Dealing with nada in the moment

[Guest guest]

I'm beginning to think that possibly the best way to deal with bpd

behaviors with our nada is immediately, in the moment, using the

absolute truth.

Sister and I had been trained from birth to never react negatively to

anything our nada said or did to us. Nada could insult us, hit us,

scream abuse at us, etc., and we had to just silently take it, like

the inanimate objects she probably considered us to be. Reacting made

the abuse worse: like throwing gasoline on a fire.

As adults, we continued to just silently take the emotional abuse

without reacting. Nada was the Queen Witch, after all. Truths were

never spoken by us or they were highly edited with a good spin towards

nada, and bad behavior by nada was simply accepted or ignored.

I think Sister and I are still learning that the only way to handle

nada is to tell the truth and dole out the consequences in the moment

without being hateful or insulting about it ourselves.

We have to re-train ourselves, allow ourselves to say things like:

" I remember that differently "

" That hurts my feelings "

" That is not your business/not up for discussion "

" Since you're not respecting my boundaries, I'm hanging up now "

" Did you just say what I think you said? Please repeat that; I need to

be sure " (because it sounded like a horrible insult)

etc.

It ain't easy!

-Annie