Guest guest Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 I'd say your sister definitely has co-dependency issues. It's interesting also that she was split white. My eldest brother was also split white and he grew up to have Dependent Personality traits (if not the full personality disorder- diagnosis by proxy via my therapist.) Anyone else out there have split white siblings turn co- dependent/dependent? Do you have other siblings Charlotte? I have another brother who was second-eldest and split black. He grew up to be Narcisisst.. to a severe degree. The split white KO's often have very close relationships with the BPD parent I think... so close that it's almost creepy. I remember my nada hanging on EVERY word her golden child said and vice versa. I feel empathy for your sister though. And my brothers too, from the sidelines of course. A lot of split children never really had a chance did they? It's like a miracle if one is able to break-free of those shackles and see their FO for what it really is. > > Dear all, Last night I had a dream that my sister was a 'real' person after all. She was split > white--extremely white, literally crowned with jewels--and, me being necessarily black, > she was not allowed to have any sort of relationship with me. Forbidden by nada. I have > assumed for some time that she herself is borderline or histrionic- -but in my gut I don't > get the creepy crawlies from her that I do from both my parents. I am wondering, could > she be co-dependent instead? > > She has NEVER been out of a relationship, ever. I have never known her to be without the > attentions of a man, in that capacity, for even 24 hours time. And the men are always > abusive. She has also made it completely clear since childhood that no negative > statements about nada will be tolerated or believed, and that anything I say, anything, will > be relayed back to nada. She also always plays along with anything nada does as far as > characterizing me and worship/villifying me... But I am thinking now that she has been > very sweet about 'rescuing' me several times in the past, and that she's really quite angelic > when I've been willing to cast myself in sortof a helpless role (needing a ride somewhere, > etc.) Maybe she is co-dependent. Do any of you have co-dependent split whites that > have faced it and got treatment? Do these symptoms sound co- dependent to any of you? > > It would be so nice is this is what she is, because I would love to have a sister who is not > cluster B. If nada EVER dies (which actually suspect *I* will die before nada does; it seems > like bpds are the energizer bunnies of humanity)....anyway if nada does ever die, I might > be able to actually have some kind of relationship with my sister, if she is co-dependent > instead of, say, narcissistic or histrionic. Maybe. > > Now this is an example also of how terrible counseling services can be. I know for a fact > she has been in therapy for many years, but no counselor has recognized her mother is > bat nuts, her father is npd or that she is co-dependent and needs treatment. I know this > because my sister is very smart, and if she had figured out bpd/npd she would have > talked to me about it. My sister is also very saavy about people psychologically, in a way > many co-dependents are. > > Sigh. > > Charlie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 My oldest brother was the golden child. He did well during high school but floundered once he left home for college, switching colleges at least twice before graduating. He was fired from one of his jobs a couple of years ago, apparently for something dishonest he did. Nada called me a few days later asking me to help find him a job at my workplace and ranting about how bro's former employer was really just out to get him. To " help " out, Nada and dad swapped houses with bro (parents house was much bigger) and now they're building a new house within 100 yards of his. He was the first to call me, even though I've never been close to him, after I cut off contact with nada. My other brother was the silver child. Same story as above through college, with a sprinkling of a few DUIs. Now he's residing quietly halfway across the continent with minimal contact with anyone. > > > > Dear all, Last night I had a dream that my sister was a 'real' > person after all. She was split > > white--extremely white, literally crowned with jewels--and, me > being necessarily black, > > she was not allowed to have any sort of relationship with me. > Forbidden by nada. I have > > assumed for some time that she herself is borderline or histrionic- > -but in my gut I don't > > get the creepy crawlies from her that I do from both my parents. > I am wondering, could > > she be co-dependent instead? > > > > She has NEVER been out of a relationship, ever. I have never > known her to be without the > > attentions of a man, in that capacity, for even 24 hours time. > And the men are always > > abusive. She has also made it completely clear since childhood > that no negative > > statements about nada will be tolerated or believed, and that > anything I say, anything, will > > be relayed back to nada. She also always plays along with > anything nada does as far as > > characterizing me and worship/villifying me... But I am thinking > now that she has been > > very sweet about 'rescuing' me several times in the past, and that > she's really quite angelic > > when I've been willing to cast myself in sortof a helpless role > (needing a ride somewhere, > > etc.) Maybe she is co-dependent. Do any of you have co- dependent > split whites that > > have faced it and got treatment? Do these symptoms sound co- > dependent to any of you? > > > > It would be so nice is this is what she is, because I would love > to have a sister who is not > > cluster B. If nada EVER dies (which actually suspect *I* will die > before nada does; it seems > > like bpds are the energizer bunnies of humanity)....anyway if nada > does ever die, I might > > be able to actually have some kind of relationship with my sister, > if she is co-dependent > > instead of, say, narcissistic or histrionic. Maybe. > > > > Now this is an example also of how terrible counseling services > can be. I know for a fact > > she has been in therapy for many years, but no counselor has > recognized her mother is > > bat nuts, her father is npd or that she is co-dependent and needs > treatment. I know this > > because my sister is very smart, and if she had figured out > bpd/npd she would have > > talked to me about it. My sister is also very saavy about people > psychologically, in a way > > many co-dependents are. > > > > Sigh. > > > > Charlie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 I was the golden child when I was younger. At least, that was what my nada wanted me to be. She would tell my siblings (3, all younger) that I was her favorite. Now that I've gone NC, of course I'm now the worst person in the world. My brother is now the golden child. I don't see him ever changing. He will always be controlled by her. My sister will turn (if she hasn't already) into a mini version of nada. I'm already beginning to distance myself from her as well. I'm working on getting my youngest brother out. He's a very smart kid, and I think he has a very good chance of breaking free. I'm doing everything I can to get him to go away for college (he's 17 now). I started crying yesterday when I looked at brochure for a summer program for high school students at town University. It would be perfect for him, but I know nada will guilt trip him into staying. He can live in the dorms for a month, meet new people, and realize there is a world outside of nada. Otherwise, he'll probably go to the local university after college and live another 4 years with nada. -Rod > > > > Dear all, Last night I had a dream that my sister was a 'real' > person after all. She was split > > white--extremely white, literally crowned with jewels--and, me > being necessarily black, > > she was not allowed to have any sort of relationship with me. > Forbidden by nada. I have > > assumed for some time that she herself is borderline or histrionic- > -but in my gut I don't > > get the creepy crawlies from her that I do from both my parents. > I am wondering, could > > she be co-dependent instead? > > > > She has NEVER been out of a relationship, ever. I have never > known her to be without the > > attentions of a man, in that capacity, for even 24 hours time. > And the men are always > > abusive. She has also made it completely clear since childhood > that no negative > > statements about nada will be tolerated or believed, and that > anything I say, anything, will > > be relayed back to nada. She also always plays along with > anything nada does as far as > > characterizing me and worship/villifying me... But I am thinking > now that she has been > > very sweet about 'rescuing' me several times in the past, and that > she's really quite angelic > > when I've been willing to cast myself in sortof a helpless role > (needing a ride somewhere, > > etc.) Maybe she is co-dependent. Do any of you have co- dependent > split whites that > > have faced it and got treatment? Do these symptoms sound co- > dependent to any of you? > > > > It would be so nice is this is what she is, because I would love > to have a sister who is not > > cluster B. If nada EVER dies (which actually suspect *I* will die > before nada does; it seems > > like bpds are the energizer bunnies of humanity)....anyway if nada > does ever die, I might > > be able to actually have some kind of relationship with my sister, > if she is co-dependent > > instead of, say, narcissistic or histrionic. Maybe. > > > > Now this is an example also of how terrible counseling services > can be. I know for a fact > > she has been in therapy for many years, but no counselor has > recognized her mother is > > bat nuts, her father is npd or that she is co-dependent and needs > treatment. I know this > > because my sister is very smart, and if she had figured out > bpd/npd she would have > > talked to me about it. My sister is also very saavy about people > psychologically, in a way > > many co-dependents are. > > > > Sigh. > > > > Charlie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 I was split black and my younger sister split white. It was actually quite easy for me to be NC with nada because, heck, I am the " bad " child after all, and not expected to be there for nada. After I left home, though, my nada cycled my younger sister from the good child to the bad child back and forth. I think this may actually have helped my sister to be able to leave home and go to a college that was quite far away from nada. This was the best thing that could have happened to her. Now, many years later, my sister and I have finally become able to be close to one another and understand what nada did to us when we were children to force us apart. The current situation is that I am extremely lc with nada, but my sister is the one nada calls when she is " depressed. " She is able to create boundaries though, and can limit the contact when she needs to. When she tells nada she's had enough, nada calls or emails me. Anyway, the biggest thing that helped us, was being able to talk to each other about our experiences. now that we both know that we were raised by a bpd parent and basically an absentee father, we don't blame each other or ourselves for what happened when we were younger. I'm not saying everything is perfect and that we are living happily ever after, but we are dealing with it each day at a time. between leaving home and now, my sister did have issues with being in abusive relationships, but she has found someone who knows what she went through and does his best to understand (though he and his family just can't understand how a mother can behave as nada does.) I recommend communication with your siblings. Be as honest as possible. together, I believe you can be stronger and better able to get out of the clutches of an npd parent. I you can get any of them to leave home for any reason (college is an excellent method) I believe this will really help. My biggest issue now, and I believe that of my sister, is our fleas. They are the reason I have joined this group. I am hoping that I can learn how others are dealing with their fleas. I have many difficulties interacting socially with others. I am a perfectionist and extremely hard on myself. I have problems expressing emotions appropriately. I feel detached and perhaps unable to love. Please let me know how you all are dealing with these kinds of issues. To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: rodsir78@...: Tue, 9 Dec 2008 01:54:11 +0000 Subject: Re: co-dependent siblings I was the golden child when I was younger. At least, that was what my nada wanted me to be. She would tell my siblings (3, all younger) that I was her favorite. Now that I've gone NC, of course I'm now the worst person in the world. My brother is now the golden child. I don't see him ever changing. He will always be controlled by her.My sister will turn (if she hasn't already) into a mini version of nada. I'm already beginning to distance myself from her as well.I'm working on getting my youngest brother out. He's a very smart kid, and I think he has a very good chance of breaking free. I'm doing everything I can to get him to go away for college (he's 17 now). I started crying yesterday when I looked at brochure for a summer program for high school students at town University. It would be perfect for him, but I know nada will guilt trip him into staying. He can live in the dorms for a month, meet new people, and realize there is a world outside of nada. Otherwise, he'll probably go to the local university after college and live another 4 years with nada. -Rod--- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " hellfireblonde99 " wrote:>> I'd say your sister definitely has co-dependency issues. It's > interesting also that she was split white. My eldest brother was > also split white and he grew up to have Dependent Personality traits > (if not the full personality disorder- diagnosis by proxy via my > therapist.) Anyone else out there have split white siblings turn co-> dependent/dependent? Do you have other siblings Charlotte? I have > another brother who was second-eldest and split black. He grew up to > be Narcisisst.. to a severe degree. > > The split white KO's often have very close relationships with the > BPD parent I think... so close that it's almost creepy. I remember > my nada hanging on EVERY word her golden child said and vice versa. > > I feel empathy for your sister though. And my brothers too, from the > sidelines of course. A lot of split children never really had a > chance did they? It's like a miracle if one is able to break-free of > those shackles and see their FO for what it really is. > > > >> > Dear all, Last night I had a dream that my sister was a 'real' > person after all. She was split > > white--extremely white, literally crowned with jewels--and, me > being necessarily black, > > she was not allowed to have any sort of relationship with me. > Forbidden by nada. I have > > assumed for some time that she herself is borderline or histrionic-> -but in my gut I don't > > get the creepy crawlies from her that I do from both my parents. > I am wondering, could > > she be co-dependent instead? > > > > She has NEVER been out of a relationship, ever. I have never > known her to be without the > > attentions of a man, in that capacity, for even 24 hours time. > And the men are always > > abusive. She has also made it completely clear since childhood > that no negative > > statements about nada will be tolerated or believed, and that > anything I say, anything, will > > be relayed back to nada. She also always plays along with > anything nada does as far as > > characterizing me and worship/villifying me... But I am thinking > now that she has been > > very sweet about 'rescuing' me several times in the past, and that > she's really quite angelic > > when I've been willing to cast myself in sortof a helpless role > (needing a ride somewhere, > > etc.) Maybe she is co-dependent. Do any of you have co-dependent > split whites that > > have faced it and got treatment? Do these symptoms sound co-> dependent to any of you?> > > > It would be so nice is this is what she is, because I would love > to have a sister who is not > > cluster B. If nada EVER dies (which actually suspect *I* will die > before nada does; it seems > > like bpds are the energizer bunnies of humanity)....anyway if nada > does ever die, I might > > be able to actually have some kind of relationship with my sister, > if she is co-dependent > > instead of, say, narcissistic or histrionic. Maybe.> > > > Now this is an example also of how terrible counseling services > can be. I know for a fact > > she has been in therapy for many years, but no counselor has > recognized her mother is > > bat nuts, her father is npd or that she is co-dependent and needs > treatment. I know this > > because my sister is very smart, and if she had figured out > bpd/npd she would have > > talked to me about it. My sister is also very saavy about people > psychologically, in a way > > many co-dependents are. > > > > Sigh. > > > > Charlie> >> _________________________________________________________________ Send e-mail faster without improving your typing skills. http://windowslive.com/Explore/hotmail?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WL_hotmail_acq_speed_12200\ 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 i have a little sister who is 18 and this is her semester in college. my sister kind of lucked out, since all of her senior year, mom was threatening that she was going to leave town as soon as my sister graduated. this FREAKED out my dad's sister (aunt) and she decided that it would be best if my little sister lived with her daughter (my cousin) in an apartment, so my little sister moved out RIGHT after senior year was finished. i am SO glad she moved out. now i don't have to worry about mom controlling me by controlling how often i can see her. when my mom didn't move out of town, my aunt got SUPER PISSED! she was like, " your mom was LYING? the whole TIME!??! " we were all.........yeah......... bink > > > > > > Dear all, Last night I had a dream that my sister was a 'real' > > person after all. She was split > > > white--extremely white, literally crowned with jewels--and, me > > being necessarily black, > > > she was not allowed to have any sort of relationship with me. > > Forbidden by nada. I have > > > assumed for some time that she herself is borderline or > histrionic- > > -but in my gut I don't > > > get the creepy crawlies from her that I do from both my > parents. > > I am wondering, could > > > she be co-dependent instead? > > > > > > She has NEVER been out of a relationship, ever. I have never > > known her to be without the > > > attentions of a man, in that capacity, for even 24 hours time. > > And the men are always > > > abusive. She has also made it completely clear since childhood > > that no negative > > > statements about nada will be tolerated or believed, and that > > anything I say, anything, will > > > be relayed back to nada. She also always plays along with > > anything nada does as far as > > > characterizing me and worship/villifying me... But I am thinking > > now that she has been > > > very sweet about 'rescuing' me several times in the past, and > that > > she's really quite angelic > > > when I've been willing to cast myself in sortof a helpless role > > (needing a ride somewhere, > > > etc.) Maybe she is co-dependent. Do any of you have co- > dependent > > split whites that > > > have faced it and got treatment? Do these symptoms sound co- > > dependent to any of you? > > > > > > It would be so nice is this is what she is, because I would love > > to have a sister who is not > > > cluster B. If nada EVER dies (which actually suspect *I* will > die > > before nada does; it seems > > > like bpds are the energizer bunnies of humanity)....anyway if > nada > > does ever die, I might > > > be able to actually have some kind of relationship with my > sister, > > if she is co-dependent > > > instead of, say, narcissistic or histrionic. Maybe. > > > > > > Now this is an example also of how terrible counseling services > > can be. I know for a fact > > > she has been in therapy for many years, but no counselor has > > recognized her mother is > > > bat nuts, her father is npd or that she is co-dependent and > needs > > treatment. I know this > > > because my sister is very smart, and if she had figured out > > bpd/npd she would have > > > talked to me about it. My sister is also very saavy about > people > > psychologically, in a way > > > many co-dependents are. > > > > > > Sigh. > > > > > > Charlie > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 Makes you wonder how family can be so blind!!! Imagine that a person with BPD lying..... > > > > > > > > Dear all, Last night I had a dream that my sister was a 'real' > > > person after all. She was split > > > > white--extremely white, literally crowned with jewels--and, me > > > being necessarily black, > > > > she was not allowed to have any sort of relationship with me. > > > Forbidden by nada. I have > > > > assumed for some time that she herself is borderline or > > histrionic- > > > -but in my gut I don't > > > > get the creepy crawlies from her that I do from both my > > parents. > > > I am wondering, could > > > > she be co-dependent instead? > > > > > > > > She has NEVER been out of a relationship, ever. I have never > > > known her to be without the > > > > attentions of a man, in that capacity, for even 24 hours time. > > > And the men are always > > > > abusive. She has also made it completely clear since childhood > > > that no negative > > > > statements about nada will be tolerated or believed, and that > > > anything I say, anything, will > > > > be relayed back to nada. She also always plays along with > > > anything nada does as far as > > > > characterizing me and worship/villifying me... But I am > thinking > > > now that she has been > > > > very sweet about 'rescuing' me several times in the past, and > > that > > > she's really quite angelic > > > > when I've been willing to cast myself in sortof a helpless role > > > (needing a ride somewhere, > > > > etc.) Maybe she is co-dependent. Do any of you have co- > > dependent > > > split whites that > > > > have faced it and got treatment? Do these symptoms sound co- > > > dependent to any of you? > > > > > > > > It would be so nice is this is what she is, because I would > love > > > to have a sister who is not > > > > cluster B. If nada EVER dies (which actually suspect *I* will > > die > > > before nada does; it seems > > > > like bpds are the energizer bunnies of humanity)....anyway if > > nada > > > does ever die, I might > > > > be able to actually have some kind of relationship with my > > sister, > > > if she is co-dependent > > > > instead of, say, narcissistic or histrionic. Maybe. > > > > > > > > Now this is an example also of how terrible counseling services > > > can be. I know for a fact > > > > she has been in therapy for many years, but no counselor has > > > recognized her mother is > > > > bat nuts, her father is npd or that she is co-dependent and > > needs > > > treatment. I know this > > > > because my sister is very smart, and if she had figured out > > > bpd/npd she would have > > > > talked to me about it. My sister is also very saavy about > > people > > > psychologically, in a way > > > > many co-dependents are. > > > > > > > > Sigh. > > > > > > > > Charlie > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 to be fair, no one really knew how bad mom was until the youngest moved out. it was like, if you talked about it, she would find out and hold my baby sister over everyone's head. so my sisters and i kept a pretty tight lid on the situation. we weren't really trying to protect mom...more like protecting ourselves by not making it worse. bink > > > > > > > > > > Dear all, Last night I had a dream that my sister was a 'real' > > > > person after all. She was split > > > > > white--extremely white, literally crowned with jewels--and, me > > > > being necessarily black, > > > > > she was not allowed to have any sort of relationship with me. > > > > Forbidden by nada. I have > > > > > assumed for some time that she herself is borderline or > > > histrionic- > > > > -but in my gut I don't > > > > > get the creepy crawlies from her that I do from both my > > > parents. > > > > I am wondering, could > > > > > she be co-dependent instead? > > > > > > > > > > She has NEVER been out of a relationship, ever. I have never > > > > known her to be without the > > > > > attentions of a man, in that capacity, for even 24 hours time. > > > > And the men are always > > > > > abusive. She has also made it completely clear since childhood > > > > that no negative > > > > > statements about nada will be tolerated or believed, and that > > > > anything I say, anything, will > > > > > be relayed back to nada. She also always plays along with > > > > anything nada does as far as > > > > > characterizing me and worship/villifying me... But I am > > thinking > > > > now that she has been > > > > > very sweet about 'rescuing' me several times in the past, and > > > that > > > > she's really quite angelic > > > > > when I've been willing to cast myself in sortof a helpless role > > > > (needing a ride somewhere, > > > > > etc.) Maybe she is co-dependent. Do any of you have co- > > > dependent > > > > split whites that > > > > > have faced it and got treatment? Do these symptoms sound co- > > > > dependent to any of you? > > > > > > > > > > It would be so nice is this is what she is, because I would > > love > > > > to have a sister who is not > > > > > cluster B. If nada EVER dies (which actually suspect *I* will > > > die > > > > before nada does; it seems > > > > > like bpds are the energizer bunnies of humanity)....anyway if > > > nada > > > > does ever die, I might > > > > > be able to actually have some kind of relationship with my > > > sister, > > > > if she is co-dependent > > > > > instead of, say, narcissistic or histrionic. Maybe. > > > > > > > > > > Now this is an example also of how terrible counseling services > > > > can be. I know for a fact > > > > > she has been in therapy for many years, but no counselor has > > > > recognized her mother is > > > > > bat nuts, her father is npd or that she is co-dependent and > > > needs > > > > treatment. I know this > > > > > because my sister is very smart, and if she had figured out > > > > bpd/npd she would have > > > > > talked to me about it. My sister is also very saavy about > > > people > > > > psychologically, in a way > > > > > many co-dependents are. > > > > > > > > > > Sigh. > > > > > > > > > > Charlie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 I was split white all through my growing up until I got married. I have co-dependency issues. That's one main focus of my therapy sessions. My sister and I were just talking a little about this yesterday. She doesn't know about BPD, as far as I know, and I haven't brought it up. She did tell me that she is struggling with perfectionism. She said that she constantly has a little voice in her head telling her that she " should " do things or if she were a better wife/mom/teacher she would do x. I asked her where she thought this came from, and she said from how we grew up. She said that she never measured up to me, the split white. When I asked her how that message was transmitted, she said one overt way was through grades. Although my sister was salutatorian of her class, her grades were never good enough for my mom. Mom told her so. Sister also said that covertly she got the message that she wasn't good enough becuase mom and dad never attended her sporting events. This is weird to me because my mom and dad were at every one of my home games and many of my away games. At any rate, this is a long answer to say that while I became very co- dependent, my sister did not. > > > > > > Dear all, Last night I had a dream that my sister was a 'real' > > person after all. She was split > > > white--extremely white, literally crowned with jewels--and, me > > being necessarily black, > > > she was not allowed to have any sort of relationship with me. > > Forbidden by nada. I have > > > assumed for some time that she herself is borderline or > histrionic- > > -but in my gut I don't > > > get the creepy crawlies from her that I do from both my > parents. > > I am wondering, could > > > she be co-dependent instead? > > > > > > She has NEVER been out of a relationship, ever. I have never > > known her to be without the > > > attentions of a man, in that capacity, for even 24 hours time. > > And the men are always > > > abusive. She has also made it completely clear since childhood > > that no negative > > > statements about nada will be tolerated or believed, and that > > anything I say, anything, will > > > be relayed back to nada. She also always plays along with > > anything nada does as far as > > > characterizing me and worship/villifying me... But I am thinking > > now that she has been > > > very sweet about 'rescuing' me several times in the past, and > that > > she's really quite angelic > > > when I've been willing to cast myself in sortof a helpless role > > (needing a ride somewhere, > > > etc.) Maybe she is co-dependent. Do any of you have co- > dependent > > split whites that > > > have faced it and got treatment? Do these symptoms sound co- > > dependent to any of you? > > > > > > It would be so nice is this is what she is, because I would love > > to have a sister who is not > > > cluster B. If nada EVER dies (which actually suspect *I* will > die > > before nada does; it seems > > > like bpds are the energizer bunnies of humanity)....anyway if > nada > > does ever die, I might > > > be able to actually have some kind of relationship with my > sister, > > if she is co-dependent > > > instead of, say, narcissistic or histrionic. Maybe. > > > > > > Now this is an example also of how terrible counseling services > > can be. I know for a fact > > > she has been in therapy for many years, but no counselor has > > recognized her mother is > > > bat nuts, her father is npd or that she is co-dependent and > needs > > treatment. I know this > > > because my sister is very smart, and if she had figured out > > bpd/npd she would have > > > talked to me about it. My sister is also very saavy about > people > > psychologically, in a way > > > many co-dependents are. > > > > > > Sigh. > > > > > > Charlie > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 My 18 year old brother was/still is the golden child, even though he had various behavioral and academic problems growing up. He would steal things from me and my friends to a point where I was uncomfortable even having people over, but my mother attributed it to normal sibling admiration... " He just wants to be like you, so he 'borrows' your things. " Even when he stole my friend's ipod during a visit to my dorm in college, my mother got over it and basically forgot about it within a day. I was always a good student and didn't really have behavioral problems, but for some reason she believed and still believes I was/am a bad person. THE BEST THING I EVER DID FOR MYSELF WAS GO AWAY FOR COLLEGE. My brother still lives with my mother and I assume he probably will for a very long time, and nothing has changed. He is still the golden child, and he is still my mother's biggest source of sympathy and " support " . But in college I discovered that I'm not a horrible person, and that it really is possible for good things to happen and to have control over my own life. I also have a younger brother who is 11, and I already encourage him to keep up with his school work so that someday he can go away to college. When he gets to the point where he is finishing up high school, I will strongly encourage him to at least live in the dorms like I did. Even now, though, I can't escape my nada. My boyfriend and I were considering moving three hours away so that I can finish up college at the school I'd really like to go to, after I have my baby. (I have been very patiently waiting for my boyfriend to finish his degree, which will happen two weeks from now, so that we can have this baby and I can go back to school.) When I mentioned it to my mother, she gave me a list of reasons why we wouldn't be able to do it, and said, " How can you take my grandson away from me? " I don't know your mother, but be prepared if she reacts the same way to the idea of your brother moving away for college. > > > > > > > > Dear all, Last night I had a dream that my sister was a 'real' > > > person after all. She was split > > > > white--extremely white, literally crowned with jewels--and, me > > > being necessarily black, > > > > she was not allowed to have any sort of relationship with me. > > > Forbidden by nada. I have > > > > assumed for some time that she herself is borderline or > > histrionic- > > > -but in my gut I don't > > > > get the creepy crawlies from her that I do from both my > > parents. > > > I am wondering, could > > > > she be co-dependent instead? > > > > > > > > She has NEVER been out of a relationship, ever. I have never > > > known her to be without the > > > > attentions of a man, in that capacity, for even 24 hours time. > > > And the men are always > > > > abusive. She has also made it completely clear since childhood > > > that no negative > > > > statements about nada will be tolerated or believed, and that > > > anything I say, anything, will > > > > be relayed back to nada. She also always plays along with > > > anything nada does as far as > > > > characterizing me and worship/villifying me... But I am > thinking > > > now that she has been > > > > very sweet about 'rescuing' me several times in the past, and > > that > > > she's really quite angelic > > > > when I've been willing to cast myself in sortof a helpless role > > > (needing a ride somewhere, > > > > etc.) Maybe she is co-dependent. Do any of you have co- > > dependent > > > split whites that > > > > have faced it and got treatment? Do these symptoms sound co- > > > dependent to any of you? > > > > > > > > It would be so nice is this is what she is, because I would > love > > > to have a sister who is not > > > > cluster B. If nada EVER dies (which actually suspect *I* will > > die > > > before nada does; it seems > > > > like bpds are the energizer bunnies of humanity)....anyway if > > nada > > > does ever die, I might > > > > be able to actually have some kind of relationship with my > > sister, > > > if she is co-dependent > > > > instead of, say, narcissistic or histrionic. Maybe. > > > > > > > > Now this is an example also of how terrible counseling services > > > can be. I know for a fact > > > > she has been in therapy for many years, but no counselor has > > > recognized her mother is > > > > bat nuts, her father is npd or that she is co-dependent and > > needs > > > treatment. I know this > > > > because my sister is very smart, and if she had figured out > > > bpd/npd she would have > > > > talked to me about it. My sister is also very saavy about > > people > > > psychologically, in a way > > > > many co-dependents are. > > > > > > > > Sigh. > > > > > > > > Charlie > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 Rod, Re: little bro & the program at town ... In talking to mom, little bro might focus on how prestigious the program and/or the school where it's being held is/are. I don't remember my suspected- BPD grandma ever having problems with me going away for summer leadership programs when I lived with her - I just remember that she derived reflected glory in telling others about them. Then again, I was pretty impermeable to that sort of guilt by my teen years - I'd seen her pull illogical guilt trips with other, older family members from the time I was at least 8 years old. Your little bro may be in much the same position I was. I bet little bro can figure out a way to sell the program that will work with mom, depending on how she ticks. If you're talking about the Junior State Summer School, it's an absolutely fabulous program. I wished I could have gone, but it never worked out financially or schedule-wise. I attended a number of school year conventions and three of their week-long summertime programs on state politics and government (and later staffed some programs post-high school). Their programs are absolutely phenomenal experiences for young people who have a passion for politics and policy issues. If that's the program you're talking about, and little bro is passionate about politics and government, you can NOW honestly say that " a friend recommended " that your little bro should check out the program. - gethappy73 > > > > > > Dear all, Last night I had a dream that my sister was a 'real' > > person after all. She was split > > > white--extremely white, literally crowned with jewels--and, me > > being necessarily black, > > > she was not allowed to have any sort of relationship with me. > > Forbidden by nada. I have > > > assumed for some time that she herself is borderline or > histrionic- > > -but in my gut I don't > > > get the creepy crawlies from her that I do from both my > parents. > > I am wondering, could > > > she be co-dependent instead? > > > > > > She has NEVER been out of a relationship, ever. I have never > > known her to be without the > > > attentions of a man, in that capacity, for even 24 hours time. > > And the men are always > > > abusive. She has also made it completely clear since childhood > > that no negative > > > statements about nada will be tolerated or believed, and that > > anything I say, anything, will > > > be relayed back to nada. She also always plays along with > > anything nada does as far as > > > characterizing me and worship/villifying me... But I am thinking > > now that she has been > > > very sweet about 'rescuing' me several times in the past, and > that > > she's really quite angelic > > > when I've been willing to cast myself in sortof a helpless role > > (needing a ride somewhere, > > > etc.) Maybe she is co-dependent. Do any of you have co- > dependent > > split whites that > > > have faced it and got treatment? Do these symptoms sound co- > > dependent to any of you? > > > > > > It would be so nice is this is what she is, because I would love > > to have a sister who is not > > > cluster B. If nada EVER dies (which actually suspect *I* will > die > > before nada does; it seems > > > like bpds are the energizer bunnies of humanity)....anyway if > nada > > does ever die, I might > > > be able to actually have some kind of relationship with my > sister, > > if she is co-dependent > > > instead of, say, narcissistic or histrionic. Maybe. > > > > > > Now this is an example also of how terrible counseling services > > can be. I know for a fact > > > she has been in therapy for many years, but no counselor has > > recognized her mother is > > > bat nuts, her father is npd or that she is co-dependent and > needs > > treatment. I know this > > > because my sister is very smart, and if she had figured out > > bpd/npd she would have > > > talked to me about it. My sister is also very saavy about > people > > psychologically, in a way > > > many co-dependents are. > > > > > > Sigh. > > > > > > Charlie > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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