Re: Little Sister In Borderland

[Guest guest]

Zarkley I can relate, I too had nightmares about my bada. Your

comment about trusting your bpd sis over and over again. I did the

same thing with my older NPD brother. Time and time again I held out

hope that even though this sibling has abused the

relationship/trust/money/whatever that maybe they could be

trustworthy after all. Maybe they'll change and BECOME trustworhy or

respectful if I just try hard enough. Yeah right.

It's a deluded hope, like my NPD brother, your sis is NEVER going to

change. It's so painful to come to that realization but it is

necessary for your own sanity. The energy expenditure on these BPD's

is astonishing, and unfair to you. The NPD's and BPD are smooth

though, their talent at reeling you back in is very

convincing...remarkable really. Don't buy it. It's a setup for more

abuse, you probably already know this in your heart anyway.

You say that you had poor limits with your sis, which is

understandible considering your FO. I am wondering if you became

more adept at boundary setting, if you could salvage a relationship

with her? First, I think it's important to ask yourself why? Why do

you WANT to salvage a relationship with this sibling? Is that what

your soul TRULY WANTS? Try and think logically about what you

envision the relationship to be. You might discover this vision is

utterly contrary to what a BPD is capable of. Is this vision

different than her past behaviour patterns.. Yes? So what makes you

think her behaviour patterns will change just because you want them

to? Your sis is BPD.

Although there is a chance that if you are better with boundaries

and enforcing them with her, maybe there can be a relationship.

Please don't torture yourself trying to achieve this though, it

might be impossible anyway. We are dealing with NPD, and BPD's

afterall.

In my case, NC was the only solution. ANY LC just resulted in an

extremely painful recurrance of abuse and trust abuse. For me there

was no other option as boundary setting was out of the question with

my brother. On the bright side after coming to terms with the loss,

I felt overwhelming relief. It was such a liberation for me.

Outsiders don't understand this, but they don't need to. They have

never been through what I have. So I gave myself permission to let

bada go forever, and the guilt along with it. It's a wonderful

feeling.

Zarkley, guilt is a feeling you ALLOW yourself to have. It's a

difficult skill to learn but letting go of guilt was a conscious

choice. At least for me anyway. Allowing yourself to let go of

dysfunctional family is a HUGE deal. The feelings good and bad can

be overwhelming... this is our challenge as KO's. Good Luck Z, I

wish you all the best.

>

> I've been NC for quite a while now & each month reveals something

new.

> The holidays are the designated time to pressure & guilt me for

being NC.

>

> Lately I've come to realize that I've been dealing with a double

whammy:

>

> •(BPD nada) + (Narcissistic/Control freak fada)

> •(BPD-ish sister) + (Narcissistic bil)

>

> My husband & I are both Nons & together have allowed ourselves to

be

> pushed around all over this planet--literally! NC was our first

show

> of strength. Things have gotten better & better for us as the NC

> months have ticked by.

>

> I've been in denial about my sister being BPD-ish, even though I've

> had a long history of nightmares, where I'm screaming at her! Not

to

> mention some really outrageous boundary issues. (For instance, I

once

> spent some time alone in Paris. My sister called her French friends

> (whom I barely knew & didn't care for) & arranged for me to see

them

> without consulting me, and was then furious when I didn't do what

she

> wanted.) I always felt like my nada's/sister's little puppet. My

fada

> defends my nada & is bonded with my sister. There is no one in my

> family for me to " reason " with. For me, going NC, has literally

meant

> losing my whole family. My sister was always the wild card. I

always

> had hope. I wanted a happy sibling relationship.

>

> But as the months go by, I realize that I'm better off being LC

with

> my sister...sad but true.

>

> My sister spent Oct-Dec actively trying to pull me back into the

> family madness. She has become my fada's mouthpiece--calling me a

> mooch, selfish, weak, & helpless. She spent a night over & I found

her

> examining things on my shelf & commenting on their value... " Wow,

this

> is expensive, etc " ...it made me feel weird & uncomfortable.) I

> mistakenly thought I could trust her (even though she has proven

> herself to me to be completely untrustworthy--again & again).

Denial

> runs so deep. I'm angry at myself for allowing my sister to ruin my

> autumn with her constant hounding. I didn't set limits. I found

myself

> saying " NO " a hundred times to deaf ears...it was exhausting &

stupid.

>

> Does anyone have any advice/experiences for dealing with high-

control

> misguided, BPD-ish older siblings besides LC/NC?

>

[Guest guest]

" Why do you WANT to salvage a relationship with this sibling? "

Good question!

I think it's because these BDPs can sometimes show their good side (or

pretend to show a good side), and I catch a glimpse of a tiny

glimmering gemstone hidden in a big ball of concrete. I want a

relationship so badly, that I just keep searching for another glimpse

of that tiny sparkling gem again and again. What I'm realizing is that

if you finally release yourself from the bad, you make room for the

good. I just didn't want to see my sister as a negative force in my

life, but she most definitely is:

She changed her looks to imitate me. She trampled on the one thing I

held dear and separate in the family & made it her own. She had to get

all the official seals of accomplishment & become a professor. Now,

whenever I show her anything I do, she puts me down by saying I'm just

like her students. Our net-worths are the same, but she accused me of

taking money from nada/fada...I couldn't POSSIBLY have earned/saved on

my own. She tells me again & again that I'm weak. There is no

relationship worth salvaging.

> >

> > I've been NC for quite a while now & each month reveals something

> new.

> > The holidays are the designated time to pressure & guilt me for

> being NC.

> >

> > Lately I've come to realize that I've been dealing with a double

> whammy:

> >

> > •(BPD nada) + (Narcissistic/Control freak fada)

> > •(BPD-ish sister) + (Narcissistic bil)

> >

> > My husband & I are both Nons & together have allowed ourselves to

> be

> > pushed around all over this planet--literally! NC was our first

> show

> > of strength. Things have gotten better & better for us as the NC

> > months have ticked by.

> >

> > I've been in denial about my sister being BPD-ish, even though I've

> > had a long history of nightmares, where I'm screaming at her! Not

> to

> > mention some really outrageous boundary issues. (For instance, I

> once

> > spent some time alone in Paris. My sister called her French friends

> > (whom I barely knew & didn't care for) & arranged for me to see

> them

> > without consulting me, and was then furious when I didn't do what

> she

> > wanted.) I always felt like my nada's/sister's little puppet. My

> fada

> > defends my nada & is bonded with my sister. There is no one in my

> > family for me to " reason " with. For me, going NC, has literally

> meant

> > losing my whole family. My sister was always the wild card. I

> always

> > had hope. I wanted a happy sibling relationship.

> >

> > But as the months go by, I realize that I'm better off being LC

> with

> > my sister...sad but true.

> >

> > My sister spent Oct-Dec actively trying to pull me back into the

> > family madness. She has become my fada's mouthpiece--calling me a

> > mooch, selfish, weak, & helpless. She spent a night over & I found

> her

> > examining things on my shelf & commenting on their value... " Wow,

> this

> > is expensive, etc " ...it made me feel weird & uncomfortable.) I

> > mistakenly thought I could trust her (even though she has proven

> > herself to me to be completely untrustworthy--again & again).

> Denial

> > runs so deep. I'm angry at myself for allowing my sister to ruin my

> > autumn with her constant hounding. I didn't set limits. I found

> myself

> > saying " NO " a hundred times to deaf ears...it was exhausting &

> stupid.

> >

> > Does anyone have any advice/experiences for dealing with high-

> control

> > misguided, BPD-ish older siblings besides LC/NC?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't have any advice or help but I'm in the same boat with you.

I frequently have dreams where I am screaming at my sister, last

night I had one in fact. My nada also uses my sister as her voice,

they are one joined unit together - against me. I just received an

email from my sister where she blames me blames me blames me. I am

mad at myself for letting her upset me so much, but i guess like you

I continue to have hope for our relationship.

I'll be curious to hear what others post, b/c I think it will help me

too!

>

> I've been NC for quite a while now & each month reveals something

new.

> The holidays are the designated time to pressure & guilt me for

being NC.

>

> Lately I've come to realize that I've been dealing with a double

whammy:

>

> •(BPD nada) + (Narcissistic/Control freak fada)

> •(BPD-ish sister) + (Narcissistic bil)

>

> My husband & I are both Nons & together have allowed ourselves to be

> pushed around all over this planet--literally! NC was our first show

> of strength. Things have gotten better & better for us as the NC

> months have ticked by.

>

> I've been in denial about my sister being BPD-ish, even though I've

> had a long history of nightmares, where I'm screaming at her! Not to

> mention some really outrageous boundary issues. (For instance, I

once

> spent some time alone in Paris. My sister called her French friends

> (whom I barely knew & didn't care for) & arranged for me to see them

> without consulting me, and was then furious when I didn't do what

she

> wanted.) I always felt like my nada's/sister's little puppet. My

fada

> defends my nada & is bonded with my sister. There is no one in my

> family for me to " reason " with. For me, going NC, has literally

meant

> losing my whole family. My sister was always the wild card. I always

> had hope. I wanted a happy sibling relationship.

>

> But as the months go by, I realize that I'm better off being LC with

> my sister...sad but true.

>

> My sister spent Oct-Dec actively trying to pull me back into the

> family madness. She has become my fada's mouthpiece--calling me a

> mooch, selfish, weak, & helpless. She spent a night over & I found

her

> examining things on my shelf & commenting on their value... " Wow,

this

> is expensive, etc " ...it made me feel weird & uncomfortable.) I

> mistakenly thought I could trust her (even though she has proven

> herself to me to be completely untrustworthy--again & again). Denial

> runs so deep. I'm angry at myself for allowing my sister to ruin my

> autumn with her constant hounding. I didn't set limits. I found

myself

> saying " NO " a hundred times to deaf ears...it was exhausting &

stupid.

>

> Does anyone have any advice/experiences for dealing with high-

control

> misguided, BPD-ish older siblings besides LC/NC?

>

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry to hear about your sister's behaviour towards you.

*Sigh* It's a tough one I know. Are you sure she isn't a Narcisisst?

Not that it matters much in the end, whatever ' Brand'O' Crazy' it's

still crazy nonetheless.

I hear projection here with sis putting down your accomplishments. I

think deep inside she is the one who feels her own accomplishments

are hollow and meaningless. That is how my bada is, he used to get

off on putting me down, one-upsmanship, and outright abuse. I can

see correlations with your sister here. It's disturbing to watch a

Narcisisst 'get off' on someone elses pain. These sickos have no

genuine soul or sense of self, and this is why they are able to

behave with such deplorable venom. It's sad for them really, I think

each of them lives in a daily personal hell.

Congratualations Z, you are seeing through her. Those little

glimmers that you see underneath the concrete aren't real. It's a

mimickry trick those BPD's use to make others believe they have a

personality or soul. You are not the weak one, I hope you know that.

She is the weak one who can't even muster a personality. Stay STRONG!

Just a side note*

After I went NC for good with my bada, he tried 'covert' methods to

reel me back in. I didn't fall for it, pat on the back for me. This

might include calling out of the blue to " wish you a happy

birthday! " or otherwise FAKE concern or kindness.... remember it's

NOT REAL! Also your sis might try bullying you or triangulating

through other family members. If they're sick too they will go along

with it. DON'T GET SUCKED IN.. remember it's NOT REAL. If she

bothers you again, say this.

" I see right through you and you're not that great. "

and then get out of the situation fast. Let her souless personality

ruminate on that one! It'll drive her nuts, you just go along your

merry-little-life with your wonderful husband be guilt-free and

happy.

> > >

> > > I've been NC for quite a while now & each month reveals

something

> > new.

> > > The holidays are the designated time to pressure & guilt me

for

> > being NC.

> > >

> > > Lately I've come to realize that I've been dealing with a

double

> > whammy:

> > >

> > > •(BPD nada) + (Narcissistic/Control freak fada)

> > > •(BPD-ish sister) + (Narcissistic bil)

> > >

> > > My husband & I are both Nons & together have allowed ourselves

to

> > be

> > > pushed around all over this planet--literally! NC was our

first

> > show

> > > of strength. Things have gotten better & better for us as the

NC

> > > months have ticked by.

> > >

> > > I've been in denial about my sister being BPD-ish, even though

I've

> > > had a long history of nightmares, where I'm screaming at her!

Not

> > to

> > > mention some really outrageous boundary issues. (For instance,

I

> > once

> > > spent some time alone in Paris. My sister called her French

friends

> > > (whom I barely knew & didn't care for) & arranged for me to

see

> > them

> > > without consulting me, and was then furious when I didn't do

what

> > she

> > > wanted.) I always felt like my nada's/sister's little puppet.

My

> > fada

> > > defends my nada & is bonded with my sister. There is no one in

my

> > > family for me to " reason " with. For me, going NC, has

literally

> > meant

> > > losing my whole family. My sister was always the wild card. I

> > always

> > > had hope. I wanted a happy sibling relationship.

> > >

> > > But as the months go by, I realize that I'm better off being

LC

> > with

> > > my sister...sad but true.

> > >

> > > My sister spent Oct-Dec actively trying to pull me back into

the

> > > family madness. She has become my fada's mouthpiece--calling

me a

> > > mooch, selfish, weak, & helpless. She spent a night over & I

found

> > her

> > > examining things on my shelf & commenting on their

value... " Wow,

> > this

> > > is expensive, etc " ...it made me feel weird & uncomfortable.) I

> > > mistakenly thought I could trust her (even though she has

proven

> > > herself to me to be completely untrustworthy--again & again).

> > Denial

> > > runs so deep. I'm angry at myself for allowing my sister to

ruin my

> > > autumn with her constant hounding. I didn't set limits. I

found

> > myself

> > > saying " NO " a hundred times to deaf ears...it was exhausting &

> > stupid.

> > >

> > > Does anyone have any advice/experiences for dealing with high-

> > control

> > > misguided, BPD-ish older siblings besides LC/NC?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Your bada does sound similar. Birth order & BPD make for extreme

versions of normal family hierarchy. I hate being 'the little one' who

always gets pushed around; has to be the mirror & audience; & has to

jump when told...esp. when the orders are coming from damaged brains!

I DO think that we are the secret strong ones & they hate us for it.

I think my sister falls within both Narcissist & BPD. She definitely

enjoys putting me down and/or trying to control me. It's a habit. I

think she doesn't ALWAYS know she's doing it. Nonetheless, I'm so used

to being treated like crap that I barely recognize better. That's the

one thing I'm sometimes afraid of. Sometimes I fear that I'll succeed

in pushing ALL the family 'crazies' away, and then I'll be completely

alone. All the bad will be gone and there will be nothing to fill in

the void. Then again, my husband is a truly great person & I actually

LIKE being alone.

Thanks for all your comments. I really appreciate what you wrote. It's

helping me to sort this all out. I need to face the reality of what my

sister means to me and stop living in denial.

My nada was so evil that I used to look to my sister for love...it

ain't going to happen.

> > > >

> > > > I've been NC for quite a while now & each month reveals

> something

> > > new.

> > > > The holidays are the designated time to pressure & guilt me

> for

> > > being NC.

> > > >

> > > > Lately I've come to realize that I've been dealing with a

> double

> > > whammy:

> > > >

> > > > •(BPD nada) + (Narcissistic/Control freak fada)

> > > > •(BPD-ish sister) + (Narcissistic bil)

> > > >

> > > > My husband & I are both Nons & together have allowed ourselves

> to

> > > be

> > > > pushed around all over this planet--literally! NC was our

> first

> > > show

> > > > of strength. Things have gotten better & better for us as the

> NC

> > > > months have ticked by.

> > > >

> > > > I've been in denial about my sister being BPD-ish, even though

> I've

> > > > had a long history of nightmares, where I'm screaming at her!

> Not

> > > to

> > > > mention some really outrageous boundary issues. (For instance,

> I

> > > once

> > > > spent some time alone in Paris. My sister called her French

> friends

> > > > (whom I barely knew & didn't care for) & arranged for me to

> see

> > > them

> > > > without consulting me, and was then furious when I didn't do

> what

> > > she

> > > > wanted.) I always felt like my nada's/sister's little puppet.

> My

> > > fada

> > > > defends my nada & is bonded with my sister. There is no one in

> my

> > > > family for me to " reason " with. For me, going NC, has

> literally

> > > meant

> > > > losing my whole family. My sister was always the wild card. I

> > > always

> > > > had hope. I wanted a happy sibling relationship.

> > > >

> > > > But as the months go by, I realize that I'm better off being

> LC

> > > with

> > > > my sister...sad but true.

> > > >

> > > > My sister spent Oct-Dec actively trying to pull me back into

> the

> > > > family madness. She has become my fada's mouthpiece--calling

> me a

> > > > mooch, selfish, weak, & helpless. She spent a night over & I

> found

> > > her

> > > > examining things on my shelf & commenting on their

> value... " Wow,

> > > this

> > > > is expensive, etc " ...it made me feel weird & uncomfortable.) I

> > > > mistakenly thought I could trust her (even though she has

> proven

> > > > herself to me to be completely untrustworthy--again & again).

> > > Denial

> > > > runs so deep. I'm angry at myself for allowing my sister to

> ruin my

> > > > autumn with her constant hounding. I didn't set limits. I

> found

> > > myself

> > > > saying " NO " a hundred times to deaf ears...it was exhausting &

> > > stupid.

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone have any advice/experiences for dealing with high-

> > > control

> > > > misguided, BPD-ish older siblings besides LC/NC?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

So, you let go of EVERYONE in your family?

> >

> > I've been NC for quite a while now & each month reveals something

> new.

> > The holidays are the designated time to pressure & guilt me for

> being NC.

> >

> > Lately I've come to realize that I've been dealing with a double

> whammy:

> >

> > •(BPD nada) + (Narcissistic/Control freak fada)

> > •(BPD-ish sister) + (Narcissistic bil)

> >

> > My husband & I are both Nons & together have allowed ourselves to

> be

> > pushed around all over this planet--literally! NC was our first

> show

> > of strength. Things have gotten better & better for us as the NC

> > months have ticked by.

> >

> > I've been in denial about my sister being BPD-ish, even though I've

> > had a long history of nightmares, where I'm screaming at her! Not

> to

> > mention some really outrageous boundary issues. (For instance, I

> once

> > spent some time alone in Paris. My sister called her French friends

> > (whom I barely knew & didn't care for) & arranged for me to see

> them

> > without consulting me, and was then furious when I didn't do what

> she

> > wanted.) I always felt like my nada's/sister's little puppet. My

> fada

> > defends my nada & is bonded with my sister. There is no one in my

> > family for me to " reason " with. For me, going NC, has literally

> meant

> > losing my whole family. My sister was always the wild card. I

> always

> > had hope. I wanted a happy sibling relationship.

> >

> > But as the months go by, I realize that I'm better off being LC

> with

> > my sister...sad but true.

> >

> > My sister spent Oct-Dec actively trying to pull me back into the

> > family madness. She has become my fada's mouthpiece--calling me a

> > mooch, selfish, weak, & helpless. She spent a night over & I found

> her

> > examining things on my shelf & commenting on their value... " Wow,

> this

> > is expensive, etc " ...it made me feel weird & uncomfortable.) I

> > mistakenly thought I could trust her (even though she has proven

> > herself to me to be completely untrustworthy--again & again).

> Denial

> > runs so deep. I'm angry at myself for allowing my sister to ruin my

> > autumn with her constant hounding. I didn't set limits. I found

> myself

> > saying " NO " a hundred times to deaf ears...it was exhausting &

> stupid.

> >

> > Does anyone have any advice/experiences for dealing with high-

> control

> > misguided, BPD-ish older siblings besides LC/NC?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Not everyone. I went NC with that bada obviously. I have LC with

nada, she is a waify type so with strong boundaries I manage a

limited relationship with her. (Father has been gone since a young

age, not sure where he even lives but that was his choice). The

other, eldest brother is a dependent personality and also has

abusive streaks to him. I have LC with him.. very LC. I won't even

see any of them this Christmas.... and I couldn't be happier about

it. The extended family on maternal side is mostly deceased or

overseas. The paternal extended family has rampant mental

disorder/alcoholism so they're mostly all estranged from one

another. Reminds me of the Brady Bunch.. NOT! Lol

It happened one by one.. as I realized that I was tired of being

treated like garbage by each and every one of them. I am also the

youngest and only female sibling. It's like all the bullies pick on

the youngest b/c you can't defend yourself as a child... that

carried over into adulthood. The truth is that we CAN defend

ourselves, and SHOULD. I dont' WANT to be near these pseudo-people.

I had to assess each relatioship individually and go from there. It

was difficult, and I greived a lot after.. but I am better off for

it. The self esteem has come back and I feel like myself again.

Abuse- free

> > >

> > > I've been NC for quite a while now & each month reveals

something

> > new.

> > > The holidays are the designated time to pressure & guilt me

for

> > being NC.

> > >

> > > Lately I've come to realize that I've been dealing with a

double

> > whammy:

> > >

> > > •(BPD nada) + (Narcissistic/Control freak fada)

> > > •(BPD-ish sister) + (Narcissistic bil)

> > >

> > > My husband & I are both Nons & together have allowed ourselves

to

> > be

> > > pushed around all over this planet--literally! NC was our

first

> > show

> > > of strength. Things have gotten better & better for us as the

NC

> > > months have ticked by.

> > >

> > > I've been in denial about my sister being BPD-ish, even though

I've

> > > had a long history of nightmares, where I'm screaming at her!

Not

> > to

> > > mention some really outrageous boundary issues. (For instance,

I

> > once

> > > spent some time alone in Paris. My sister called her French

friends

> > > (whom I barely knew & didn't care for) & arranged for me to

see

> > them

> > > without consulting me, and was then furious when I didn't do

what

> > she

> > > wanted.) I always felt like my nada's/sister's little puppet.

My

> > fada

> > > defends my nada & is bonded with my sister. There is no one in

my

> > > family for me to " reason " with. For me, going NC, has

literally

> > meant

> > > losing my whole family. My sister was always the wild card. I

> > always

> > > had hope. I wanted a happy sibling relationship.

> > >

> > > But as the months go by, I realize that I'm better off being

LC

> > with

> > > my sister...sad but true.

> > >

> > > My sister spent Oct-Dec actively trying to pull me back into

the

> > > family madness. She has become my fada's mouthpiece--calling

me a

> > > mooch, selfish, weak, & helpless. She spent a night over & I

found

> > her

> > > examining things on my shelf & commenting on their

value... " Wow,

> > this

> > > is expensive, etc " ...it made me feel weird & uncomfortable.) I

> > > mistakenly thought I could trust her (even though she has

proven

> > > herself to me to be completely untrustworthy--again & again).

> > Denial

> > > runs so deep. I'm angry at myself for allowing my sister to

ruin my

> > > autumn with her constant hounding. I didn't set limits. I

found

> > myself

> > > saying " NO " a hundred times to deaf ears...it was exhausting &

> > stupid.

> > >

> > > Does anyone have any advice/experiences for dealing with high-

> > control

> > > misguided, BPD-ish older siblings besides LC/NC?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That makes perfect sense...there's no 'one size fits all' solution.

With me, I'm fairly surrounded by dysfunction. I 'may' be able to

stay LC with my sister, but it will be important for me to remain

constantly vigilant. She does not have my best interest at heart, &

most likely never will.

My family behaves like a pack of schoolyard bullies and in keeping

with that, they can NOT believe that the little peepsqueek is

actually standing up for herself! What shocking audacity! That part

of this whole situation is kind of amusing. I feel like Mighty

Mouse... & Goliath... Simpson...

Here's to the secretly strong!

> > > >

> > > > I've been NC for quite a while now & each month reveals

> something

> > > new.

> > > > The holidays are the designated time to pressure & guilt me

> for

> > > being NC.

> > > >

> > > > Lately I've come to realize that I've been dealing with a

> double

> > > whammy:

> > > >

> > > > •(BPD nada) + (Narcissistic/Control freak fada)

> > > > •(BPD-ish sister) + (Narcissistic bil)

> > > >

> > > > My husband & I are both Nons & together have allowed

ourselves

> to

> > > be

> > > > pushed around all over this planet--literally! NC was our

> first

> > > show

> > > > of strength. Things have gotten better & better for us as the

> NC

> > > > months have ticked by.

> > > >

> > > > I've been in denial about my sister being BPD-ish, even

though

> I've

> > > > had a long history of nightmares, where I'm screaming at her!

> Not

> > > to

> > > > mention some really outrageous boundary issues. (For

instance,

> I

> > > once

> > > > spent some time alone in Paris. My sister called her French

> friends

> > > > (whom I barely knew & didn't care for) & arranged for me to

> see

> > > them

> > > > without consulting me, and was then furious when I didn't do

> what

> > > she

> > > > wanted.) I always felt like my nada's/sister's little puppet.

> My

> > > fada

> > > > defends my nada & is bonded with my sister. There is no one

in

> my

> > > > family for me to " reason " with. For me, going NC, has

> literally

> > > meant

> > > > losing my whole family. My sister was always the wild card. I

> > > always

> > > > had hope. I wanted a happy sibling relationship.

> > > >

> > > > But as the months go by, I realize that I'm better off being

> LC

> > > with

> > > > my sister...sad but true.

> > > >

> > > > My sister spent Oct-Dec actively trying to pull me back into

> the

> > > > family madness. She has become my fada's mouthpiece--calling

> me a

> > > > mooch, selfish, weak, & helpless. She spent a night over & I

> found

> > > her

> > > > examining things on my shelf & commenting on their

> value... " Wow,

> > > this

> > > > is expensive, etc " ...it made me feel weird & uncomfortable.) I

> > > > mistakenly thought I could trust her (even though she has

> proven

> > > > herself to me to be completely untrustworthy--again & again).

> > > Denial

> > > > runs so deep. I'm angry at myself for allowing my sister to

> ruin my

> > > > autumn with her constant hounding. I didn't set limits. I

> found

> > > myself

> > > > saying " NO " a hundred times to deaf ears...it was exhausting

&

> > > stupid.

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone have any advice/experiences for dealing with high-

> > > control

> > > > misguided, BPD-ish older siblings besides LC/NC?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Once on vacation in the lovely south seas (of all places!), I dreamed

each night about my nada & sister--I was shouting, crying, yelling,

screaming at them...I woke up exhausted every morning. This was the

prelude to my finally taking action. I think my subconscious was

drowning in anger.

Dreams have been a good indicator for me over the years. I always

knew that my nada disrespected my fada...I had a dream when I was a

little kid that a pack of women were throwing rocks at him.

> >

> > I've been NC for quite a while now & each month reveals something

> new.

> > The holidays are the designated time to pressure & guilt me for

> being NC.

> >

> > Lately I've come to realize that I've been dealing with a double

> whammy:

> >

> > •(BPD nada) + (Narcissistic/Control freak fada)

> > •(BPD-ish sister) + (Narcissistic bil)

> >

> > My husband & I are both Nons & together have allowed ourselves to

be

> > pushed around all over this planet--literally! NC was our first

show

> > of strength. Things have gotten better & better for us as the NC

> > months have ticked by.

> >

> > I've been in denial about my sister being BPD-ish, even though

I've

> > had a long history of nightmares, where I'm screaming at her! Not

to

> > mention some really outrageous boundary issues. (For instance, I

> once

> > spent some time alone in Paris. My sister called her French

friends

> > (whom I barely knew & didn't care for) & arranged for me to see

them

> > without consulting me, and was then furious when I didn't do what

> she

> > wanted.) I always felt like my nada's/sister's little puppet. My

> fada

> > defends my nada & is bonded with my sister. There is no one in my

> > family for me to " reason " with. For me, going NC, has literally

> meant

> > losing my whole family. My sister was always the wild card. I

always

> > had hope. I wanted a happy sibling relationship.

> >

> > But as the months go by, I realize that I'm better off being LC

with

> > my sister...sad but true.

> >

> > My sister spent Oct-Dec actively trying to pull me back into the

> > family madness. She has become my fada's mouthpiece--calling me a

> > mooch, selfish, weak, & helpless. She spent a night over & I

found

> her

> > examining things on my shelf & commenting on their value... " Wow,

> this

> > is expensive, etc " ...it made me feel weird & uncomfortable.) I

> > mistakenly thought I could trust her (even though she has proven

> > herself to me to be completely untrustworthy--again & again).

Denial

> > runs so deep. I'm angry at myself for allowing my sister to ruin

my

> > autumn with her constant hounding. I didn't set limits. I found

> myself

> > saying " NO " a hundred times to deaf ears...it was exhausting &

> stupid.

> >

> > Does anyone have any advice/experiences for dealing with high-

> control

> > misguided, BPD-ish older siblings besides LC/NC?

> >

>