major life event change NC/LC?

[Guest guest]

I have been NC with nada since the beginning of September and while it

isn't what I would like to do, it has greatly improved my life and

that of my family. The problem? I am pregnant and possibly with

twins--I have a midwife and homebirths so haven't had an ultrasound to

confirm, but we may be hearing two heartbeats. I don't feel that my

pregnancy changes anything about being NC. If I can talk to nada now

that I'm super sick and stressed, then why did I ever go NC to begin with?

Am I a cold and evil person that I don't think pregnancy changes the

boundaries? Can you tell I'm being questioned by family? I don't

want to be mean about being NC, but the last thing I need in my life

right now is nada's drama.

Thanks,

le

[Guest guest]

Hi le -

No, please repeat, you are not at all a cold and evil person to take

care of your own feelings and family!! Congratulations on your

pregnancy,and you are absolutely right to do what you are doing.

The very last thing you need when you are feeling vulnerable

physically is a nada's manipulations to get back into your life.

My second son was just born, and during the pregnancy I did have a

hard time because contact with my parents (I am LC) became extremely

anxiety-producing for me. I went back to see my therapist,

something I have not had to do in several months, and she explained

that this is because during pregnancy it is harder to draw

boundaries - after all, you're already carrying another person

inside of you. I wish that I had had less contact than i did during

the pregnancy!

Congrats,

Sara

>

> I have been NC with nada since the beginning of September and

while it

> isn't what I would like to do, it has greatly improved my life and

> that of my family. The problem? I am pregnant and possibly with

> twins--I have a midwife and homebirths so haven't had an

ultrasound to

> confirm, but we may be hearing two heartbeats. I don't feel that

my

> pregnancy changes anything about being NC. If I can talk to nada

now

> that I'm super sick and stressed, then why did I ever go NC to

begin with?

>

> Am I a cold and evil person that I don't think pregnancy changes

the

> boundaries? Can you tell I'm being questioned by family? I don't

> want to be mean about being NC, but the last thing I need in my

life

> right now is nada's drama.

>

> Thanks,

> le

>

[Guest guest]

You're right: the very last thing you need right now is extra stress.

You are NOT a bad person for protecting your babies, which is what you

are doing by lowering your stress.

Tell that to the family members who are badgering you with questions

like " Why aren't you talking to your mother? etc., etc. "

Tell them, " My doctor wants me to stay as calm and relaxed as possible

now, so I'm going to follow his instructions. Please don't ask me

again, I find that upsetting. "

You could add, " After the babies arrive and we're all settled in and

things are more back to normal, I will reconsider the idea of

contacting nada. "

If your family members (other than nada) do not respect your wishes

and continue to badger you on nada's behalf, then... Surprise! They

get to go No Contact also.

Another idea:

Ask your husband to be your liason with your family/nada, so you do

not have direct contact with any of them.

or

You and/or your husband deliver little news bulletins via e-mail

once or twice a week and do not respond to e-mail inquiries

individually, just by means of the news bulletin once or twice a week.

The whole idea is to minimize stress by minimizing contact.

But it won't work if your nada and your family is on your mind all the

time anyway, if you are worried about what they are doing or thinking.

I suggest you take a mini-vacation from them, mentally.

-Annie

>

> I have been NC with nada since the beginning of September and while it

> isn't what I would like to do, it has greatly improved my life and

> that of my family. The problem? I am pregnant and possibly with

> twins--I have a midwife and homebirths so haven't had an ultrasound to

> confirm, but we may be hearing two heartbeats. I don't feel that my

> pregnancy changes anything about being NC. If I can talk to nada now

> that I'm super sick and stressed, then why did I ever go NC to begin

with?

>

> Am I a cold and evil person that I don't think pregnancy changes the

> boundaries? Can you tell I'm being questioned by family? I don't

> want to be mean about being NC, but the last thing I need in my life

> right now is nada's drama.

>

> Thanks,

> le

>