Guest guest Posted January 20, 2008 Report Share Posted January 20, 2008 , My blog entry at http://prostatecancerblog.org/?p=33 maybe helpful. I had older teenage children when Bill was diagnosed. We were very open with them about Bill’s disease. Children know that things are wrong and their imaginations can be worse than reality. Kathy From: ProstateCancerSupport [mailto:ProstateCancerSupport ] On Behalf Of Sent: Sunday, January 20, 2008 10:07 PM To: ProstateCancerSupport Subject: Telling your children I live with my very supportive wife and two younger children (under 13, a boy and a girl). Both children are great and have their sensitive sides as well as strong sides. Any tips on telling the children about my PCA without undue upsetment to them. They saw their grandfather (my dad) get increasingly sick and die from PCA (in his late eighties) a couple of years ago. Any tips or shared experiences would be appreciated. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2008 Report Share Posted January 20, 2008 I didn't really make a big deal out of it, told the boys a week or so before the surgery. Told the wife I didn't want them at the hospital at all. I remember when my dad was in there with the same deal. Really shakes one up to see a normally super healthy guy with the gown, all the tubes, and all, can barely get out of bed without help after this. I don't know what the best approach would be but that was mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2008 Report Share Posted January 20, 2008 , We only have one child and he was in his mid-20s when I was diagnosed. A complication was that he was living in Australia and we were living in South Africa. But we felt he should know. This was pre-e-mail but we called him on a fairly regular basis. On one of those calls we said that an examination had revealed a tumour which we were investigating – we felt that tumour was a less ‘threatening’ word than ‘cancer’. On the next call we said that having gained further information we now knew that although I might need some treatment, the type of tumour I had was not immediately life threatening and that we had time to investigate our options. We visited him and his wife in Australia some months after the diagnosis and were able to give more information on a face to face basis. Like Kathy I think it is important to keep the children in the picture in case they pick up snippets of information and misinterpret those. All the best Terry Herbert I have no medical qualifications but I was diagnosed in ‘96: and have learned a bit since then. My sites are at www.yananow.net and www.prostatecancerwatchfulwaiting.co.za Dr “Snuffy” Myers : " As a physician, I am painfully aware that most of the decisions we make with regard to prostate cancer are made with inadequate data " From: ProstateCancerSupport [mailto:ProstateCancerSupport ] On Behalf Of Sent: Monday, 21 January 2008 2:07 PM To: ProstateCancerSupport Subject: Telling your children I live with my very supportive wife and two younger children (under 13, a boy and a girl). Both children are great and have their sensitive sides as well as strong sides. Any tips on telling the children about my PCA without undue upsetment to them. They saw their grandfather (my dad) get increasingly sick and die from PCA (in his late eighties) a couple of years ago. Any tips or shared experiences would be appreciated. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Hi J, You didn't list any of your statistics, your age, your PSA, your Gleason, your clinical stage and any therapy received. I am sorry about your dad, but if you were diagnosed and treated when the cancer was at an early stage, your chances of getting run over by a bus is probably greater than you dying of PCa. I believe that most children can deal with cancer. I think it is important to be honest and straightforward with them. Many of them are more intelligent than they are given credit for. I wish you all the bestAubrey Pilgrim, DC (Ret.) Author ofA Revolutionary Approach to Prostate Cancer-Read the original book for FREE at: http://www.prostatepointers.org/prostate/lay/apilgrim/Read new edition for FREE at http://www.cancer.prostate-help.org/capilgr.htmDr. E. Crawford is co-author of the revision I live with my very supportive wife and two younger children (under 13, a boy and a girl). Both children are great and have their sensitive sides as well as strong sides. Any tips on telling the children about my PCA without undue upsetment to them. They saw their grandfather (my dad) get increasingly sick and die from PCA (in his late eighties) a couple of years ago.Any tips or shared experiences would be appreciated.Thanks.Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Hi : My twins were in their early 20's when I was diagnosed. I told them as soon as I had enough information to decide on a treatment plan. I have kept them in the loop at every stage, as this helped calm their concerns and made them a part of the process. I have tried to be as positive as possible, especially when talking with and being with them, even at this time. One of children was home when I told him, the other lives out of state, so it was via phone. I really wanted it to be in person, but couldn't swing it. I think they have appreciated that I have been open and spoken to them about it. One day, one of them and I took a long walk, and talked about everything, including the post op sequellae of the surgery. He appreciated my honesty and it has made us a closer family. They do understand and will be very supportive, just make sure to keep asking if they have questions and talking to them throughout the process.Best of luck, From: ProstateCancerSupport [mailto:ProstateCancerSupport ] On Behalf Of Sent: Monday, 21 January 2008 2:07 PM To: ProstateCancerSupport Subject: Telling your children I live with my very supportive wife and two younger children (under 13, a boy and a girl). Both children are great and have their sensitive sides as well as strong sides. Any tips on telling the children about my PCA without undue upsetment to them. They saw their grandfather (my dad) get increasingly sick and die from PCA (in his late eighties) a couple of years ago. Any tips or shared experiences would be appreciated. Thanks. Climb to the top of the charts! Play the word scramble challenge with star power. Play now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 The children in the family need to be helped to understand the situation. The subject of cancer is very frightening, and even young children will pick up on the fearful undertones of conversations and the attitude of their parents. They need special reassurances, and need to know that the parent is not excluding them from the knowledge of what is going on. From the ACS site: " If children hear about their parent's cancer from someone else, such as a curious neighbor or a classmate, it can destroy the trust that parents have worked so hard to put in place. If children think their parents are being vague on purpose or are trying to hide something from them, they find it hard to believe they are being told the truth. So it is better that parents learn how to share this information truthfully, but in a way that allows the child to understand and take part in the discussion. The other problem in keeping the cancer a secret is that the child may incorrectly assume that whatever is happening is too terrible to be discussed. This may lead the child to feel isolated from the family, so the natural desire parents have to protect their children sometimes only makes things harder.… " As one has to study the cancer subject in order to learn how best to treat it, one must also make an effort to learn how best to inform the children in the family. There are different ways to handle the situation for each age group of children, and indeed for each individual child, depending on his or her needs and capabilities. Fuller > > I live with my very supportive wife and two younger children (under 13, > a boy and a girl). Both children are great and have their sensitive > sides as well as strong sides. Any tips on telling the children about > my PCA without undue upsetment to them. They saw their grandfather (my > dad) get increasingly sick and die from PCA (in his late eighties) a > couple of years ago. > > Any tips or shared experiences would be appreciated. > > Thanks. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 My wife and I were very honest, very early with our 11year old son. He was 8 at the time. We sat down at the dinner table and basically said. " Daddy's sick, he has cancer " .We took our time, let him ask a A LOT of questions. We told him the truth, we did not know what the future would bring, it could be a few years, or many, many years.All seemed to go well, then a few weeks later he had a minor breakdown. It lasted abouta day, we again spent a lot of time with him, answered all of his questions. Kids a resilient, but also stronger and smarter than we as adults some times give them credit.It's not easy, my only suggestion would be to allow plenty of time, be open, honest etc.Hope this helped? I live with my very supportive wife and two younger children (under 13, a boy and a girl). Both children are great and have their sensitive sides as well as strong sides. Any tips on telling the children about my PCA without undue upsetment to them. They saw their grandfather (my dad) get increasingly sick and die from PCA (in his late eighties) a couple of years ago. Any tips or shared experiences would be appreciated. Thanks. -- Emersonwww.flhw.org Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 ---------------------------------------- > To: ProstateCancerSupport > From: jsmith.chcs@... Any tips on telling the children about > my PCA without undue upsetment to them. They saw their grandfather (my > dad) get increasingly sick and die from PCA (in his late eighties) a > couple of years ago. My wife and I told our daughters after dinner one night, around the table. They are a junior in high school and freshman in college. I started to tell them, and choked up a little -- my wife finished. The older one wept a little, but we were frank, realistic, and hopeful, telling them it was early diagnosis and prospects for cure were statistically good. More important than the actual telling, I think, was our attitude between diagnosis and surgery -- in my case, several months. It was pretty much life as usual, and I think this helped the kids keep everything in perspective. Nowlin _________________________________________________________________ Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live. http://www.windowslive.com/share.html?ocid=TXT_TAGHM_Wave2_sharelife_012008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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