Newbie Here

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone: I recently joined this group looking for a place where I might fit

in. I do not have a diagnosis of Aspergers or Autism, but only because I have

never had a diagnosis. My background is in psychology and self diagnosis was

probably the goal.

All my life, and I am now 65 years old, I have not fit in anywhere! I have

spent my life trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and I still haven't!

:-) However, I married late in life and have a 21 year old daughter who does

have a diagnosis of high functioning Autism. My husband is a perfect example of

ADHD and probably aspergers.

So in watching my daughter, I have concluded that I too probably have high

functioning Autism, although my intellectual capacity is not as significantly

compromised as hers. She is not retarded by any means, but she has significant

difficulties in expressing herself or carrying on a give and take conversation.

I guess one of the things I am wondering, if in others experiences, how much of

your difficulties arise from anger over not understanding what is going on with

others, or how to fit in? I have always been pretty unhappy, highly anxious,

self deprecating and self conscious. I just don't seem to understand the rules

of life! I try to be a good person and follow the rules of etiquette, smiling,

being nice to others, and I feel as though I get stomped on repeatedly no matter

what I do, which makes me very angry. I don't understand why others do not

follow the rules of being nice to people, and how others can say the mean

vicious things that they do to me and other people.

As you might have guessed, I am excessively sensitive and do not feel that this

has in any way been a gift or asset. I have spent my life trying to toughen up,

but the only thing that seemed to help me cope was SSRI's. However, I recently

went off the SSRI's because of excessive weight gain, terrible fatigue, and I

was still depressed after 18 years of being on them! I am now trying to manage

with herbal anxiety treatments and so my hyper sensitivity is looming large.

Anyway, just wanting to introduce myself and ask a couple of

questions.....mostly about the anger and I guess the hypersensitivity. If

others have issues with these two things, I would love to hear about how you

cope. Oh, and of course, the issue of not understanding the world and how other

people behave! :-) I am always so shocked and dumbfounded when someone says

something so extremely hurtful and judgmental to me. And when I find out

through reading how very underhanded and cruel people are in this world, I just

think I am living in hell and wonder what is so wonderful about this life when

so many people are so horrible to others.

Thanks for letting me join this group. I am hopeful I can find some

understanding here on some level.

Thanks,