Re: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a paper for school!

[Guest guest]

To everyone that responded- THANK YOU!!!! I am still gathering info.

But something that I have come up with, after reading all your posts,

is a question for you -

Has anyone been diagnosed with any DSM-IV diagnosis-

For example, Borderline Personality Disorder is a DSM diagnosis.

DSM is the big manual that most therapists/psychologist have in their

office and it is to be used for diagnosing mental disorders in order

to properly treat patients.

One thing I am looking at is OCPD- Obsessive-Compulsive Personality

Disorder- this is NOT OCD like handwashing, checking door locks over

and over(Think more '' from " Friends " vs. Jack Nicholson

from " As Good As It Gets " ). Its different. Its more like a

controlling, perfectionism type of behavior. I have learned that

having a BPD parent can lead you to a life of trying to control your

own environment since our childhoods and beyond were so OUT of

control.

One thing I just read that jumped out at me was: The person with OCPD

is unable to tolerate or properly process the feeling of guilt.

Simply stated, he can't stand to feel guilty. We can say

alternatively that he is guilt-phobic, guilt-avoidant, or

hypersensitive to guilt. Therefore, his personality will be organized

and his life will be conducted in such a way as to severely limit his

opportunities for feeling guilt. Think about this- we were always

made to feel guilty- day after day- for stating our feelings, for not

buying into the BPD parents mood of the day. Hmmmmm....

Ok- off to do more research- wanted to check in with everyone and say

THANK YOU again- your posts will be helpful in so many ways, and at

the very least to each other- I see a lot of newbies reading these

posts and identifying and being validated. If thats all this does,

then it is sucessful!!

happy Wednesday to you all!

[Guest guest]

, if it helps, my ex-H (to whom I was married for 18 years!) has OCPD!!!

It was a HUGE breakthrough for me to finally figure out what he's got. He is

TEXTBOOK -- yet, like my BP nada, has never been diagnosed despite years of

therapy/marriage counselling.

Most people don't know about OCPD or mistakenly think's OCD. So frustrating!!!

It's JUST AS BAD, in my experience, as BPD or NPD, yet is practically unknown.

The rages, the insanity.... just horrible.

I'm happy to share my experiences of being a KO married to an OCPD-er, if that's

helpful to you. There's also an online support group on Yahoo I belong to

that's open to OCPD-ers as well as their families and spouses.

Best,

-S

Re: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a paper

for school!

To: WTOAdultChildren1

> To everyone that responded- THANK YOU!!!! I am still gathering

> info.

> But something that I have come up with, after reading all your

> posts,

> is a question for you -

> Has anyone been diagnosed with any DSM-IV diagnosis-

> For example, Borderline Personality Disorder is a DSM diagnosis.

> DSM is the big manual that most therapists/psychologist have in

> their

> office and it is to be used for diagnosing mental disorders in

> order

> to properly treat patients.

>

> One thing I am looking at is OCPD- Obsessive-Compulsive

> Personality

> Disorder- this is NOT OCD like handwashing, checking door locks

> over

> and over(Think more '' from " Friends " vs. Jack Nicholson

> from " As Good As It Gets " ). Its different. Its more like a

> controlling, perfectionism type of behavior. I have learned that

> having a BPD parent can lead you to a life of trying to control

> your

> own environment since our childhoods and beyond were so OUT of

> control.

>

> One thing I just read that jumped out at me was: The person with

> OCPD

> is unable to tolerate or properly process the feeling of guilt.

> Simply stated, he can't stand to feel guilty. We can say

> alternatively that he is guilt-phobic, guilt-avoidant, or

> hypersensitive to guilt. Therefore, his personality will be

> organized

> and his life will be conducted in such a way as to severely

> limit his

> opportunities for feeling guilt. Think about this- we were

> always

> made to feel guilty- day after day- for stating our feelings,

> for not

> buying into the BPD parents mood of the day. Hmmmmm....

>

> Ok- off to do more research- wanted to check in with everyone

> and say

> THANK YOU again- your posts will be helpful in so many ways, and

> at

> the very least to each other- I see a lot of newbies reading

> these

> posts and identifying and being validated. If thats all this

> does,

> then it is sucessful!!

> happy Wednesday to you all!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Okay, my husband has not been definitely diagnosed with OCPD (mostly because he

won't stick with a doctor or therapist for more than one or two sessions, then

it is back to " me being crazy " ).  However, the therapists who saw him briefly

have suggested that he may have this, and I certainly think so.  As for me, the

diagnosis is PTSD.

Subject: Re: Re: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a

paper for school!

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, January 8, 2009, 3:25 AM

, if it helps, my ex-H (to whom I was married for 18 years!) has OCPD!!!

It was a HUGE breakthrough for me to finally figure out what he's got. He is

TEXTBOOK -- yet, like my BP nada, has never been diagnosed despite years of

therapy/marriage counselling.

Most people don't know about OCPD or mistakenly think's OCD. So frustrating! !!

It's JUST AS BAD, in my experience, as BPD or NPD, yet is practically unknown.

The rages, the insanity.... just horrible.

I'm happy to share my experiences of being a KO married to an OCPD-er, if that's

helpful to you. There's also an online support group on Yahoo I belong to that's

open to OCPD-ers as well as their families and spouses.

Best,

-S

Re: What are your Fleas? Need help- writing a paper

for school!

To: WTOAdultChildren1@ yahoogroups. com

> To everyone that responded- THANK YOU!!!! I am still gathering

> info.

> But something that I have come up with, after reading all your

> posts,

> is a question for you -

> Has anyone been diagnosed with any DSM-IV diagnosis-

> For example, Borderline Personality Disorder is a DSM diagnosis.

> DSM is the big manual that most therapists/psycholo gist have in

> their

> office and it is to be used for diagnosing mental disorders in

> order

> to properly treat patients.

>

> One thing I am looking at is OCPD- Obsessive-Compulsiv e

> Personality

> Disorder- this is NOT OCD like handwashing, checking door locks

> over

> and over(Think more '' from " Friends " vs. Jack Nicholson

> from " As Good As It Gets " ). Its different. Its more like a

> controlling, perfectionism type of behavior. I have learned that

> having a BPD parent can lead you to a life of trying to control

> your

> own environment since our childhoods and beyond were so OUT of

> control.

>

> One thing I just read that jumped out at me was: The person with

> OCPD

> is unable to tolerate or properly process the feeling of guilt.

> Simply stated, he can't stand to feel guilty. We can say

> alternatively that he is guilt-phobic, guilt-avoidant, or

> hypersensitive to guilt. Therefore, his personality will be

> organized

> and his life will be conducted in such a way as to severely

> limit his

> opportunities for feeling guilt. Think about this- we were

> always

> made to feel guilty- day after day- for stating our feelings,

> for not

> buying into the BPD parents mood of the day. Hmmmmm....

>

> Ok- off to do more research- wanted to check in with everyone

> and say

> THANK YOU again- your posts will be helpful in so many ways, and

> at

> the very least to each other- I see a lot of newbies reading

> these

> posts and identifying and being validated. If thats all this

> does,

> then it is sucessful!!

> happy Wednesday to you all!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Do yu have a copy of Understanding the Borderline Mother? It is THE

essential book. One thing it does well is explain different subtypes

and the effects on the children by subtypes. I made a map of it to

make it easier to understand and put it in the Stop Walking About

Eggshells Workbook. Depending upon how important your paper is, you

might want to think of checking them out.

Randi Kreger

Randi @BPDCentral.com

www.BPDCentral.com

* NEW! Author, The Essential Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder:

New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells

>

> Hi All!

>

> I am in graduate school right now and in the next few months I am

> hoping to gather together a list of behaviors we as nonBP children

of

> BPD parents have noticed in ourselves as a result of having a BPD

as

> a parent. We call them 'fleas' sometimes. I will not quote anyone,

I

> will not use names, none of the info you share will be attibutable

to

> you. I plan to gather it all together, find the similar ones, and

> make a nice list. My hope is to help those of us in similar

> situations recognize in ourselves what the 'residue' is of having

> a mentally ill parent. Sometimes we think it may be what everyone

> else does or thinks, and over time we realize its not 'normal'. So

> whatever you can come up with, I would appreciate it. Please post

as

> many times as you want as you think of them, I am hoping to have a

> huge list by the end of this thread. Please make your post as clear

> and concise as you can.

>

> It may be a way of thinking, a physical behavior, emotional

response,

> anxiety, the way relationships go for you, your parenting methods,

> whatever you feel is attributable to being raised by a BPD parent.

>

> THANK YOU!!!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks- I will check there.

The more I read about OCPD, and it can be very mild to very severe

(no rages, just wants order, control and self regulated

perfectionism), is its always considered the 'opposite' of BPD. Which

I find fascinating, since I find I have always wanted to be the

opposite of my nada. Her life is out of control, I want mine in

perfect order, etc...

The OCPD person feels that no matter how perfect a paper is or a

project, its never good enough, And even though they may be

incredibly smart, they have the fear of being 'found out; that they

are not as smart. This would fall in line perfectly with being raised

with someone with BPD... like I said- the opposite!

Just thoughts.... maybe my thesis????

>

> , if it helps, my ex-H (to whom I was married for 18 years!)

has OCPD!!!

>

> It was a HUGE breakthrough for me to finally figure out what he's

got. He is TEXTBOOK -- yet, like my BP nada, has never been

diagnosed despite years of therapy/marriage counselling.

>

> Most people don't know about OCPD or mistakenly think's OCD. So

frustrating!!! It's JUST AS BAD, in my experience, as BPD or NPD,

yet is practically unknown. The rages, the insanity.... just

horrible.

>

> I'm happy to share my experiences of being a KO married to an OCPD-

er, if that's helpful to you. There's also an online support group

on Yahoo I belong to that's open to OCPD-ers as well as their

families and spouses.

>

> Best,

>

> -S

>

> Re: What are your Fleas? Need help-

writing a paper for school!

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

>

> > To everyone that responded- THANK YOU!!!! I am still gathering

> > info.

> > But something that I have come up with, after reading all your

> > posts,

> > is a question for you -

> > Has anyone been diagnosed with any DSM-IV diagnosis-

> > For example, Borderline Personality Disorder is a DSM diagnosis.

> > DSM is the big manual that most therapists/psychologist have in

> > their

> > office and it is to be used for diagnosing mental disorders in

> > order

> > to properly treat patients.

> >

> > One thing I am looking at is OCPD- Obsessive-Compulsive

> > Personality

> > Disorder- this is NOT OCD like handwashing, checking door locks

> > over

> > and over(Think more '' from " Friends " vs. Jack Nicholson

> > from " As Good As It Gets " ). Its different. Its more like a

> > controlling, perfectionism type of behavior. I have learned that

> > having a BPD parent can lead you to a life of trying to control

> > your

> > own environment since our childhoods and beyond were so OUT of

> > control.

> >

> > One thing I just read that jumped out at me was: The person with

> > OCPD

> > is unable to tolerate or properly process the feeling of guilt.

> > Simply stated, he can't stand to feel guilty. We can say

> > alternatively that he is guilt-phobic, guilt-avoidant, or

> > hypersensitive to guilt. Therefore, his personality will be

> > organized

> > and his life will be conducted in such a way as to severely

> > limit his

> > opportunities for feeling guilt. Think about this- we were

> > always

> > made to feel guilty- day after day- for stating our feelings,

> > for not

> > buying into the BPD parents mood of the day. Hmmmmm....

> >

> > Ok- off to do more research- wanted to check in with everyone

> > and say

> > THANK YOU again- your posts will be helpful in so many ways, and

> > at

> > the very least to each other- I see a lot of newbies reading

> > these

> > posts and identifying and being validated. If thats all this

> > does,

> > then it is sucessful!!

> > happy Wednesday to you all!

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OCPD is fascinating -- they're ruled by the need for order, control, perfection.

Like BPs, they're also obsessed with " appearances " . From what I've read, their

need to control stems from their overwhelming feelings of guilt and needing to

avoid those feelings?

I do disagree though on the issue of raging. My OCPD-er was a frequent and

terrifying rager, and if you look on the OCPD support boards you'll see how

common the raging is. (Just like BPs are supposedly self-injurers or

frequently attempting suicide -- but if you look on this board, you'll see these

rarely occur.)

Best of luck, keep us all posted on your progress!

-S

Re: What are your Fleas? Need

> help-

> writing a paper for school!

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> >

> > > To everyone that responded- THANK YOU!!!! I am still

> gathering

> > > info.

> > > But something that I have come up with, after reading all

> your

> > > posts,

> > > is a question for you -

> > > Has anyone been diagnosed with any DSM-IV diagnosis-

> > > For example, Borderline Personality Disorder is a DSM

> diagnosis.

> > > DSM is the big manual that most therapists/psychologist have

> in

> > > their

> > > office and it is to be used for diagnosing mental disorders

> in

> > > order

> > > to properly treat patients.

> > >

> > > One thing I am looking at is OCPD- Obsessive-Compulsive

> > > Personality

> > > Disorder- this is NOT OCD like handwashing, checking door

> locks

> > > over

> > > and over(Think more '' from " Friends " vs. Jack

> Nicholson

> > > from " As Good As It Gets " ). Its different. Its more like a

> > > controlling, perfectionism type of behavior. I have learned

> that

> > > having a BPD parent can lead you to a life of trying to

> control

> > > your

> > > own environment since our childhoods and beyond were so OUT

> of

> > > control.

> > >

> > > One thing I just read that jumped out at me was: The person

> with

> > > OCPD

> > > is unable to tolerate or properly process the feeling of

> guilt.

> > > Simply stated, he can't stand to feel guilty. We can say

> > > alternatively that he is guilt-phobic, guilt-avoidant, or

> > > hypersensitive to guilt. Therefore, his personality will be

> > > organized

> > > and his life will be conducted in such a way as to severely

> > > limit his

> > > opportunities for feeling guilt. Think about this- we were

> > > always

> > > made to feel guilty- day after day- for stating our

> feelings,

> > > for not

> > > buying into the BPD parents mood of the day. Hmmmmm....

> > >

> > > Ok- off to do more research- wanted to check in with

> everyone

> > > and say

> > > THANK YOU again- your posts will be helpful in so many ways,

> and

> > > at

> > > the very least to each other- I see a lot of newbies reading

> > > these

> > > posts and identifying and being validated. If thats all this

> > > does,

> > > then it is sucessful!!

> > > happy Wednesday to you all!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >