Guest guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 Oh my word. What a nut. Don't bite, just make sure your daughter's school knows that nada is not allowed to have any information about your kids, and make sure your daughter knows that her grandmother is way off base. > > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school and talked to my > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I don't know what information > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my daughter out of > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her homework home > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with it. ( I have a > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? HA!) > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit school. I'm pissed > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but hesitate because > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC with her....just > in time for thanksgiving > > -- > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 Perhaps it is time to have a meeting with the school and remind them that they are not permitted to release information about your daughter to anyone but her own parents, nor are they permitted to discuss her academic progress with others. If you have to, set up a password/codeword with the counselor to prevent your nada from calling and pretending to be you. It was definitely wrong of your nada...but in my opinion it was ALSO WRONG of the school. If you have to, tell them that there are safety issues involving your nada that are private but that you expect the school to respect....by protecting your daughter. Don't fall for it by contacting your nada...but DO deal with the school. Ninera > > Subject: I smell a trap > To: " wtoadultchildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 > > Date: Monday, November 24, 2008, 7:57 PM > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school > and talked to my > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I > don't know what information > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my > daughter out of > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her > homework home > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with > it. ( I have a > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? > HA!) > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit > school. I'm pissed > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but > hesitate because > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC > with her....just > in time for thanksgiving > > -- > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 Wow Bunny. In my opinion, I think your nada could be attempting to set you up to appear to be a negligent or otherwise unfit mother, and in my book that makes your nada very, very hostile and dangerous. Do not go over there and tell her off, that's exactly what she wants: for you to appear out of control, angry and irrational. Instead, go get a lawyer ASAP to help you protect yourself and your daughter. The lawyer can help you get a restraining order against your mother so that she can't go into your child's school and remove her again. That is just so wrong, your nada should NOT have that kind of authority over your child without your permission or knowledge! Good luck with this. -Annie > > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school and talked to my > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I don't know what information > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my daughter out of > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her homework home > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with it. ( I have a > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? HA!) > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit school. I'm pissed > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but hesitate because > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC with her....just > in time for thanksgiving > > -- > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 I work in a school system. Not only was it wrong, but it probably violated federal laws regarding the privacy of student records!! You definitely have grounds to have a talk with the school. I agree with other posters; avoid Nada! > From: Beach Bunny <dranbauer.family@ gmail.com> > Subject: I smell a trap > To: " wtoadultchildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1@ yahoogroups. com> > Date: Monday, November 24, 2008, 7:57 PM > Ok so here is what is going on....today, Nada called school > and talked to my > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I > don't know what information > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my > daughter out of > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her > homework home > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with > it. ( I have a > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? > HA!) > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit > school. I'm pissed > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but > hesitate because > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC > with her....just > in time for thanksgiving > > -- > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 I agree. Big NO NO on the school's part. Period. I would be calling " up the chain " on this one... not only does it violate all sorts of laws, it's dangerous to your dd. Lynnette > > > > > Subject: I smell a trap > > To: " wtoadultchildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 > > > Date: Monday, November 24, 2008, 7:57 PM > > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school > > and talked to my > > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I > > don't know what information > > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my > > daughter out of > > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her > > homework home > > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with > > it. ( I have a > > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? > > HA!) > > > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit > > school. I'm pissed > > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but > > hesitate because > > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC > > with her....just > > in time for thanksgiving > > > > -- > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 I would have a strong word with that counselor over taking orders from the grandmother and not the parent -- sounds like she crossed a professional line. > > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school and talked to my > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I don't know what information > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my daughter out of > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her homework home > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with it. ( I have a > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? HA!) > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit school. I'm pissed > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but hesitate because > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC with her....just > in time for thanksgiving > > -- > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 Hey guys...thanks for your words of wisdom here...i'm glad i have you all to write to, otherwise i'm sure i'd be 3 steps back. I am going to follow everyone's advice here and hold the counselors feet to the fire. I'm even drafting a letter to our local paper (for the editorial page) telling all parents to make sure their couselors are following the law because there is one at North Harford who didn't. I want this woman to be scared that she will lose her job. Honestly...i blame this whole mess on her, because she is the one who royally screwed up here. God help her if she lies to me (the counselor)...talk about fireworks. I have to prepare myself for the " sweet lady " impression lecture i get from the counselor. i don't care if she's the virgin ...she had no right to give out that information....period. Don't you just hate the " she's only trying to be a good grandma " lecture. It actually....and i mean literally, makes me gag. As for Nada, I'm not going to take the bait...i'm going to tuck it under my hat and use it as ammunition later should the need arise. You'd think after everything i have learned here, her pulling this wouldn't catch me off guard...aren't holiday's worderful? I still can't get over the irony that she is the one who is sick and i am the one shelling out $100 a month on doctor bills and medicine just to deal with her stupidity. I wish we could all just have Thanksgiving together (this group). I think it would be awesome! Thank you all again for the sound advice...I needed it. It's nice to have people who " get it " ....people who know first hand what it is like to have nada's like ours. > I would have a strong word with that counselor over taking orders > from the grandmother and not the parent -- sounds like she crossed a > professional line. > > > > > > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school and > talked to my > > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I don't know what > information > > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my daughter > out of > > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her > homework home > > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with it. ( I > have a > > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? HA!) > > > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit school. > I'm pissed > > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but > hesitate because > > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC with > her....just > > in time for thanksgiving > > > > -- > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 Wow, I understand why you're angry. I would be, too! But do you really think a slanderous letter (whether true or not) to the local paper is the way to go right now? Don't you want to see if you can resolve the matter first through the school? Do what you think is right. Personally, though, I'd recommend conferencing with the counselor and possibly principal first. It sounds like you're prepared for all kinds of BPD-ish behavior from this lady. You might be surprised when you talk to her; maybe she'll be completely understanding and apologetic. There might not be a need to go into full-attack mode just yet. Best of luck, > > > > > > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school and > > talked to my > > > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I don't know what > > information > > > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my daughter > > out of > > > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her > > homework home > > > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with it. ( I > > have a > > > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? HA!) > > > > > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit school. > > I'm pissed > > > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but > > hesitate because > > > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC with > > her....just > > > in time for thanksgiving > > > > > > -- > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > > Bunny > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 Bunny, I've been lurking about for the last few months, but this thread has caught my eye. What nada did was calculated to get a rise out of her intended victim...you. However, that doesn't mean that the counselor needs to be strung up. Most people from normal families will give grandparents the benefit of the doubt thinking that they only mean the best for their grandchildren. What the counselor did was wrong, and I would check all paperwork in case Nada's name shows up as a contact which would lead this person to believe that it was all right to talk to her about her grand-daughter's performance. What I strongly suggest, is a calm but firm approach with the counselor and to let her know why she must not divulge any further information to nada. Nada is mentally ill. Don't sugar coat it, it is the truth and will make your dissatisfaction with the situation more understandable to the people involved. It is an unrealistic burden to put on the counselor to expect her to know this. Have the conversation with the counselor and the principle and work with them. You will get further if you do it rationally.. Do not write a letter slamming the school. Bad mojo, they were tricked by nada. What you can to is to work with the school to make everyone more aware of the possible ramafications of situations like this. It is important that everyone in the office understand that just because a relative calls up acting concerned, that does not mean that they are genuine. With that said, I understand fully your fury with your nada and with the mistake the school made. However, let's put the responsibility where it belongs....with nada. DEEP breaths. Happy Thanksgiving. Take care Be strong ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Tuesday, November 25, 2008 8:08:53 AM Subject: Re: I smell a trap Wow, I understand why you're angry. I would be, too! But do you really think a slanderous letter (whether true or not) to the local paper is the way to go right now? Don't you want to see if you can resolve the matter first through the school? Do what you think is right. Personally, though, I'd recommend conferencing with the counselor and possibly principal first. It sounds like you're prepared for all kinds of BPD-ish behavior from this lady. You might be surprised when you talk to her; maybe she'll be completely understanding and apologetic. There might not be a need to go into full-attack mode just yet. Best of luck, > > > > > > Ok so here is what is going on....today, Nada called school and > > talked to my > > > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I don't know what > > information > > > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my daughter > > out of > > > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her > > homework home > > > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with it. ( I > > have a > > > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? HA!) > > > > > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit school. > > I'm pissed > > > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but > > hesitate because > > > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC with > > her....just > > > in time for thanksgiving > > > > > > -- > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > > Bunny > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 Just so you know... the " letter " will " prove " your mother's case. It will paint you in a really REALLY bad light and they will only " see " this evil vendictive daughter who " over-reacted " to a " sweet old ladies " worry. Don't gag and throw up... we've all been there but I'm just shining a bit of light on the perceptions of those " outside the ring of insanity " . I would simply say to the counselor, WITH the Principal present from moment #1, giving out confidential information to my mother " without my express written permission " is illegal. Period. You do not need to justify why/where/when (cause believe me, until they see it, they won't). Just stick to the law. You can say that your daughter is now humiliated and this has caused great heartache in your family ( " due to existing family dynamics " ) prior to the holiday's because " one of your staff broke the law " (throw that in a few times... it will hit home) and you're hoping that the holiday's will ease her pain but again, no one but YOU and your daughter's father have access to that information. Period. When you're right, you're right. They know she screwed up. You just have to make sure that they know YOU know! Don't write the letter... Lynnette > > > > > > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school and > > talked to my > > > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I don't know what > > information > > > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my daughter > > out of > > > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her > > homework home > > > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with it. ( I > > have a > > > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? HA!) > > > > > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit school. > > I'm pissed > > > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but > > hesitate because > > > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC with > > her....just > > > in time for thanksgiving > > > > > > -- > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > > Bunny > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 BTW, Bunny, I think lynnette and the others have offered excellent viewpoints & advice on your situation: I think my leap to advising a lawyer was jumping the gun/over-reacting now, & I think involving the media would be jumping the gun as well. Lynnettes' (and others') recommendations are quite good, particularly bringing up the *legal* aspect about releasing a child without your express written permission, etc. to both the school counsellor and principal. Removing your mother's name from any " OK to contact " records or lists is imperative. Staying calm and cool and using the least amount of " force " necessary to get the job done really is the best route and will get you better long-term results. Good luck with this, your nada sounds like a very aggressive person who has no fears about " running over " you, so, play it very smart and safe where she is concerned. Any chance of moving far away from her anytime soon? -Annie > > > > > > > > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school and > > > talked to my > > > > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I don't know what > > > information > > > > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my > daughter > > > out of > > > > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her > > > homework home > > > > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with it. ( I > > > have a > > > > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? HA!) > > > > > > > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit school. > > > I'm pissed > > > > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but > > > hesitate because > > > > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC with > > > her....just > > > > in time for thanksgiving > > > > > > > > -- > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > > > Bunny > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 Annie, It would be really extra rotten if Bunny's mother had showed up at school and pulled the daughter out of class. But I don't think that's what happened. It sounds like the nada called the school, and the counselor pulled the daughter to talk to her in her office, which is commonplace and reasonable in and of itself. It's not the same thing as releasing her to the nada, which would be horrible and warrant the legal attention you recommended. kt > > > > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school and > talked to my > > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I don't know what > information > > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my daughter > out of > > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her homework > home > > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with it. ( I have a > > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? HA!) > > > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit school. I'm > pissed > > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but hesitate > because > > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC with > her....just > > in time for thanksgiving > > > > -- > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 Ah! OK, that *is* less rotten. I thought the counselor had pulled the child out of class and then *sent her home with grandnada.* I'm glad that didn't happen! Even so, yes, definitely, I agree that the advice RE discussing things with the school counselor and the principal to get all the facts and rules straight is the best first step. Bpds and narcissists are really good manipulators, so, beware of their tricks! -Annie > > > > > > Ok so here is what is going on....today,Nada called school and > > talked to my > > > daughter's school counselor about her grades. I don't know what > > information > > > the school gave her but the counselor ended up pulling my daughter > > out of > > > English class and told her to make sure she took all of her > homework > > home > > > with her that her grandmother was going to help her with it. ( I > have a > > > Ph.D. in English and SHE'S going to help her with it? HA!) > > > > > > My daughter came home LIVID humiliated and ready to quit school. > I'm > > pissed > > > as hell and ready to march over there and rip into her but > hesitate > > because > > > this is just the trap she knows i will sping-breaking my NC with > > her....just > > > in time for thanksgiving > > > > > > -- > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > > Bunny > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 I never thought about the letter like that before...you guys are right...i need to keep my eye on the ball here and just deal with the school one on one and not go higher unless i absolutely have to....which i doubt i will. > this really hits the nail on the head; and I would like to pass on a > word of caution. There have been times I have made a formal > complaint about an employee and the suprvisor gave me the impression > he/she was standing behind the employee. I at first was upset that I > was not seen as " the person who had been harmed " What I saw as time > went on is that the supervisor backed their employee in public and > repraminded (sp) in private and the situation I complained about did > change. I just did not see the change at the initial meeting. > blessings, mg > > " Just so you know... the " letter " will " prove " your mother's case. > > It will paint you in a really REALLY bad light and they will > only " see " this evil vendictive daughter who " over-reacted " to > a " sweet old ladies " worry. Don't gag and throw up... we've all been > there but I'm just shining a bit of light on the perceptions of > those " outside the ring of insanity " . > > I would simply say to the counselor, WITH the Principal present from > moment #1, giving out confidential information to my mother " without > my express written permission " is illegal. Period. You do not need > to justify why/where/when (cause believe me, until they see it, they > won't). Just stick to the law. You can say that your daughter is > now humiliated and this has caused great heartache in your family > ( " due to existing family dynamics " ) prior to the holiday's > because " one of your staff broke the law " (throw that in a few > times... it will hit home) and you're hoping that the holiday's will > ease her pain but again, no one but YOU and your daughter's father > have access to that information. Period. " > > > -- Kisses and Nibbles, Bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 I agree about not sending a letter to the newspaper. The educational system gets so much mud flung on them that insinuating that all counselors would do what yours did makes them all look bad and puts everyone on the defensive. It's not a means to the ends that you are looking for. If what you want is your counselor to stop blabbing to your mother and to apologize for the lapse in judgement, then you need to speak to the counselor first, then the principal if the counselor is not responsive. By all means stay calm - the worst thing you can do is seem in any way unhinged - then it becomes a counselor vs. " crazy parent " issue and the counselor will be backed by the principal. I'm a teacher credentialed as a school counselor, for what it's worth. ) Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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