Re: Homework HELL...please help!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/10/02 6:22:30 PM Eastern Standard Time,

muollo3@... writes:

>

> i have tony attwood's aricle on homework printed and ready to send to the

> teacher, but should i? or should i continue to try to get kailey to do her

> homework while trevor is going completely insane? she can do the work, but

> i need to stay with her CONSTANTLY in order for her to stay attended.

>

>

Hi ...I would talk to the teacher about your at home situation (that it

is hard for you to attend to the homework and watch Trevor) and see if some

of the homework could be done on school time. Maybe her just having some

easier stuff that she could do on her own with you being able to give her

directions verbally without sitting right down for any length of time would

solve the problem. I know at 's school there used to be a homework

club after school for an hour. They haven't done it this year and I was a

bit disappointed. He gets homework, but has always been very independant

about doing it. The only time that I've really had to help is when he was

making an invention.

Pam

Mom to and Conor

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/10/02 3:59:06 PM Pacific Standard Time, writes:

> how many of your kids DO get homework?

>

>

Mine does

>

> if they DO get homework, how do you get them to do it?

>

It took years to get her to do it. You must be persistent,

you must have someone writing down the assignments

in detail so you know what to do. You must devote

time to this if you want to see success.

> if they DO get homework and you have MORE than one kid, how do you get them

> to do it and keep the other(s) busy at the same time?!

>

You must check on them and hover constantly.

You have to have a reward system worked out,

such as " When you complete one assignment,

you may ten have a snack. "

>

> i have tony attwood's aricle on homework printed and ready to send to the

> teacher, but should i? or should i continue to try to get kailey to do her

> homework while trevor is going completely insane? she can do the work, but

> i need to stay with her CONSTANTLY in order for her to stay attended.

>

Yes, you will have to do that.

Aislynn can do 75% of it herself now,

but it wasn't always this way.

Her sister Kelsey has ADD, and as we speak

she is walking around the room aimlessly.

Time to redirect.

>

> what should i do?!?!

>

First, understand that you can do this - both of you.

This is the biggest headache of NT's and AS parents

alike once they reach this age.

You must have STRUCTURE or it will never work.

Pick a homework spot that YOU feel comfortable in.

Yes, my Dear, you do have to go through school again!

I used to set a timer for certain assignments like you

have 5 minutes to complete these six math problems.

Use flash cards, when Aislynn had trouble memorizing,

(yes, folks, even an AS kid can have trouble memorizing

if they cannot focus) I tried flashcards. Somehow visualizing

the problem helped her immensely. Do not expect an AS

kid to be able to do anything involving reasoning, or abstract

thinking. That is the only time you will hear me say " Don't

expect ....... Because I always expect certain things from

my kids, but stuff that Autism will not allow, I have come

to accept. As they grow, they get better with deduction.

I used to have NO patience with Aislynn and her homework.

ly I screamed a lot until my voice was hoarse. Over

time, I learned to understand that the stuff we went over

for an hour the day before was all but forgotten, and we

had to start completely over. Now I cringe and want to

cry over the way I treated her, and I never do it anymore.

This parenting of an AS kid is really the hardest thing

I have ever done, and I see no end in sight. However,

I know I can do it, and she is better off that I do.

Please vent when needed, !

Barb

[Guest guest]

-

Speaking from a completely inexperienced point of view, but also from the

point of view of someone who detested homework herself - - -

Would reinforcements work?

Reward system?

You go in that room and finish 2 pages of homework, and you will get to do

" _______ " after I check to make sure you did it correctly.

If you do all your work in school, then I will give you __________ if the

teacher agrees.

I know that her main problem is not just her hating homework or something

simple like that - - and I understand that these requests that MIGHT work

for an NT kid may not work for her, but you know her best - - - - - would it

be worth trying?

Like... using Pokemon stuff.. or whatever she is into...?

And perhaps breaking it into very small portions (say... 2 questions instead

of 2 pages?) and having her bring it to you when she needs it checked?

I don't know... just shooting blanks here.

Sorry I can't be of more help!!!!

Grace

Homework HELL...please help!

> how many of your kids DO get homework?

> how many of your kids DON'T get homework?

> if they DON'T get homework, why is that?

> if they DO get homework, how do you get them to do it?

> if they DO get homework and you have MORE than one kid, how do you get

them to do it and keep the other(s) busy at the same time?!

>

> i have tony attwood's aricle on homework printed and ready to send to the

teacher, but should i? or should i continue to try to get kailey to do her

homework while trevor is going completely insane? she can do the work, but i

need to stay with her CONSTANTLY in order for her to stay attended.

>

> what should i do?!?!

>

>

> " Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> Hi ...I would talk to the teacher about your at home situation (that it is

hard for you to attend to the homework and watch Trevor) and see if some of the

homework could be done on school time. <

HAHAHA! i guess i forgot to mention this note i got home in her book today...

" Kailey is still not completing much of her work during the day- Would you like

me to send the work home? "

> Maybe her just having some easier stuff that she could do on her own with you

being able to give her directions verbally without sitting right down for any

length of time would solve the problem. <

like i said, it's not hard work, she can read the directions herself, but if

it's not something she's interested in, she can't stay on task for more than a

minute, if even that long. add to that a brother who is screaming and/or crying

in the background because i've put the gate up, or throwing things over the

gate, or watching tv. well...i think you get the point.

> I know at 's school there used to be a homework

club after school for an hour. <

i don't think her school has that, nor would it probably do much good. besides,

she doesn't get home until 4 as it is.

thanks anyway

" Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

[Guest guest]

> I know that her main problem is not just her hating homework or something

simple like that - - and I understand that these requests that MIGHT work for an

NT kid may not work for her, but you know her best - - - - - would it be worth

trying? <

no, it wouldn't work. i don't think she HATES homework at all. i think it's

boring for her, but i don't think she actually dislikes it. her problem is that

she CANNOT get it done without me being right there. it's always very easy, but

i still have to walk her through every step. i guess i'm not explaining it very

well, sorry.

i wish i could show you one of her homework pages that she did tonight. 5

questions on the whole page. fill in the blank. word list at top. i left her for

ONE minute to tend to trevor. she was supposed to be writing the word " hat " .

when i came back, there were drawings ALL over the paper. that's what i mean.

" Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

[Guest guest]

> HAHAHA! i guess i forgot to mention this note i got home in her book

today...

> " Kailey is still not completing much of her work during the day- Would you

like me to send the work home? "

>

If the school can't get her to do it why on earth do they think you can? I

think this is a very very bad idea. And it simply doesn't make sense, plus

I think the intent is mildly punitive and that kind of stuff tends not to

work well with ASD kids as they respond oddly.

Does she have homework normally? How long do they expect her to spend on

homework?

Sophie has a perfectly wonderful teacher this year and she said that for

second graders if it wasn't done in fifteen to twenty minutes to just forget

about it. What is this teacher like? Can you talk to her?

I would give her the Tony Attwood article, I think, if she is at all

reasonable.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> If the school can't get her to do it why on earth do they think you can? I

think this is a very very bad idea. And it simply doesn't make sense, plus I

think the intent is mildly punitive and that kind of stuff tends not to work

well with ASD kids as they respond oddly. <

exactly!!! besides that, she has a 1:1 aide!

> Does she have homework normally? How long do they expect her to spend on

homework? <

yes, they send home the packet on monday and it goes back on friday. i can't

imagine they expect it to take that long, it's not brain surgery! (altho maybe

it should be )

> Sophie has a perfectly wonderful teacher this year and she said that for

second graders if it wasn't done in fifteen to twenty minutes to just forget

about it. <

just curious, what kind of homework do they give in a " regular " 2nd grade class?

> What is this teacher like? Can you talk to her?

I would give her the Tony Attwood article, I think, if she is at all reasonable.

<

yes, i can talk to her. she is quite reasonable. i think i will give her the

article anyway and see what she says. thanks

" Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

[Guest guest]

> You must have STRUCTURE or it will never work.

Pick a homework spot that YOU feel comfortable in.

Yes, my Dear, you do have to go through school again! <

you're not saying this is MY fault, are you?

" Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

[Guest guest]

>

> exactly!!! besides that, she has a 1:1 aide!

>

Gee, what is the aide doing?

Salli

[Guest guest]

, my NT 2nd grader, gets homework every night

except Fridays. She usually has 15 words to write on

Mondays. Tuesday she usually has to write sentences

using words 1-8 ..Wednesday night..same thing using

words 9-15..Thursdays..put 10 of the spelling words in

alphabetical order..and each night they get two pages

of math..and we are supposed to read with them every

night for around 20 minutes. I am thrilled when

Friday rolls around.

I have to keep saying *, c'mon..get going..keep

working*..over and over..sigh! Yelling, bribing..etc.

doesn't get homework.

You shouldn't have to go crazy like that, ..can

you ask for homework modifications when you do her

next IEP?

Mimi

wife to

sahm to Hannah, 7 (NT)

and , 5 (PDD)

--- gina muollo wrote:

> how many of your kids DO get homework?

> how many of your kids DON'T get homework?

> if they DON'T get homework, why is that?

> if they DO get homework, how do you get them to do

> it?

> if they DO get homework and you have MORE than one

> kid, how do you get them to do it and keep the

> other(s) busy at the same time?!

>

> i have tony attwood's aricle on homework printed and

> ready to send to the teacher, but should i? or

> should i continue to try to get kailey to do her

> homework while trevor is going completely insane?

> she can do the work, but i need to stay with her

> CONSTANTLY in order for her to stay attended.

>

> what should i do?!?!

>

>

> " Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> can you ask for homework modifications when you do her

next IEP? <

i think i might have to. i don't see this getting better anytime soon

" Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

[Guest guest]

> > You must have STRUCTURE or it will never work.

> Pick a homework spot that YOU feel comfortable in.

> Yes, my Dear, you do have to go through school again! <

>

>

> you're not saying this is MY fault, are you?

>

Well, , I am a single mom too and this is pretty hard to pull off when

you have a really little one like Trevor. It'll work out okay in a couple

of years but, in all honesty, it won't be doable now. You have no help.

Trevor probably needs close watching. I was kind of okay with the intense

effort I had to put into Enrique's homework, but only because I could make

big kids watch littler ones, but it was very very hard. Just as well he

didn't stay, though I think he would have become independent after a bit.

I flat out cannot pull off structure in the present chaos of my house. It is

not possible as I never know what will happen next and I frequently feel as

if I have to be in several places at once. I am sure that there are some

people who can make structure under these circumstances but I actually don't

know a lot of people in my position, none in fact, so I can't really ask

anyone for advice.

I rather think you are like me and just barely holding it together. One

more stress and sometimes everything might just come crashing down. So I am

pretty sure that more homework is NOT the answer, probably gave you one of

those sinking feelings...

Anyway, talk the teacher out of more homework for now. Get the aide to

encourage Kailey more at school; perhaps the aide is being sucked into other

tasks while Kailey is supposedly working independently but actually drawing

pictures of rainbows and hearts or whatever she does.

Salli

[Guest guest]

Do it...she shouldn't have to get frustrated and you

shouldn't have to either!

Mimi

--- gina muollo wrote:

> > can you ask for homework modifications when you do

> her

> next IEP? <

>

> i think i might have to. i don't see this getting

> better anytime soon

>

>

>

> " Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> > can you ask for homework modifications when you do her

> next IEP? <

>

> i think i might have to. i don't see this getting better anytime soon

>

>

Yeah, that's an idea, but so really is the Sue and Barb thought of just

sitting there and making them do it. One day that will be the way it must

be if they are going to function fully in the world.

But I think you can get a little slack at Kailey's age without doing her in,

especially as you desperately need it.

Salli

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/10/02 5:17:10 PM Pacific Standard Time, writes:

> her problem is that she CANNOT get it done without me being right there.

> it's always very easy, but i still have to walk her through every step. i

> guess i'm not explaining it very well, sorry.

>

I know exactly what you are talking about.

As I said before structure is the only way.

I am learning a method for use with my ADD

daughter that works, but you must be there

to " Walk " her through it as you just stated

was your complaint. Unfortunately, being

right there is the only way it will work.

When Aislynn was mainstreamed in the

fourth grade she did not have an aide or

any kind of help. She never wrote her

assignments down, and never could explain

to me how to do them. I was stuck for two

years this way.

In the sixth grade, (middle school) she got

an aide and that took all of the crap off me.

Yes, I still helped her with the homework, but

because of the aide working with her all day

teaching her how to focus, things were easier

at home.

My advice is try not to start making modifications

this early in her school career, (if she is mainstreamed)

because it will make it too easy to do it every time you

are having a problem.

I explained to Aislynn that school would be harder for

her than for everyone else and she had to work extra

hard to succeed. Sure, she didn't like hearing that.

My personal approach is that if you provide all this

therapy, modification, drugs, and fantastically written

IEP's you still are avoiding letting the child have a go

on his own. They need to learn what failure is and

the consequences of it. No, they are not ready in

most cases to be in with a mainstreamed class, but

you show them what it takes to be included in the

NT world that ultimately they will be living in when

they are older and don't have those services anymore.

Aislynn does get F's on some tests, and the next week

may get an A, but she learns from not focusing and taking

the responsibility for paying attention in class and at home.

I guess I am saying YOU must try harder so that she will.

Find some structure, it's imperative to her learning. Try

not to take the easy way out by making modifications.

Let her fail, (if you think she might learn something,

and even if you don't). Eventually, this is all going

to be based on your decisions.

I am sorry this life you are having to deal with, sucks.

Yeah, it's not fair that you have to sit there with her to

get five problems done. But you have to get over it,

and focus on getting her graduated at least.

My words are harsh, so is this stinking reality.

You did ask for help, this is what I know works.

Barb

[Guest guest]

BTW, Aislynn's aide's standard line to me is,

" Sure, you can make modifications now, but

next year is only going to be harder, let's teach

her to stay in the running. "

I hate that line, but I do it . . . for Aislynn.

Barb

[Guest guest]

> Well, , I am a single mom too and this is pretty hard to pull off when you

have a really little one like Trevor. It'll work out okay in a couple of years

but, in all honesty, it won't be doable now. You have no help. Trevor probably

needs close watching. I was kind of okay with the intense effort I had to put

into Enrique's homework, but only because I could make big kids watch littler

ones, but it was very very hard. Just as well he didn't stay, though I think he

would have become independent after a bit. <

yes, and tho i realize that having 5 kids is harder than 2, imagine if putter

and robbie were your only kids and putter had homework. ack!

> I flat out cannot pull off structure in the present chaos of my house. It is

not possible as I never know what will happen next and I frequently feel as if I

have to be in several places at once. I am sure that there are some people who

can make structure under these circumstances but I actually don't know a lot of

people in my position, none in fact, so I can't really ask anyone for advice. <

add to that the fact that i never had structure in my life BEFORE kids and

you've got one huge mess.

> I rather think you are like me and just barely holding it together. One more

stress and sometimes everything might just come crashing down. So I am pretty

sure that more homework is NOT the answer, probably gave you one of those

sinking feelings... <

you are SO right!

> Anyway, talk the teacher out of more homework for now. Get the aide to

encourage Kailey more at school; perhaps the aide is being sucked into other

tasks while Kailey is supposedly working independently but actually drawing

pictures of rainbows and hearts or whatever she does.

Salli <

thank you, thank you, thank you, salli!

" Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/10/02 5:17:10 PM Pacific Standard Time, writes:

> you're not saying this is MY fault, are you?

>

>

>

>

I assume by the you are joking,

because I would never say that the

trouble you and I have shared is at

all your fault. Guilt is part of being

a mother, and we always believe we

were responsible for our children's

failures and successes. Well, failures

anyway. (c;

Besides, , if I believe that, then

it is saying it's my fault too, and I am

NEVER at fault! Hehe.

Barb

[Guest guest]

>

> yes, and tho i realize that having 5 kids is harder than 2, imagine if

putter and robbie were your only kids and putter had homework. ack!

Yup. I was imagining it while I was writing to you. I mean some things in

my situation are worse and some things are better. That is why it is always

so impossible to judge entirely someone else's position, even though some

fairly educated guesses (like the guess that you are spread pretty thin) are

possible.

>

> add to that the fact that i never had structure in my life BEFORE kids and

you've got one huge mess.

>

My father who was NOT a modest man, but one highly aware of his

capabilities, always referred to himself as a " disorganized genius. " I was

always good at pulling stuff out of chaos and knowing what was in which pile

but Putter just did that particular skill in. I am sure it will return, but

structure is NOT me either.

Good luck, .

Salli

[Guest guest]

,

They BOTH get homework. NEITHER can work alone. BOTH get totally

distracted by everything! hates writing because it's physically too

hard for him so he dictates his answers to us (this is after who knows how

much arguing that he has to do his homework). just keeps saying he

doesn't want to do it Now, but it has to get done before I'm too busy to

help him!

It totally sucks, but they are both doing pretty much the same work as their

classmates...although I really wonder how much of it gets.

By the way, I have one at the table and the other in his bedroom while we do

it.

Sue

Homework HELL...please help!

> how many of your kids DO get homework?

> how many of your kids DON'T get homework?

> if they DON'T get homework, why is that?

> if they DO get homework, how do you get them to do it?

> if they DO get homework and you have MORE than one kid, how do you get

them to do it and keep the other(s) busy at the same time?!

>

> i have tony attwood's aricle on homework printed and ready to send to the

teacher, but should i? or should i continue to try to get kailey to do her

homework while trevor is going completely insane? she can do the work, but i

need to stay with her CONSTANTLY in order for her to stay attended.

>

> what should i do?!?!

>

>

> " Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> how many of your kids DO get homework?

All of them in school

> how many of your kids DON'T get homework?

doesn't get ALL the homework his class does though and neither

does Gail.

> if they DON'T get homework, why is that?

Chris's length of assignments are modified because of the effort and

time it takes. He also receives homework tutoring 3x a week for

45min after school. Especially on homework that comes home home we

modify it to only those parts of the paper that apply to the idea

being taught. ie. he doesn't color the whole thing, solve riddles,

unscramble words (unless its specifically for spelling), crossword

puzzles (he finds those visually confusing), just the part of the

paper that teach the core concept.

Gail only does science homework from school. The other two classes

she takes are a literature class and an art class where she benefits

from the class but her primary purpose is social. Her health needs

were the driving factor for that. Her other classes are at home with

the district home teacher.

> if they DO get homework, how do you get them to do it?

does most of his in school or with the tutor. We assist him

with the rest of it. Sometimes he dictates (modified writing in IEP)

or he corrects on the page without rewriting, that sort of thing.

Gail does hers with some prompting and followup. She is very OCD

about her homework so if she has some she does it or has a panic

attack.

> if they DO get homework and you have MORE than one kid, how do you

get them to do it and keep the other(s) busy at the same time?!

>

> i have tony attwood's aricle on homework printed and ready to send

to the teacher, but should i? or should i continue to try to get

kailey to do her homework while trevor is going completely insane?

she can do the work, but i need to stay with her CONSTANTLY in order

for her to stay attended.

>

> what should i do?!?!

Take the article, state the problems (Trevor, her inattention, OT

issues, LD if applicable, etc) and have some suggestiong like after

school tutoring, aid in the classroom, modified assignments....

[Guest guest]

> > I know that her main problem is not just her hating homework or

something simple like that - - and I understand that these requests that

MIGHT work for an NT kid may not work for her, but you know her

best - - - - - would it be worth trying? <

>

>

> no, it wouldn't work. i don't think she HATES homework at all. i think

it's boring for her, but i don't think she actually dislikes it.

That's what I meant, silly. Kailey's problem is not that she hates her

homework <like I did...> <~~~~ that is what I was trying to say.

> her problem is that she CANNOT get it done without me being right there.

it's always very easy, but i still have to walk her through every step. i

guess i'm not explaining it very well, sorry.

Sorry, I was unclear as well. I was ATTEMPTING to say that the autism is

her problem when it comes to homework.... in whichever form it takes for her

during homework... whether it be lack of attention, inability to understand,

or what have you.....

> i wish i could show you one of her homework pages that she did tonight. 5

questions on the whole page. fill in the blank. word list at top. i left her

for ONE minute to tend to trevor. she was supposed to be writing the word

" hat " . when i came back, there were drawings ALL over the paper. that's what

i mean.

>

Gosh............

I'm sorry, . I hope my note didn't frustrate you more. Even while

making the suggestions, I knew this wasn't quite appropriate for an autistic

child. But you sounded so desperate, I thought I'd throw it out there.

No go, huh?

Well............................. geez, that is frustrating.

Have you spoken to her doctor? I wonder if there are ADD type of meds out

there that could help with this type of stuff? My friend's son is ADHD, and

without his Ritalin.... not only is he bouncing off the walls, you can't

even STOP him during his roadrunning frenzy to give him his medication.

It's bad enough to the point where when I see him walking home from

school - - - - from all the way up the street, even *I* can tell whether the

school gave him his meds or not.... just by the way he walks.... or runs,

actually. And homework? Ugh, not on your life. Not until someone gets

him, and keeps him still long enough to give him his medication.....

Maybe there is some mild variation of Ritalin-type meds? I mean, if it's a

really serious problem for you and her both, then it MIGHT be worth checking

into, I would think?

Or maybe not.

OH FORGET IT! LOL

Grace

_________________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/10/02 7:00:54 PM Eastern Standard Time,

muollo3@... writes:

> HAHAHA! i guess i forgot to mention this note i got home in her book today...

> " Kailey is still not completing much of her work during the day- Would you

> like me to send the work home? "

>

>

>

Maybe they need to structure the time better for her and give her some more

assistance and guidance, so that some of it does get done. Either that or

give her less.

Pam

Mom to and Conor

Check out our webpage!

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/10/02 7:53:05 PM Eastern Standard Time,

muollo3@... writes:

> exactly!!! besides that, she has a 1:1 aide!

>

>

>

o.k. , they have absolutely no excuses for not getting the majority of

the homework done in school. Can homework time with the 1:1 become part of

her daily schedule?

Pam

Mom to and Conor

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/10/02 8:22:08 PM Eastern Standard Time,

muollo3@... writes:

> i think i might have to. i don't see this getting better anytime soon

>

>

>

>

I wouldn't wait...do it now. I think they could give her less homework and

have designated times per the IEP for her to be working on the homework in

school with the 1:1...either that or they could perhaps pay for an inhome

tutor to help her an hour a day in your home with her homework...

Pam

Mom to and Conor

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