Re: Email from someone at work (long but please help)

[Guest guest]

---

Shari,

I'm a little confused about the cast of characters. But I can definitely relate

to your feeling

anxious and 8 y/o. I have SUCH a hard time with confrontation b/c I get so

freaked out.

Congratulations on standing up for yourself. You will be fine.

So the bully is not your boss? If so, is the boss being supportive? It kinda

sounded like it,

but was confusing.

You will feel better soon.

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Shari Lynn " wrote:

>

> I am having a moment that has put me back into being 8 years old. I

> asked someone at work to please stop asking me for something before it

> was due. (I have never missed a deadline nor did he ask for it early,

> he does it often ). The guy is a complete bully. This is what I get

> in return. I went to my boss but am terrified I am going to be

> blamed, No one will stand up for - even though I am excellent at my

> job. The background is that this is the sales guy and I am integral

> to producing the product.

>

> Shari,

>

> Excuse me. I sent you info for next week and simply inquired about

> this wek's project. . Your unprofessional tone is unacceptable. Stop

> asking? I'm responsible for every customer this product has, and run

> the department that manages it's affiliation along with several other

> programs.I will make inquiries about anything I feel just at anytime.

> Make sure you understand that.

>

> (My boss)…it's Thursday? How long does it take for one product; that

> was very short???? This should take less then 48hrs. If this lack of

> communication continues over in to the New Year, maybe we should

> consider making some changes.

>

> Lastly, do not respond to this email Shari because I don't have the

> time or the patience. I will communicate through (my boss) only from

> here on out.

>

>

>

> I am reeling from this. I feel like my head is roaring and I can't cope...

>

>

> Shari

>

[Guest guest]

the bully emailed to shari and the boss at the same time.

talk about unprofessional. he's telling you that he can ask about

anything at any time, but you can't even respond to this email? WHAT.

THE. FUCK. did you approach the bully in person or via email?

if your boss doesn't do anything about THIS UNPROFESSIONAL EMAIL, then

that's unacceptable.

bink

> >

> > I am having a moment that has put me back into being 8 years old. I

> > asked someone at work to please stop asking me for something before it

> > was due. (I have never missed a deadline nor did he ask for it early,

> > he does it often ). The guy is a complete bully. This is what I get

> > in return. I went to my boss but am terrified I am going to be

> > blamed, No one will stand up for - even though I am excellent at my

> > job. The background is that this is the sales guy and I am integral

> > to producing the product.

> >

> > Shari,

> >

> > Excuse me. I sent you info for next week and simply inquired about

> > this wek's project. . Your unprofessional tone is unacceptable. Stop

> > asking? I'm responsible for every customer this product has, and run

> > the department that manages it's affiliation along with several other

> > programs.I will make inquiries about anything I feel just at anytime.

> > Make sure you understand that.

> >

> > (My boss)…it's Thursday? How long does it take for one product; that

> > was very short???? This should take less then 48hrs. If this lack of

> > communication continues over in to the New Year, maybe we should

> > consider making some changes.

> >

> > Lastly, do not respond to this email Shari because I don't have the

> > time or the patience. I will communicate through (my boss) only from

> > here on out.

> >

> >

> >

> > I am reeling from this. I feel like my head is roaring and I

can't cope...

> >

> >

> > Shari

> >

>

[Guest guest]

The bully is not my boss, I work in the production dept. This is the

guy who sells my product. My boss is wishy washy and in my opinion,

cowers to bullies. He is supposed to talk to his boss, who likes me

and cowers to no one.... But I am still unsure....

I reread the email and it seems vicious.

> ---

> Shari,

> I'm a little confused about the cast of characters. But I can definitely

> relate to your feeling

> anxious and 8 y/o. I have SUCH a hard time with confrontation b/c I get so

> freaked out.

> Congratulations on standing up for yourself. You will be fine.

>

> So the bully is not your boss? If so, is the boss being supportive? It

> kinda sounded like it,

> but was confusing.

>

> You will feel better soon.

>

> Joanna

>

>

>

> In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Shari Lynn " wrote:

>>

>> I am having a moment that has put me back into being 8 years old. I

>> asked someone at work to please stop asking me for something before it

>> was due. (I have never missed a deadline nor did he ask for it early,

>> he does it often ). The guy is a complete bully. This is what I get

>> in return. I went to my boss but am terrified I am going to be

>> blamed, No one will stand up for - even though I am excellent at my

>> job. The background is that this is the sales guy and I am integral

>> to producing the product.

>>

>> Shari,

>>

>> Excuse me. I sent you info for next week and simply inquired about

>> this wek's project. . Your unprofessional tone is unacceptable. Stop

>> asking? I'm responsible for every customer this product has, and run

>> the department that manages it's affiliation along with several other

>> programs.I will make inquiries about anything I feel just at anytime.

>> Make sure you understand that.

>>

>> (My boss)…it's Thursday? How long does it take for one product; that

>> was very short???? This should take less then 48hrs. If this lack of

>> communication continues over in to the New Year, maybe we should

>> consider making some changes.

>>

>> Lastly, do not respond to this email Shari because I don't have the

>> time or the patience. I will communicate through (my boss) only from

>> here on out.

>>

>>

>>

>> I am reeling from this. I feel like my head is roaring and I can't

>> cope...

>>

>>

>> Shari

>>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Fun guy!

I'd forward this on to your boss and say, he's yours now. Period. I

would hesitate to get into a " what I did who is wrong/right " . Those

games never work. The unprofessional email from the client speaks

volumes... if your boss 'gets it', the client will be catered too

(for now) and then shuffled off somewhere else because your boss

shoudln't continue to play these 'high demand' games and will

eventually find himself playing alone.

Word to the wise (your client): Be careful what you wish for.

Lynnette

> >>

> >> I am having a moment that has put me back into being 8 years

old. I

> >> asked someone at work to please stop asking me for something

before it

> >> was due. (I have never missed a deadline nor did he ask for it

early,

> >> he does it often ). The guy is a complete bully. This is what I

get

> >> in return. I went to my boss but am terrified I am going to be

> >> blamed, No one will stand up for - even though I am excellent

at my

> >> job. The background is that this is the sales guy and I am

integral

> >> to producing the product.

> >>

> >> Shari,

> >>

> >> Excuse me. I sent you info for next week and simply inquired

about

> >> this wek's project. . Your unprofessional tone is unacceptable.

Stop

> >> asking? I'm responsible for every customer this product has, and

run

> >> the department that manages it's affiliation along with several

other

> >> programs.I will make inquiries about anything I feel just at

anytime.

> >> Make sure you understand that.

> >>

> >> (My boss)…it's Thursday? How long does it take for one product;

that

> >> was very short???? This should take less then 48hrs. If this

lack of

> >> communication continues over in to the New Year, maybe we should

> >> consider making some changes.

> >>

> >> Lastly, do not respond to this email Shari because I don't have

the

> >> time or the patience. I will communicate through (my boss) only

from

> >> here on out.

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> I am reeling from this. I feel like my head is roaring and I

can't

> >> cope...

> >>

> >>

> >> Shari

> >>

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

He's not a client, unfortunately, but another employee of the company.

My instinct (as it probably is for many KOs) is to say 'but I didn't

do anything!' When the answer is that if I had written " F#ck you, you

f#cking f#uck " , it is never cause to threaten or bully someone. He

should have just replied to me and copied my boss and said 'I am not

comfortable being spoken to in this manner and I would like to have a

meeting about it with both of you'. To me, that is what a rational

professional does.

The email puts me back into a bad place but hopefully I have learned

somewhat that the best way to deal with irrationality is not to engage

on their level. You guys have been a big help with that...

I am still freaked though.

(And I am keeping copies of of everything off site, I will go to HR if

there is retaliation.)

> Fun guy!

>

> I'd forward this on to your boss and say, he's yours now. Period. I

> would hesitate to get into a " what I did who is wrong/right " . Those

> games never work. The unprofessional email from the client speaks

> volumes... if your boss 'gets it', the client will be catered too

> (for now) and then shuffled off somewhere else because your boss

> shoudln't continue to play these 'high demand' games and will

> eventually find himself playing alone.

>

> Word to the wise (your client): Be careful what you wish for.

>

> Lynnette

>

>

>

>> >>

>> >> I am having a moment that has put me back into being 8 years

> old. I

>> >> asked someone at work to please stop asking me for something

> before it

>> >> was due. (I have never missed a deadline nor did he ask for it

> early,

>> >> he does it often ). The guy is a complete bully. This is what I

> get

>> >> in return. I went to my boss but am terrified I am going to be

>> >> blamed, No one will stand up for - even though I am excellent

> at my

>> >> job. The background is that this is the sales guy and I am

> integral

>> >> to producing the product.

>> >>

>> >> Shari,

>> >>

>> >> Excuse me. I sent you info for next week and simply inquired

> about

>> >> this wek's project. . Your unprofessional tone is unacceptable.

> Stop

>> >> asking? I'm responsible for every customer this product has, and

> run

>> >> the department that manages it's affiliation along with several

> other

>> >> programs.I will make inquiries about anything I feel just at

> anytime.

>> >> Make sure you understand that.

>> >>

>> >> (My boss)…it's Thursday? How long does it take for one product;

> that

>> >> was very short???? This should take less then 48hrs. If this

> lack of

>> >> communication continues over in to the New Year, maybe we should

>> >> consider making some changes.

>> >>

>> >> Lastly, do not respond to this email Shari because I don't have

> the

>> >> time or the patience. I will communicate through (my boss) only

> from

>> >> here on out.

>> >>

>> >>

>> >>

>> >> I am reeling from this. I feel like my head is roaring and I

> can't

>> >> cope...

>> >>

>> >>

>> >> Shari

>> >>

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Having been in a product-development company myself, I can relate to

your experience. My co-workers and I who created/developed the

products were badgered by marketing/sales people frequently, and the

only thing that kept us sane was having a strong boss who shielded us

from the most aggressive individuals. When we lost our strong boss,

work was hell. Our new yes-man boss basically kow-towed to the

marketing/sales people and never stood up for us; basically our own

boss began pressuring us with the unrealistic expectations of the

marketing/sales people too!

That turn of events was *so* like being back in my foo, with the

marketing/sales people (who were mostly women, oddly enough) in the

role of nada and the Milquetoast/ " Yes, Dear! " boss in the role of dad.

That's when I started having migraine headaches, dangerously high

blood pressure, and finally a full-blown nervous breakdown, because

the only way I could meet their unrealistic expectations was to work

10 hours a day 7 days a week, when I was a salaried employee who got

no overtime. So I left, am now a self-employed consultant and much

happier.

However, I think that if your boss's boss is a strong leader who likes

your work, you'll be OK. But keep in mind that sales/marketing people

seem to have a lot of clout and status in product development

companies (for God knows what reason; you'd think the people who

actually *create* the products they're selling would have higher

status!) and it doesn't pay to get on the wrong side of whichever

crowd has the clout.

-Annie

>

> I am having a moment that has put me back into being 8 years old. I

> asked someone at work to please stop asking me for something before it

> was due. (I have never missed a deadline nor did he ask for it early,

> he does it often ). The guy is a complete bully. This is what I get

> in return. I went to my boss but am terrified I am going to be

> blamed, No one will stand up for - even though I am excellent at my

> job. The background is that this is the sales guy and I am integral

> to producing the product.

>

> Shari,

>

> Excuse me. I sent you info for next week and simply inquired about

> this wek's project. . Your unprofessional tone is unacceptable. Stop

> asking? I'm responsible for every customer this product has, and run

> the department that manages it's affiliation along with several other

> programs.I will make inquiries about anything I feel just at anytime.

> Make sure you understand that.

>

> (My boss)…it's Thursday? How long does it take for one product; that

> was very short???? This should take less then 48hrs. If this lack of

> communication continues over in to the New Year, maybe we should

> consider making some changes.

>

> Lastly, do not respond to this email Shari because I don't have the

> time or the patience. I will communicate through (my boss) only from

> here on out.

>

>

>

> I am reeling from this. I feel like my head is roaring and I can't

cope...

>

>

> Shari

>

[Guest guest]

---

It's definitely vicious - I didn't mean to question that. He's def.

a bully. I hope you can find some support from above. I'm sorry

you're still anxious, but give yourself some credit for standing up

for yourself.

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Shari Lynn "

wrote:

>

> The bully is not my boss, I work in the production dept. This is

the

> guy who sells my product. My boss is wishy washy and in my opinion,

> cowers to bullies. He is supposed to talk to his boss, who likes me

> and cowers to no one.... But I am still unsure....

>

> I reread the email and it seems vicious.

>

>

> > ---

> > Shari,

> > I'm a little confused about the cast of characters. But I can

definitely

> > relate to your feeling

> > anxious and 8 y/o. I have SUCH a hard time with confrontation

b/c I get so

> > freaked out.

> > Congratulations on standing up for yourself. You will be fine.

> >

> > So the bully is not your boss? If so, is the boss being

supportive? It

> > kinda sounded like it,

> > but was confusing.

> >

> > You will feel better soon.

> >

> > Joanna

> >

> >

> >

> > In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Shari Lynn " <sharilynn2@>

wrote:

> >>

> >> I am having a moment that has put me back into being 8 years

old. I

> >> asked someone at work to please stop asking me for something

before it

> >> was due. (I have never missed a deadline nor did he ask for it

early,

> >> he does it often ). The guy is a complete bully. This is what I

get

> >> in return. I went to my boss but am terrified I am going to be

> >> blamed, No one will stand up for - even though I am excellent

at my

> >> job. The background is that this is the sales guy and I am

integral

> >> to producing the product.

> >>

> >> Shari,

> >>

> >> Excuse me. I sent you info for next week and simply inquired

about

> >> this wek's project. . Your unprofessional tone is unacceptable.

Stop

> >> asking? I'm responsible for every customer this product has, and

run

> >> the department that manages it's affiliation along with several

other

> >> programs.I will make inquiries about anything I feel just at

anytime.

> >> Make sure you understand that.

> >>

> >> (My boss)…it's Thursday? How long does it take for one product;

that

> >> was very short???? This should take less then 48hrs. If this

lack of

> >> communication continues over in to the New Year, maybe we should

> >> consider making some changes.

> >>

> >> Lastly, do not respond to this email Shari because I don't have

the

> >> time or the patience. I will communicate through (my boss) only

from

> >> here on out.

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> I am reeling from this. I feel like my head is roaring and I

can't

> >> cope...

> >>

> >>

> >> Shari

> >>

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I haven't read what the other responses are yet, but I will respond to this

directly. You are being bullied. My last supervisor was a grade A a$$hole and

would do this to me all the time. It is hard to advise you on how to respond.

First, I would keep a copy of any and all correspondance from this guy in a

special folder. Any conversation you have with him should be written down as

soon as possible. What you must do is develop a pattern on his part towards

harassment, which his e-mail clearly was. Document his disrespect towards you

and determine if it is occuring with any other female that he has to deal with.

Second, critically review your own behavior. You indicate that you always meet

your deadline. That is good. I am not clear on the " nor did he ask for it early,

he does it often " , could you explain this a little bit more clearly? Either he

is asking for it early or he is asking for it when the deadline occurs. If he

asks for early, then it is harassment, if he is asking for it when the deadline

occurs he is well in line for the information.

Third, as for your own boss, you need to come out and state clearly that you

resent the disrespectful tone of this communication. You don't have to tell him

but you should register a formal complaint with HR if it EVER happens again. Do

not believe that your boss has your best interests at heart and do not second

guess yourself. Ask him point blank who it is you answer to, him or the other

guy? If he says both, then you ask for a raise in line with your added

responsibilities.

Fourth, do not let the jerk get inside your head. And do not let your boss put

you down. His statement indicates that he does not understand the work load you

have and you need to make him aware of what you are doing. If it is his

assumption that this work should have been turned around in 48 hours, you need

to ask him to let you know that it is a priority and you will drop everything

else in order to keep your work in line with his expectations. Be very clear

with this, it is a good old boys world after all.

If I read the last statement from you boss correctly it sounds as if he is

willing to run interfearance for you to keep this jerk off your back. If that is

the case, do insist that he keeps you in the loop through BCC on all

communications with the jerk. You need the information and you have a right to

be kept in the loop.

This situation sucks because you are always in the reactionary seat instead of

being given a chance to be proactive.

Bottom line you are dealing with a rude individual who is what is called a " kiss

up, kick down " . They are dangerous to your career because they are in a position

to make it hard on you, however, you can make it equally hard on them by keeping

a record of his behavior towards you. The company DOES NOT want the EEOC

knocking on the door asking questions.

Be careful and document.

Be strong

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 8:24:13 PM

Subject: Email from someone at work (long but please help)

I am having a moment that has put me back into being 8 years old.  I

asked someone at work to please stop asking me for something before it

was due.  (I have never missed a deadline nor did he ask for it early,

he does it often ). The guy is a complete bully.  This is what I get

in return.  I went to my boss but am terrified I am going to be

blamed,  No one will stand up for - even though I am excellent at my

job.  The background is that this is the sales guy and I am integral

to producing the product.

Shari,

Excuse me. I sent you info  for next week and simply inquired about

this wek's project.  . Your unprofessional tone is unacceptable. Stop

asking? I'm responsible for every customer this product has, and run

the department that manages it's affiliation along with several other

programs.I will make inquiries about anything I feel just at anytime.

Make sure you understand that.

(My boss)…it's Thursday? How long does it take for one product; that

was very short???? This should take less then 48hrs. If this lack of

communication continues over in to the New Year, maybe we should

consider making some changes.

Lastly, do not respond to this email Shari because I don't have the

time or the patience. I will communicate through (my boss) only from

here on out.

I am reeling from this.  I feel like my head is roaring and I can't cope... 

Shari

------------------------------------

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline

Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

If I was you, I'd respond to him. I'd probably say something along the

lines of

Dear So and So,

I really pains me to see that you really have nothing better to do

with company time than harrass a coworker who's done nothing but her

job. Perhaps you have a point there, about some changes needing to be

made? Obviously someone needs more work to do.

On the other hand, I've been known to get into trouble because of my

mouth, so possibly you shouldn't listen to me. If nothing else, I hope

you got a laugh out of that!

Nekojaimie

[Guest guest]

We have clear deadlines, he is asking for things BEFORE they are due -

knowing that if he said 'I need this early' that I would do everything I

could (and have in the past). Its very passive aggressive.

This is not the first time he has done this. We even had a small run in

earlier this week - I don't see him often, he works across town - when he

called me a nickname " Scary Sherri " after a wrestler from the 80s (I know

this because the boy that sat in front of me in geometry when I was in 9th

grade called me this - I am in my early 30s now) I asked him to please call

me by my name - NOT for the first time - and he said 'but its funny!' and I

said 'not to me' and he had to ask me what he should call me! I said hi, my

name is shari! Oy gevalt. I always approach him in a 'submissive' tone

because otherwise he becomes a complete jerk - and since I know I'm doing it

to control his mood, its ok with me... I am never confrontational with him.

I have other emails with him barking orders. I've seen him disrespect my

co-workers. My boss called him a jackass on Monday, but yet.... nothing

seems to touch him.

As for not letting him get inside of my head, its too late. I woke up this

morning hating myself and the situation. I am still deep in self hatred,

knowing my whole world is going to crumble and I'll have no one to blame but

me. I got too cocky. I expected too much (basic respect). Why did I have

to say anything in the first place? All I said was " Please stop asking

unless you need it early or it is late " - but even drawing the tiniest

boundary was too much. Its like facing my father all over again. It

doesn't matter my intent or my past accomplishments or anything, its just

merely that I exist that I deserve punishment. And the person that

understands this - either my mom or my boss - will make excuses for the

bully and in the end I will have to lose to just make things go away and not

further punish myself. (as it is clearly me doing this to me because if I

could just do what they wanted, I wouldn't have these problems)

I used to think that going to work, doing my job on time or early, mostly

flawlessly, pitching in when help was needed (regardless if it is my job or

not), tossing out new ideas when appropriate and generally being nice to

everyone would be enough. I hate myself because I am never enough.

> I haven't read what the other responses are yet, but I will respond to this

> directly. You are being bullied. My last supervisor was a grade A a$$hole

> and would do this to me all the time. It is hard to advise you on how to

> respond.

> First, I would keep a copy of any and all correspondance from this guy in a

> special folder. Any conversation you have with him should be written down as

> soon as possible. What you must do is develop a pattern on his part towards

> harassment, which his e-mail clearly was. Document his disrespect towards

> you and determine if it is occuring with any other female that he has to

> deal with.

> Second, critically review your own behavior. You indicate that you always

> meet your deadline. That is good. I am not clear on the " nor did he ask for

> it early,

> he does it often " , could you explain this a little bit more clearly? Either

> he is asking for it early or he is asking for it when the deadline occurs.

> If he asks for early, then it is harassment, if he is asking for it when the

> deadline occurs he is well in line for the information.

> Third, as for your own boss, you need to come out and state clearly that

> you resent the disrespectful tone of this communication. You don't have to

> tell him but you should register a formal complaint with HR if it EVER

> happens again. Do not believe that your boss has your best interests at

> heart and do not second guess yourself. Ask him point blank who it is you

> answer to, him or the other guy? If he says both, then you ask for a raise

> in line with your added responsibilities.

> Fourth, do not let the jerk get inside your head. And do not let your boss

> put you down. His statement indicates that he does not understand the work

> load you have and you need to make him aware of what you are doing. If it is

> his assumption that this work should have been turned around in 48 hours,

> you need to ask him to let you know that it is a priority and you will drop

> everything else in order to keep your work in line with his expectations. Be

> very clear with this, it is a good old boys world after all.

> If I read the last statement from you boss correctly it sounds as if he is

> willing to run interfearance for you to keep this jerk off your back. If

> that is the case, do insist that he keeps you in the loop through BCC on all

> communications with the jerk. You need the information and you have a right

> to be kept in the loop.

> This situation sucks because you are always in the reactionary seat instead

> of being given a chance to be proactive.

> Bottom line you are dealing with a rude individual who is what is called a

> " kiss up, kick down " . They are dangerous to your career because they are in

> a position to make it hard on you, however, you can make it equally hard on

> them by keeping a record of his behavior towards you. The company DOES NOT

> want the EEOC knocking on the door asking questions.

> Be careful and document.

> Be strong

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It sounds to me like it's time to involve HR. He needs to learn to

call you by your name and nothing else, and to communicate with your

department only through your boss.

These are reasonable requests.

Once you've met with HR and they have communicated to him that he is

not allowed to call you names, you can then begin to document any time

he does this, and take that record to HR.

Perhaps he was bullied by his parents, and now he bullies others to

compensate. So you both have an opportunity to learn here. Him to

learn respect and boundaries and you to learn to respect yourself and

your boundaries.

I have been bullied at work and my only regret is not reporting it

sooner and more often.

>

> > I haven't read what the other responses are yet, but I will

respond to this

> > directly. You are being bullied. My last supervisor was a grade A

a$$hole

> > and would do this to me all the time. It is hard to advise you on

how to

> > respond.

> > First, I would keep a copy of any and all correspondance from this

guy in a

> > special folder. Any conversation you have with him should be

written down as

> > soon as possible. What you must do is develop a pattern on his

part towards

> > harassment, which his e-mail clearly was. Document his disrespect

towards

> > you and determine if it is occuring with any other female that he

has to

> > deal with.

> > Second, critically review your own behavior. You indicate that you

always

> > meet your deadline. That is good. I am not clear on the " nor did

he ask for

> > it early,

> > he does it often " , could you explain this a little bit more

clearly? Either

> > he is asking for it early or he is asking for it when the deadline

occurs.

> > If he asks for early, then it is harassment, if he is asking for

it when the

> > deadline occurs he is well in line for the information.

> > Third, as for your own boss, you need to come out and state

clearly that

> > you resent the disrespectful tone of this communication. You don't

have to

> > tell him but you should register a formal complaint with HR if it EVER

> > happens again. Do not believe that your boss has your best

interests at

> > heart and do not second guess yourself. Ask him point blank who it

is you

> > answer to, him or the other guy? If he says both, then you ask for

a raise

> > in line with your added responsibilities.

> > Fourth, do not let the jerk get inside your head. And do not let

your boss

> > put you down. His statement indicates that he does not understand

the work

> > load you have and you need to make him aware of what you are

doing. If it is

> > his assumption that this work should have been turned around in 48

hours,

> > you need to ask him to let you know that it is a priority and you

will drop

> > everything else in order to keep your work in line with his

expectations. Be

> > very clear with this, it is a good old boys world after all.

> > If I read the last statement from you boss correctly it sounds as

if he is

> > willing to run interfearance for you to keep this jerk off your

back. If

> > that is the case, do insist that he keeps you in the loop through

BCC on all

> > communications with the jerk. You need the information and you

have a right

> > to be kept in the loop.

> > This situation sucks because you are always in the reactionary

seat instead

> > of being given a chance to be proactive.

> > Bottom line you are dealing with a rude individual who is what is

called a

> > " kiss up, kick down " . They are dangerous to your career because

they are in

> > a position to make it hard on you, however, you can make it

equally hard on

> > them by keeping a record of his behavior towards you. The company

DOES NOT

> > want the EEOC knocking on the door asking questions.

> > Be careful and document.

> > Be strong

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I hate myself because I am never enough.

>

WHOA, Shari. That statement really disturbs me.

I can understand where it is coming from. I know I used to think

that way. I never felt good enough, and I felt like any time anybody

treated me wrong it was somehow my fault.

I hope I can say this in a way that doesn't make you feel like you've

done something else wrong. I mean this in a spirit of helpfulness,

not of criticism:

How will this particular reaction help you solve the problem?

I know from my experience that thought patterns like that come from a

lifetime of feeling inadequate because a parent taught you you should

feel that way. However, it simply isn't true.

How in the world is it your fault that someone else is a total

jackass?

No matter how nice you are, not everyone is going to like you. That

doesn't mean you've done something wrong. It means that some people

just like their own misery so much they figure everyone else wants

some of it, too.

I urge you to consider challenging the thoughts that say " I'm not

good enough " and " I hate myself. " When you catch yourself thinking

this way, stop and think. Tell yourself, " No, it's okay, this is not

my fault, " and " I'm a good person. " It might feel awkward at first,

but do it until you believe it. Someone trained you to believe the

lie that you're no good. It will take a little time to train

yourself to recognize the truth, but it's worth it. You are worth it.

The salesman in question has traits consistent with NPD. No wonder

he is pushing your buttons. My only advice is to continue to act

like a professional. I think others' suggestions to make a complaint

to HR or to at least discuss the situation with your boss are good.

Take some deep breaths, remember that YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG

(In fact, it sounds like you are doing things just right!), and keep

sticking up for yourself. You are worth it!

[Guest guest]

Oooh, I'd actually advise against engaging this individual any

further. You want to look like the professional one in the end.

kt

>

> If I was you, I'd respond to him. I'd probably say something along

the

> lines of

>

> Dear So and So,

>

> I really pains me to see that you really have nothing better to do

> with company time than harrass a coworker who's done nothing but

her

> job. Perhaps you have a point there, about some changes needing to

be

> made? Obviously someone needs more work to do.

>

>

> On the other hand, I've been known to get into trouble because of

my

> mouth, so possibly you shouldn't listen to me. If nothing else, I

hope

> you got a laugh out of that!

>

> Nekojaimie

>

[Guest guest]

I have no intention of engaging him. I have already told my boss that

if I am in the same room with him and he starts behaving like this, I

will walk out.

I know it isn't useful to react like this, but the whole thing feels

too familiar. I don't think I did anything wrong but the world

doesn't often agree with me. In fact, almost never. That might be

the bpd brainwashing, but it seems to work out this way. I hate how

surprised I am when it does happen.

Tomorrow I will meet with my boss and his boss. I fear retribution...

And that I will have to accept a lesser punishment just to keep the

peace.

With any luck it will all blow over and I can use this as a learning

experience... I will try to go into the meeting and address it as if

my triggers weren't going off and as if I am a person that deserves

rational judgement and fairness.

> Oooh, I'd actually advise against engaging this individual any

> further. You want to look like the professional one in the end.

>

>

> kt

>

>

>>

>> If I was you, I'd respond to him. I'd probably say something along

> the

>> lines of

>>

>> Dear So and So,

>>

>> I really pains me to see that you really have nothing better to do

>> with company time than harrass a coworker who's done nothing but

> her

>> job. Perhaps you have a point there, about some changes needing to

> be

>> made? Obviously someone needs more work to do.

>>

>>

>> On the other hand, I've been known to get into trouble because of

> my

>> mouth, so possibly you shouldn't listen to me. If nothing else, I

> hope

>> you got a laugh out of that!

>>

>> Nekojaimie

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Shari,

OK. I have a better understanding of what is going on here. The advice I am

going to give you will sound a bit anal, but it is a good way to get him off

your back. I don't know how long the deadlines are but  unless I miss my guess

he probably has a cycle that he goes through to get a response from you. No

doubt that he waits a good third to half of the way through the project to call

you up and demand that it be done. Keep a record of all e-mails and

communications, then look at the dates. You can get a good idea of when he is

likely to start in on you. The reason I suggest this is because of the strategy

I am going to suggest. I want you to start giving this guy a heads up. Talk this

strategy over with your boss and get his buy in on it. It sounds as if you have

a micro-manager on your hands and if that is the case you can handle him

proactively instead of reacting to his BS..

If you can figure out his frequency you can short circuit him by sending him an

update with a percentage done on the product. What this does is puts it back in

his lap and makes him look like an ass if he continues to harass you. It is an

extra step, but it puts you in control. If he continues to send you harassing

e-mails, you ignore them, put a copy in the file you are compiling and get ready

to go to HR. I would give him a month to get his act together.

If you are given a deadline and everyone agrees to it then that is the date the

project will be due. IF you keep him informed as to you progress AS A COURTESY

then no one can touch you because you will have it on file. If he wants it

earlier, he is the one who has to provide the reason why he wants the deadline

adjusted. In fact if you receive another harassing e-mail your response should

be:

" Dear _______,

I am X% done with the project. The deadline I am working towards is X/XX/2009.

If there is a need to adjust the deadline, I will have to check with my boss

(DING, DING, DING) to determine if our development schedule will accommodate a

pull in. This of course will mean that other dead lines on your projects will

need to be renegotiated. We of course will do what we can to accommodate your

demand for a pull in on this project. When can we schedual a meeting to go over

the entire calender of your projects to adjust the deadlines to accommodate this

change? If however, the current deadline remains acceptable to all involved,

then you may be assured that it will be complete on the agreed upon date.

Sincerely,

Shari. "

 

This is how you take control back from the jerk. Note that you tell him that you

are making progress on the work needed right off the bat. Next you re-state what

the deadline is and that it is what you are working towards and see no reason

for a push out. Then you tell him you will be bringing up his desire to alter

this negotiated date with your boss and that the two of you will be looking at

all the OTHER work you have to see if his request can be accommodated. If you

really want to put him on the spot you can add that you will be contacting all

of the other project owners you are doing work for to let them know that in

order to accomodate his request, THEIR deadlines will be affected. That will

really put him on the spot because then it will be made clear that he is now

affecting his PEER's projects. Then you tell him the consequence of his desire

to pull in the date and that any other project he has with you will be pushed

out to accomodate this

change. Then you tell him if this is too much of a bother you will continue to

work towards the original date.

Short, professional and to the point. You don't ask for control or respect from

this guy, you take it and you assume that you are worthy of it. Every time he

asks for a pull in, you send this e-mail with the appropriate updates to it. It

may not shut him up, but that is not the point. The point is to catalogue his

behavior to your reasonable boundaries.

As for the name calling, you can try humor. If he calls you Scary-Shari you can

come back with a play on his name that is just as denigrating. " Ok, then if you

want to call me Scary-Shari I will refer to you as Bull-dozer Bob. " Then

everytime he calls you by this childish name you reply in kind. It will show

that you have a sense of humor and will show him that his lack of respect can

cut both ways.

As far as the submissive tone goes, you have got to stop that. You don't have to

be a grade A B*itch, but you do need to act professionally. He does not respect

you and wishing that he did will get you no where. Try to set a picture in your

mind of a powerful animal-- an eagle, a lion, a wolf or whatever animal

represents raw power and confidence to you and when you meet with this guy, fix

this picture in firmly your mind. How would this animal react to a threat or

disrespect? Then picture this asshole as a submissive mangy bunny with a bad

hair-lip and an equally bad attitude.

What you are doing is adjusting your reactions to a situation. You are giving

yourself permission to be treated with respect and you can project the qualities

of your power animal into your work. You take his power away from him by

picturing him as something low on the food chain. This may work for you, it may

not, but I hope you understand where I am going with this. As long as you think

of yourself with such self loathing and disrespect, people like this jerk will

pick up on it and use it against you. No doubt he is a complete narcissist and

if you treat him as if he has no power over you, pretty soon he will pick up on

that. He is just another cog in the machine. YOU will do your job to the best of

your ability and deliver the project on the AGREED to date. That is all you can

do. You can change your behavior and your reactions, you can change nothing in

him.

You don't have to confront him, what you do need to do is to expect him to treat

you with respect and every time he doesn't you need to speak up. It is not that

you are ASKING for his respect, you are EXPECTING it.

Keep the file on this guy, it sounds as if he will need to be reported to HR and

if you do, go armed with as much information in black and white as you can. Use

his words against him.

Good luck.

Be strong and don't take any guano off this guy.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2008 5:58:46 PM

Subject: Re: Email from someone at work (long but please

help)

It sounds to me like it's time to involve HR. He needs to learn to

call you by your name and nothing else, and to communicate with your

department only through your boss.

These are reasonable requests.

Once you've met with HR and they have communicated to him that he is

not allowed to call you names, you can then begin to document any time

he does this, and take that record to HR.

Perhaps he was bullied by his parents, and now he bullies others to

compensate. So you both have an opportunity to learn here. Him to

learn respect and boundaries and you to learn to respect yourself and

your boundaries.

I have been bullied at work and my only regret is not reporting it

sooner and more often.

>

> > I haven't read what the other responses are yet, but I will

respond to this

> > directly. You are being bullied. My last supervisor was a grade A

a$$hole

> > and would do this to me all the time. It is hard to advise you on

how to

> > respond.

> > First, I would keep a copy of any and all correspondance from this

guy in a

> > special folder. Any conversation you have with him should be

written down as

> > soon as possible. What you must do is develop a pattern on his

part towards

> > harassment, which his e-mail clearly was. Document his disrespect

towards

> > you and determine if it is occuring with any other female that he

has to

> > deal with.

> > Second, critically review your own behavior. You indicate that you

always

> > meet your deadline. That is good. I am not clear on the " nor did

he ask for

> > it early,

> > he does it often " , could you explain this a little bit more

clearly? Either

> > he is asking for it early or he is asking for it when the deadline

occurs.

> > If he asks for early, then it is harassment, if he is asking for

it when the

> > deadline occurs he is well in line for the information.

> > Third, as for your own boss, you need to come out and state

clearly that

> > you resent the disrespectful tone of this communication. You don't

have to

> > tell him but you should register a formal complaint with HR if it EVER

> > happens again. Do not believe that your boss has your best

interests at

> > heart and do not second guess yourself.. Ask him point blank who it

is you

> > answer to, him or the other guy? If he says both, then you ask for

a raise

> > in line with your added responsibilities.

> > Fourth, do not let the jerk get inside your head. And do not let

your boss

> > put you down. His statement indicates that he does not understand

the work

> > load you have and you need to make him aware of what you are

doing. If it is

> > his assumption that this work should have been turned around in 48

hours,

> > you need to ask him to let you know that it is a priority and you

will drop

> > everything else in order to keep your work in line with his

expectations. Be

> > very clear with this, it is a good old boys world after all.

> > If I read the last statement from you boss correctly it sounds as

if he is

> > willing to run interfearance for you to keep this jerk off your

back. If

> > that is the case, do insist that he keeps you in the loop through

BCC on all

> > communications with the jerk. You need the information and you

have a right

> > to be kept in the loop.

> > This situation sucks because you are always in the reactionary

seat instead

> > of being given a chance to be proactive.

> > Bottom line you are dealing with a rude individual who is what is

called a

> > " kiss up, kick down " . They are dangerous to your career because

they are in

> > a position to make it hard on you, however, you can make it

equally hard on

> > them by keeping a record of his behavior towards you. The company

DOES NOT

> > want the EEOC knocking on the door asking questions.

> > Be careful and document.

> > Be strong

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OH NO YOU DON'T. Do not accept any punishment unless you are clearly in the

wrong. Hold your ground and make the point that every time this guy makes a

request to pull in the deadline date on your project it affects other project

you are working on. He is the one being unreasonable. As long as you are meeting

the deadlines agreed to, you are doing your job. It is not unreasonable for you

to require a heads up if something has changed in the timeline for the project.

IF the deadline needs to be pulled in, then everyone needs to be notified as

soon as possible of the impact brought on by this individual. HE is being

unreasonable, not you.

Grrr.

You will get through this. Just be strong

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2008 6:41:02 PM

Subject: Re: Email from someone at work (long but please

help)

I have no intention of engaging him. I have already told my boss that

if I am in the same room with him and he starts behaving like this, I

will walk out.

I know it isn't useful to react like this, but the whole thing feels

too familiar. I don't think I did anything wrong but the world

doesn't often agree with me. In fact, almost never. That might be

the bpd brainwashing, but it seems to work out this way. I hate how

surprised I am when it does happen.

Tomorrow I will meet with my boss and his boss. I fear retribution. ..

And that I will have to accept a lesser punishment just to keep the

peace.

With any luck it will all blow over and I can use this as a learning

experience.. . I will try to go into the meeting and address it as if

my triggers weren't going off and as if I am a person that deserves

rational judgement and fairness.

On 12/13/08, ktelewis <ktelewishotmail (DOT) com> wrote:

> Oooh, I'd actually advise against engaging this individual any

> further. You want to look like the professional one in the end.

>

>

> kt

>

>

>>

>> If I was you, I'd respond to him. I'd probably say something along

> the

>> lines of

>>

>> Dear So and So,

>>

>> I really pains me to see that you really have nothing better to do

>> with company time than harrass a coworker who's done nothing but

> her

>> job. Perhaps you have a point there, about some changes needing to

> be

>> made? Obviously someone needs more work to do.

>>

>>

>> On the other hand, I've been known to get into trouble because of

> my

>> mouth, so possibly you shouldn't listen to me. If nothing else, I

> hope

>> you got a laugh out of that!

>>

>> Nekojaimie

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for all of your advice. I shouldn't say 'submissive' though -

nonconfrontational is more like it.

Tomorrow I meet with the bosses, I will keep all of these good words close.

Shari

> OH NO YOU DON'T. Do not accept any punishment unless you are clearly in the

> wrong. Hold your ground and make the point that every time this guy makes a

> request to pull in the deadline date on your project it affects other

> project you are working on. He is the one being unreasonable. As long as you

> are meeting the deadlines agreed to, you are doing your job. It is not

> unreasonable for you to require a heads up if something has changed in the

> timeline for the project. IF the deadline needs to be pulled in, then

> everyone needs to be notified as soon as possible of the impact brought on

> by this individual. HE is being unreasonable, not you.

> Grrr.

> You will get through this. Just be strong

>

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2008 6:41:02 PM

> Subject: Re: Email from someone at work (long but please

> help)

>

>

> I have no intention of engaging him. I have already told my boss that

> if I am in the same room with him and he starts behaving like this, I

> will walk out.

>

> I know it isn't useful to react like this, but the whole thing feels

> too familiar. I don't think I did anything wrong but the world

> doesn't often agree with me. In fact, almost never. That might be

> the bpd brainwashing, but it seems to work out this way. I hate how

> surprised I am when it does happen.

>

> Tomorrow I will meet with my boss and his boss. I fear retribution. ..

> And that I will have to accept a lesser punishment just to keep the

> peace.

>

> With any luck it will all blow over and I can use this as a learning

> experience.. . I will try to go into the meeting and address it as if

> my triggers weren't going off and as if I am a person that deserves

> rational judgement and fairness.

>

> On 12/13/08, ktelewis <ktelewishotmail (DOT) com> wrote:

>> Oooh, I'd actually advise against engaging this individual any

>> further. You want to look like the professional one in the end.

>>

>>

>> kt

>>

>>

>>>

>>> If I was you, I'd respond to him. I'd probably say something along

>> the

>>> lines of

>>>

>>> Dear So and So,

>>>

>>> I really pains me to see that you really have nothing better to do

>>> with company time than harrass a coworker who's done nothing but

>> her

>>> job. Perhaps you have a point there, about some changes needing to

>> be

>>> made? Obviously someone needs more work to do.

>>>

>>>

>>> On the other hand, I've been known to get into trouble because of

>> my

>>> mouth, so possibly you shouldn't listen to me. If nothing else, I

>> hope

>>> you got a laugh out of that!

>>>

>>> Nekojaimie

>>>

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lots and lots of deep breaths.... I am not being held accountable in any

way. My boss agrees that nothing I could have said would have prompted such

words. more deep breaths. I will meet with HIS boss tomorrow - a very nice

woman that I would NEVER want to cross. I am coming in on my " work from

home " day but I DO NOT care.

My stomach is chilling and my anxiety is going... and I am going to take

this as a lesson to redouble me efforts to learning more about this evil

illness and how it warps the minds of kids. The next time I have any

problem similar to this I will use my skills and treat myself with more

respect.

I looked up NPD and it describes the sales guy perfectly. Thanks for that

advice ....

Thanks for all of your support...

Shari

> Thanks for all of your advice. I shouldn't say 'submissive' though -

> nonconfrontational is more like it.

>

> Tomorrow I meet with the bosses, I will keep all of these good words close.

>

>

> Shari

>

>

> > OH NO YOU DON'T. Do not accept any punishment unless you are clearly in

> the

> > wrong. Hold your ground and make the point that every time this guy makes

> a

> > request to pull in the deadline date on your project it affects other

> > project you are working on. He is the one being unreasonable. As long as

> you

> > are meeting the deadlines agreed to, you are doing your job. It is not

> > unreasonable for you to require a heads up if something has changed in

> the

> > timeline for the project. IF the deadline needs to be pulled in, then

> > everyone needs to be notified as soon as possible of the impact brought

> on

> > by this individual. HE is being unreasonable, not you.

> > Grrr.

> > You will get through this. Just be strong

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> >

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2008 6:41:02 PM

> > Subject: Re: Email from someone at work (long but

> please

> > help)

> >

> >

> > I have no intention of engaging him. I have already told my boss that

> > if I am in the same room with him and he starts behaving like this, I

> > will walk out.

> >

> > I know it isn't useful to react like this, but the whole thing feels

> > too familiar. I don't think I did anything wrong but the world

> > doesn't often agree with me. In fact, almost never. That might be

> > the bpd brainwashing, but it seems to work out this way. I hate how

> > surprised I am when it does happen.

> >

> > Tomorrow I will meet with my boss and his boss. I fear retribution. ..

> > And that I will have to accept a lesser punishment just to keep the

> > peace.

> >

> > With any luck it will all blow over and I can use this as a learning

> > experience.. . I will try to go into the meeting and address it as if

> > my triggers weren't going off and as if I am a person that deserves

> > rational judgement and fairness.

> >

> > On 12/13/08, ktelewis <ktelewishotmail (DOT) com> wrote:

> >> Oooh, I'd actually advise against engaging this individual any

> >> further. You want to look like the professional one in the end.

> >>

> >>

> >> kt

> >>

> >>

> >>>

> >>> If I was you, I'd respond to him. I'd probably say something along

> >> the

> >>> lines of

> >>>

> >>> Dear So and So,

> >>>

> >>> I really pains me to see that you really have nothing better to do

> >>> with company time than harrass a coworker who's done nothing but

> >> her

> >>> job. Perhaps you have a point there, about some changes needing to

> >> be

> >>> made? Obviously someone needs more work to do.

> >>>

> >>>

> >>> On the other hand, I've been known to get into trouble because of

> >> my

> >>> mouth, so possibly you shouldn't listen to me. If nothing else, I

> >> hope

> >>> you got a laugh out of that!

> >>>

> >>> Nekojaimie

> >>>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Well Yippe Ky Yay, Shari.

Good for you. I would advise you to read up on NPD, there are several books that

you can get through Amazon that cover BPD and NPD in the work place and how to

handle it. Also, re-read my last post on this. I think if you try my suggestions

to prempt his requests for pull ins you will not only get him off your back, but

will impress your boss as well. In fact, I believe you should propose this to

this jerk's Boss as a way to increase communications. She will see it as you

meeting her needs more than half way and if this guy ever steps out of line

again, she will have an excuse to hammer him. Set him up for a change. I bet you

that she may be looking for an excuse to unload him if he is being a blow hard

in the company.

Spot on Chick.

You can do it.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 5:48:12 PM

Subject: Re: Email from someone at work (long but please

help)

Lots and lots of deep breaths.... I am not being held accountable in any

way. My boss agrees that nothing I could have said would have prompted such

words. more deep breaths. I will meet with HIS boss tomorrow - a very nice

woman that I would NEVER want to cross. I am coming in on my " work from

home " day but I DO NOT care.

My stomach is chilling and my anxiety is going... and I am going to take

this as a lesson to redouble me efforts to learning more about this evil

illness and how it warps the minds of kids. The next time I have any

problem similar to this I will use my skills and treat myself with more

respect.

I looked up NPD and it describes the sales guy perfectly. Thanks for that

advice ....

Thanks for all of your support...

Shari

On Sun, Dec 14, 2008 at 10:46 PM, Shari Lynn <sharilynn2gmail (DOT) com> wrote:

> Thanks for all of your advice. I shouldn't say 'submissive' though -

> nonconfrontational is more like it.

>

> Tomorrow I meet with the bosses, I will keep all of these good words close.

>

>

> Shari

>

>

> > OH NO YOU DON'T. Do not accept any punishment unless you are clearly in

> the

> > wrong. Hold your ground and make the point that every time this guy makes

> a

> > request to pull in the deadline date on your project it affects other

> > project you are working on. He is the one being unreasonable. As long as

> you

> > are meeting the deadlines agreed to, you are doing your job. It is not

> > unreasonable for you to require a heads up if something has changed in

> the

> > timeline for the project. IF the deadline needs to be pulled in, then

> > everyone needs to be notified as soon as possible of the impact brought

> on

> > by this individual. HE is being unreasonable, not you.

> > Grrr.

> > You will get through this. Just be strong

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ____________ _________ _________ __

> > From: Shari Lynn <sharilynn2gmail (DOT) com>

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1@ yahoogroups. com

> > Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2008 6:41:02 PM

> > Subject: Re: Email from someone at work (long but

> please

> > help)

> >

> >

> > I have no intention of engaging him. I have already told my boss that

> > if I am in the same room with him and he starts behaving like this, I

> > will walk out.

> >

> > I know it isn't useful to react like this, but the whole thing feels

> > too familiar. I don't think I did anything wrong but the world

> > doesn't often agree with me. In fact, almost never. That might be

> > the bpd brainwashing, but it seems to work out this way. I hate how

> > surprised I am when it does happen.

> >

> > Tomorrow I will meet with my boss and his boss. I fear retribution. ..

> > And that I will have to accept a lesser punishment just to keep the

> > peace.

> >

> > With any luck it will all blow over and I can use this as a learning

> > experience.. . I will try to go into the meeting and address it as if

> > my triggers weren't going off and as if I am a person that deserves

> > rational judgement and fairness.

> >

> > On 12/13/08, ktelewis <ktelewishotmail (DOT) com> wrote:

> >> Oooh, I'd actually advise against engaging this individual any

> >> further. You want to look like the professional one in the end.

> >>

> >>

> >> kt

> >>

> >>

> >>>

> >>> If I was you, I'd respond to him. I'd probably say something along

> >> the

> >>> lines of

> >>>

> >>> Dear So and So,

> >>>

> >>> I really pains me to see that you really have nothing better to do

> >>> with company time than harrass a coworker who's done nothing but

> >> her

> >>> job. Perhaps you have a point there, about some changes needing to

> >> be

> >>> made? Obviously someone needs more work to do.

> >>>

> >>>

> >>> On the other hand, I've been known to get into trouble because of

> >> my

> >>> mouth, so possibly you shouldn't listen to me. If nothing else, I

> >> hope

> >>> you got a laugh out of that!

> >>>

> >>> Nekojaimie

> >>>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >