Re: What I know for sure..

[Guest guest]

Malinda -- well put! I feel the same way.

>

> I read an article recently about what people know for sure- great

> read.

>

> Being a daughter of a BP- I know for sure that being raised by a BP

> makes you at times a reflection of who you really are. You were

> raised to not believe in yourself- but in who nada told you, you were

> and were not.

>

> I feel so fragmented by the roles in my life, especially as her

> daughter, and his wife. It all started by being her daughter. She

> made me feel never good enough or right. So I second guess everything

> I do.

>

> I also don't trust my perceptions for years- I was told they were

> not correct- unless they agreed with nada.

>

> I either trust too much or not enough- no balance. Usually when I

> trust too much- I get hurt. So balancing boundaries are huge for me.

>

> I also associate pain with love- because I assume my nada does

> love me, but she brought lots of pain into my life. So I stay with an

> abusive husband- who I also thinks love me.

>

> I hate being such a fragmented human being- but I know for sure

> that is what I am.

>

> Blessing to all of you who too feel fragmented, but like me work

> each on being more whole.

>

> Malinda

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your validation- but it really sucks, doesn't it!

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " damemagnifique00 "

wrote:

>

> Malinda -- well put! I feel the same way.

>

>

>

> >

> > I read an article recently about what people know for sure-

great

> > read.

> >

> > Being a daughter of a BP- I know for sure that being raised by

a BP

> > makes you at times a reflection of who you really are. You were

> > raised to not believe in yourself- but in who nada told you, you

were

> > and were not.

> >

> > I feel so fragmented by the roles in my life, especially as her

> > daughter, and his wife. It all started by being her daughter.

She

> > made me feel never good enough or right. So I second guess

everything

> > I do.

> >

> > I also don't trust my perceptions for years- I was told they

were

> > not correct- unless they agreed with nada.

> >

> > I either trust too much or not enough- no balance. Usually when

I

> > trust too much- I get hurt. So balancing boundaries are huge for

me.

> >

> > I also associate pain with love- because I assume my nada does

> > love me, but she brought lots of pain into my life. So I stay

with an

> > abusive husband- who I also thinks love me.

> >

> > I hate being such a fragmented human being- but I know for

sure

> > that is what I am.

> >

> > Blessing to all of you who too feel fragmented, but like me

work

> > each on being more whole.

> >

> > Malinda

> >

>

[Guest guest]

This board has been a tremendous help to me as my spouse and I establish solid

boundaries with Nada. I wish everyone peace over this holiday season..take care

of yourselves.

________________________________

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of maparise17

Sent: Wednesday, December 17, 2008 7:42 AM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Re: What I know for sure..

Thanks for your validation- but it really sucks, doesn't it!

In WTOAdultChildren1

<mailto:WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> , " damemagnifique00 "

wrote:

>

> Malinda -- well put! I feel the same way.

>

>

>

> >

> > I read an article recently about what people know for sure-

great

> > read.

> >

> > Being a daughter of a BP- I know for sure that being raised by

a BP

> > makes you at times a reflection of who you really are. You were

> > raised to not believe in yourself- but in who nada told you, you

were

> > and were not.

> >

> > I feel so fragmented by the roles in my life, especially as her

> > daughter, and his wife. It all started by being her daughter.

She

> > made me feel never good enough or right. So I second guess

everything

> > I do.

> >

> > I also don't trust my perceptions for years- I was told they

were

> > not correct- unless they agreed with nada.

> >

> > I either trust too much or not enough- no balance. Usually when

I

> > trust too much- I get hurt. So balancing boundaries are huge for

me.

> >

> > I also associate pain with love- because I assume my nada does

> > love me, but she brought lots of pain into my life. So I stay

with an

> > abusive husband- who I also thinks love me.

> >

> > I hate being such a fragmented human being- but I know for

sure

> > that is what I am.

> >

> > Blessing to all of you who too feel fragmented, but like me

work

> > each on being more whole.

> >

> > Malinda

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Definitely!! My therapist told me the other day that the hardest part

is recognizing these things within yourself and once you have cleared

that hurdle you are no longer a victim because you can choose to make

a change. I see from your posts that you are also working hard to

change and are very self aware. I wish with all of my heart not to be

like " this " but I am hopeful that I will change and so will you!! I

always believed that people don't change but people do!!! Especially

when you want to.

> > >

> > > I read an article recently about what people know for sure-

> great

> > > read.

> > >

> > > Being a daughter of a BP- I know for sure that being raised by

> a BP

> > > makes you at times a reflection of who you really are. You were

> > > raised to not believe in yourself- but in who nada told you, you

> were

> > > and were not.

> > >

> > > I feel so fragmented by the roles in my life, especially as her

> > > daughter, and his wife. It all started by being her daughter.

> She

> > > made me feel never good enough or right. So I second guess

> everything

> > > I do.

> > >

> > > I also don't trust my perceptions for years- I was told they

> were

> > > not correct- unless they agreed with nada.

> > >

> > > I either trust too much or not enough- no balance. Usually when

> I

> > > trust too much- I get hurt. So balancing boundaries are huge for

> me.

> > >

> > > I also associate pain with love- because I assume my nada does

> > > love me, but she brought lots of pain into my life. So I stay

> with an

> > > abusive husband- who I also thinks love me.

> > >

> > > I hate being such a fragmented human being- but I know for

> sure

> > > that is what I am.

> > >

> > > Blessing to all of you who too feel fragmented, but like me

> work

> > > each on being more whole.

> > >

> > > Malinda

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I just wanted to say thank you. I am working through all of this. I

so want to be whole. I want these pieces of me to come together so I

can change, and yes become more self-aware. For so long I didn't know

that was my job, to know, love and honor me. I still struggle with

that.

We are both changing. I too read your posts, and the evolution of

self is happening. I believe if we are here posting that means we

want to grow and change.

I so appreciated your validation, kindness, and support.

May we all continue to grow and change.

Thank you,

Malinda

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " damemagnifique00 "

wrote:

>

> Definitely!! My therapist told me the other day that the hardest

part

> is recognizing these things within yourself and once you have

cleared

> that hurdle you are no longer a victim because you can choose to

make

> a change. I see from your posts that you are also working hard to

> change and are very self aware. I wish with all of my heart not to

be

> like " this " but I am hopeful that I will change and so will you!! I

> always believed that people don't change but people do!!!

Especially

> when you want to.

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I read an article recently about what people know for sure-

> > great

> > > > read.

> > > >

> > > > Being a daughter of a BP- I know for sure that being raised

by

> > a BP

> > > > makes you at times a reflection of who you really are. You

were

> > > > raised to not believe in yourself- but in who nada told you,

you

> > were

> > > > and were not.

> > > >

> > > > I feel so fragmented by the roles in my life, especially as

her

> > > > daughter, and his wife. It all started by being her

daughter.

> > She

> > > > made me feel never good enough or right. So I second guess

> > everything

> > > > I do.

> > > >

> > > > I also don't trust my perceptions for years- I was told they

> > were

> > > > not correct- unless they agreed with nada.

> > > >

> > > > I either trust too much or not enough- no balance. Usually

when

> > I

> > > > trust too much- I get hurt. So balancing boundaries are huge

for

> > me.

> > > >

> > > > I also associate pain with love- because I assume my nada

does

> > > > love me, but she brought lots of pain into my life. So I stay

> > with an

> > > > abusive husband- who I also thinks love me.

> > > >

> > > > I hate being such a fragmented human being- but I know for

> > sure

> > > > that is what I am.

> > > >

> > > > Blessing to all of you who too feel fragmented, but like

me

> > work

> > > > each on being more whole.

> > > >

> > > > Malinda

> > > >

> > >

> >

>