Guest guest Posted February 11, 2012 Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 ----- Original Message ----- From: pyrandus *Hello ! I guess one of the things I am wondering, if in others experiences, how much of your difficulties arise from anger over not understanding what is going on with others, or how to fit in? I have always been pretty unhappy, highly anxious, self deprecating and self conscious. I just don't seem to understand the rules of life! I try to be a good person and follow the rules of etiquette, smiling, being nice to others, and I feel as though I get stomped on repeatedly no matter what I do, which makes me very angry. I don't understand why others do not follow the rules of being nice to people, and how others can say the mean vicious things that they do to me and other people. *I can certainly relate. All my life I've had dificulty fitting in and beat myself up over it, until I stumbled upon the Asperger's diagnosis and realized that's me! Now I know what's 'wrong' with me and I've made peace with never being 'normal'. I interact with people as well as I'm able and when I slip up, oh well! Now I also have Fibromyalgia on top of this and the mental fog that goes along with it, so things haven't gotten better, but I'm 49 now and no longer care as much as I did when I was younger. If someone should ask or make a comment, I might just tell them, but they probably wouldn't get it, anyway. As you might have guessed, I am excessively sensitive and do not feel that this has in any way been a gift or asset. I have spent my life trying to toughen up, but the only thing that seemed to help me cope was SSRI's. However, I recently went off the SSRI's because of excessive weight gain, terrible fatigue, and I was still depressed after 18 years of being on them! I am now trying to manage with herbal anxiety treatments and so my hyper sensitivity is looming large. *Of course we are hyper-sensitive after a lifetime of abuse from others. I do not like it when people tease me, even in a good-natured way. It upsets me, because it reminds me of all the teasing and bullying I had to deal with as a kid. Anyway, just wanting to introduce myself and ask a couple of questions.....mostly about the anger and I guess the hypersensitivity. If others have issues with these two things, I would love to hear about how you cope. Oh, and of course, the issue of not understanding the world and how other people behave! :-) *The way I cope is to avoid people. This is not a good thing, I know, but for me it works, being an introvert anyway. I am always so shocked and dumbfounded when someone says something so extremely hurtful and judgmental to me. And when I find out through reading how very underhanded and cruel people are in this world, I just think I am living in hell and wonder what is so wonderful about this life when so many people are so horrible to others. *I know! And then they say we're 'disordered'! NT's seem to lie to each other all day long and it's considered normal! I cannot understant this and won't play along with it. Thanks for letting me join this group. I am hopeful I can find some understanding here on some level. *Welcome! D./bobkat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 11, 2012 Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 Hi D/bobkat: Thanks so much for the welcome. The anger for me started when I was very young as I got beat up emotionally pretty badly by my family and it wasn't any better in school! I also stay away from people, but it was very difficult trying to keep a job and work for a living. I have never had a job where people liked me! I also don't understand this obsessions with everyone saying to me, " Why can't you just be happy? " I don't really understand how to be happy when others continue to tell me how to live my life, asking me to be different from who I am, and never understanding who I am nor even being interested in finding out! It just seems from the get go, I was always wrong in whatever I did, thought or wanted out of life. sigh! After I got married, I stayed home and raised my daughter, which lonely. My husband with his own issues isn't the least bit sensitive or emotional and thinks he is this happy go lucky individual. He is very successful in his career, as it doesn't require much more than superficial social abilities. He is also very lonely. We do not live together anymore and didn't do much together when we did, but he keeps himself occupied with entertaining his clients. And because he is high up in his organization, no one bothers him much about his social skills or lack thereof. I am not quite sure how he pulls it off, but he is very very smart and basically baffles everyone with his knowledge. He is also strategically very smart. For him, everything about life is a strategy and needs to be played out in his favor. He always told me he can make himself look good, which he does, usually by making others look bad! And for him to look good in our marriage, I had to look bad, which is why we don't live together anymore! :-) Anyway, thanks for the welcome. Perhaps I have finally found a home where I can be myself and talk about how I feel without engendering all kinds of repercussions. It is quite lonely to try to be something you are not your entire life just to be able to have someone to talk to on occasion. > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: pyrandus > > > *Hello ! > > > I guess one of the things I am wondering, if in others experiences, how > much > of your difficulties arise from anger over not understanding what is going > on with others, or how to fit in? I have always been pretty unhappy, highly > anxious, self deprecating and self conscious. I just don't seem to > understand the rules of life! I try to be a good person and follow the > rules > of etiquette, smiling, being nice to others, and I feel as though I get > stomped on repeatedly no matter what I do, which makes me very angry. I > don't understand why others do not follow the rules of being nice to > people, > and how others can say the mean vicious things that they do to me and other > people. > > *I can certainly relate. All my life I've had dificulty fitting in and beat > myself up over it, until I stumbled upon the Asperger's diagnosis and > realized that's me! Now I know what's 'wrong' with me and I've made peace > with never being 'normal'. I interact with people as well as I'm able and > when I slip up, oh well! Now I also have Fibromyalgia on top of this and > the > mental fog that goes along with it, so things haven't gotten better, but > I'm > 49 now and no longer care as much as I did when I was younger. If someone > should ask or make a comment, I might just tell them, but they probably > wouldn't get it, anyway. > > > > As you might have guessed, I am excessively sensitive and do not feel that > this has in any way been a gift or asset. I have spent my life trying to > toughen up, but the only thing that seemed to help me cope was SSRI's. > However, I recently went off the SSRI's because of excessive weight gain, > terrible fatigue, and I was still depressed after 18 years of being on > them! > I am now trying to manage with herbal anxiety treatments and so my hyper > sensitivity is looming large. > > *Of course we are hyper-sensitive after a lifetime of abuse from others. I > do not like it when people tease me, even in a good-natured way. It upsets > me, because it reminds me of all the teasing and bullying I had to deal > with > as a kid. > > > Anyway, just wanting to introduce myself and ask a couple of > questions.....mostly about the anger and I guess the hypersensitivity. If > others have issues with these two things, I would love to hear about how > you > cope. Oh, and of course, the issue of not understanding the world and how > other people behave! :-) > > *The way I cope is to avoid people. This is not a good thing, I know, but > for me it works, being an introvert anyway. > > > I am always so shocked and dumbfounded when someone says something so > extremely hurtful and judgmental to me. And when I find out through reading > how very underhanded and cruel people are in this world, I just think I am > living in hell and wonder what is so wonderful about this life when so many > people are so horrible to others. > > *I know! And then they say we're 'disordered'! NT's seem to lie to each > other all day long and it's considered normal! I cannot understant this and > won't play along with it. > > Thanks for letting me join this group. I am hopeful I can find some > understanding here on some level. > > *Welcome! > > D./bobkat > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 Re: Newbie Here Hi D/bobkat: Thanks so much for the welcome. The anger for me started when I was very young as I got beat up emotionally pretty badly by my family and it wasn't any better in school! **Same here. My mother was very abusive towards me, emotionally and physically, always putting me down and berating me. The teasing and bullying from the other kids was confined mainly to grade school, thank god. I grew up in a European country, where the school system is very different from the US one, so after fourth grade, students went to different types of schools, depending on their strengths. All the girls I had the problems with in grade school went on to that school, and I and the others more like me, stayed on where we were. It's kind of hard to explain to an American, since it is so different, but worked out okay for me. > I also stay away from people, but it was very difficult trying to keep a job and work for a living. I have never had a job where people liked me! **I can't imagine why people don't like you! You seem very nice. I guess they sense that you're not quite like them and it confuses them and they get hostile. I cannot do banter, don't understand it, don't know how to respond, and some people, mostly older men, can get very hostile about that. They don't understand that I'm not being snobbish, but that I truly do not get it. Oh well! > I also don't understand this obsessions with everyone saying to me, " Why can't you just be happy? " I don't really understand how to be happy when others continue to tell me how to live my life, asking me to be different from who I am, and never understanding who I am nor even being interested in finding out! It just seems from the get go, I was always wrong in whatever I did, thought or wanted out of life. sigh! **Don't worry about what they say, although it does grate on the nerves to have people be disrespectful and condescending towards you all the time. > After I got married, I stayed home and raised my daughter, which lonely. **I was a stay-at-home mom, too and loved it. I make my own fun. I couldn't relate to the other mothers. Their whole conversations always revolved around their kids; I still kept up with my hobbies and other interests. > My husband with his own issues isn't the least bit sensitive or emotional and thinks he is this happy go lucky individual. He is very successful in his career, as it doesn't require much more than superficial social abilities. He is also very lonely. **Other than the loneliness, he sounds like he lucked out! > We do not live together anymore and didn't do much together when we did, but he keeps himself occupied with entertaining his clients. And because he is high up in his organization, no one bothers him much about his social skills or lack thereof. I am not quite sure how he pulls it off, but he is very very smart and basically baffles everyone with his knowledge. He is also strategically very smart. For him, everything about life is a strategy and needs to be played out in his favor. He always told me he can make himself look good, which he does, usually by making others look bad! And for him to look good in our marriage, I had to look bad, which is why we don't live together anymore! :-) **I was forced to move back in with my ex, due to getting too sick to work. It sucks, but it could be worse. He's the same as your Husband, in that he constantly second-guesses me and puts me down a lot. > Anyway, thanks for the welcome. Perhaps I have finally found a home where I can be myself and talk about how I feel without engendering all kinds of repercussions. It is quite lonely to try to be something you are not your entire life just to be able to have someone to talk to on occasion. **Just accept and embrace the person you are. If others can't that's their problem. I will be off-line for a few days, due to some long-overdue computer maintainance. Take care! D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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