I sent a card

[Guest guest]

I have been NC with my codependent dad since last Christmas and all the

family went down the drain along with that. Well, yesterday I sent a card to

him to give to my grandma for Thanksgiving. I'm considering going LC again

with him and this is my first attempt to reach out though the thought of

talking on the phone is a little draining to me, not sure I am ready for

that. Just wanted to put it out there. NC has been so nice that I guess I am

hoping I could have some kind of contact with my family and not go crazy

from it. Honestly, I am thinking lately that it couldn't have been so bad

and all those typical nice feelings that come from a long absense. Was it

really that bad? Am I justified in being NC? Wow, it seems like a big

sacrifice to make to the BPD demons to give up on the whole family. I'm also

finding myself imagining my dad reading some of the books I have read about

BPD and him understanding my perspective. I know it will never be the same

again but I guess I am hoping for some sort of relationship. Am I going

crazy? I don't want to get hurt again but I also don't want to be so alone

in the world.