Time of year /are rages cyclical?

April 16, 2008

A policeman & husband to a bi-polar lady mentioned to me that this time

of year seems to be a real problem for bi-polar acting out, problems,

suicides and etc. Though, I know my mom is borderline, I've never

thought of her as bi-polar. However, I can see that she does have

acting out, threats of suicide, nervous breakdowns, fears of

abandonment issues that seem to coincidide with late spring and early

summer. Looking back over my life with her, the most devastating

things to me as a child... always occured at this time of year. And I

remember blaming it on other things. Blaming it on whatever stress was

associated with activities she was doing at that time. Such as her

being to stressed out preparing her yard for a summer party. Or, upset

because I wanted to leave home, or etc. But, now I'm thinking that it

is more cyclical to the seasons. These times were horrible for me

because I would take such abuse from her.

Currently, we are not speaking. Because, she has just lost it again.

Of course, she blames me. But, she rants, rages, and acts insane.

Until, I just can't take her. Of course, it's always my fault.

Because, I don't take care of her needs. I'm such a bad

daughter...blah, blah, blah. I'm always trying to abandon her.

She just careens my stress level to an un-believable high trying to

deal with her. I hate this. Because, spring is my favorite time of

year. I feel better in the sunshine, I want to get out and do things

and make plans. I don't necessarily want to include her as she will

tell me what to do and how and when. But, this becomes part of the

problem. She wants to be hooked at the hip and I don't. But, her

becoming more extreme and insane at this time of year really ruins the

joy of it for me. I can see when I was younger that this would be the

time of year I'd most likely want to pursue something new like moving

out, going away to school and it would coincide with her worst time for

changes.

If I'd have known that it would have made life easier to leave home and

etc. By avoiding these times of year.

I don't understand why this time of year would have such an affect?

Anyone else notice these seasonal changes?

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