Guest guest Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 First, I'd like to say I'm so thankful to have found this group! I've been a member for a couple of weeks, and until today, mostly lurking. I appreciate all that is said here and now find myself in the midst of my own personal crisis and so am reaching out for input from others who understand. Thank you in advance for your feedback! I am the daughter of a BP mom who is still married to my fada. I recently got married after 5 years of engagement. When we were first engaged, we went to my parents and told them of our plans and they reacted horribly, with unreasonable, narcissistic demands. And they " love " my husband. Ridiculous. And also typical of my borderline family system. We chose to get married this year, without our families present because that was the only way we could have a ceremony the way we wanted it to be without interference and drama. (My husband's mother is an alcoholic.) As I'm sure you can all imagine the initial conversation with my nada letting her know about our marriage was difficult and painful. I set some limits and ended the conversation quickly. Then we didn't speak for about 3 weeks, when she started sending emails and leaving voicemails like nothing had transpired. She's thrilled to be coming to visit us (even though she has never really been invited) for the holidays. After much deliberation and struggling with my guilty feelings, I sent her an email and told her that we were not up for guests over the holidays. Her voicemails became more and more frantic, with the most recent one saying she's going into the hospital tomorrow. I broke down and called her to find out what's going on. She's having a procedure to remove a tumor on her esophagus. And she can't wait to get here because she and my fada " just need a hug, " since they're going through such difficult times now. I know this is her m.o. I'm playing into her hand. And still, I can't help but feel like I'd really be the selfish, heartless, bad daughter if I choose me over her, if I stick to my guns. I don't even really know how to do that at this point. What do you say when nothing will get through and when everything makes you feel like you're doing the wrong thing? Thanks again for all of the love and the support cycling through this community. I finally feel like I'm not so alone in all of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.