Re: Dorothy - MIL in process of dying

[Guest guest]

Ok Dorothy

My father in late stages who died last Friday was screaming HELP, hallucinating

- shaking the bed rails, trying to get up - could not do that at all, though -

First Hospice R.N. had us give him drops of Morhpine in his cheek for absorption

- could do every 4 hours. He aspirated and choked on that, so then they put an

IV or some kind of morphine pump on his arm - continuous Morphine flowed and if

he got agitated or had those death seizures, you could push button for

additional Morphine. He was in a coma for about 6 days then.

When you tell the Hospice nurse what happened, she should put the pump on for

continuous morphine. I would not do tha Haldol as that makes LBD hallucinations

worse. We only did liquid Prozac and Ativan. Then just Morphine and he slipped

in coma - did not eat or drink anything for 8 days.

I hope you have good Hospice program coming to your home to assist in this

process.

I will pray for you.

[Guest guest]

Thank you for writing Dorothy - it is and was all so strange and mysterious.

Its a process. The Hospice RN said it would be days, maybe one to 2 weeks. Of

course we didn't want it, but we sort of wanted it when things were so awful.

Dad always ate well, but then lost ability to swallow and went into a coma -

and lived think it was 8 days with no food or water. No feeding tubes or IV's

for fluids, because he had the Health Care Proxy in place - and wanted no

extraordinary things done to keep him alive. I think he was in a coma for over

a week - so first he lost ability to swallow, and communicate - he couldn't

think or talk to us - hey I'm hungry or that he wanted to get up.

He had successful Physical Therapy in April 2010 and in June 2011. He was

walking around and talking one week before the big dramatic downturn. He was in

Hospice at home for 7 weeks. The last 8 days, truly traumatic for me and I

don't know if I can get over it.

I think I am having so much anxiety right now because we had the Halloween

Nor'easter and lost our electric and our heat - at my house and at my parents

house - along with 500,000 or so other people in CT and MA and all over. He

refused to leave the house and I did everything to convince him to leave -and

come to hotel or a warming shelter at the high school. Long story short, he

said " NO - my mind is made up and I am not leaving home " . He said that standing

in the kitchen with me. Three days later, he couldn't get up at all and the

choice was hospital or Home Hospice and my sister said Home Hospice. The RN

said he is in the process of dying. And he did on Dec 16.

I feel I should have done more to get him out of house. But long story short,

we did get a small generator and a small heater and put him in the family room.

Aides came day and night and hospice came every day. I think the only way to

get him out of there would be legally and that would wreck our loving

relationship and he was failing very fast at that point. The temperature was in

the 20's and you could see your breath- so cold.

It was a combination of events - the power outage, Connecticut Light and Power -

not responding or trying to help us, and then lying about when the power would

be restored. It took 10 days. 10 days of taking care of someone that is dying

- with no heat or electric. No one deserves this - especially Dad and our

family. And the fact that he was on a downturn regardless of whether we had

electric or not. I just want to be mad at something.

My mom and sister do not want me to go crazy and do anything to draw attention,

so I have held this in. I guess I am venting right here. I wrote the eulogy,

which helped when I wrote it. I made the poster board of pictures for the

funeral. I picked a prayer for the pastor that comforts me - " For everything

there is a season " . I just feel guilty right now and I really do not want to be

without Dad. I feel changed by this. I don't even like my husband right now,

and I am mad at him - not sure why. When I feel better, I want to raise money

for LBD research or do something in that area.

Thanks for letting me vent. - it helps when I let stuff out and I know you will

get it.