Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 wow, that's super-creepy. she created the situation where you were dealing with things that didn't even have anything to do with you, and then just let your dad beat you? and what the hell was your dad doing beating you for grades??!??! that's not going to help anything!!! bink > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick with this > flu the past few days, > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how we can > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in a sense > is like living with a piece of nada. > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when I was > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a ggod > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday about how > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating with other > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared before > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship with my > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in school > was on nada's secrets. > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating me with > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell him why- > nada would have destroyed me. So she watched while I got the beating- > never saying a word. > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower grades were > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my father later > on that year. > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and tired. > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be heard. > > Malinda > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 That's extremely tough. Flashbacks, unfortunately for some, are a part of our lives, its terrible when they are negative like this. What helps me is to write a nasty letter or poem or something in a journal about it my feelings about her etc and just leave it. Sometimes that helps with getting those feelings out there, but not hurting anyone in the process. I suggest not to send her the letter though! its just for your own way of venting and letting out all the emotion associated with the memory. Your situation sounds sooooo similar to mine. My mother constantly shared her sexual life with me when I was a young teenager until an adult. She treated me like a 'friend' in that respect and I really didn't need to see or hear about it all! yuk!! it has been tough to get over that, its actually a form of sexual abuse as well, and decades later I still have flashbacks of it! All the best !! x > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick with this > flu the past few days, > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how we can > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in a sense > is like living with a piece of nada. > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when I was > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a ggod > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday about how > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating with other > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared before > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship with my > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in school > was on nada's secrets. > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating me with > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell him why- > nada would have destroyed me. So she watched while I got the beating- > never saying a word. > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower grades were > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my father later > on that year. > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and tired. > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be heard. > > Malinda > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 I know from coming to the board here it was a form of sexual abuse. I have held in so much for so long, that I don't think sometimes our hearts and souls want our minds to remember that pain. Today for the very first time at the ripe old age of 50- and I am not a crier- am shedding tears for that 10 girl- who was robbed of so much. It was not right what my mother- or your mother-or any of our mothers shared sexual stuff with US. We were children. Yes, she did leave my father- and she made me take off school that day and I helped her, with aunt and uncle pack everything and empty out that house. She wanted to hurt my father again- and again. I always say we- no I was not part of it by choice- I was a prisoner of her abuse she left him oh so very little. He found out when he came home that night we where gone. Yes, I had to give my dog to the pound- my grandparents wouldn't take us in and the dog. Nobody asked me if I was ok? It just happened. That feeling of being so helpless- and used to service my mother's emotional needs-just still resides so deep inside of my inner child. Wow- maybe it is the flu that is bringing all this to the surface. Thanks for listening, Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " angeandsimon " wrote: > > That's extremely tough. Flashbacks, unfortunately for some, are a part > of our lives, its terrible when they are negative like this. What > helps me is to write a nasty letter or poem or something in a journal > about it my feelings about her etc and just leave it. Sometimes that > helps with getting those feelings out there, but not hurting anyone in > the process. I suggest not to send her the letter though! its just for > your own way of venting and letting out all the emotion associated > with the memory. > > Your situation sounds sooooo similar to mine. My mother constantly > shared her sexual life with me when I was a young teenager until an > adult. She treated me like a 'friend' in that respect and I really > didn't need to see or hear about it all! yuk!! it has been tough to > get over that, its actually a form of sexual abuse as well, and > decades later I still have flashbacks of it! > > All the best !! > x > > > > > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick with this > > flu the past few days, > > > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how we can > > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in a sense > > is like living with a piece of nada. > > > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when I was > > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a ggod > > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday about how > > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating with other > > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared before > > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship with my > > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in school > > was on nada's secrets. > > > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating me with > > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell him why- > > nada would have destroyed me. So she watched while I got the beating- > > never saying a word. > > > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower grades were > > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my father later > > on that year. > > > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and tired. > > > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be heard. > > > > Malinda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Thanks Bink- for your validation. Sometimes I feel like that is such a great gift we give to each on this board. Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " bink1227 " wrote: > > wow, that's super-creepy. she created the situation where you were > dealing with things that didn't even have anything to do with you, > and then just let your dad beat you? and what the hell was your dad > doing beating you for grades??!??! that's not going to help > anything!!! > > bink > > > > > > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick with > this > > flu the past few days, > > > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how we can > > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in a sense > > is like living with a piece of nada. > > > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when I was > > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a ggod > > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday about how > > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating with other > > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared before > > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship with my > > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in school > > was on nada's secrets. > > > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating me with > > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell him why- > > nada would have destroyed me. So she watched while I got the > beating- > > never saying a word. > > > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower grades were > > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my father > later > > on that year. > > > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and tired. > > > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be heard. > > > > Malinda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 why didn't your mom just leave the dog with your dad? that's insane!!! bink > > > > > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick with > this > > > flu the past few days, > > > > > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how we > can > > > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in a > sense > > > is like living with a piece of nada. > > > > > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when I > was > > > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a ggod > > > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday about how > > > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating with > other > > > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared before > > > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship with > my > > > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in school > > > was on nada's secrets. > > > > > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating me > with > > > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell him > why- > > > nada would have destroyed me. So she watched while I got the > beating- > > > never saying a word. > > > > > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower grades > were > > > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my father > later > > > on that year. > > > > > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and tired. > > > > > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be heard. > > > > > > Malinda > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Bink, My dad hated the dog- the dog wasn't even allowed in our house. My dad always hated animals. So I guess my mom felt like she couldn't let the dog. The dog and I were buddies thought- because I was an only child. To this day my rule is my animals are allowed in my house. When they are little and being trained I confine them, after that- their house is my house and they have total access. Our scars run deep don't they. Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " bink1227 " wrote: > > why didn't your mom just leave the dog with your dad? that's > insane!!! > > bink > > > > > > > > > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick with > > this > > > > flu the past few days, > > > > > > > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how we > > can > > > > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in a > > sense > > > > is like living with a piece of nada. > > > > > > > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when I > > was > > > > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a > ggod > > > > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday about > how > > > > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating with > > other > > > > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared before > > > > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship with > > my > > > > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in > school > > > > was on nada's secrets. > > > > > > > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating me > > with > > > > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell him > > why- > > > > nada would have destroyed me. So she watched while I got the > > beating- > > > > never saying a word. > > > > > > > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower grades > > were > > > > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my father > > later > > > > on that year. > > > > > > > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and tired. > > > > > > > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be > heard. > > > > > > > > Malinda > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 My parents had my dog put to sleep while I was at school. Nada claimed she had to because I wasn't taking good care of it. That was the first I'd heard of it. I now have a goofy yellow Lab with whom I gladly share my house. And I take real good care of him. > > > > > > > > > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick > with > > > this > > > > > flu the past few days, > > > > > > > > > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how > we > > > can > > > > > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in > a > > > sense > > > > > is like living with a piece of nada. > > > > > > > > > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when > I > > > was > > > > > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a > > ggod > > > > > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday > about > > how > > > > > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating > with > > > other > > > > > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared > before > > > > > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship > with > > > my > > > > > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in > > school > > > > > was on nada's secrets. > > > > > > > > > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating > me > > > with > > > > > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell > him > > > why- > > > > > nada would have destroyed me. So she watched while I got the > > > beating- > > > > > never saying a word. > > > > > > > > > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower > grades > > > were > > > > > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my > father > > > later > > > > > on that year. > > > > > > > > > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and > tired. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be > > heard. > > > > > > > > > > Malinda > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Good for You- sorry about your childhood dog. It wasn't your fault. I bet we adult children of BP's have the most well taken care and loved pets around. I use to have a Westie- Lady- who passed away. I now have 2 spoiled rotten cats- that I adore, T.S. Elliot and Wilde. I call them my boys- and they also lighten my pain and add to my joy! Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " writermanque " wrote: > > My parents had my dog put to sleep while I was at school. Nada > claimed she had to because I wasn't taking good care of it. That > was the first I'd heard of it. > > I now have a goofy yellow Lab with whom I gladly share my house. > And I take real good care of him. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick > > with > > > > this > > > > > > flu the past few days, > > > > > > > > > > > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and > how > > we > > > > can > > > > > > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man > in > > a > > > > sense > > > > > > is like living with a piece of nada. > > > > > > > > > > > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered > when > > I > > > > was > > > > > > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always > a > > > ggod > > > > > > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday > > about > > > how > > > > > > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating > > with > > > > other > > > > > > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared > > before > > > > > > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship > > with > > > > my > > > > > > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in > > > school > > > > > > was on nada's secrets. > > > > > > > > > > > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating > > me > > > > with > > > > > > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell > > him > > > > why- > > > > > > nada would have destroyed me. So she watched while I got > the > > > > beating- > > > > > > never saying a word. > > > > > > > > > > > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower > > grades > > > > were > > > > > > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my > > father > > > > later > > > > > > on that year. > > > > > > > > > > > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and > > tired. > > > > > > > > > > > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to > be > > > heard. > > > > > > > > > > > > Malinda > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Hi Malinda, Do you find that you are remembering more since you've learned about BPD and are reading everyone's posts? I'm fairly new to this group and only learned about BPD about 6 months ago. I found after reading and learning I was awakening with bad dreams, feeling alot of anger and just unable to sleep and get it all off of my mind. Usually I'm a master at blocking out anything I don't want to deal with, but, this stuff has penetrated deep into my mind. All of this new awareness after a lifetime of trying to understand my nada has really been too much for me to grasp I think. And I also find after reading people's posts I identify so much with the feelings expressed which  trigger many memories I probably have long suppressed. I think for me that is why I'm having alot of flashbacks as well. I'm 57 and I'm finally getting it that it hasn't been " ME " all my life (like I've been repeatedly told). I'm also tired of it and feeling old and like I missed my childhood, teens, early adulthood, middle age and now I want so damn much to live the rest of my years with some sort of peace of mind. I think the flashbacks will alway be there, we can't erase things we've heard or experienced. I do think, once the awareness really sinks in, and we understand and accept we don't have mothers we may be able to live and let go. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Thursday, December 18, 2008 9:54:18 PM Subject: Re: A painful flashback wow, that's super-creepy. she created the situation where you were dealing with things that didn't even have anything to do with you, and then just let your dad beat you? and what the hell was your dad doing beating you for grades??!??! that's not going to help anything!!! bink > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick with this > flu the past few days, > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how we can > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in a sense > is like living with a piece of nada. > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when I was > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a ggod > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday about how > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating with other > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared before > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship with my > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in school > was on nada's secrets. > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating me with > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell him why- > nada would have destroyed me.. So she watched while I got the beating- > never saying a word. > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower grades were > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my father later > on that year. > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and tired. > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be heard. > > Malinda > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 loriliz, I have found this place about 2 years ago, after discovering my mother was a bp. What brought me here was the pain. I believe you are so right- we bury so much- but that pain keeps bouncing up. Mine was like a volcano errupting. I have believe after reading each other's posts we not only receive validation of our feelings, but yes I think it triggers those deep dark memories we tried to bury. My flashbacks started about 4 or 5 years ago. I knew these moments existed- but I had buried them. This one today was different- I can't even explain it. I know though like you said it came from a post- from another BP site for spouses of bp. A man there was describing his wife- and it was just like my mother treated my father and I. That incident- hit me like a ton of bricks. I so relate to everything you are saying especially the end of your post living with some sort of peace of mind- we all deserve that. We have been robbed- and maybe some of what we were robbed of- we can give back to ourselves. No, it wasn't you- it was your nada. Maybe we all find that inner peace and hope inside of us- it is there- along with all the crap we tried to forget. Malinda > > Hi Malinda, > Do you find that you are remembering more since you've learned about BPD and are reading everyone's posts? I'm fairly new to this group and only learned about BPD about 6 months ago. I found after reading and learning I was awakening with bad dreams, feeling alot of anger and just unable to sleep and get it all off of my mind. Usually I'm a master at blocking out anything I don't want to deal with, but, this stuff has penetrated deep into my mind. All of this new awareness after a lifetime of trying to understand my nada has really been too much for me to grasp I think. And I also find after reading people's posts I identify so much with the feelings expressed which  trigger many memories I probably have long suppressed. I think for me that is why I'm having alot of flashbacks as well. I'm 57 and I'm finally getting it that it hasn't been " ME " all my life (like I've been repeatedly told). I'm also tired of it and feeling old and like I > missed my childhood, teens, early adulthood, middle age and now I want so damn much to live the rest of my years with some sort of peace of mind. I think the flashbacks will alway be there, we can't erase things we've heard or experienced. I do think, once the awareness really sinks in, and we understand and accept we don't have mothers we may be able to live and let go. > > > > > ________________________________ > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Sent: Thursday, December 18, 2008 9:54:18 PM > Subject: Re: A painful flashback > > > wow, that's super-creepy. she created the situation where you were > dealing with things that didn't even have anything to do with you, > and then just let your dad beat you? and what the hell was your dad > doing beating you for grades??!??! that's not going to help > anything!!! > > bink > > > > > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick with > this > > flu the past few days, > > > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how we can > > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in a sense > > is like living with a piece of nada. > > > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when I was > > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a ggod > > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday about how > > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating with other > > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared before > > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship with my > > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in school > > was on nada's secrets. > > > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating me with > > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell him why- > > nada would have destroyed me.. So she watched while I got the > beating- > > never saying a word. > > > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower grades were > > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my father > later > > on that year. > > > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and tired. > > > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be heard. > > > > Malinda > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2008 Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Yes, that must have been a painful flashback; you were betrayed by both of your parents on several levels. Your mother was abusing you with what is called " emotional incest " , which is leaning on and confiding in one's child things that should be kept between spouses only. Using the child as a substitute spouse emotionally often takes the form of describing sexual intimacies that should only be discussed between the wife and husband. Emotional incest is totally inappropriate. And your father abused you physically. No child should ever be beaten, whether its with a belt or some other object or even with the hands; physical abuse is totally inappropriate. Your mother not only allowed but watched passively as you were physically abused. She did not rescue you nor take even partial responsibility for why you did poorly in school. Neither of your parents apologized for abusing you, and they probably continued to do so as long as you lived under their roof. People like us are trying to break through years of negative, destructive, toxic conditioning, literally brain-washing; we were made to believe that we not only deserved the abuse but also caused it. Its remarkable that we were able to survive at all; I wonder how many kids/teens end up committing suicide when raised to believe that they are garbage, scum, and deserve to be beaten and ill-treated, neglected or battered or sexually used by their own parents. It takes a great deal of effort and time to overcome this brainwashing, in some cases, but it can happen. We can find our original, authentic selves, put the past behind us, and go on to live fulfilling, joyous, independent adult lives. -Annie > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick with this > flu the past few days, > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how we can > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in a sense > is like living with a piece of nada. > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when I was > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a ggod > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday about how > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating with other > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared before > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship with my > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in school > was on nada's secrets. > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating me with > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell him why- > nada would have destroyed me. So she watched while I got the beating- > never saying a word. > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower grades were > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my father later > on that year. > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and tired. > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be heard. > > Malinda > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2008 Report Share Posted December 20, 2008 Annie, The validation and compassion even admist the painful memories are so appreciated- thank you! My parents would never apologize- they don't see this as abuse. Both of parent's father's were alcoholics. The dsyfunction was there. My father was beaten by his father- till the age of ten. When my father was ten- his father went into an alcoholic rage- he took a meat cleaver after one of my father's older brother and threatened to kill him. My father witnessed it all. Apparently my grandmother also an alcoholic- called the family doctor. Who made a house call to calm my grandfather down. He gave him a sedative- with all the alcoholic in his system he had a massive heart attack. This was one day before Christmas. I am not justifying anything- but he had a painful childhood- so what he did to me was nothing in his eyes. My mother's life wasn't much better-her father was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive- Annie in the midst of all this pain- God sent me an angel- who was my mother's mom. My grandmother was so kind, loving and compassionate to me. Buddahists I believe say we chose our families to learn our lessons- I chose quite a family- but the bottom line is- you are right we do emerge. I feel like I was able to give my daughter a more stable- loving childhood and foundation. Hopefully I (we) all are breaking the cycle and giving our children and ourselves a healthier future. I would have never did anything to my daughter like that.Thatis my hope, my joy, I was a better mother and human being. Anyway- didn't mean to go down memory lane. I have done a lot of refection and soul searching lately- I just want to keep working through the pain, keep healing and evolving. Thanks for listening, Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " anuria67854 " <anuria- 67854@...> wrote: > > Yes, that must have been a painful flashback; you were betrayed by > both of your parents on several levels. Your mother was abusing you > with what is called " emotional incest " , which is leaning on and > confiding in one's child things that should be kept between spouses > only. Using the child as a substitute spouse emotionally often takes > the form of describing sexual intimacies that should only be discussed > between the wife and husband. > Emotional incest is totally inappropriate. > And your father abused you physically. No child should ever be beaten, > whether its with a belt or some other object or even with the hands; > physical abuse is totally inappropriate. > Your mother not only allowed but watched passively as you were > physically abused. She did not rescue you nor take even partial > responsibility for why you did poorly in school. > Neither of your parents apologized for abusing you, and they probably > continued to do so as long as you lived under their roof. > People like us are trying to break through years of negative, > destructive, toxic conditioning, literally brain-washing; we were made > to believe that we not only deserved the abuse but also caused it. > Its remarkable that we were able to survive at all; I wonder how many > kids/teens end up committing suicide when raised to believe that they > are garbage, scum, and deserve to be beaten and ill-treated, neglected > or battered or sexually used by their own parents. It takes a great > deal of effort and time to overcome this brainwashing, in some cases, > but it can happen. We can find our original, authentic selves, put > the past behind us, and go on to live fulfilling, joyous, independent > adult lives. > -Annie > > > > > > > I had a flashback moment today. I have been home and sick with this > > flu the past few days, > > > > I was reading a post about the Stockholm Syndrome and how we can > > protect and love our abusers. Living with an abusive man in a sense > > is like living with a piece of nada. > > > > So today I was remembering my childhood. I remembered when I was > > 10 years old, my grades in school went down. I was always a ggod > > student. That was the year though nada told me everyday about how > > she was going to leave my father because he was cheating with other > > men. I wasn't even sure what it all meant. I have shared before > > about how nada told me way too much about her relationship with my > > father especially about their sex life. So yes, my mind in school > > was on nada's secrets. > > > > I remember getting my report card and my father beating me with > > his belt, because my grades had gone down. I couldn't tell him why- > > nada would have destroyed me. So she watched while I got the beating- > > never saying a word. > > > > She never got or cared enough to get that my lower grades were > > do to her constant sharing of secrets. She did leave my father later > > on that year. > > > > When do the flashbacks stop? I am 50 years old and tired. > > > > Thanks for letting me have a place for my voice to be heard. > > > > Malinda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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