Mycats---> new members who have small children

[Guest guest]

I think personal, case by case analysis is a given on this list as we all come

from different bpd afflicted situations.  Deciding what to do with your life is

an inherent, though sometimes foreign concept all of us KO's must deal with.

However I do not think that Annie's post was out of line.  All too often, as a

mother, we doubt ourselves and try to do the 'right thing' by a societal

standard or by the standards of the 'pressures' we receive from family etc. 

Having reinforcement that it is not just OK, but actually a great thing to

protect your children cannot *harm* anyone.  Annie didn't tell people " Hey -

nobody should allow their children around nada's " - she very specifically said

that we must measure how mentally ill they are to us and take that into account

when offering up our grandchildren or ANY children into their care or contact.

Honestly I don't understand how you could be offended by this.  BUT - everyone

has an opinion.  I respect yours and I respectfully disagree.  I think all too

often people look the other way instead of standing up for the right thing.

Defending and protecting children is ALWAYS the right thing.

Btw, if your nada is good with kids and has done some recovery that's awesome. 

I wish more nada's were like her.  I would bet they're not, but I wish they

were, sincerely.

SDM

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 2:47:32 PM

Subject: Re: For you new members who have small children

I disagree with the last post...I think we all have to keep in mind

that each case is different, and over-generalizing all bpd mothers

based on your own, or another members experience, is a bad idea. The

severity of one case (including the horror stories of emotional and

physical abuse on young children by their bpd grandmothers) can be

must worse than others, and you have no way of telling whether a bpd

grandmother should be allowed around her grandchildren, regardless of

your own experience with your own nada, because you do not personally

know that person or the severity of their case. My mother, for

instance, is great with kids, and always has been (Other than with me

as a child). She has made a great deal of progress since my

childhood, and is not at all abusive to my 11 year old brother, and I

know she wouldn't be abusive to my own son. Her BPD symptoms aren't

as severe as others...She just tends to act immaturely in her own

love life and selfishly when it comes to the stability of my

brothers' lives. The issues I have with her now have to do with her

teenage-like drama in her love life and impulsive decisions, which

she asks for support with, and then when everything falls apart,

sympathy. I stress that her behavior is not abusive toward her

children, just selfish, and the situation is much too complicated for

anyone to judge who is not living it. However, this does not mean

she will be a bad grandmother. ..In fact I predict she will be a

wonderful grandmother. This is what makes it so complicated. Yes, I

am lucky that her symptoms aren't nearly as severe as many of the

people whom are spoken about in this group. Which is why over-

generalizing and telling new members that their mothers are too

mentally ill or unstable to be trusted around their children is

unfounded. Only they can make that judgment, not you. We are all

here to support eachother, not pressure eachother to make very

important decisions based on a wide range of experiences that may not

even closely match their own.

>

> Welcome. You'll find lots of members here who also have children and

> who have posted real horror stories about what their bpd mothers

(also

> referred to as " nada " s) have done to their kids (nada's grandkids.)

>

> Incident after incident of physical and emotional abuse inflicted by

> bpds against helpless children will make your hair stand on end, and

> your blood boil with anger.

>

> Even if your bpd mother is not overtly violent, there are stories

> about how the nada will treat one child well, while the sibling will

> be locked alone in a room all day. Another poster told of how her

two

> year old would scream and recoil when told " grandnada " was coming

for

> a visit. Another small child began acting out, yelling, " Get away

> from me, you're not supposed to be here! " after spending time with

> grandnada.

>

> Other grandnadas try to " buy " their grandchildren with overly lavish

> presents in an attempt to turn their grandchildren against their own

> parents.

>

> The creepiest nadas use passive-aggressive techniques to attack and

> hurt their grandchildren when they are actually angry at their own

> daughter. These are the nadas that can " accidentally " cause

permanent

> injury or death to their helpless grandkids.

>

> So, please keep in mind that your own mother, if she has bpd or

> narcissism pd or any other " Cluster B " personality disorder, is

*far*

> too unstable and mentally ill to be trusted around small children.

> Please protect your children from your mother, you are probably

their

> only line of defense against emotional and physical abuse by a crazy

> person.

>

> -Annie

>