Husband Talks about PTSD --->Walkingtohapp --- Disassociating

[Guest guest]

I've known my husband since I was 16 - we were best friends for 8 years before

we ventured into dating and it was a quite a story even then.  He has always

known I have 'issues', but he didn't know exactly what they were.  I am 100%

honest with him in what I'm thinking and feeling, maybe more than most

husband/wife arrangements bc my parents lied to each other constantly and I

never wanted to live that way.  Having my husband be so supportive during my

recovery has given me immeasurable strength and vindication daily.  I know that

I'm walking the right path and I have someone at my side who believes in me and

loves me. 

Below is Walking's original question and my hubby's response.  He is making a

joke about the 'fleas' - referring to them as the actual bugs, not as what we

were talking about *he's a funny guy in our circles of friends and at work -

that's just his personality*.  I wish every person on this list finds someone

like I did and is as happy as we are.  Marriage's are work, but it's a fun kind

of work when it's with someone you love that is putting into it as much as you

are.

Hope this gives some of you great hope - good people are definately out there. 

And if you're biding your time with a person who is not right for you, I hope

you find the strength to find the person who is.

Sincerely,

Subject: RE: Re:Walking --- Disassociating

                        Wow babe, I don’t know what to say other than . . . what

I always tell you:  Life is fragile.  With an understanding for the “disorder,”

I have no limit for how much I can take.

            I didn’t have the foresight to know that you were going to be ill,

or have fleas.  (Fleas are a deal-breaker though . . . please avoid them if you

can.)  In fact, I was totally unaware that you were a survivor, but I sensed

strength.  I do know that I love you, and do so unconditionally.  I know if

roles were reversed you’d be by my side through it all, and not out of marital

obligation, but by choice.  I believe that my own tribulations of adversity have

helped grant tolerance and compassion to allow me to “deal” with your

condition.  Having my own sorts of PTSD I can empathize with your plight and

understand when your hurt, and why you might crawl into a shell, as I too

perceivably have strange mechanisms for coping.  But, you’re my wife, a person .

.. . not a diagnosis, nor a symptom.  While I do not know what the future holds

exactly, if given the opportunity to rewind time and do it over again with the

knowledge you were an abuse survivor in advance, I’d still have married you and

stood stalwart by your side.  I don’t understand that I hear marriages fail when

a person becomes disabled or has PTSD.  I firmly believe that when you are with

someone you should remain resolute to your commitment.  You aren’t someone else

when your trigger is activated.  You’re still my wife with all her quills

standing on edge.  It’s my job to make sure they don’t have to, to make sure

you’re safe and in control.

            The truth is while you regularly remind me how lucky you are, I

truly feel that I am the blessed one.  You’re an example to our family, friends,

and myself.  I know you have suffered, but it seems your attitude remains one of

focus and function.  You’re committed to our marriage, our family, and us.  I

think, while I’d not wish your past upon anyone, it allows you to appreciate the

relative solace between the bouts of disassociation.  When it happens, I try to

treat you as how I would want to be.  I reach out, clutch you and keep you

safe.  It needs to be said that when your disassociation occurs, it’s a trigger

to cope, and nothing more.  As long as I keep that in mind, it makes weathering

the small storms very easy.  I very much feel it’s my duty as I love you. 

            Life is fragile, unpredictable and far from perfect.  I’d always

just naturally assumed most people are like me, like us, normal.  With some

skeletons in closets most of us are never very far from, but distant enough to:

love, play, work, and live.  I don’t really know what else to say . . . other

than I love you and I hope your cohorts find some comfort in knowing

compassionate, caring people are everywhere, despite what their past or their

fears may prevent them from seeing.  I’d say you and this list are small samples

of that grace.

 

Love Landon

 

________________________________

From:SDM

Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2008 6:56 AM

To: Landon Mandt

Subject: Fw: Re:Walking --- Disassociating

 

This was her question honey - reply to me and I'll add onto it and send it to

the list.  I 'll pass along her reply too -

love you

brina

 

----- Forwarded Message ----

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 7:38:51 PM

Subject: Re:Walking --- Disassociating

Thanks,

What compassion to find on this website!!

I am so proud of you, at how far you say you have come. I am a little curious,

what is it like to have your husband help you through this? Have you always

lived with him through your recovery, and if so, doesn't he ever feel attacked

when your PTSD would act up? How do you both handle those attacks as a couple?

Good to know there are wonderful men like that out there... who would support a

wretched PTSD-flea ridden person... but how much can we ask a man to take?

Thanks

Walking to

From you friend

" WALKING TO HAPPINESS " .

May we all walk towards happiness...