Re: Holiday season - to avoid or not to avoid nada

[Guest guest]

Hi, tww -- welcome back!

Honestly, I'm always shocked at how much we, the adult children of these

lunatics, continue to accomodate them and their insane need to dominate and

control our lives and peace of mind.

ESPECIALLY during holidays.

Listen: It's OKAY to hate her. She's an abusive, controlling, sadist NUT!

What she did to you is called NEGLECT. (My nada pulled similar shenanigans by

never taking me to dentists or getting me glasses or any kind of normal medical

care.) It's a form of CHILD ABUSE.

You DON'T have to talk to her. You DON'T have to see her, not once.

You DON'T have to accomodate her, not for one minute, if you don't want to.

You were helpless and under her control as a child, but now you're an adult AND

IT'S YOUR RIGHT TO SEE WHO YOU WANT TO SEE AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO on YOUR

(repeat: YOUR, not HER) vacation!

Period, end of story.

I say, cut her off. Tell her you're not seeing her at all, don't take her

calls, refuse to see her, call the cops if she harrasses you, leave her standing

out on the street like the psycho she is if she dares to show up anywhere

uninvited.

But, to answer your questions: No, she's not going to just leave you alone,

because they don't do that! YES, she's crazier than you thought, she's actually

CRAZY! And, most importantly -- YOU DON'T KNOW what she's going to do next

because she's a crazy person, and part of being crazy is being unpredictable.

Get this: BPs ENJOY being threatening and unpredictable! They ENJOY making us

suffer and worry and they use our fear, obligation and guilt to FORCE US TO DO

WHAT THEY WANT. They ENJOY this. It actually gives them PLEASURE to see us

UNHAPPY.

If you want her to leave you alone, you have to claim that right, and fight to

keep her away. She is NOT going to magically give you space or respect your

wishes or do what normal people would do.

Just my opinion, of course -- but why ruin your limited time with your grandpa

to cater to some lunatic who just wants to take up all your time and torture

you????

Trust me: NOTHING would make her happier than ruining your time with your

grandpa and ruining your holidays.

Well, I'm sure you'll get lots more support and advice, just wanted to chime in.

Best of luck, I hope you get to spend some good, quality time with your grandpa!

S

Holiday season - to avoid or not to avoid nada

To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Hi everyone... I havent been on the websit for awhile because

> things were good and I

> didn't talk to nada much. Well, Christmas is coming along and

> I'm going to visit grandpa

> (dad's dad) in my home country. Nada and fada had long been

> divorced, but she lives

> nearby dad's side of the family. So it's hard to not visit

> nada's side of the family when I'm

> in town to visit dad's side. Because of the neglect of my

> parents, grandpa was the one that

> babysat me (or more like raised me) until my parents' divorce

> when nada got the custody. I

> miss grandpa terribly and this trip is all for him because his

> health is not good these days.

> I really really need to spend time with him. Yet I really really

> need nada to not be around.

>

> Well, the problem is... nada is so obsessed with me... she would

> not leave me alone for a

> sec... The last time I went back to visit, she called all the

> time and ambushed me at the

> hotel every morning and night. Yet when I did spend time with

> her, we either fought, or

> she bad-mouthed about me, or she fought with her family.

> Eventually I changed hotel and

> avoided her for the rest of the trip.

>

> So this time, nada's very worried I'll avoid her again. I told

> her I would mainly be with

> grandpa. I also gave her an " arriving date " a few days later

> than my actual arrival, so that I

> can spend that time in peace with grandpa. I also started

> friendly, bi-weekly phone convo

> with her to try to establish a relationship. Up till this week,

> I really thought I could do this

> for the sake of my grandpa.

>

> Yet recently, nada's acting crazy again. Although I had arranged

> pick up at the airport, she

> insists on knowing my arrival time and flight to " just watch me

> at the airport from far

> away " . (The airport is hours away!) She's also been calling me

> at all kinds of random hours

> many times a day. Her stalking behavior/obsession is growing! I

> never picked up the

> phone calls, intending to stick to our bi-weekly arrangement.

> Yet today, I had to call her

> again... and this call brought me to tears:

>

> I was looking at my immunization record to check if I need

> vaccines for traveling to

> another country.... and suddenly realized that the record showed

> at least 10 vaccines in

> my teenage years that I don't remember having. So I called nada

> to ask about those

> vaccines. Nada said, in a casual tone, that the vaccine record

> means nothing, that except

> for the required for the newborn, I never had any vaccines. Btw,

> Nada was a nurse and

> now works in med admin. Nada " assured " me that as a nurse, she

> " knows " which vaccines I

> needed but had to fake the ones that I " don't need " on the

> record for school admission. It

> suddenly occurred to me, nada had authorization access to

> vaccine record and she faked

> mine. But WHY????!!!!!! I feel crushed on the inside... if nada

> can lie on my health record

> for no apparent reason, what else has she lied about my medical

> history? (Now that I

> finally accepted that her emotionally abused me... there's

> MORE?!) ... Several doctors had

> questioned things like allergies that were not properly tested,

> or sicknesses that I unlikely

> had, but I always insisted that nada was a nurse and wouldn't

> have gotten any of that

> wrong ... but the immu. record is one hard evidence I cannot

> reject. In addition, I always

> thought I had TB because both fada and nada told me I was given

> some sort of TB

> hormone treatment for almost a year as a toddler, for which nada

> insisted I was very sick

> and almost died... nada also said the meds were the reason I

> became overweight.... Well,

> recent TB test showed that I never had TB.

>

> I feel SO bad to say this... but I HATE this woman. She ruined

> my life in every way she

> could while demanding so much from me, and calls that love. How

> is intentionally skipped

> vaccines a sign of love? How is giving unprescribed meds to your

> own kid love? Isnt that

> illegal?! What is she gonna do next???? Is she crazier than I

> thought? Should I be worried

> about my safety? I was blind enough to give into all her needs

> at the expense of myself. I

> do not want to give her an inch of me any more. I wish her out

> of my life... But I am afraid

> by avoiding her on this trip, she will bug my grandparents again

> to get her way.... grandpa

> really needs some peace and quietness these days.... what should

> I do so she can just

> leave me alone?!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Very well put s. I agree with what you wrote. tww, since your

grandfather is sick, spend time with him. Deal with any possible

fallout later.

-Rod

>

>

> Hi, tww -- welcome back!

>

> Honestly, I'm always shocked at how much we, the adult children of

these lunatics, continue to accomodate them and their insane need to

dominate and control our lives and peace of mind.

>

> ESPECIALLY during holidays.

>

> Listen: It's OKAY to hate her. She's an abusive, controlling,

sadist NUT! What she did to you is called NEGLECT. (My nada pulled

similar shenanigans by never taking me to dentists or getting me

glasses or any kind of normal medical care.) It's a form of CHILD

ABUSE.

>

> You DON'T have to talk to her. You DON'T have to see her, not

once.

>

> You DON'T have to accomodate her, not for one minute, if you don't

want to.

>

> You were helpless and under her control as a child, but now you're

an adult AND IT'S YOUR RIGHT TO SEE WHO YOU WANT TO SEE AND DO WHAT

YOU WANT TO DO on YOUR (repeat: YOUR, not HER) vacation!

>

> Period, end of story.

>

> I say, cut her off. Tell her you're not seeing her at all, don't

take her calls, refuse to see her, call the cops if she harrasses

you, leave her standing out on the street like the psycho she is if

she dares to show up anywhere uninvited.

>

> But, to answer your questions: No, she's not going to just leave

you alone, because they don't do that! YES, she's crazier than you

thought, she's actually CRAZY! And, most importantly -- YOU DON'T

KNOW what she's going to do next because she's a crazy person, and

part of being crazy is being unpredictable.

>

> Get this: BPs ENJOY being threatening and unpredictable! They

ENJOY making us suffer and worry and they use our fear, obligation

and guilt to FORCE US TO DO WHAT THEY WANT. They ENJOY this. It

actually gives them PLEASURE to see us UNHAPPY.

>

> If you want her to leave you alone, you have to claim that right,

and fight to keep her away. She is NOT going to magically give you

space or respect your wishes or do what normal people would do.

>

> Just my opinion, of course -- but why ruin your limited time with

your grandpa to cater to some lunatic who just wants to take up all

your time and torture you????

>

> Trust me: NOTHING would make her happier than ruining your time

with your grandpa and ruining your holidays.

>

> Well, I'm sure you'll get lots more support and advice, just

wanted to chime in. Best of luck, I hope you get to spend some

good, quality time with your grandpa!

>

> S

>

> Holiday season - to avoid or not to

avoid nada

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

>

> > Hi everyone... I havent been on the websit for awhile because

> > things were good and I

> > didn't talk to nada much. Well, Christmas is coming along and

> > I'm going to visit grandpa

> > (dad's dad) in my home country. Nada and fada had long been

> > divorced, but she lives

> > nearby dad's side of the family. So it's hard to not visit

> > nada's side of the family when I'm

> > in town to visit dad's side. Because of the neglect of my

> > parents, grandpa was the one that

> > babysat me (or more like raised me) until my parents' divorce

> > when nada got the custody. I

> > miss grandpa terribly and this trip is all for him because his

> > health is not good these days.

> > I really really need to spend time with him. Yet I really really

> > need nada to not be around.

> >

> > Well, the problem is... nada is so obsessed with me... she would

> > not leave me alone for a

> > sec... The last time I went back to visit, she called all the

> > time and ambushed me at the

> > hotel every morning and night. Yet when I did spend time with

> > her, we either fought, or

> > she bad-mouthed about me, or she fought with her family.

> > Eventually I changed hotel and

> > avoided her for the rest of the trip.

> >

> > So this time, nada's very worried I'll avoid her again. I told

> > her I would mainly be with

> > grandpa. I also gave her an " arriving date " a few days later

> > than my actual arrival, so that I

> > can spend that time in peace with grandpa. I also started

> > friendly, bi-weekly phone convo

> > with her to try to establish a relationship. Up till this week,

> > I really thought I could do this

> > for the sake of my grandpa.

> >

> > Yet recently, nada's acting crazy again. Although I had arranged

> > pick up at the airport, she

> > insists on knowing my arrival time and flight to " just watch me

> > at the airport from far

> > away " . (The airport is hours away!) She's also been calling me

> > at all kinds of random hours

> > many times a day. Her stalking behavior/obsession is growing! I

> > never picked up the

> > phone calls, intending to stick to our bi-weekly arrangement.

> > Yet today, I had to call her

> > again... and this call brought me to tears:

> >

> > I was looking at my immunization record to check if I need

> > vaccines for traveling to

> > another country.... and suddenly realized that the record showed

> > at least 10 vaccines in

> > my teenage years that I don't remember having. So I called nada

> > to ask about those

> > vaccines. Nada said, in a casual tone, that the vaccine record

> > means nothing, that except

> > for the required for the newborn, I never had any vaccines. Btw,

> > Nada was a nurse and

> > now works in med admin. Nada " assured " me that as a nurse, she

> > " knows " which vaccines I

> > needed but had to fake the ones that I " don't need " on the

> > record for school admission. It

> > suddenly occurred to me, nada had authorization access to

> > vaccine record and she faked

> > mine. But WHY????!!!!!! I feel crushed on the inside... if nada

> > can lie on my health record

> > for no apparent reason, what else has she lied about my medical

> > history? (Now that I

> > finally accepted that her emotionally abused me... there's

> > MORE?!) ... Several doctors had

> > questioned things like allergies that were not properly tested,

> > or sicknesses that I unlikely

> > had, but I always insisted that nada was a nurse and wouldn't

> > have gotten any of that

> > wrong ... but the immu. record is one hard evidence I cannot

> > reject. In addition, I always

> > thought I had TB because both fada and nada told me I was given

> > some sort of TB

> > hormone treatment for almost a year as a toddler, for which nada

> > insisted I was very sick

> > and almost died... nada also said the meds were the reason I

> > became overweight.... Well,

> > recent TB test showed that I never had TB.

> >

> > I feel SO bad to say this... but I HATE this woman. She ruined

> > my life in every way she

> > could while demanding so much from me, and calls that love. How

> > is intentionally skipped

> > vaccines a sign of love? How is giving unprescribed meds to your

> > own kid love? Isnt that

> > illegal?! What is she gonna do next???? Is she crazier than I

> > thought? Should I be worried

> > about my safety? I was blind enough to give into all her needs

> > at the expense of myself. I

> > do not want to give her an inch of me any more. I wish her out

> > of my life... But I am afraid

> > by avoiding her on this trip, she will bug my grandparents again

> > to get her way.... grandpa

> > really needs some peace and quietness these days.... what should

> > I do so she can just

> > leave me alone?!

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi S,

Thanks that was very helpful advice... Every time when nada starts to act

normal, I forget

the bad times I had with her... then she turns into this crazy person again...

endless

cycles... every cycle ends with me feeling hurt all over again.... I give her

too much control

and give in too much.... And she knows I'm powerless against her tactics.... I

thought

about going NC many times, but am afraid I'm being an ungrateful child...

But you have a very good point here... since nada would never consider my needs,

i need

to take care of myself more... including having a holiday on my own terms.... my

therapist

suggested me writing nada an email to let her know that I'm hurt from her abuse

and want

to limit my interaction with her... (well since i'm so bad at saying all that on

the phone)....

i'm so scared to write that email! but i guess i'm gonna have to give it a try

and hopefully

she's not gonna pull out any crazy act in reaction to that >.<

>

>

> Hi, tww -- welcome back!

>

> Honestly, I'm always shocked at how much we, the adult children of these

lunatics,

continue to accomodate them and their insane need to dominate and control our

lives and

peace of mind.

>

> ESPECIALLY during holidays.

>

> Listen: It's OKAY to hate her. She's an abusive, controlling, sadist NUT!

What she did to

you is called NEGLECT. (My nada pulled similar shenanigans by never taking me

to

dentists or getting me glasses or any kind of normal medical care.) It's a form

of CHILD

ABUSE.

>

> You DON'T have to talk to her. You DON'T have to see her, not once.

>

> You DON'T have to accomodate her, not for one minute, if you don't want to.

>

> You were helpless and under her control as a child, but now you're an adult

AND IT'S

YOUR RIGHT TO SEE WHO YOU WANT TO SEE AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO on YOUR

(repeat: YOUR, not HER) vacation!

>

> Period, end of story.

>

> I say, cut her off. Tell her you're not seeing her at all, don't take her

calls, refuse to see

her, call the cops if she harrasses you, leave her standing out on the street

like the psycho

she is if she dares to show up anywhere uninvited.

>

> But, to answer your questions: No, she's not going to just leave you alone,

because they

don't do that! YES, she's crazier than you thought, she's actually CRAZY! And,

most

importantly -- YOU DON'T KNOW what she's going to do next because she's a crazy

person, and part of being crazy is being unpredictable.

>

> Get this: BPs ENJOY being threatening and unpredictable! They ENJOY making us

suffer

and worry and they use our fear, obligation and guilt to FORCE US TO DO WHAT

THEY

WANT. They ENJOY this. It actually gives them PLEASURE to see us UNHAPPY.

>

> If you want her to leave you alone, you have to claim that right, and fight to

keep her

away. She is NOT going to magically give you space or respect your wishes or do

what

normal people would do.

>

> Just my opinion, of course -- but why ruin your limited time with your grandpa

to cater

to some lunatic who just wants to take up all your time and torture you????

>

> Trust me: NOTHING would make her happier than ruining your time with your

grandpa

and ruining your holidays.

>

> Well, I'm sure you'll get lots more support and advice, just wanted to chime

in. Best of

luck, I hope you get to spend some good, quality time with your grandpa!

>

> S

>

> Holiday season - to avoid or not to avoid nada

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

>

> > Hi everyone... I havent been on the websit for awhile because

> > things were good and I

> > didn't talk to nada much. Well, Christmas is coming along and

> > I'm going to visit grandpa

> > (dad's dad) in my home country. Nada and fada had long been

> > divorced, but she lives

> > nearby dad's side of the family. So it's hard to not visit

> > nada's side of the family when I'm

> > in town to visit dad's side. Because of the neglect of my

> > parents, grandpa was the one that

> > babysat me (or more like raised me) until my parents' divorce

> > when nada got the custody. I

> > miss grandpa terribly and this trip is all for him because his

> > health is not good these days.

> > I really really need to spend time with him. Yet I really really

> > need nada to not be around.

> >

> > Well, the problem is... nada is so obsessed with me... she would

> > not leave me alone for a

> > sec... The last time I went back to visit, she called all the

> > time and ambushed me at the

> > hotel every morning and night. Yet when I did spend time with

> > her, we either fought, or

> > she bad-mouthed about me, or she fought with her family.

> > Eventually I changed hotel and

> > avoided her for the rest of the trip.

> >

> > So this time, nada's very worried I'll avoid her again. I told

> > her I would mainly be with

> > grandpa. I also gave her an " arriving date " a few days later

> > than my actual arrival, so that I

> > can spend that time in peace with grandpa. I also started

> > friendly, bi-weekly phone convo

> > with her to try to establish a relationship. Up till this week,

> > I really thought I could do this

> > for the sake of my grandpa.

> >

> > Yet recently, nada's acting crazy again. Although I had arranged

> > pick up at the airport, she

> > insists on knowing my arrival time and flight to " just watch me

> > at the airport from far

> > away " . (The airport is hours away!) She's also been calling me

> > at all kinds of random hours

> > many times a day. Her stalking behavior/obsession is growing! I

> > never picked up the

> > phone calls, intending to stick to our bi-weekly arrangement.

> > Yet today, I had to call her

> > again... and this call brought me to tears:

> >

> > I was looking at my immunization record to check if I need

> > vaccines for traveling to

> > another country.... and suddenly realized that the record showed

> > at least 10 vaccines in

> > my teenage years that I don't remember having. So I called nada

> > to ask about those

> > vaccines. Nada said, in a casual tone, that the vaccine record

> > means nothing, that except

> > for the required for the newborn, I never had any vaccines. Btw,

> > Nada was a nurse and

> > now works in med admin. Nada " assured " me that as a nurse, she

> > " knows " which vaccines I

> > needed but had to fake the ones that I " don't need " on the

> > record for school admission. It

> > suddenly occurred to me, nada had authorization access to

> > vaccine record and she faked

> > mine. But WHY????!!!!!! I feel crushed on the inside... if nada

> > can lie on my health record

> > for no apparent reason, what else has she lied about my medical

> > history? (Now that I

> > finally accepted that her emotionally abused me... there's

> > MORE?!) ... Several doctors had

> > questioned things like allergies that were not properly tested,

> > or sicknesses that I unlikely

> > had, but I always insisted that nada was a nurse and wouldn't

> > have gotten any of that

> > wrong ... but the immu. record is one hard evidence I cannot

> > reject. In addition, I always

> > thought I had TB because both fada and nada told me I was given

> > some sort of TB

> > hormone treatment for almost a year as a toddler, for which nada

> > insisted I was very sick

> > and almost died... nada also said the meds were the reason I

> > became overweight.... Well,

> > recent TB test showed that I never had TB.

> >

> > I feel SO bad to say this... but I HATE this woman. She ruined

> > my life in every way she

> > could while demanding so much from me, and calls that love. How

> > is intentionally skipped

> > vaccines a sign of love? How is giving unprescribed meds to your

> > own kid love? Isnt that

> > illegal?! What is she gonna do next???? Is she crazier than I

> > thought? Should I be worried

> > about my safety? I was blind enough to give into all her needs

> > at the expense of myself. I

> > do not want to give her an inch of me any more. I wish her out

> > of my life... But I am afraid

> > by avoiding her on this trip, she will bug my grandparents again

> > to get her way.... grandpa

> > really needs some peace and quietness these days.... what should

> > I do so she can just

> > leave me alone?!

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

---

I suggest you either lie and tell her you've cancelled the trip altogether, or

lie and tell her

you'll be there for less time, or lie and tell her you've cancelled it , and

then, at the end of

your visit, see her briefly if you feel the need.

I suggest you go visit your grandpa and enjoy your time with him. Try to focus

on that and

really treasure it. I treasure the two weeks I spent with my father while he

was dying at the

hospice house, and even though nada was instigating drama, I was able to really

focus on

him and relish that time. I am so glad to have those fond memories. It sounds

like your

nada is younger and more active. You may have to avoid her altogether. Do that

if you

need to.

My nada did a similar thing with neglect. She let all my baby teeth rot, and I

had to have

multiple - 8 - fillings at age 3 - with no anesthetic. This was so traumatic to

me. She sat

in the waiting room as I screamed and told my sister " that's what I got for not

brushing

my teeth. " I was three years old.

Go and enjoy your time with Grandpa.

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " tww49 " wrote:

>

> Hi everyone... I havent been on the websit for awhile because things were good

and I

> didn't talk to nada much. Well, Christmas is coming along and I'm going to

visit grandpa

> (dad's dad) in my home country. Nada and fada had long been divorced, but she

lives

> nearby dad's side of the family. So it's hard to not visit nada's side of the

family when

I'm

> in town to visit dad's side. Because of the neglect of my parents, grandpa was

the one

that

> babysat me (or more like raised me) until my parents' divorce when nada got

the

custody. I

> miss grandpa terribly and this trip is all for him because his health is not

good these

days.

> I really really need to spend time with him. Yet I really really need nada to

not be

around.

>

> Well, the problem is... nada is so obsessed with me... she would not leave me

alone for a

> sec... The last time I went back to visit, she called all the time and

ambushed me at the

> hotel every morning and night. Yet when I did spend time with her, we either

fought, or

> she bad-mouthed about me, or she fought with her family. Eventually I changed

hotel

and

> avoided her for the rest of the trip.

>

> So this time, nada's very worried I'll avoid her again. I told her I would

mainly be with

> grandpa. I also gave her an " arriving date " a few days later than my actual

arrival, so that

I

> can spend that time in peace with grandpa. I also started friendly, bi-weekly

phone

convo

> with her to try to establish a relationship. Up till this week, I really

thought I could do

this

> for the sake of my grandpa.

>

> Yet recently, nada's acting crazy again. Although I had arranged pick up at

the airport,

she

> insists on knowing my arrival time and flight to " just watch me at the airport

from far

> away " . (The airport is hours away!) She's also been calling me at all kinds of

random

hours

> many times a day. Her stalking behavior/obsession is growing! I never picked

up the

> phone calls, intending to stick to our bi-weekly arrangement. Yet today, I had

to call her

> again... and this call brought me to tears:

>

> I was looking at my immunization record to check if I need vaccines for

traveling to

> another country.... and suddenly realized that the record showed at least 10

vaccines in

> my teenage years that I don't remember having. So I called nada to ask about

those

> vaccines. Nada said, in a casual tone, that the vaccine record means nothing,

that

except

> for the required for the newborn, I never had any vaccines. Btw, Nada was a

nurse and

> now works in med admin. Nada " assured " me that as a nurse, she " knows " which

vaccines I

> needed but had to fake the ones that I " don't need " on the record for school

admission.

It

> suddenly occurred to me, nada had authorization access to vaccine record and

she faked

> mine. But WHY????!!!!!! I feel crushed on the inside... if nada can lie on my

health record

> for no apparent reason, what else has she lied about my medical history? (Now

that I

> finally accepted that her emotionally abused me... there's MORE?!) ... Several

doctors

had

> questioned things like allergies that were not properly tested, or sicknesses

that I

unlikely

> had, but I always insisted that nada was a nurse and wouldn't have gotten any

of that

> wrong ... but the immu. record is one hard evidence I cannot reject. In

addition, I always

> thought I had TB because both fada and nada told me I was given some sort of

TB

> hormone treatment for almost a year as a toddler, for which nada insisted I

was very

sick

> and almost died... nada also said the meds were the reason I became

overweight.... Well,

> recent TB test showed that I never had TB.

>

> I feel SO bad to say this... but I HATE this woman. She ruined my life in

every way she

> could while demanding so much from me, and calls that love. How is

intentionally

skipped

> vaccines a sign of love? How is giving unprescribed meds to your own kid love?

Isnt that

> illegal?! What is she gonna do next???? Is she crazier than I thought? Should

I be worried

> about my safety? I was blind enough to give into all her needs at the expense

of myself.

I

> do not want to give her an inch of me any more. I wish her out of my life...

But I am

afraid

> by avoiding her on this trip, she will bug my grandparents again to get her

way....

grandpa

> really needs some peace and quietness these days.... what should I do so she

can just

> leave me alone?!

>

[Guest guest]

It seems to me you could worry less about her ambushing your visit if

you didn't tell her you were coming to town in the first place.

You're an adult. She doesn't need to know about your plans.

Something to think about for next time...

kt

>

> Hi everyone... I havent been on the websit for awhile because

things were good and I

> didn't talk to nada much. Well, Christmas is coming along and I'm

going to visit grandpa

> (dad's dad) in my home country. Nada and fada had long been

divorced, but she lives

> nearby dad's side of the family. So it's hard to not visit nada's

side of the family when I'm

> in town to visit dad's side. Because of the neglect of my parents,

grandpa was the one that

> babysat me (or more like raised me) until my parents' divorce when

nada got the custody. I

> miss grandpa terribly and this trip is all for him because his

health is not good these days.

> I really really need to spend time with him. Yet I really really

need nada to not be around.

>

> Well, the problem is... nada is so obsessed with me... she would

not leave me alone for a

> sec... The last time I went back to visit, she called all the time

and ambushed me at the

> hotel every morning and night. Yet when I did spend time with her,

we either fought, or

> she bad-mouthed about me, or she fought with her family. Eventually

I changed hotel and

> avoided her for the rest of the trip.

>

> So this time, nada's very worried I'll avoid her again. I told her

I would mainly be with

> grandpa. I also gave her an " arriving date " a few days later than

my actual arrival, so that I

> can spend that time in peace with grandpa. I also started friendly,

bi-weekly phone convo

> with her to try to establish a relationship. Up till this week, I

really thought I could do this

> for the sake of my grandpa.

>

> Yet recently, nada's acting crazy again. Although I had arranged

pick up at the airport, she

> insists on knowing my arrival time and flight to " just watch me at

the airport from far

> away " . (The airport is hours away!) She's also been calling me at

all kinds of random hours

> many times a day. Her stalking behavior/obsession is growing! I

never picked up the

> phone calls, intending to stick to our bi-weekly arrangement. Yet

today, I had to call her

> again... and this call brought me to tears:

>

> I was looking at my immunization record to check if I need vaccines

for traveling to

> another country.... and suddenly realized that the record showed at

least 10 vaccines in

> my teenage years that I don't remember having. So I called nada to

ask about those

> vaccines. Nada said, in a casual tone, that the vaccine record

means nothing, that except

> for the required for the newborn, I never had any vaccines. Btw,

Nada was a nurse and

> now works in med admin. Nada " assured " me that as a nurse,

she " knows " which vaccines I

> needed but had to fake the ones that I " don't need " on the record

for school admission. It

> suddenly occurred to me, nada had authorization access to vaccine

record and she faked

> mine. But WHY????!!!!!! I feel crushed on the inside... if nada can

lie on my health record

> for no apparent reason, what else has she lied about my medical

history? (Now that I

> finally accepted that her emotionally abused me... there's

MORE?!) ... Several doctors had

> questioned things like allergies that were not properly tested, or

sicknesses that I unlikely

> had, but I always insisted that nada was a nurse and wouldn't have

gotten any of that

> wrong ... but the immu. record is one hard evidence I cannot

reject. In addition, I always

> thought I had TB because both fada and nada told me I was given

some sort of TB

> hormone treatment for almost a year as a toddler, for which nada

insisted I was very sick

> and almost died... nada also said the meds were the reason I became

overweight.... Well,

> recent TB test showed that I never had TB.

>

> I feel SO bad to say this... but I HATE this woman. She ruined my

life in every way she

> could while demanding so much from me, and calls that love. How is

intentionally skipped

> vaccines a sign of love? How is giving unprescribed meds to your

own kid love? Isnt that

> illegal?! What is she gonna do next???? Is she crazier than I

thought? Should I be worried

> about my safety? I was blind enough to give into all her needs at

the expense of myself. I

> do not want to give her an inch of me any more. I wish her out of

my life... But I am afraid

> by avoiding her on this trip, she will bug my grandparents again to

get her way.... grandpa

> really needs some peace and quietness these days.... what should I

do so she can just

> leave me alone?!

>