Re: UTI and Pneumonia and the end

[Guest guest]

Thank you Janet and Helene and everyone.

It is still going on. RN from Hospice comes everyday for a short while. Then

there is an aide from noon to 5PM and and aide from 10PM to 6AM . The hospice

RN said that mom should cover all the shifts with aides and not be alone at this

point. I am going right now because there is no Aide scheduled for 5PM to 10PM

- I want to schedule them 24/7 right now because things are so scary and

alarming now. Dad can't swallow the morphine, so the put it on a pump on his

arm so it will be continuous. He hasn't eaten or drank in 3 days. We are having

that autopsy so I will be letting you know if it was LBD for sure or what

exactly it was. Thanks to everyone - sorry to be a downer ! I don't like to be

not a positive person !! I'll make up for it later I'm sure.

[Guest guest]

Sorry you are going through this difficult time. It's very hard, but it's also a

blessing for the LO. I was going through it last year at this time.

The holidays are a bummer to have to go through this and I feel for you and your

family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hugs, Janet

________________________________

To: LBDcaregivers

Sent: Friday, December 9, 2011 12:56 PM

Subject: Re: UTI and Pneumonia and the end

Thank you Janet and Helene and everyone.

It is still going on.  RN from Hospice comes everyday for a short while. Then

there is an aide from noon to 5PM and and aide from 10PM to 6AM .  The hospice

RN said that mom should cover all the shifts with aides and not be alone at this

point.  I am going right now because there is no Aide scheduled for 5PM to 10PM

- I want to schedule them 24/7 right now because things are so scary and

alarming now.  Dad can't swallow the morphine, so the put it on a pump on his

arm so it will be continuous. He hasn't eaten or drank in 3 days.  We are having

that autopsy so I will be letting you know if it was LBD for sure or what

exactly it was.  Thanks to everyone - sorry to be a downer !  I don't like to be

not a positive person !!  I'll make up for it later I'm sure.

[Guest guest]

Dear

this is such a difficult time for you and your mum and you are much in my

thoughts and prayers as you walk this last stage of his journey.

No one can really tell you exactly how it is going to be. Each person

progresses at such a different rate.

With my Jim, at times he seemed so close to death in those last three weeks,

yet he would just keep going on.

All I could do was be with him as much as I could, staying with him 24/7 for

the last week until he lapsed into a coma. I had to just trust that he would

die within the framework of God's timing. That continual thought - " at the

right time " - gave me peace, especially when he finally died about 45

minutes after I had left the hospital to go home to get some much needed

sleep.

I had been there for him virtually non-stop that last week yet he died when

no one was there except the hospital staff ... friends who are nurses had

warned me that this could happen, so it's good to be prepared for this. One

friend told me that patients she was nursing would die just as the family

member went to the toilet, or ducked out to make a cup of coffee ...

Just know with confidence that you and your mother are doing all that you

can do. Keep telling him you love him, say the things that need to be said

and be thankful that you have had this privilege to be there for your dad.

Fond love, Elaine

Elaine (61) from Sydney Australia

Carer for four years for husband Jim (82) who died peacefully in hospital on

12th February 2011.

Brain analysis, as a result of brain donation, has now confirmed the

diagnosis of LBD

[Guest guest]

My daughter was not there when her dad died and of course, always has felt

badly about it. I was getting there but did not make it in time. I am not a

definite believer in psychics but we went to one and he picked up on it,

knowing nothing about her. He said " you were not there when your father

died? " She said, " no " , weeping. He said " you weren't supposed to be there,

you just weren't, your father knew you couldn't have stood it. And, he

said, " you weren't the only one " . She said " no, my mother was getting there,

just didn't make it in time. " He said " she wasn't supposed to be there

either. That was how he wanted it. " My take from it is: Do what you need to

do for yourself. If your dad does not want you there, you won't be there, if

he does, you will be!! Love and good wishes.

Leona: Caregiver for husband Ray, age 68, diagnosed 2/04 with Parkinson's

Disease. Changed doctors, diagnosed 6/06 with LBD. Almost continual downhill

slide no matter what drugs we try. 5/2/08 Ray was placed in Sunrise Nursing

Home in Oswego, NY, 1 hour from home. So far, so good! Hardest thing I have

ever done in my life, however. 3/19/09 transferred to Samaritan Keep NH in

Watertown, NY closer to home. He passed peacefully at 5:18 am on April 14,

2009. I am handling it OK.

'Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone you don't

want to live without.'

[Guest guest]

Hi Leona,

Thank you for your e-mail. I too have heard many times that you could be

by a loved one's side non-stop for days and the moment you step outside your

loved one passes. Until your e-mail I didn't know why. Thank-you for

sharing your story.

Years ago I met an elderly woman who came to be like a second mom to me and

she was a psychic. She passed away about 20 years ago. All her readings

were filled with the utmost love and compassion, a preview of what I believe

lies on the other side. And the things she taught me over the years I knew

her had more of an impact on my life than anyone else I've known. It

seems your daughter found a wonderful one as well. I too had skepticism

at first, especially with a scientific background in science and chemistry.

Marcie B.

_____

From: LBDcaregivers [mailto:LBDcaregivers ]

On Behalf Of Leona Chereshnoski

Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 7:52 PM

To: LBDcaregivers

Subject: Re: UTI and Pneumonia and the end

My daughter was not there when her dad died and of course, always has felt

badly about it. I was getting there but did not make it in time. I am not a

definite believer in psychics but we went to one and he picked up on it,

knowing nothing about her. He said " you were not there when your father

died? " She said, " no " , weeping. He said " you weren't supposed to be there,

you just weren't, your father knew you couldn't have stood it. And, he

said, " you weren't the only one " . She said " no, my mother was getting there,

just didn't make it in time. " He said " she wasn't supposed to be there

either. That was how he wanted it. " My take from it is: Do what you need to

do for yourself. If your dad does not want you there, you won't be there, if

he does, you will be!! Love and good wishes.

Leona: Caregiver for husband Ray, age 68, diagnosed 2/04 with Parkinson's

Disease. Changed doctors, diagnosed 6/06 with LBD. Almost continual downhill

slide no matter what drugs we try. 5/2/08 Ray was placed in Sunrise Nursing

Home in Oswego, NY, 1 hour from home. So far, so good! Hardest thing I have

ever done in my life, however. 3/19/09 transferred to Samaritan Keep NH in

Watertown, NY closer to home. He passed peacefully at 5:18 am on April 14,

2009. I am handling it OK.

'Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone you don't

want to live without.'

[Guest guest]

Leona, I want to echo what Judy and Marcie said. I do believe that

psychics exist, but it is hard to find a good one. The psychic you saw

seems to be good, especially in that he was more of a counselor than a

spirit caller. I wish more were like him.

Just as many believe that a loved one will " hold on " until they can say

goodbye to a special person, I think that some do " let go " when the people

they love won't experience that moment of death. To some, that sounds

lonely. To me, it sounds peaceful. To slip from this life to the next

without a lot if fuss or drama would seem to me to be a real blessing. I

think if you know your LO did love you, especially a parent who spent his

life caring for you, you can have faith that he did what was best for all.

A friend of my mom's slipped away alone, too. For her, I think she just

found a time when her son and daughters were out of the room. One of the

daughters kept insisting that the feeding tube remain, though her mom kept

pulling it out. When that daughter finally saw how hard that was for her

mom and accepted the removal of the tube, I think her mom took the first

opportunity to go before her daughter could change her mind. She was a

very practical woman.

For myself, my father died suddenly (heart) when I was 18. I was the only

one of his 4 daughters who had any real time with him before he went into

surgery (where he died) and I did - I thought - say goodbye, telling him to

go if it was too hard to stay.

The thing is that it took me over 25 years to really say goodbye. Being at

someone's deathbed is not as important as being in his life. And when you

are in his life, saying goodbye isn't so much what takes place in hospice

(though it is part of the process if you are lucky enough to have the

opportunity) or a hospital. Saying goodbye is what happens over the years

following his parting. Some call it mourning. It takes a long time.

Wishing you a lot of support over the coming years.

Kathy

> **

>

>

> Hi Leona,

>

> Thank you for your e-mail. I too have heard many times that you could be

> by a loved one's side non-stop for days and the moment you step outside

> your

> loved one passes. Until your e-mail I didn't know why. Thank-you for

> sharing your story.

>

> Years ago I met an elderly woman who came to be like a second mom to me and

> she was a psychic. She passed away about 20 years ago. All her readings

> were filled with the utmost love and compassion, a preview of what I

> believe

> lies on the other side. And the things she taught me over the years I knew

> her had more of an impact on my life than anyone else I've known. It

> seems your daughter found a wonderful one as well. I too had skepticism

> at first, especially with a scientific background in science and chemistry.

>

> Marcie B.

>

> _____

>

> From: LBDcaregivers [mailto:LBDcaregivers ]

> On Behalf Of Leona Chereshnoski

> Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 7:52 PM

> To: LBDcaregivers

>

> Subject: Re: UTI and Pneumonia and the end

>

> My daughter was not there when her dad died and of course, always has felt

> badly about it. I was getting there but did not make it in time. I am not a

> definite believer in psychics but we went to one and he picked up on it,

> knowing nothing about her. He said " you were not there when your father

> died? " She said, " no " , weeping. He said " you weren't supposed to be there,

> you just weren't, your father knew you couldn't have stood it. And, he

> said, " you weren't the only one " . She said " no, my mother was getting

> there,

> just didn't make it in time. " He said " she wasn't supposed to be there

> either. That was how he wanted it. " My take from it is: Do what you need to

> do for yourself. If your dad does not want you there, you won't be there,

> if

> he does, you will be!! Love and good wishes.

>

> Leona: Caregiver for husband Ray, age 68, diagnosed 2/04 with Parkinson's

> Disease. Changed doctors, diagnosed 6/06 with LBD. Almost continual

> downhill

> slide no matter what drugs we try. 5/2/08 Ray was placed in Sunrise Nursing

> Home in Oswego, NY, 1 hour from home. So far, so good! Hardest thing I have

> ever done in my life, however. 3/19/09 transferred to Samaritan Keep NH in

> Watertown, NY closer to home. He passed peacefully at 5:18 am on April 14,

> 2009. I am handling it OK.

>

> 'Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone you don't

> want to live without.'

>

>