Re: nada living through me

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry that you appear to be stuck in the same circle of

thought, going around it and around it and around it, like a little

hamster in a wheel, running hard but never getting anywhere. You keep

re-discovering your core issue (your foo is insane and abusive) but

you keep repeating your conditioned response (help nada!) and then you

are upset and unhappy.

We can offer you support and encouragement here, but in my opinion

only a trained psychologist/psychiatrist who specializes in

personality disorders can help you work through this sticky phase of

your development. I hope you will try that avenue, your family is

extremely abusive and causing you a lot of distress. Life is too short

to go through it being miserable.

-Annie

>

> Hi everyone

>

> This morning I realised that nada was always trying to live through

> me and how that has affected me. How it was almost like she brought

> me to doctors for me to be examined to find out what was wrong with

> her. I wonder has anyone else had that experience?

>

> Another thing that disturbed me this morning was realising that all

> my life Ive been searching for a solution to my issues which were as

> a result of the abuse from my nada and npdfather - and my nada

> comsumed with wanting to know everything about this, as if she was

> looking for help through me - but wanting to convince herself I had

> the problem and not her. And if it appeared otherwise Id be 'made'

> believe again it was me that had the problem.

>

> Another thing that hit me this morning when I woke up (after reading

> from your posts last night on archives)was that I am consumed with

> trying to find ways to help my nada who has cancer at the moment -

> she is using me to find out all this stuff - and no way will do

> anything for herself, then she just uses that to abuse me by

> degrading me or mocking me for quackery.

>

> Im wondering if any of you have heard of taking adrenal glandular

> supplements for adrenal insufficiency as a result of trama - they

> help the adrenals heal. I think my nada would beneift from these

> alot - almost ptsd ontop of her normal stuff. But I had strange

> thoughts this morning that it would be a battle to convince her of

> their benefit, that she'd just use the episode to hurt me, and then I

> got thoughts that I dont want really to help her be more comfortable

> or to prolong her life - and they really hit me hard - I felt

> dreadful and conflicted. Knowing she is mentally ill and then

> feeling conflicted thoughts of loving her and hating her.

>

> Phew

> Grace

>

[Guest guest]

" How it was almost like she brought me to doctors...to find out what

was wrong with her. "

This is a VERY interesting perspective on the disorder - I had one of

those momentary " now I get her " moments! I have ABSOLUTELY been

influenced by her attempts to live through me, especially career

wise. She pushed her ideals of success down my throat constantly,

and arguing was futile.

Stepnada:

" You need to be a lawyer. "

" If you don't quit that worthless job, you need to pay me back all

that money we spent on your college education. "

" You need to get a PhD. "

" I'll disown you if you go into teaching. " (yet she herself is a

teacher)

" You need to get an A. "

" You need to go into sales to make lots of money. "

" You need to marry a wealthy, educated man. Hopefully a doctor or a

lawyer. "

" You need to find some friends and socialize (yet when I would do so,

she would eventually freak out and accuse me of not loving her).

And always with that " you NEED to " ...

Now I wonder - how many of these demands were things she feels she

should have done?! Cuz none of them were ME, that's for sure!!!

Married an artist, chose to concentrate my spare time on writing, and

just got into in a school district program that will prepare me to

teach. It has taken me a long time to realize that the direction she

was trying to point me wasn't what I wanted. Now I do what makes ME

happy.

>

> Hi everyone

>

> This morning I realised that nada was always trying to live through

> me and how that has affected me. How it was almost like she

brought

> me to doctors for me to be examined to find out what was wrong with

> her. I wonder has anyone else had that experience?

>

> Another thing that disturbed me this morning was realising that all

> my life Ive been searching for a solution to my issues which were

as

> a result of the abuse from my nada and npdfather - and my nada

> comsumed with wanting to know everything about this, as if she was

> looking for help through me - but wanting to convince herself I had

> the problem and not her. And if it appeared otherwise Id be 'made'

> believe again it was me that had the problem.

>

> Another thing that hit me this morning when I woke up (after

reading

> from your posts last night on archives)was that I am consumed with

> trying to find ways to help my nada who has cancer at the moment -

> she is using me to find out all this stuff - and no way will do

> anything for herself, then she just uses that to abuse me by

> degrading me or mocking me for quackery.

>

> Im wondering if any of you have heard of taking adrenal glandular

> supplements for adrenal insufficiency as a result of trama - they

> help the adrenals heal. I think my nada would beneift from these

> alot - almost ptsd ontop of her normal stuff. But I had strange

> thoughts this morning that it would be a battle to convince her of

> their benefit, that she'd just use the episode to hurt me, and then

I

> got thoughts that I dont want really to help her be more

comfortable

> or to prolong her life - and they really hit me hard - I felt

> dreadful and conflicted. Knowing she is mentally ill and then

> feeling conflicted thoughts of loving her and hating her.

>

> Phew

> Grace

>