Little Sister In Borderland

December 16, 2008

I've been NC for quite a while now & each month reveals something new.

The holidays are the designated time to pressure & guilt me for being NC.

Lately I've come to realize that I've been dealing with a double whammy:

•(BPD nada) + (Narcissistic/Control freak fada)

•(BPD-ish sister) + (Narcissistic bil)

My husband & I are both Nons & together have allowed ourselves to be

pushed around all over this planet--literally! NC was our first show

of strength. Things have gotten better & better for us as the NC

months have ticked by.

I've been in denial about my sister being BPD-ish, even though I've

had a long history of nightmares, where I'm screaming at her! Not to

mention some really outrageous boundary issues. (For instance, I once

spent some time alone in Paris. My sister called her French friends

(whom I barely knew & didn't care for) & arranged for me to see them

without consulting me, and was then furious when I didn't do what she

wanted.) I always felt like my nada's/sister's little puppet. My fada

defends my nada & is bonded with my sister. There is no one in my

family for me to " reason " with. For me, going NC, has literally meant

losing my whole family. My sister was always the wild card. I always

had hope. I wanted a happy sibling relationship.

But as the months go by, I realize that I'm better off being LC with

my sister...sad but true.

My sister spent Oct-Dec actively trying to pull me back into the

family madness. She has become my fada's mouthpiece--calling me a

mooch, selfish, weak, & helpless. She spent a night over & I found her

examining things on my shelf & commenting on their value... " Wow, this

is expensive, etc " ...it made me feel weird & uncomfortable.) I

mistakenly thought I could trust her (even though she has proven

herself to me to be completely untrustworthy--again & again). Denial

runs so deep. I'm angry at myself for allowing my sister to ruin my

autumn with her constant hounding. I didn't set limits. I found myself

saying " NO " a hundred times to deaf ears...it was exhausting & stupid.

Does anyone have any advice/experiences for dealing with high-control

misguided, BPD-ish older siblings besides LC/NC?

Recommended Posts