Re: I keep getting told to just make up with nada

[Guest guest]

Clearly they want you to make up with her for THEM, not you. If it

was about you - who would throw you back into the fire? Why would

they ask for you to volunteer for this kind of treatment?!?!

I think you are doing what you need to do for you.... and that is great!

> I had a fight with my nada in June and haven't spoken to her since

> (minus a couple emails back and forth- her accusations and my reply

> to them). The argument also involved my father but he and I made up

> last month. Since then, he has been encouraging me to call nada and

> make-up with her. The last emails her and I exchanged were her

> nasty accusations blaming everything on me and saying nasty things

> about my husband. I put my foot down on my reply and set forth some

> rules on what I would no longer tolerate and have not heard back

> from her since (mid-September). I sent her a birthday card and some

> pictures of her grandson on her birthday and did not get any reply.

> The other day my uncle (her brother) called me about Thanksgiving

> and also tried to encourage me to make up with her. Everyone keeps

> telling me just to forget the incident and that she's set in her

> ways and not going to change. I'm sick of people telling me that I

> need to be the mature one and reach out to her and make ammends,

> isn't that supposed to be the parent's job? I have so much going on

> in my life right now that it's actually a relief not to have to deal

> with her on top of it. I know people think families should be

> together for the holidays but I'm so sick of being told to be the

> mature one in this. No real question here (just venting), I'm just

> super stressed this week and my uncle's call was the icing on the

> cake.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you for standing firm with her. What I tell people whose

extended families keep trying to pressure them like yours is: Set

boundaries with them, too.

" Gee, thanks for your concern, Uncle, but this is between Mother and

me. I would appreciate it if you did not tell me what to do in my

relationship with her. "

kt

> > I had a fight with my nada in June and haven't spoken to her since

> > (minus a couple emails back and forth- her accusations and my

reply

> > to them). The argument also involved my father but he and I made

up

> > last month. Since then, he has been encouraging me to call nada

and

> > make-up with her. The last emails her and I exchanged were her

> > nasty accusations blaming everything on me and saying nasty things

> > about my husband. I put my foot down on my reply and set forth

some

> > rules on what I would no longer tolerate and have not heard back

> > from her since (mid-September). I sent her a birthday card and

some

> > pictures of her grandson on her birthday and did not get any

reply.

> > The other day my uncle (her brother) called me about Thanksgiving

> > and also tried to encourage me to make up with her. Everyone keeps

> > telling me just to forget the incident and that she's set in her

> > ways and not going to change. I'm sick of people telling me that I

> > need to be the mature one and reach out to her and make ammends,

> > isn't that supposed to be the parent's job? I have so much going

on

> > in my life right now that it's actually a relief not to have to

deal

> > with her on top of it. I know people think families should be

> > together for the holidays but I'm so sick of being told to be the

> > mature one in this. No real question here (just venting), I'm just

> > super stressed this week and my uncle's call was the icing on the

> > cake.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm NC. My sister spent the last four weeks pressuring me to go to her

Thanksgiving dinner; see my nada/fada; and make ammends. My sister

clearly wants me back in the family for selfish reasons:

(1)To take the pressure off of her

(2)To be the hero--'poor widdle fada's sad & I'll save the day by

bringing the family together.'

I said, " No " ! My sister is a little BPD herself sometimes, so I had to

say " No " about 1000 times. Exhausting, but it worked.

> > > I had a fight with my nada in June and haven't spoken to her since

> > > (minus a couple emails back and forth- her accusations and my

> reply

> > > to them). The argument also involved my father but he and I made

> up

> > > last month. Since then, he has been encouraging me to call nada

> and

> > > make-up with her. The last emails her and I exchanged were her

> > > nasty accusations blaming everything on me and saying nasty things

> > > about my husband. I put my foot down on my reply and set forth

> some

> > > rules on what I would no longer tolerate and have not heard back

> > > from her since (mid-September). I sent her a birthday card and

> some

> > > pictures of her grandson on her birthday and did not get any

> reply.

> > > The other day my uncle (her brother) called me about Thanksgiving

> > > and also tried to encourage me to make up with her. Everyone keeps

> > > telling me just to forget the incident and that she's set in her

> > > ways and not going to change. I'm sick of people telling me that I

> > > need to be the mature one and reach out to her and make ammends,

> > > isn't that supposed to be the parent's job? I have so much going

> on

> > > in my life right now that it's actually a relief not to have to

> deal

> > > with her on top of it. I know people think families should be

> > > together for the holidays but I'm so sick of being told to be the

> > > mature one in this. No real question here (just venting), I'm just

> > > super stressed this week and my uncle's call was the icing on the

> > > cake.

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Your story sounds just like mine.  Thank you for venting, it helps me realize

that I am not the only one out there in a similar situation.  Doesn't it feel

like a RELIEF to be out of their lives for awhile??  This week I am going to

focus on my husband and kids, and not let my mind wander to my bpd mom. 

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 2:36:52 PM

Subject: I keep getting told to just make up with nada

I had a fight with my nada in June and haven't spoken to her since

(minus a couple emails back and forth- her accusations and my reply

to them). The argument also involved my father but he and I made up

last month. Since then, he has been encouraging me to call nada and

make-up with her. The last emails her and I exchanged were her

nasty accusations blaming everything on me and saying nasty things

about my husband. I put my foot down on my reply and set forth some

rules on what I would no longer tolerate and have not heard back

from her since (mid-September) . I sent her a birthday card and some

pictures of her grandson on her birthday and did not get any reply.

The other day my uncle (her brother) called me about Thanksgiving

and also tried to encourage me to make up with her. Everyone keeps

telling me just to forget the incident and that she's set in her

ways and not going to change. I'm sick of people telling me that I

need to be the mature one and reach out to her and make ammends,

isn't that supposed to be the parent's job? I have so much going on

in my life right now that it's actually a relief not to have to deal

with her on top of it. I know people think families should be

together for the holidays but I'm so sick of being told to be the

mature one in this. No real question here (just venting), I'm just

super stressed this week and my uncle's call was the icing on the

cake.