Re: Needing Some Advice

[Guest guest]

Yikes! What a quandry. Here you are bumping along thinking that you

came up with a compromise that you could live with and everyone else

would be happy. You would get to spend time with your siblings and

your parents this holiday without a huge disruption to your life.

Yep, it sounds good when I see it on paper.

Unfortunately the unknown variable, Nada, reacted badly. Well my

dear, logically you have this well thought out. You are definitely

considerate (much more than I, I am afraid), to be taking a lot of

time out of your schedule for the family. I love that you are

obviously so close to, at least, so of them.

The answer though truly isn't complicated though. This is going to

continue to be a chronic problem unless you begin standing your

ground. I don't mean getting ugly and yelling a lot or anything of

that nature. I just mean calmly, firmly and gently explaining how

you thought this was a great compromise to a difficult situation.

Then not backing down to her manipulations.

Is this an easy and quick process? Nope not a bit. However over

time it does get easier. The stomach aches come on a little less and

Nada begins to believe that you have boundries that she can't

penetrate. She will use all weapons at her disposal, however you

have a weapon she doesn't. You have spent your whole life observing

her, you know her almost better than she knows herself.

Sorry for the stress though, especially at such a busy time of year.

I hope it all works out for you and that you have an excellent

holiday!

>

> I just got off the phone with one of my sisters. My brother is

flying into the airport near

> my house and I am picking him up and driving him to my sister's

house about five hours

> away. My parents live an additional two hours from sister. My

husband is not going with

> me because he has been hurt by my family (as related in previous

posts) and he doesn't

> want to. And I don't blame him.

>

> So, I determined that I really needed and wanted to have time in my

home before

> Christmas because I am somewhat a home body and I need that time.

I have a stressful

> job, I need to unwind. Not to mention that Wednesday (Christmas

Eve) my hubby has

> obligations from 3:00-10 at night. On Christmas day we are driving

for his parents. So,

> our celebration will be on Tuesday. Based on that information, I

determined that I would

> pick my brother up and take him to sisters on Saturday. I am going

to stay Sunday and

> drive home Monday. This is pushing the envelope for me.

>

> I, along with sister and brother, decided to stay at sister's house

and invite parents to

> come there to visit. Sister can't go to parents; our shot at being

together was to have

> parents come to sister's.

>

> When sister told nada this, she flipped out. She threw Christmas

gifts under the tree,

> started crying, and said that nobody wanted to see her. She is

totally upset with me and

> with my brother.

>

> So, I was going to call her myself tonight to tell her the plan and

now I am freaking out. I

> am sure that she is going to freak out on me and say all kinds of

nasty. I don't even want

> to call.

>

> Plus, I am suffering a burning pain in my stomach for four days now

that I am sure is

> related to all of this. AAARRRGH!!!

>

> The thing is, I know that I am being reasonable and using my time

to the best of my

> ability. I know that I haven't done anything *wrong,*

>

> In the past I would have just tried to do what she wanted to avoid

all of this. I don't feel

> like I can do that anymore. It's not healthy for me. But, there

is still a part of me that

> really wants to please her, still. I really want to avoid all of

this drama. If I would just do

> what I have been trained to do, we wouldn't have any of this.

>

> I guess I'm getting hooked by all this.

>