Relived my Nada thru my sister last night

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I'd like to vent a little...

I received an email from my sister last week that really got to me,

and it upset me that I allowed it to. I'm new to this board, but I

think you say that she has flea's, or BPD-like traits. In her email,

there was lots of blaming me for things, finger pointing, 'you never

do this, you don't do that...' Part of me knew it would be good to

ignore her comments, and reply with a surface type of nonresponse.

But the bigger part felt very strongly I wanted to stand up for

myself and call her out on her attacking and hostile tone.

I started the conversation having it be open, just said, 'thought you

would like to talk about what's been going on'. (I recently reunited

with my father who'd been out of the picture for 24yrs and b/c of

this our nada's disowned me) She said there isn't really anything

else she wanted to say, other what she'd said in her email. I said

okay, " well I wanted to mention that I don't think email works for us

as a way to commuciate, let's stick with the phone " . she said -and

here it begins- 'okay but you never return our calls and you talk so

softly we can't hear you'. Me " When have I ever not returned a phone

call? " Her " Oh, well not me but you never call Mom back, why can't I

just email you? "

Me, " B/c sometimes I feel attacked when I read your emails " Her- "

XHJIOJIOERIOHJ HIH IHIHIH "

Just craziness. She was literally screaming at the top of her lungs

at me. At one point she told me that she was so mad she wanted to

through the phone through her window. I stayed calm, held the phone

away while she was screaming, after it quieted down I said, stop

yelling at me, I'm not going to listen to this. Her - " oh well you say

I can't email you but you dont' want to listen to what i have to say

either " Me " No, not when you are screaming " Some of the things she

said - you snapped at mom at my rehearsal dinner, then you snapped at

our aunt, then everyone heard you snap at mom at the wedding. (i

honestly have NO idea what she is talking about) You are so selfish,

it's always about you, chris and the girls, you never ask about me,

you insult me you tell me i'm too loud. i'm going to be the only

family you have left and i don't even want to have you in my life, no

one in the family is happy about what you are doing, you are screwing

up everything for me. she screamed about my dad, called him awful

names said he was selfish, asked if he was even happy to hear from

me, how could I do this...... I did say something like, 'i don't

think i am selfish, I know I've recently asked you about your

husbands mom " HER- " yeah and I didn't answer b/c you shouldn't be

asking about his mom you should be asking about your own mother. Do

you know she's been on medication for a year now and could have a

stroke at any minute, but you wouldnt' care b/c you only care about

yourself " . Me - " I know i've askd you about your job and commute and

how the house selling was going " . Her - " yeah but only after I

initiate an email " ??

I kept trying to get her to come back to a relevant point but she

just kept bring up stuff from YEARS ago. I think one time she came to

visit me at my work about 8 yrs ago and she was talking really loud

(she is loud) and I said to her, keep your voice down. This she has

held onto and now throws in my face. I was so tempted to hang up on

her but I wanted this conversation to be the end and knew if i hung

up it would continue.

Finally I had more than enough and said, " This isn't going to work, I

think you and I are done. " Her- " Fine have a nice life, click " .

I was actually okay with that. She called back 10 minutes later

crying, Her - " I " m trying to be the bigger person here, I have to

email you b/c I can't talk about these things..if we're goign to have

a relationship it's gotta be 50/50, it can't just be all about you

anymore. " Me- " I don't think it's been that away now, I don't agree,

but sorry you feel that way " . Her - " Well it HAS been, I'm just

saying you need to ask about me " Me - " okay? I'll make an effort? "

then she kind of babbled about she gets 'excited' and needs some time

to get over all this....

I'm glad I stood up for myself, I'm glad she doesn't think she can

just say whatever she feels like to me, but I wish I didn't have to

be the subject of her rage in doing so. It reminded me so much of

when I was a child and my mother would scream at us. It felt so

awful to have to relive those awful rages of my nada's through my

sister like that. I've blocked her email address and have put a call

filter on her phone numbers. I'm pretty certain I will have no

contact with her for a long while. Anyone else have crazy siblings

yell at them like this?