? Seriously. And let's not use the word facility...how about a

farm in a serene and woodsy setting, near a lake, with mountains for

us to paint at our evening art classes? or music classes, or book

club? Or maybe a villa in Mexico - the US dollar (for the moment) will

buy so much more and well, my bones ache when it's cold!

Heck, we could have a string of these places around the world, an

international foundation for the purpose of PDD research and education

and long term supportive programs.

If we're so smart, let's band together and prove it. How's that for

motivation? /dreamer too and so desperately want to feel free to chase

those dreams, isn't that what life's about?

Wow. I'm really tired now, LOL!! But I am serious about the idea of a

PDD housing co-op with a few others as an experiment. I think that's

something we all worry about, the ability to lead a good life in our

old age, to feel happy, safe, and loved/cared about. The reality is

those of us that grew up without support, who were always

misunderstood and as a result were abused, are carrying around some

degree of PTSD on top of everything else. I propose we try to figure

out how to help each other. If you like that idea, let's start a new

topic and talk about what that might look like in real life, how it

would be accomplished.

Focus on the solution, not the problem

/big hugs for those that want them ;-)

Jill