Guest guest Posted December 21, 2008 Report Share Posted December 21, 2008 Its hard when one's siblings are not on the same page RE the mentally ill parents. I don't know what I would do if my Sister and I weren't of the same mind in this regard. I would be devastated. I think the holidays and weddings and childbirth bring out the worst in our nadas. This year's holiday season will be over in a couple more weeks, so, hang in there and it will eventually pass and get back to normal. Hang in there! -Annie > > I'm really angry right now. > > I have been NC for 2.5 months. They keep calling but I either turn > off the machine or DH just deletes the messages. I knew they'd have > to strike at Christmas. Disrag left a message on DH's cell the other > day saying " call me, we all need to sit down and talk. " Let me > translate that: " I can't deal with her rages and screaming and I > really need my rotten/bad/evil daughter to continue to take her abuse > so that I can live in peace. " > > My brother doesn't speak to me anymore, at their demand. I always > had a good relationship with my brother, he was very protective of me > growing up. He is grasping for family and totally thinks they are the > best thing since sliced bread. His wife, also tells them they are > perfect and I am the one with the problem (the gravy train works > wonders over there). Hey, I think it is great that he is over the > fact that he was physically beaten as a child and can pretend it > didn't happen, but I am hurt that he throws me under the bus. > > Anyway, my aunt dropped presents off for my brother's kids and I have > presents for them too. I called him the other day to see when DH > could drop the presents off for them and he said over the weekend. > Then I got worried that if DH went there, they'd have nada and > dishrag stake him out. So I called my brother and asked him to swing > by here on his way home from work. > > So today he comes. He walks into my house with lots of bags. I have > two kids. He said " I have a lot of stuff, I had to stop at other > houses " I said " who's houses? " He said Nada. I said " well you'll > need to take them back, we don't want them. " THen I turned to DH and > said matter-of-factly " or we could donate them to the shelter? " So > my brother said " okay, I'll take them back if you want me to, I was > just doing what they asked " And I said " well I don't know why you > would tell them you were coming over in the first place. " he said > something like she's been calling for days to find out when he's > coming by to drop his gifts/pick up for his kids. ARGH. > > So he took them back. Now I sit here on eggshells (where else?) and > worry that they will show up here on Christmas Eve pounding on the > door when I have DH's family here. THey will make a scene, as usual. > > I think I should have said " okay, thanks " aceepted them then on > Christmas eve night had DH leave them back on their steps. THey would > have stayed calm up until Christmas thinking they got us, they got > their gifts into our home and then all would be calm. THen I could > have made sure they knew no gifts would be received. > > Why does this have to be so difficult? Why do I always have to think > my actions through like this? I called my aunt to vent, she is > really the only one who " gets " the level of sickness I am dealing > with. And only because she too has been the target. She simply > said " I don't know why they have to ruin your Christmas. " > > I just want to cry. I haven't done that in a looong time. Maybe it > would make things feel better. > > Vent over. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2008 Report Share Posted December 22, 2008 Realmom..... yuck!!!! I'm so sorry they're acting out like this. And yeah, I've been there on the gift power-struggle -- and pulling in other relatives (I don't have siblings, but I have male cousins and uncles that my nada uses to (a) be her messengers and ( rub it in my face that THEY don't think she's crazy. Now she's also got my ex-H acting as her messenger, too!) It's disgusting how disrespectful BPs are -- they get such sadistic GLEE from forcing their will on us, FORCING us to take their presents or have contact even when we've said we don't want to. I'm lucky, though, that my nada's so cheap that she's fine not spending money on presents for my son (her only grandchild)! Please try not to let this ruin your Christmas, though. You have your children and your DH to be grateful for -- try to enjoy your holiday with them! Best to you, S Can I vent? To: WTOAdultChildren1 > I'm really angry right now. > > I have been NC for 2.5 months. They keep calling but I either > turn > off the machine or DH just deletes the messages. I knew they'd > have > to strike at Christmas. Disrag left a message on DH's cell the > other > day saying " call me, we all need to sit down and talk. " Let me > translate that: " I can't deal with her rages and screaming and > I > really need my rotten/bad/evil daughter to continue to take her > abuse > so that I can live in peace. " > > My brother doesn't speak to me anymore, at their demand. I > always > had a good relationship with my brother, he was very protective > of me > growing up. He is grasping for family and totally thinks they > are the > best thing since sliced bread. His wife, also tells them they > are > perfect and I am the one with the problem (the gravy train works > wonders over there). Hey, I think it is great that he is over > the > fact that he was physically beaten as a child and can pretend it > didn't happen, but I am hurt that he throws me under the bus. > > Anyway, my aunt dropped presents off for my brother's kids and I > have > presents for them too. I called him the other day to see when DH > could drop the presents off for them and he said over the > weekend. > Then I got worried that if DH went there, they'd have nada and > dishrag stake him out. So I called my brother and asked him to > swing > by here on his way home from work. > > So today he comes. He walks into my house with lots of bags. I > have > two kids. He said " I have a lot of stuff, I had to stop at > other > houses " I said " who's houses? " He said Nada. I said " well > you'll > need to take them back, we don't want them. " THen I turned to > DH and > said matter-of-factly " or we could donate them to the shelter? " > So > my brother said " okay, I'll take them back if you want me to, I > was > just doing what they asked " And I said " well I don't know why > you > would tell them you were coming over in the first place. " he > said > something like she's been calling for days to find out when he's > coming by to drop his gifts/pick up for his kids. ARGH. > > So he took them back. Now I sit here on eggshells (where else?) > and > worry that they will show up here on Christmas Eve pounding on > the > door when I have DH's family here. THey will make a scene, as usual. > > I think I should have said " okay, thanks " aceepted them then on > Christmas eve night had DH leave them back on their steps. THey > would > have stayed calm up until Christmas thinking they got us, they > got > their gifts into our home and then all would be calm. THen I > could > have made sure they knew no gifts would be received. > > Why does this have to be so difficult? Why do I always have to > think > my actions through like this? I called my aunt to vent, she is > really the only one who " gets " the level of sickness I am > dealing > with. And only because she too has been the target. She simply > said " I don't know why they have to ruin your Christmas. " > > I just want to cry. I haven't done that in a looong time. Maybe > it > would make things feel better. > > Vent over. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 Hi and had to post a response to your email, after spending the holiday with my family, which includes 8 siblings, several in-laws and 11 grandchildren (along with NADA and FADA).... I am just now realizing that I have to view at least 3 of my siblings are being attached at the hip to my bpd mom...and that I need to put limits on all 3 of them.... Several, if not all, of these 3 siblings have BPD characteristics, and if they are not, they surely cannot see the " forest from the trees " ...as my bpd nada and fada define their world!! I think the best any of us can do, is to to accurately assess all family members in our lives...and know that the illness does indeed spread outward to family members, who quite simply are not educated on bpd, and/or not strong enough to stand seperate from the bpd parent(s).... Take care and I hope your holiday was enjoyable! ~ midof9 > > I'm really angry right now. > > I have been NC for 2.5 months. They keep calling but I either turn > off the machine or DH just deletes the messages. I knew they'd have > to strike at Christmas. Disrag left a message on DH's cell the other > day saying " call me, we all need to sit down and talk. " Let me > translate that: " I can't deal with her rages and screaming and I > really need my rotten/bad/evil daughter to continue to take her abuse > so that I can live in peace. " > > My brother doesn't speak to me anymore, at their demand. I always > had a good relationship with my brother, he was very protective of me > growing up. He is grasping for family and totally thinks they are the > best thing since sliced bread. His wife, also tells them they are > perfect and I am the one with the problem (the gravy train works > wonders over there). Hey, I think it is great that he is over the > fact that he was physically beaten as a child and can pretend it > didn't happen, but I am hurt that he throws me under the bus. > > Anyway, my aunt dropped presents off for my brother's kids and I have > presents for them too. I called him the other day to see when DH > could drop the presents off for them and he said over the weekend. > Then I got worried that if DH went there, they'd have nada and > dishrag stake him out. So I called my brother and asked him to swing > by here on his way home from work. > > So today he comes. He walks into my house with lots of bags. I have > two kids. He said " I have a lot of stuff, I had to stop at other > houses " I said " who's houses? " He said Nada. I said " well you'll > need to take them back, we don't want them. " THen I turned to DH and > said matter-of-factly " or we could donate them to the shelter? " So > my brother said " okay, I'll take them back if you want me to, I was > just doing what they asked " And I said " well I don't know why you > would tell them you were coming over in the first place. " he said > something like she's been calling for days to find out when he's > coming by to drop his gifts/pick up for his kids. ARGH. > > So he took them back. Now I sit here on eggshells (where else?) and > worry that they will show up here on Christmas Eve pounding on the > door when I have DH's family here. THey will make a scene, as usual. > > I think I should have said " okay, thanks " aceepted them then on > Christmas eve night had DH leave them back on their steps. THey would > have stayed calm up until Christmas thinking they got us, they got > their gifts into our home and then all would be calm. THen I could > have made sure they knew no gifts would be received. > > Why does this have to be so difficult? Why do I always have to think > my actions through like this? I called my aunt to vent, she is > really the only one who " gets " the level of sickness I am dealing > with. And only because she too has been the target. She simply > said " I don't know why they have to ruin your Christmas. " > > I just want to cry. I haven't done that in a looong time. Maybe it > would make things feel better. > > Vent over. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.