Re: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a paper for school!

[Guest guest]

tending to evaluate my own behavior in terms of black/white (fall out from her

splitting--hard to allow gray areas in myself)

 

always " second-guessing " myself and those around me (checking the " weather " as I

had to do constantly with nada) and then basing my behavior on the moods of

those around me.  Also, invalidating my own instincts

 

excessive care-taking of others, regardless of the cost to me

 

taking blame for anything that I see that seems to be wrong, without even

stopping to assess if I have any responsibility or not in the issue

 

fear of abandonment, sense of being defective to the core, high need to please

others and to adapt my behavior (my identity) to what is expected

 

However, I have also channeled some of these into a positive outlet (I work in a

helping profession, and can use these traits/habits to be very effective in my

job).  I wonder if you might also want to gather information on how others have

used these " fleas " in positive ways, not just as dysfunction

Subject: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a paper for

school!

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 9:38 AM

Hi All!

I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children of

BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD as

a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone, I

will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable to

you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post as

many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as clear

and concise as you can.

It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional response,

anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

THANK YOU!!!!

[Guest guest]

One thing I'm really bad about is getting EXTREMELY stressed out

when my home isn't as clean as it should be. If there is even one

dirty dish in the sink I go berzerk. Growing up, NADA made it seem

like my doing chores would earn her love. So I was constantly

pressured to clean and clean things RIGHT. If I didn't vaccuum the

right way I was yelled at, treated bad, or given the silent

treatment. Sometimes I rub off on my husband in this way and make a

big deal out of little trivial things like simple household chores.

I also have Complex PTSD as a result of growing up with my NADA. I

know it's from her because of what my triggers are: thoughts of

confrontation with her, having my sister talk to my about NADA and

defend her. It causes panic attacks. They are debilitating.

Beating myself up is something I do often. If I feel I've made a

mistake, I feel worthless and stupid. Even if it's a small mistake.

It kills my self confidence. I expect too much out of myself,

sometimes I feel like I have to be perfect, because growing up, when

I wasn't perfect, there were consequences to pay.

Those are just a few things.

Thanks,

Sara Jo

>

> Hi All!

>

> I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children

of

> BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD

as

> a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone,

I

> will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable

to

> you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post

as

> many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as

clear

> and concise as you can.

>

> It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

response,

> anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

>

> THANK YOU!!!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

My fleas:

Perfectionism in my sphere of work. Although that helped me achieve a

lot professionally, it also made me a workaholic and was a handy

excuse to avoid socializing. I pride myself on being self-supporting

and well-thought-of in my profession, though.

A slob at home. My form of rebellion and resentment, I guess, against

nada's harsh housekeeping rules and humiliations. Sister and I both

have this " slob " trait! I'm just now in mid-life getting to where I'm

more neat and organized at home than I ever was before.

Hard for me to trust people. If a new acquaintance is too friendly too

quickly, I really mistrust them: they must be trying to con me or get

something from me.

Hard for me to tolerate even being around adult women who act like my

nada: either domineering or needy. (However, in a work setting I

accept being " domineered " by my boss, and work really well with male

bosses. I can tolerate a female boss, but not nearly as well as a male

boss.)

Hard for me to feel generous and giving. I feel like I " gave "

already: I was forced to surrender my self-hood to nada, so I am not

obligated to give my time or attention to take care of anyone anymore.

I resent any attempts at inflicting guilt on me. A minor example of

this is that I resent receiving " chain letters " that promise dire

consequences if the chain is broken. Well, screw that!

I have never responded to or passed along a chain letter.

Fear of intimacy, dislike of being physically close to people. I

probably fear being engulfed/absorbed/losing my individuality again, I

suppose, or I fear criticism & rejection from someone I've allowed

myself to trust. Only in the last few years have I become more

sociable and friendly; I've never had a long-term intimate

relationship, only dated briefly and sporadically.

I tend to self-medicate with alcohol and overeating.

Those are the main ones, I think.

It is entirely possible that I have more than just " fleas, " I could

possibly have avoidant personality disorder, although I exhibit only

three of the criteria (4 or more makes the diagnosis) I could have

" apd-lite " .

-Annie

>

> Hi All!

>

> I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children of

> BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD as

> a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone, I

> will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable to

> you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post as

> many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as clear

> and concise as you can.

>

> It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional response,

> anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

>

> THANK YOU!!!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

These may not all be BPD " fleas " per se (i.e., behaviours learned

through my mother's modeling and thus held in common with her), but

they all result from her disorder.

On some level or another, I have dealt with the following:

perfectionism

anxiety

depression

fear of abandonment

difficulty trusting others

all-or-nothing thinking

sensitivity to criticism

difficulty identifying my emotions

impulsivity

substance abuse

angry outbursts

unclear sense of self

kt

[Guest guest]

I have trouble trusting authority and often have a difficult time

accepting criticizm, even if it is constructive. I have an

especially hard time with female authority. I tend to be more

trusting toward men. Strange, huh?

I also have some bouts of self mutilation, mainly chewing my fingers

and the inside of my mouth. I smoke cigarettes.

Someone on here told me that self mutilation is common among KO's

because we never were " allowed " to express anxiety as children, so

we resort to other, more subconcious ways to self soothe, or

something like that. My nails are nasty, and sometimes bleed because

I bite them so badly. Nervous habit that I've had most of my life.

~Sara Jo

>

> Hi All!

>

> I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children

of

> BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD

as

> a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone,

I

> will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable

to

> you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post

as

> many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as

clear

> and concise as you can.

>

> It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

response,

> anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

>

> THANK YOU!!!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

" I wonder if you might also want to gather information on how others

have used these " fleas " in positive ways, not just as dysfunction'

Excellent Idea !

So, if you have been able to turn the dysfunction around to be a

positive thing, please share that as well!

Thanks to everyone that has shared so far- I am reading a lot of very

helpful things. I appreciate you sharing about some pretty painful

issues. Giving you all a big hug as you post these things...

cindy

>

>

> Subject: What are your Fleas? Need help-

writing a paper for school!

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 9:38 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi All!

>

> I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children

of

> BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD

as

> a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone,

I

> will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable

to

> you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post

as

> many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as clear

> and concise as you can.

>

> It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

response,

> anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

>

> THANK YOU!!!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Not sure if this is a flea, but it's the only way I survived Yeti: I am

*REALLY* quick to get a sense of being manipulated/lied to. My

crapometer is pretty good.....

> " I wonder if you might also want to gather information on how others

> have used these " fleas " in positive ways, not just as dysfunction'

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

perfectionism

anxiety/panic attacks

depression

fear of abandonment

difficulty trusting others

negative thinking

sensitivity to criticism

difficulty identifying my emotions

angry outbursts

unclear sense of self

On the positive side -- my perfectionism works well in my job

>

> Hi All!

>

> I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children of

> BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD as

> a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone, I

> will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable to

> you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post as

> many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as clear

> and concise as you can.

>

> It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional response,

> anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

>

> THANK YOU!!!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Probably my most damaging flea is my core beliefs about myself. When

I make a mistake, even if it is only in my eyes, I berate myself

endlessly telling myself how stupid and useless I am. I don't truly

believe I am worth the love of my husband and child, and that all of

the huge steps I have taken to break the cycle of my NADA's nutso

craziness belong to luck and no effort I have put in to it. I never

give myself credit for my sucessful career or the fact that my little

girl is a happy well-adjusted little girl. I simply don't believe

that I am deserving or good enough to have accomplished anything

worthwhile. (Even though people around me have told me the exact

opposite.)

For survival skills, I completely shut down all emotion when I feel

overwhelmed. I often times find myself taking on the emotions of

others around me especially in angry or upset situations (stomach

ache, elevated heart rate, etc) Then I find myself trying to " fix "

the situation. I have blocked some important memories, and I don't

remember them at all until someone brings it up. Even then it takes

some time before I remember it well. (Co-dependant behavior) I eat

and drink to excess when I can. I over spend and act impulsively at

times. I am also a perfection freak. I expect each thing I do to be

about as perfect as a human can get it.

On the positive side, I am really great at reading people. By just

observing body language, I know a lot about a person. (Comes from

years of practice.)

>

> Hi All!

>

> I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children

of

> BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD

as

> a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone,

I

> will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable

to

> you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post

as

> many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as clear

> and concise as you can.

>

> It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

response,

> anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

>

> THANK YOU!!!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

I always thought I had my 'fleas' from having a disfunctional childhood a mental

illness in dad & moms perfectionism & never allowing me to make my own choices.

when i would make a choice she always seemed to make me feel like i could never

do anything right. even in adulthood she makes me feel the same way. eg i didnt

raise you to be that way why do you raise your kids this way?!? i also was in a

4 year relationship with a BPD dx. I learned alot on how to cope with him & i am

pretty good at predicting his actions & out comes. it has helped me along the

way. maybe thats why i am handling & coping with my own dx of BPD better than i

hear most who have the disorder I do. I also use my disorder to my advantage. i

work in the health field where i am helping others. short term it helps me too

as i get overly attached to people so working with mentally challenged i can

give my time short term no over attachment. i have always been fascinitated with

mental health & learning how the brian works & copes with different situations.

i really love this group i have learned alot about the disorder & also see how

much BPD differs from one to another! thanks for the input!

What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a paper for

school!

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 9:38 AM

Hi All!

I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children of

BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD as

a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone, I

will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable to

you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post as

many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as clear

and concise as you can.

It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional response,

anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

THANK YOU!!!!

[Guest guest]

The Fleas of a 41 y/o w/woman living on the east coast.

At age 4 diagnosed with hyperactivity.

At age 6 diagnosed with dyslexia.

At age 11 Migraine headaches

At age 12 learning disabilities. Unable to read, spell, and poor

reading comprehension.

At age 16 became sexually active, started smocking cigarettes and pot.

At age 18 denied birth control do to thyroid concerns.

At age 18 pregnant and suffered sever 0-9 month morning sickness all day.

At age 23 Same sickness at previous pregnancy and post postpartum

depression.

At age 25 insomnia, and an inability to stay asleep.

At age 27 First anxiety attack.

At age 28 diagnosed with depression.

At age 29 Questioned sexuality, affair.

At age 30 suicide attempt.

From 30 to 40 self discovery, therapy, and finding out about

BPD...Ahhhhhh....recovery!

So freeing to find out that I'm not the crazy one.

> >

> > Hi All!

> >

> > I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> > hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children

> of

> > BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD

> as

> > a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone,

> I

> > will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable

> to

> > you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> > make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> > situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> > a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> > else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> > whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post

> as

> > many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> > huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as clear

> > and concise as you can.

> >

> > It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

> response,

> > anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> > whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

> >

> > THANK YOU!!!!

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Great question. Sorry if I am too late to add mine. I hope you will post

your paper for us to read when it is done.

My fleas are almost identical to 's. I have:

Anxiety

Depression

Poor boundaries

Extreme caretaking tendencies

Blame myself for other's failures and mistakes

I " feel " other people's emotions for them. I have a hard time being around

friends at times because of this

Hermit tendencies

Idealization/devaluation cycle

Right now I'm depressed and I am very enmeshed with boyfriend, find it hard

to do things without him

>

> The Fleas of a 41 y/o w/woman living on the east coast.

>

> At age 4 diagnosed with hyperactivity.

>

> At age 6 diagnosed with dyslexia.

>

> At age 11 Migraine headaches

>

> At age 12 learning disabilities. Unable to read, spell, and poor

> reading comprehension.

>

> At age 16 became sexually active, started smocking cigarettes and pot.

>

> At age 18 denied birth control do to thyroid concerns.

>

> At age 18 pregnant and suffered sever 0-9 month morning sickness all day.

>

> At age 23 Same sickness at previous pregnancy and post postpartum

> depression.

>

> At age 25 insomnia, and an inability to stay asleep.

>

> At age 27 First anxiety attack.

>

> At age 28 diagnosed with depression.

>

> At age 29 Questioned sexuality, affair.

>

> At age 30 suicide attempt.

>

> From 30 to 40 self discovery, therapy, and finding out about

> BPD...Ahhhhhh....recovery!

>

> So freeing to find out that I'm not the crazy one.

>

>

> > >

> > > Hi All!

> > >

> > > I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> > > hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children

> > of

> > > BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD

> > as

> > > a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone,

> > I

> > > will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable

> > to

> > > you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> > > make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> > > situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> > > a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> > > else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> > > whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post

> > as

> > > many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> > > huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as clear

> > > and concise as you can.

> > >

> > > It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

> > response,

> > > anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> > > whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

> > >

> > > THANK YOU!!!!

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Its not too late! Keep them coming!! The paper is not due until

january, but I am obviously starting my research now. Thanks to all

who have shared. if you have more, and even if they are the same, i

am thankful for everyone being willing to open up. It is amazing to

me how similar we all are in some respects. So many experiences and

beliefs that are similar...

hugs,

!

> > > >

> > > > Hi All!

> > > >

> > > > I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months

I am

> > > > hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP

children

> > > of

> > > > BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a

BPD

> > > as

> > > > a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote

anyone,

> > > I

> > > > will not use names, none of the info you share will be

attibutable

> > > to

> > > > you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones,

and

> > > > make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> > > > situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of

having

> > > > a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what

everyone

> > > > else does or thinks, and over time we realize its

not 'normal'. So

> > > > whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please

post

> > > as

> > > > many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to

have a

> > > > huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as

clear

> > > > and concise as you can.

> > > >

> > > > It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

> > > response,

> > > > anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting

methods,

> > > > whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD

parent.

> > > >

> > > > THANK YOU!!!!

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

---

depression with tendencies to hermit/isolate, especially when in transitional

stages

anxiety - characterized by very anxious, negative thoughts, again, worse in

transitional

stages such as after a move

When undergoing a period of heightened anxiety/depression, I am not very able to

soothe

myself and require a lot of reassurance and validation.

ambivalence/fear about intimate relationships - on the one hand, would love a

supportive

partner, but am also very scared of getting hurt /losing myself, and enjoy my

independence.

poor self-care at times - not good sleeping and eating patterns

feeling different

fear of authority figures

on a positive note, I also can read people very well. I am a social worker and

am able to

assess and establish rapport quickly. I am also passive-aggressive, but as I

work in a govt

bureaucracy, pretty adept at " using my powers for good. " I can often find

back-door

solutions to problems. I am a survivor and very creative, with a good sense of

humor, all

of which were survival skills as the family mascot/rebel. `

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " leik49832 " wrote:

>

> Its not too late! Keep them coming!! The paper is not due until

> january, but I am obviously starting my research now. Thanks to all

> who have shared. if you have more, and even if they are the same, i

> am thankful for everyone being willing to open up. It is amazing to

> me how similar we all are in some respects. So many experiences and

> beliefs that are similar...

> hugs,

> !

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi All!

> > > > >

> > > > > I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months

> I am

> > > > > hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP

> children

> > > > of

> > > > > BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a

> BPD

> > > > as

> > > > > a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote

> anyone,

> > > > I

> > > > > will not use names, none of the info you share will be

> attibutable

> > > > to

> > > > > you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones,

> and

> > > > > make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> > > > > situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of

> having

> > > > > a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what

> everyone

> > > > > else does or thinks, and over time we realize its

> not 'normal'. So

> > > > > whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please

> post

> > > > as

> > > > > many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to

> have a

> > > > > huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as

> clear

> > > > > and concise as you can.

> > > > >

> > > > > It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

> > > > response,

> > > > > anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting

> methods,

> > > > > whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD

> parent.

> > > > >

> > > > > THANK YOU!!!!

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Since it isn't too late I'll add mine as well.

-feel like an empty shell of a person-

-no clue as to what " normal " is

-spineless

-can't be still in body or mind

-isolate

-low self esteem

-lack of confidence

-startle easily

-can't relax

-question myself constantly

-judgemental

-no sense of boundaries

-difficulty in asserting myself

-don't know when enough is enough

-difficulty in receiving, but, love to give

-can't accept a compliment

-afraid to trust

-very private, yet, inappropriately too open

-no sense of " self "

-feel numb and void of feelings

-no expectations

-no goals

-no dreams

-pending feeling of doom

-always on guard

-always on defense

-allow people to take advantage of me

-feeling used

-can defend others, but not myself

-feel like a chamelion

-feel like a hypocrite

-have no idea " who " I am

-don't think I want to know (who I am)

-self loathing

-always anxious

-always wanting to belong, but, never fitting in

-only feel good when giving to someone

-don't know how to take care of myself

-feel like an actress

-DAMAGED

-

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, December 3, 2008 8:15:52 PM

Subject: Re: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a paper

for school!

Its not too late! Keep them coming!! The paper is not due until

january, but I am obviously starting my research now. Thanks to all

who have shared. if you have more, and even if they are the same, i

am thankful for everyone being willing to open up. It is amazing to

me how similar we all are in some respects. So many experiences and

beliefs that are similar...

hugs,

!

> > > >

> > > > Hi All!

> > > >

> > > > I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months

I am

> > > > hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP

children

> > > of

> > > > BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a

BPD

> > > as

> > > > a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote

anyone,

> > > I

> > > > will not use names, none of the info you share will be

attibutable

> > > to

> > > > you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones,

and

> > > > make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> > > > situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of

having

> > > > a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what

everyone

> > > > else does or thinks, and over time we realize its

not 'normal'. So

> > > > whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please

post

> > > as

> > > > many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to

have a

> > > > huge list by the end of this thread.. Please make your post as

clear

> > > > and concise as you can.

> > > >

> > > > It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

> > > response,

> > > > anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting

methods,

> > > > whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD

parent.

> > > >

> > > > THANK YOU!!!!

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'm 26 y/o woman:

Dysthymia (Mild chronic depression) - diagnosed and put on zoloft in

my sr. year of college, but was feeling the symptoms for years

IBS - diagnosed just last year but have always had a really " off "

stomach

Serious Anxiety attacks - in High School I would have a major anxiety

breakdown twice a year every year. Still have anxiety but much better

controled with cognative therapy and it no longers hinders my life

GUILT - I feel responsible for everyone and everything. It's still

out of control and is the #1 issue I am working on in therapy

Taking on others emotions - if someone is sad or just looks sad

around me I get really really upset and I can't shake it. Really

bothersome and until I read someone else's post I had no idea anyone

else went through this too.

Anger - I had major anger issues until my Dysthymia was disagnosed

and medicated. I am naturally happy-go-lucky and then just like that

I would flip and go into a major fit of rage. I knocked a picture

off the wall from slamming the door so hard one time. I started

therapy the next day.

Feelings of worthlessness around my mother (she has bpd) - She

instilled in me that her needs were more important than mine and so I

believed her for years and years. Only in the last few months have I

recognized that that is not the case and am still shaking the guilt

from it.

Have the need to care for my parents - they are young and healthy and

only my dad (who is my rock) is the one who keeps reminding me that I

do not have to take care of him, just myself.

That's all for now. But if I think of anything else I'll let ya

know...

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Hi All!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I am in graduate school right now and in the next few

months

> > I am

> > > > > > hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP

> > children

> > > > > of

> > > > > > BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of

having a

> > BPD

> > > > > as

> > > > > > a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not

quote

> > anyone,

> > > > > I

> > > > > > will not use names, none of the info you share will be

> > attibutable

> > > > > to

> > > > > > you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar

ones,

> > and

> > > > > > make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in

similar

> > > > > > situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is

of

> > having

> > > > > > a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what

> > everyone

> > > > > > else does or thinks, and over time we realize its

> > not 'normal'. So

> > > > > > whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it.

Please

> > post

> > > > > as

> > > > > > many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping

to

> > have a

> > > > > > huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your

post as

> > clear

> > > > > > and concise as you can.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior,

emotional

> > > > > response,

> > > > > > anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting

> > methods,

> > > > > > whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a

BPD

> > parent.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > THANK YOU!!!!

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

,

 

it was sad for me to read your 'Fleas'. My MIL has BPD, & I am just learning

about it. I am in the process of learning what my husbands 'fleas' are, if he

has any. I wish happiness for you. & I hope you can grow & seperate, enough to

find self worth.

good luck

stay strong!

 

Nerak

Subject: Re: Re: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a

paper for school!

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, December 4, 2008, 3:30 AM

Hi ,

Since it isn't too late I'll add mine as well.

-feel like an empty shell of a person-

-no clue as to what " normal " is

-spineless

-can't be still in body or mind

-isolate

-low self esteem

-lack of confidence

-startle easily

-can't relax

-question myself constantly

-judgemental

-no sense of boundaries

-difficulty in asserting myself

-don't know when enough is enough

-difficulty in receiving, but, love to give

-can't accept a compliment

-afraid to trust

-very private, yet, inappropriately too open

-no sense of " self "

-feel numb and void of feelings

-no expectations

-no goals

-no dreams

-pending feeling of doom

-always on guard

-always on defense

-allow people to take advantage of me

-feeling used

-can defend others, but not myself

-feel like a chamelion

-feel like a hypocrite

-have no idea " who " I am

-don't think I want to know (who I am)

-self loathing

-always anxious

-always wanting to belong, but, never fitting in

-only feel good when giving to someone

-don't know how to take care of myself

-feel like an actress

-DAMAGED

-

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, December 3, 2008 8:15:52 PM

Subject: Re: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a

paper for school!

Its not too late! Keep them coming!! The paper is not due until

january, but I am obviously starting my research now. Thanks to all

who have shared. if you have more, and even if they are the same, i

am thankful for everyone being willing to open up. It is amazing to

me how similar we all are in some respects. So many experiences and

beliefs that are similar...

hugs,

!

> > > >

> > > > Hi All!

> > > >

> > > > I am in graduate school right now and in the next few

months

I am

> > > > hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP

children

> > > of

> > > > BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having

a

BPD

> > > as

> > > > a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will

not quote

anyone,

> > > I

> > > > will not use names, none of the info you share will be

attibutable

> > > to

> > > > you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar

ones,

and

> > > > make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> > > > situations recognize in ourselves what the

'residue' is of

having

> > > > a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what

everyone

> > > > else does or thinks, and over time we realize its

not 'normal'. So

> > > > whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it.

Please

post

> > > as

> > > > many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to

have a

> > > > huge list by the end of this thread.. Please make your post

as

clear

> > > > and concise as you can.

> > > >

> > > > It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

> > > response,

> > > > anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting

methods,

> > > > whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD

parent.

> > > >

> > > > THANK YOU!!!!

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My MIL has BPD, so these are my husbands fleas

My husbands fleas....I am new to this, so if some are not typical fleas, I am

sorry.Neck painheadachesabd discomfort, ?s of ulcers as a child The need to fix

everything for everyone...esp his BPD momdifficulty in the begining of our

relationship, opening up & feeling love.. he is great at this now!!he hates

holidays.. due to the BPD mom. I'm sure there are more. He is a calm, loving

person. I feel that he does not have very many fleas.hope this helps Nerak

[Guest guest]

What a great question!

My fleas:

-INSOMNIA--since I was a young teenager

-little ability to tolerate separation: when someone close to me

withdraws, I can even have near-flashbacks (I don't necessarily

relive events visually, but it's like I'm back in them and am feeling

all the emotions I felt at 10 when my nada first really lashed out at

me. I lose contact with my adult self and my surroundings). I've been

doing a new trauma therapy--Developmental Needs Meeting System

(www.dnmsinstitute.com)--for the last year. It's really, really

helped and I haven't had flashbacks since beginning it.

-constant anxiety (zoloft and lots of therapy seem to have largely

freed me from this)

-depression

-severe prenatal and post-partum depression that left me briefly

suicidal

-self-loathing

-I struggle to eat when I'm depressed

-very confident intellectually but emotionally really insecure

-I'm really, really intuitive and good at " reading " people

-have little sense of " object constancy " --aside from my husband and

daughter I really struggle to have a sense of people's love for me

and presence in my life if I don't have pretty constant contact with

them

-struggle to trust people

-I've done nearly 8 years of therapy and am now on zoloft for

depression/anxiety and trazodone for sleep. These have all worked to

get most of this stuff really under control so it rarely interrupts

my life dramatically anymore. However, I still have a sense of being

sort of " split " --I have really good cognitive skills and can act on

what I know is true rather than on anxiety or a fear of being

abandoned: I can set the boundaries I need to with my nada; I can ask

for help from my husband and friends when I need it; I can receive

love; I am a really good mom, have a great marriage, have some good

friends, but internally I often still feel very fragile. I do what I

need to do to be healthy, to set boundaries, whatever, but I still

have to spend a huge amount of time dealing with the emotional fall-

out (so I can reach out when I'm feeling isolated and depressed, but

each time I have to work through a ton of emotional crap to get to

the point where I can do that; I can set a boundary with my nada and

stick to it, but I might wake up in the middle of the night shaking,

afraid she's going to kill herself. I can get through a conflict with

a friend and be honest and vulnerable but then a day later find

myself sobbing because even though I know intelectually that she's

not going to disappear--she's been around for 20 years and isn't

going anywhere now--some part of me is deeply afraid that I've

screwed up too much this time, I'm not really loveable, and that

she's going to leave. I can work through each of these emotional

states and be okay, generally within a matter of hours, but I spend

far more energy than I'd like just getting back to and maintaining a

place of emotional normalcy). So it feels like I have the skills and

knowledge I need, but my inner-life is still very broken. It's

manageable now, but still damaged.

Hope you'll post your paper when you're done!

>

> Hi All!

>

> I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children

of

> BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD

as

> a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone,

I

> will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable

to

> you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post

as

> many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as clear

> and concise as you can.

>

> It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

response,

> anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

>

> THANK YOU!!!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Fleas for sure:

* Poor boundaries

* Overwhelming sense of guilt all the time, for no apparent reason

* Inability to fall asleep since childhood

* Consistently getting into romantic relationships with narcisissts,

abusers, untrusworthy partners

* Uneasy with hugs, kisses from nada

* Startle very easily

* Fear responses to thumps in household walls from others (PTSD??)

* Depression

* ADD

* Feeling like i'm " Faking it " in spite of many career & personal

achievements

* Feeling/taking responsibility from others negative actions even if

I have nothing to do with it

* Inability to speak up to express personal needs

* Feeling of not fitting in

* Obsessive, repetitive, negative thoughts (insecure)

* Perfectionism

* Feeling like I have to 'take care' of others (includes lending out

money, giving out money, time, favours, etc.)

Good Luck with your paper

>

> Hi All!

>

> I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children

of

> BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD

as

> a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone,

I

> will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable

to

> you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post

as

> many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as

clear

> and concise as you can.

>

> It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

response,

> anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

>

> THANK YOU!!!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Haven't been here for a while, but I thought this was important.

I question myself on a daily basis

I don't take care of myself very well

I think everything is my fault (i.e. a co worker's having a bad day,

she must hate me)

I tend to isolate myself and I downplay any issues I'm having

because " my friends all have their own problems "

I share as little information as possible for fear of having it used

against me

I actually prefer the company of older women to that of older men,

but I prefer men my own age to girls my own age

I have an " angry " face and have to put effort into expressing emotion

on my face

I have a " mini " panic attack whenever I see someone who looks like

nada or grannada

I'm an " anti hypochondriac " in that I will avoid doctors and

medication at virtually any cost (because my grannada HAD to go see a

doc every couple days and had enough prescriptions to buy outa

pharmacy)

I have this wierd thing about cars: I cannot ride or drive a car that

looks like one my nada or grannada has driven. Luckily this consists

of mini vans and station wagons.

On the positive side, I'm told I'm a fantastic listener and I give

great advice. I'm pretty much impossible to lie to and I figure

people out easily. I'm virtually self sufficient and I know when to

get out of a bad situation.

Good luck with your paper!

[Guest guest]

I just want to let you know that your paper is really important. If more

people wrote about, interviewed about, made TV about, BPD and its effects on

others, then there would be more information out in the general public, and

those of us who have suffered so long in silence, we could have some sort of

validation.

As for my fleas, I think the lists the others came up with describe me too. I

will make a list, but I also am repeating some of theres that are really true

for me too.

I have mini panic attack (my heart rate increases) when I see anyone who looks

like, dresses or speaks like nada, even if its on TV or in a movie

I don't understand that it's okay for others to treat me well, do things for

me

I am really really impenetrably strong, I can't show any vulnerability because

nada would always attack me whenever I showed weakness or vulnerability

I stay away from people, I like to be outside groups, outside relationships, I

don't like to get too close, I am an observer and I run whenever people get too

close. IT;s like I still don't exist a lot of the time. At least, I don't want

others to see me. Being seen is hard for me sometimes. Too much eye contact

hurts.

I am really surprised when someone treats me well, and it's hard for me to

accept when someone does something nice for me. I expect to be treated badly,

and it actually makes me more comfortable in a relationship when I am taken

advantage of, abused, or neglected

I'mnot sure how to ask for what I need. I'm not even sure what I need. So

far, I have been good at taking care of my physical needs and creature comforts,

that's something that has taken me a few years to get to. As far as emotional

needs, I have no idea whatsoever!

I have a lot of jealousy for people who are able to be vulnerable, have close

relationships, and generally live normal lives without being too concerned about

it. I envy them, and I just feel so outside their reality. It's not fair other

people never had to struggle to reach Normal as much as I have.

I also have a deep wisdom about people and can read people like a book. I am

in a profession that requires me to be cynical, I deal with criminals a lot, and

I definitely have the toughness to see through a lie and to not be swayed by

things other women might fall for. I expect people to be dishonest and

criminal.

I also jump and startle at the slightest noise of other people in the

apartment complex. Nada used to bang around, and that was always a signal to be

on the alert. I do this too, when I get angry, I slam doors and bang belongings.

Any small noise in the apt complex makes me startle, which means I go to great

lengths to cover my ears to try to go to sleep at night. Sleeping in general is

always a struggle.

I'm a bit OCD. I have little rituals that I do around everything, because I

am always nervous and anxious and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't

think I want to give up my rituals, it's part of who I am, and I don't really

care if people see me as eccentric

I've sort of given up on having close relationships in the future, or my own

family. I just survive and get pleasure from small things and events. I really

don't want people close. I really need my space in order to feel safe. It's

nearly impossible for me to feel safe with anyone else in my personal space.

Feeling safe in general is hard. The other side of this is that I can take

risks and do dangerous things on the job because I don't really expect to feel

safe. I am used to feeling in danger, and operate really well with the sun in my

eyes. I like to be in dangerous situations, and I've worked that to my career

advantage.

I can't express what I feel very well. I often don't understand my feelings

until years later. Mostly my feelings come out as anger. i can really tear

another person apart, and hurt them with words and angry words, at that. I just

like to have other people stay away from me, because I am so afraid of hurting

other people.

Fears, fears about what I say to whom, and will it be triangulated and used

against me?

Fears, fears, fears, my whole life is all about fear, although I am a tough

girl and would never let the world know it.

Well, thanks again for this survey. I hope you post the paper when you are

finished. I would like to read it.

Walking to.

From you friend

" WALKING TO HAPPINESS " .

May we all walk towards happiness...

[Guest guest]

I am new to this list. I just want to say After reading these

posts and the list of fleas! I see I have come to the right place

and I am not alone.

My recent " light bulb " moment was realizing that I have an empty spot

and keep trying to fill it. I need something to be working towards

or to focus on to feel okay. And if I dont have it, I get drpressed.

And I now realize that it never works. And no matter what I am

chasing, it is never going to be " it " . So I'm trying to figure out

how to feel whole without chasing the wind.

I am new to this. These things effect me:

-perfectionism

-black and white thinking

-hard to trust people

-need for organization

-never feel " good enough "

-need alot of reassurance from dh. I feel like just because he said

he liked me yesterday doesnt mean he will like me today.

-fear of adbandonment. in the back of me, I feel it is just a matter

of when. Not if they will leave me.

-I am very good at reading people.

-I feel other people's feelings " to the core "

-often feel like I dont fit in

-negative thinking, I can tell you in an instant what is wrong

-I am a giver and want to give too much.

-feeling like I'm in the way in crowds

-very sensitive to bothering people-like I cant stand being late

(and wasting someones time) or feeling like I'm interrupting. I dont

like calling people for this reason...it might be a bad time.

-secure in my head but not in my feelings. I may feel one way but

know the feeling isn't rational in my head.

-insecure about my appearence.

in Maine

[Guest guest]

Hi " walking to happiness "

You wrote what I feel and I didn't even think of those feelings as fleas.  It's

so amazing to me to read other's posts and feel like you wrote them yourself. I

have never felt there was anyone that I ever met who shared any of my feelings

-thus, I always felt " damaged beyond repair " . I  never let anyone even get

vaguely acquainted with the " real " me.  When I've attempted to be a bit open and

share my feelings I can tell by other's reactions I had better keep them to

myself.  It's sort of a lonely life, kind of superficial, but, it is safe to me.

I have always felt empty inside with a sadness so deep within that noone ever

knew.  I am the perpetual joker, I always make others laugh and most people

never take me seriously.  I guess that is the image I project to the world and I

created that image as a shield of protection for myself.  I also feel better

keeping people at a distance and have always needed my own space. Thanks for

sharing.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Saturday, December 6, 2008 7:30:58 PM

Subject: Re: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a paper

for school!

I just want to let you know that your paper is really important. If more people

wrote about, interviewed about, made TV about, BPD and its effects on others,

then there would be more information out in the general public, and those of us

who have suffered so long in silence, we could have some sort of validation.

As for my fleas, I think the lists the others came up with describe me too. I

will make a list, but I also am repeating some of theres that are really true

for me too.

I have mini panic attack (my heart rate increases) when I see anyone who looks

like, dresses or speaks like nada, even if its on TV or in a movie

I don't understand that it's okay for others to treat me well, do things for me

I am really really impenetrably strong, I can't show any vulnerability because

nada would always attack me whenever I showed weakness or vulnerability

I stay away from people, I like to be outside groups, outside relationships, I

don't like to get too close, I am an observer and I run whenever people get too

close. IT;s like I still don't exist a lot of the time. At least, I don't want

others to see me. Being seen is hard for me sometimes. Too much eye contact

hurts.

I am really surprised when someone treats me well, and it's hard for me to

accept when someone does something nice for me. I expect to be treated badly,

and it actually makes me more comfortable in a relationship when I am taken

advantage of, abused, or neglected

I'mnot sure how to ask for what I need. I'm not even sure what I need. So far, I

have been good at taking care of my physical needs and creature comforts, that's

something that has taken me a few years to get to. As far as emotional needs, I

have no idea whatsoever!

I have a lot of jealousy for people who are able to be vulnerable, have close

relationships, and generally live normal lives without being too concerned about

it. I envy them, and I just feel so outside their reality. It's not fair other

people never had to struggle to reach Normal as much as I have.

I also have a deep wisdom about people and can read people like a book. I am in

a profession that requires me to be cynical, I deal with criminals a lot, and I

definitely have the toughness to see through a lie and to not be swayed by

things other women might fall for. I expect people to be dishonest and criminal.

I also jump and startle at the slightest noise of other people in the apartment

complex. Nada used to bang around, and that was always a signal to be on the

alert. I do this too, when I get angry, I slam doors and bang belongings. Any

small noise in the apt complex makes me startle, which means I go to great

lengths to cover my ears to try to go to sleep at night. Sleeping in general is

always a struggle.

I'm a bit OCD. I have little rituals that I do around everything, because I am

always nervous and anxious and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't think

I want to give up my rituals, it's part of who I am, and I don't really care if

people see me as eccentric

I've sort of given up on having close relationships in the future, or my own

family. I just survive and get pleasure from small things and events. I really

don't want people close. I really need my space in order to feel safe. It's

nearly impossible for me to feel safe with anyone else in my personal space.

Feeling safe in general is hard. The other side of this is that I can take risks

and do dangerous things on the job because I don't really expect to feel safe. I

am used to feeling in danger, and operate really well with the sun in my eyes. I

like to be in dangerous situations, and I've worked that to my career advantage.

I can't express what I feel very well. I often don't understand my feelings

until years later. Mostly my feelings come out as anger. i can really tear

another person apart, and hurt them with words and angry words, at that. I just

like to have other people stay away from me, because I am so afraid of hurting

other people.

Fears, fears about what I say to whom, and will it be triangulated and used

against me?

Fears, fears, fears, my whole life is all about fear, although I am a tough girl

and would never let the world know it..

Well, thanks again for this survey. I hope you post the paper when you are

finished. I would like to read it.

Walking to.

From you friend

" WALKING TO HAPPINESS " .

May we all walk towards happiness...

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'm new too and I have never felt such validation since joining this list.  I

could identify with your fleas too.  It's so strange to me that most of my life

I felt something was really wrong with me deep inside that noone would ever

understand.  I read everyone's posts and find I too have felt those very same

things and I'm not so different (at least among all of you KO's).  I wasn't born

this way-i was made to be this way.  I think that means there is hope for us all

to live more fulfilling lives.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sunday, December 7, 2008 2:13:15 PM

Subject: Re: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a paper

for school!

I am new to this list. I just want to say After reading these

posts and the list of fleas! I see I have come to the right place

and I am not alone.

My recent " light bulb " moment was realizing that I have an empty spot

and keep trying to fill it. I need something to be working towards

or to focus on to feel okay. And if I dont have it, I get drpressed.

And I now realize that it never works. And no matter what I am

chasing, it is never going to be " it " . So I'm trying to figure out

how to feel whole without chasing the wind.

I am new to this. These things effect me:

-perfectionism

-black and white thinking

-hard to trust people

-need for organization

-never feel " good enough "

-need alot of reassurance from dh. I feel like just because he said

he liked me yesterday doesnt mean he will like me today.

-fear of adbandonment. in the back of me, I feel it is just a matter

of when. Not if they will leave me.

-I am very good at reading people.

-I feel other people's feelings " to the core "

-often feel like I dont fit in

-negative thinking, I can tell you in an instant what is wrong

-I am a giver and want to give too much.

-feeling like I'm in the way in crowds

-very sensitive to bothering people-like I cant stand being late

(and wasting someones time) or feeling like I'm interrupting. I dont

like calling people for this reason...it might be a bad time.

-secure in my head but not in my feelings. I may feel one way but

know the feeling isn't rational in my head.

-insecure about my appearence.

in Maine